THE  NOVELS  OF 


,     '    .  ,'S  LOVERS 

•  PA  ....  "  ::  GOLD 

•  :  E  SEARCH  PARTY 

• Y.     •       :  .   /  ; 

THE  MAJOR'S  NIECE 
PRISCILLA'S  SPIES 
THE  RED  HAND  OF  ULSTER 
ADVENTURES  OF  DR.WHITTY 


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THE  ADVENTURES 
OF  DR.  WHITTY 

G.  A.  BIRMINGHAM 


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LALAGE'S  LOVERS 
SPANISH  GOLD 
THE  SEARCH  PARTY 
THE  SIMPKINS  PLOT 
THE  MAJOR'S  NIECE 
PRISCILLA'S  SPIES 
THE  RED  HAND 
OF  ULSTER 

THE    ADVENTURES 
OF  DR.  WHITTY 


GEORGE    H.    DORAN    COMPANY 
NEW    YORK 


THE 

ADVENTURES  OF 
DR.  WHITTY 


BY 


G.  A.  BIRMINGHAM 

AUTHOR  OF  "SPANISH  GOLD,"  "THE  RED  HAND  OF  ULSTER, 
"PRISCILLA'S  SPIES,"  ETC. 


HODDER  &  STOUGHTON 

NEW  YORK 
GEORGE  H.  DORAN  COMPANY 


Copyright,  1912, 
BY  GEOHGE  H.  DORAN  COMPAITT 

Copyright,  1913, 
BT  GEOUGE  H.  DORAK  COMPANY 


CONTENTS 

PAGE 

I.  THE  DEPUTATION 9 

II.  THE  PIER 32 

III.  MRS.  CHALLONER'S  PUBLIC  MEETING 56 

IV.  THE  INTERPRETERS 78 

V.  THE    ETYMOLOGISTS 100 

VI.  "  GOD  SAVE  THE  KING  " 1 18 

VII.  HYGIENIC  AND  SCIENTIFIC  APPARATUS      .     .     .     .135 

VIII.  LAW  AND  ORDER,  AND  THE  CAMERA 151 

IX.  BUOYING  THE  CHANNEL 168 

X.  AN  INTOLERABLE  HONOUR 190 

XI.  Miss  MULHALL'S  LECTURE 209 

XII.  DR.  WHITTY'S  PATIENT 229 

XIII.  THE  HONEYMOON 246 

XIV.  "LOVE'S  YOUNG  DREAM"     .........  264 


2130319 


THE  ADVENTURES 
OF  DR.    WHITTY 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF 
DR.   WHITTY 


THE  DEPUTATION 

T^ALLINTRA  is  a  small  town  on  the  coast  of 
U  Connacht.  It  was  a  matter  of  surprise  to  every 
one  who  took  an  interest  in  such  matters  when  Mr. 
Willoughby,  shortly  after  his  coming  to  Ireland  as 
Chief  Secretary,  announced  his  intention  of  visiting 
Ballintra.  No  high  Government  official  had  been 
there  within  living  memory,  for  these  gentlemen  are 
always  so  feverishly  anxious  to  get  on  to  somewhere 
else,  that  they  cannot  afford  time  to  go  to  places 
which  are  not  on  the  way  to  anywhere ;  and  Ballintra, 
standing  on  the  shore  of  a  deep  bay,  is  the  end  of 
a  cul-de-sac.  Its  visitors,  when  they  want  to  go  away 
from  it,  must  travel  again  the  road  by  which  they 
came. 

"  It's  likely,"  said  Michael  Geraghty,  discussing  the 
advent  of  the  Chief  Secretary  at  the  bar  of  the  Im- 
perial Hotel,  "  that  he'll  be  taking  his  dinner  up  at 
the  big  house  along  with  Colonel  Beresford." 

9 


10      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

Thady  Glynn,  the  proprietor  of  the  hotel,  sniffed. 
He  did  not  like  Colonel  Beresford,  who  was  the  prin- 
cipal landlord  of  the  neighbourhood. 

"  And  I  wouldn't  wonder,"  said  Michael  Geraghty, 
"  if  he'd  sleep  the  night  there." 

"  He  will  not,  then,"  said  Thady.  "  He'll  neither 
eat  nor  sleep  in  the  town,  but  he'll  be  off  out  of  it 
again  as  quick  as  he  can." 

Thady's  opinion,  given  from  behind  his  own  bar, 
naturally  carried  great  weight.  He  was  an  important 
man  in  Ballintra.  His  position  as  Chairman  of  the 
Urban  Council  and  President  of  the  local  branch  of 
the  League  placed  him  above  the  reach  of  contradic- 
tion. 

"  I  was  only  making  a  suggestion,"  said  Michael 
meekly.  "  It's  yourself  would  know  if  anyone  does." 

"  I  do  know,"  said  Thady. 

His  information  turned  out  to  be  perfectly  accurate. 

The  Chief  Secretary's  motor-car  was  timed  to  ar- 
rive in  Ballintra  at  twelve  o'clock  and  to  leave  again 
as  soon  as  possible  afterwards.  The  Reverend 
Mother  who  presided  over  the  convent  and  the  indus- 
trial school  was  the  first  to  make  up  her  mind  to  re- 
ceive the  Chief  Secretary.  It  was  settled  that  he 
should  stop  at  the  convent,  inspect  the  school,  and 
make  the  acquaintance  of  Father  Henaghan,  the  parish 
priest.  The  arrangement  was  quite  satisfactory  to  the 


THE  DEPUTATION  11 

ecclesiastical  authorities ;  but  it  did  not  appear  how  the 
rest  of  the  people  would  benefit  by  the  inspection. 
Men  looked  to  Thady  Glynn  to  suggest  some  way  of 
getting  tangible  advantage  from  the  visit  of  Mr.  Wil- 
loughby.  Thady  hesitated.  He  did  not  see  what  the 
Chief  Secretary  could  do  for  him.  He  was  already 
a  J.P.,  in  virtue  of  his  position  as  Chairman  of  the 
Urban  District  Council.  He  did  not  know  of  any 
other  honour  or  any  emolument  which  the  Chief  Sec- 
retary could  bestow.  While  he  hesitated  Dr.  Whitty 
came  before  the  public  with  a  plan.  It  was  not  very 
original,  but  it  seemed  practical.  He  suggested  that 
Mr.  Willoughby  should  be  asked  to  build  a  pier  for 
the  benefit  of  the  town. 

Michael  Geraghty  warmly  supported  the  doctor. 
He  was  by  profession  a  builder  and  contractor,  and 
was  the  only  man  in  Ballintra  to  whom  the  contract 
for  building  a  pier  could  possibly  be  given.  He  was 
of  opinion  that  a  handsome  profit  might  be  realised 
out  of  the  work.  He  spent  an  evening  working  out 
sums  on  a  sheet  of  paper,  and  came  to  the  conclusion 
that  he  ought  to  clear  £200  at  least  out  of  quite  a 
small  pier,  and  might  make  much  more  if  the  inspec- 
tor who  passed  his  work  turned  out  to  be  a  fool.  He 
called  on  the  doctor  the  next  morning  and  expressed 
his  intention  of  doing  all  in  his  power  to  secure  the 
pier. 


12     THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

"  It'll  be  a  great  benefit  to  the  people  of  this  dis- 
trict," he  said,  "  if  so  be  we  get  the  pier.  Many's  the 
time  there  might  be  a  fine  catch  of  mackerel  took, 
or  herring  or  the  like,  if  only  there  was  some  way  of 
landing  them.  But  what's  the  good  of  going  out  and 
taking  the  trouble  to  catch  the  fish  when  a  man'd  only 
be  losing  his  life  trying  to  land  them  at  the  slip  there 
is  in  it,  and  him  maybe  with  a  wife  and  family  de- 
pending on  him  ?  " 

"  That's  all  right,  Michael,"  said  the  doctor. 

"  It's  the  most  thing  that  would  be  a  real  benefit 
to  the  people,"  went  on  Geraghty,  "  would  be  to  have 
a  good  pier.  There's  more  lives  would  be  saved  and 
more  money  brought  into  the  place  — " 

"  That's  all  right.  You  keep  that  sort  of  talk  for 
the  Chief  Secretary.  Lay  out  the  bodies  of  the 
drowned  fishermen  in  the  street  if  you  like  when  he's 
coming  into  the  town.  Range  out  the  widows  and  or- 
phans in  rows.  Show  him  piles  of  empty  packing 
cases  that  might  be  full  of  fish  if  only  we  had  a  pier. 
That  sort  of  thing  will  impress  him,  I've  no  doubt. 
But  you  needn't  shoot  it  off  at  me." 

Michael  Geraghty  looked  at  the  doctor  dubiously. 
Then  he  smiled  slowly. 

"  What  you  want,  doctor,"  he  said,  "  is  to  provide 
employment  for  the  starving  inhabitants  of  this  town, 
the  decent  poor  fellows  that  would  be  willing  to  work 


THE  DEPUTATION  13 

and  earn  what  would  keep  themselves  and  their  fam- 
ilies in  comfort  if  so  be  there  was  work  in  it  to  be 
got.  And  with  the  help  of  God  there  will  be  work 
when  they've  given  us  the  money  to  build  the  pier. 
It's  the  poor  you're  thinking  of,  doctor ;  and  I  respect 
you  for  it." 

"  I  am  not  thinking  of  the  poor.  Don't  you  be 
getting  it  into  your  head  that  I'm  either  a  politician 
or  a  philanthropist.  I'm  going  to  run  this  pier  scheme 
through  because,  when  there's  money  going,  we  may 
as  well  get  our  whack  of  it  here  in  Ballintra  as  let 
it  be  grabbed  by  some  other  place.  That's  what  I'm 
thinking  of.  What's  in  your  mind  is  the  profit  you'll 
make  out  of  the  job  yourself.  Devil  the  other  idea 
there  is  in  your  head  this  minute." 

Michael  Geraghty  smiled  again.  Then  he  winked 
slowly. 

"  You're  a  smart  man,  doctor,"  he  said.  "  You're 
a  mighty  smart  man.  I've  always  said  it  of  you,  and 
I'll  say  it  again." 

"  It's  not  just  as  easy  as  you  might  be  inclined  to 
think,"  said  the  doctor,  "  to  get  the  promise  of  a  pier. 
There  was  a  time  when  any  man  that  wanted  a  pier 
could  get  it  for  the  asking,  and  have  it  stuck  down 
on  any  spot  on  the  whole  coast  of  Connacht  that  he 
chose  to  mention.  But  those  days  are  past.  They're 
getting  very  particular  now  about  piers.  The  last 


14      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

two  Chief  Secretaries  have  looked  a  long  time  at 
£1000  before  they  spent  it  on  a  pier." 

"  It's  a  damned  shame  then,"  said  Geraghty. 
"  What's  the  good  of  our  keeping  up  a  Chief  Secre- 
tary at  all  if  he  won't —  It's  enough  to  set  a  man 
against  the  Government  altogether,  so  it  is." 

"  What  we've  got  to  do,"  said  the  doctor,  "  is  to 
face  this  Chief  Secretary  with  a  deputation  of  the 
most  respectable  and  influential  possible  kind,  the  sort 
of  deputation  that  he  can't  possibly  refuse  to  listen 
to." 

"That'll  be  all  right,"  said  Geraghty.  "There'll 
be  yourself  and  me  and  Father  Henaghan  and — " 

"  Certainly  not.  Neither  you  nor  I  will  be  on  the 
deputation  at  all.  We're  no  use.  No  Chief  Secre- 
tary in  his  senses  would  listen  to  what  we  had  to  say. 
Father  Henaghan  we'll  have,  of  course.  He'll  in- 
troduce the  deputation  as  soon  as  ever  he's  finished 
conducting  the  Chief  Secretary  round  the  industrial 
school  at  the  convent." 

"  He'll  do  it,"  said  Geraghty. 

"  Of  course  he  will.  He  loves  going  on  deputa- 
tions. Then  I'll  go  on  to  the  Rev.  Mr.  Jackson 
and—" 

"  The  Protestant  minister ! "  said  Geraghty. 
"  What  does  he  know  about  piers,  or  about  Chief 
Secretaries  for  that  matter?" 


THE  DEPUTATION  15 

"  Nothing,"  said  the  doctor.  "  But  he'll  be  mighty 
useful  to  us.  What  impresses  a  Chief  Secretary  more 
than  anything  else  is  a  union  of  all  creeds  for  a  com- 
mon good  object.  When  he  sees  Father  Henaghan 
and  Mr.  Jackson  standing  hand  in  hand  in  front  of  his 
motor-car  he'll  be  prepared  to  give  us  a  lighthouse  if 
we  want  it,  let  alone  a  paltry  pier." 

"  Maybe  the  Rev.  Jackson  won't  go  with  you.  I'm 
told  he's  a  queer  sort  of  man." 

"  He's  an  excellent  man.  I  was  attending  his  chil- 
dren when  they  had  the  measles  last  month,  and  I 
happen  to  know  that  he's  a  most  charitable  man. 
When  I  tell  him  all  you've  been  saying  about  the  poor 
fellows  that  are  out  of  work,  and  the  benefit  the  build- 
ing operations  will  be  to  them  in  the  way  of  wages, 
he'll  join  the  deputation  at  once.  There's  no  difficulty 
whatever  so  far.  The  next  two  people  we  must  se- 
cure are  Colonel  Beresford  and  Thady  Glynn." 

"  Be  damn,"  said  Geraghty,  "  but  you'll  not  be  able 
to  get  them  —  not  the  both  of  them;  though  I  don't 
say  but  you  might  get  either  the  one  or  the  other." 

"  We  must  have  both,  Michael,  however  we  man- 
age it.  If  we  don't  get  the  colonel,  the  Chief  Secre- 
tary will  be  inclined  to  think  that  the  whole  thing  is 
a  got-up  job,  and  that  there's  no  real  need  of  a  pier." 

"He  might  think  that  surely." 

"  He   might   and   would.     What's  more,   speaking 


16      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

between  ourselves,  he'd  be  perfectly  right  if  he  did. 
That's  why  we  must  have  the  colonel." 

"  He'll  not  join,"  said  Geraghty,  "  not  if  he  knows 
that  Thady  Glynn  is  to  be  one  of  the  party.  He  hates 
Thady  worse  than  the  devil.  And  if  Thady's  left 
out—" 

"  We  can't  leave  Thady  out  possibly.  As  Chair- 
man of  all  the  different  Boards  and  Leagues  about 
the  place  he's  a  most  important  man.  He'll  impress 
the  Chief  Secretary  tremendously." 

"  If  you  left  him  out  he'd  go  round  and  rise  the 
minds  of  the  people  against  the  pier,  so  as  they'd  get 
up  a  petition  to  have  it  carted  away,  if  so  be  that  it 
was  stuck  down  in  the  middle  of  the  street." 

"  Exactly.  That's  another  reason  why  we  must 
have  Thady.  We  won't  get  the  pier  without  him." 

"  You'll  not  get  both  him  and  the  colonel,"  said 
Geraghty  despondingly.  "  The  thing  couldn't  be 
done.  No  man  living  could  do  it.  If  the  colonel 
goes,  then  Thady'll  refuse,  for  he  doesn't  like  the 
colonel  any  more  than  the  colonel  likes  him;  and  if 
you  have  Thady  engaged,  the  colonel  will  swear  by 
this  and  by  that  that  he'll  not  go  near  the  Chief  Sec- 
retary —  not  if  he  was  never  to  see  a  Chief  Secre- 
tary again  as  long  as  he  lived." 

"  When  I  say  I  must  have  them  both,  I  mean  to 
get  them  both.  Listen  to  me  now,  Michael.  I'm  go- 


THE  DEPUTATION  17 

ing  round  now  to  Father  Henaghan  and  the  Rev.  Mr. 
Jackson.  They'll  agree  all  right.  Just  you  drop  into 
the  hotel  and  see  Thady  Glynn.  Tell  him  I  sent  you 
to  ask  him  to  go  on  the  deputation.  Tell  him  that 
I'm  asking  Colonel  Beresford,  and  that  I'm  pretty 
sure  the  colonel  will  agree.  In  fact,  you  might  go  as 
far  as  to  say  that  the  colonel  has  agreed.  Then  come 
back  here  and  tell  me  what  Thady  says." 

"  I  can  tell  you  that  this  minute.  He'll  say  that 
he'll  see  you  and  the  colonel  and  the  Chief  Secretary 
and  the  pier  and  town  of  Ballintra  a  mighty  long  way 
off  before  he  goes  on  any  such  expedition." 

"  Go  you  off  and  do  as  I  bid  you,"  said  the  doctor, 
"  and  let  me  run  this  show  my  own  way." 

Michael  Geraghty  was  back  in  the  doctor's  house 
in  less  than  an  hour.  He  had  drunk  two  bottles  of 
porter  and  a  glass  of  whisky,  but  he  was  not  at  all 
cheered.  He  feared  that  the  doctor's  plan  was 
doomed  to  failure.  Thady  Glynn  had  violently  re- 
fused to  have  anything  to  do  with  the  deputation. 
He  had  cursed  Dr.  Whitty  for  a  meddlesome  young 
fool.  He  had  expressed  a  passionate  detestation  of 
Colonel  Beresford.  He  had  threatened  to  have  let- 
ters written  to  the  paper  exposing  the  whole  pier 
scheme  as  a  dodge  —  a  dastardly  and  cowardly  plot 
—  to  seduce  the  League  from  the  true  principles  of 
democracy.  It  was,  he  declared,  a  scandal  that  a 


18      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

well-known  enemy  of  the  popular  will,  like  Colonel 
Beresford,  should  be  associated  with  a  movement  of 
the  kind.  Michael,  who  knew  the  power  and  influ- 
ence of  Thady  Glynn,  felt  that  there  was  no  hope  at 
all  of  getting  anything  out  of  the  Chief  Secretary. 
He  made  his  report  to  the  doctor. 

"  Didn't  I  tell  you,"  he  said  at  the  end  of  it,  "  that 
it's  the  way  things  would  be?  Anybody  might  have 
known  it." 

Dr.  Whitty  received  the  news  with  the  greatest 
cheerfulness. 

"  That's  all  right,"  he  said.  "  That's  exactly  what 
I  hoped  he'd  say." 

"  You're  easy  satisfied,  then,  if  you're  pleased  with 
that." 

"  I'm  going  up  to  the  colonel  now,"  said  the  doc- 
tor. "  Do  you  come  in  here  to-morrow  at  two  o'clock, 
when  I'll  be  at  home  for  my  dinner,  and  I'll  tell  you 
what's  the  next  thing  you  have  to  say  to  Thady 
Glynn." 

Dr.  Whitty  mounted  his  bicycle  and  rode  to  the 
entrance  of  the  demesne.  He  greeted  the  gate- 
keeper's child  cheerfully,  and  then  sped  up  the  long, 
shady  avenue.  He  found  Colonel  Beresford  cut- 
ting exhausted  blossoms  off  his  rose  trees  in  front 
of  the  house.  He  introduced  his  business  without 
delay. 


THE  DEPUTATION  19 

"  You've  heard,"  he  said,  "  that  the  new  Chief  Sec- 
retary, Mr.  Willoughby,  is  to  pass  through  the  town 
the  day  after  to-morrow.  We  were  thinking  of  get- 
ting up  a  deputation  to  wait  upon  him  in  the  hope 
that  he  might  build  us  a  pier  in  Ballintra." 

"  Why  the  devil  should  he  build  a  pier  in  Ballin- 
tra ?  "  asked  the  colonel. 

"  Oh,  we're  not  particular  as  to  its  being  a  pier.  A 
railway  or  anything  else  would  do  quite  as  well.  We 
only  suggest  a  pier  because  it's  the  usual  thing." 

"  But  why  should  he  build  anything?  " 

"  I  don't  know  why ;  but,  as  a  matter  of  fact  —  you 
must  have  observed  it  yourself,  colonel  —  all  Chief 
Secretaries  build  a  lot  of  things  when  they  first  come 
over.  I  suppose  they  think  it'll  make  them  popular 
with  the  people.  It  doesn't,  of  course,  but  they  don't 
find  that  out  for  a  long  time.  What  we  feel  is  that 
if  there  are  piers  and  things  going  we  may  as  well 
get  our  share  as  not." 

"  Very  well.  If  a  man's  fool  enough  to  build  a 
pier  in  a  place  like  this,  get  it  if  you  can,  by  all  means. 
I  suppose  you'll  put  it  somewhere  out  of  the  way,  so 
that  it  won't  interfere  with  the  fishing  boats." 

"  Of  course  we  will.  I'm  glad  you  take  the  view 
you  do  of  it,  colonel,  because  we  want  you  to  form 
one  of  the  deputation." 

"Who  else  is  going  on  it?    I'm  not  going  to  mix 


20      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

myself  up  with  a  pack  of  blackguards  simply  to  swin- 
dle a  Chief  Secretary  out  of  a  pier." 

"  Mr.  Jackson,  the  rector,  has  just  promised  to  be 
one." 

The  colonel  grunted.  He  had  no  very  high  opin- 
ion of  Mr.  Jackson's  ability,  but  he  was  not  prepared 
to  describe  him  as  a  blackguard. 

"  And  Father  Henaghan." 

"And  who  else?" 

"You,  colonel." 

"  Look  here,  doctor,  there's  no  use  dribbling  out 
the  names  one  by  one  in  this  way.  Sooner  or  later 
you've  got  to  own  up  to  it  that  Thady  Glynn  is  to  be 
one  of  the  party.  I  may  as  well  tell  you  straight  that 
I'm  not  going  to  mix  myself  up  with  that  fellow.  I 
wouldn't  do  it  if  it  was  to  establish  a  naval  dockyard 
in  the  bay.  I  wouldn't  do  it  if  you  promised  me 
£1000.  That  blackguard  hasn't  missed  an  opportu- 
nity of  abusing  me  in  the  most  scurrilous  way  for  the 
last  ten  years.  I'd  do  a  good  deal  to  oblige  you,  doc- 
tor, but  I  won't  walk  about  with  my  arm  round 
Glynn's  neck  to  please  any  Chief  Secretary  in  Chris- 
tendom ;  so  it's  no  use  your  asking  me." 

"  Michael  Geraghty  — "  said  the  doctor. 

"  I  don't  care  a  hang  about  Michael  Geraghty.  I 
suppose  he  thinks  that  if  there's  a  pier  he'll  get  the 
building  of  it." 


THE  DEPUTATION  21 

"  He  does,  of  course.  But  what  I  wanted  to  tell 
you  was  that  Michael  Geraghty  says  Thady  Glynn 
won't  go  on  the  deputation.  It  appears  he  cursed 
and  swore  like  mad  when  he  heard  of  it,  and  flatly 
refused  to  act." 

"  Did  he?  I'm  surprised  at  that.  I'd  have  thought 
he'd  simply  have  loved  it." 

"  It  appears  that  he  doesn't,  though.  Now,  if  I 
were  you,  colonel,  I'd  put  a  spoke  in  Thady  Glynn's 
wheel.  He  thinks  we  can't  get  the  pier  without  him. 
You  come  forward  and  get  it  for  us,  and  Thady  will 
be  the  sickest  man  in  Ballintra  for  the  next  eighteen 
months." 

The  colonel  chuckled.  He  was  not  at  all  averse 
to  getting  the  better  of  Thady  if  he  could.  After  a 
little  more  persuasion  he  agreed  to  form  part  of  the 
deputation. 

"  Good,"  said  the  doctor.  "  We'll  count  on  you. 
The  day  after  to-morrow,  at  half-past  twelve  o'clock 
outside  the  convent.  Don't  forget." 

The  following  evening  Michael  Geraghty,  carefully 
instructed  by  Dr.  Whitty,  and  fully  alive  to  the  deli- 
cate nature  of  the  negotiation  before  him,  strolled  into 
the  hotel  and  approached  the  bar.  He  ordered  a 
bottle  of  porter  from  Thady  Glynn,  and  then  ap- 
proached his  business  obliquely. 

"  It's  wonderful,"   he  said,   "  the  spite  that   some 


22       THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

men  has  —  men  that  ought  to  know  better  —  against 
the  people  of  this  country  and  all  that  might  be  for 
their  good." 

"  That's  true,"  said  Thady  Glynn. 

"  You'd  hardly  believe  it  now,"  said  Geraghty, 
"  but  no  sooner  did  the  old  colonel  above,  at  the  big 
house,  hear  your  name  mentioned  in  connection  with 
the  forthcoming  deputation  to  the  Chief  Secretary  — " 

"  I'm  not  going  on  it.     I  told  you  that  before." 

" — than  he  turned  on  the  doctor,  and  damned 
scoundrel  was  the  mildest  words  he  used.  I  wouldn't 
care  to  be  repeating  to  you  the  rest  of  what  he  said." 

"Did  he  then?" 

"  He  did,  and  more.  He  said  there'd  be  no  pier 
got  without  he  went  and  asked  for  it." 

"Did  he  say  that?" 

"  He  did.  And  of  course  it  was  the  truth.  Who'd 
give  a  pier  to  the  likes  of  us  when  the  gentry  says  a 
pier's  not  wanted  in  the  locality  ?  " 

"  Was  it  me  he  called  a  damned  scoundrel  ?  " 

"  It  was.  Maybe  I  oughtn't  to  have  repeated  the 
like ;  but  it's  out  now,  and  if  you  hadn't  heard  it  from 
me  you  would  from  another;  so  it's  as  well  as  it  is." 

"I'll  teach  him,"  said  Thady.  "I'll  give  him  a 
lesson  he'll  remember." 

"  What's  the  use  of  talking?  You  couldn't.  What 
does  he  care  for  the  likes  of  you?  There's  only  one 


THE  DEPUTATION  23 

thing  that  would  vex  him,  and  that's  what  you  couldn't 
do." 

"What's  that?" 

"  Get  the  pier  for  us.  He'd  be  mad  if  he  heard 
that  we'd  got  it  in  spite  of  him.  But  you  couldn't 
do  it,  so  where's  the  use?" 

"  I  could  do  it  if  I  laid  myself  down  to  the  job." 

"  You  could  not.  You're  angry  this  minute,  Mr. 
Glynn,  if  you'll  excuse  my  saying  so.  You're  angry, 
and  small  blame  to  you.  You  think  you  could  do 
anything,  the  way  he  has  you  rose  by  the  language 
he  used ;  but  you  couldn't  get  the  pier.  The  Chief 
Secretary  wouldn't  listen  to  what  you'd  say." 

"  He  would  listen,  and  it  would  be  the  worse  for 
him  if  he  did  not.  I'd  have  a  question  asked  in  Par- 
liament' if  he  didn't  listen  to  me,  and  that's  what  he 
wouldn't  like." 

"  Anyway,  you  won't  do  it,"  said  Geraghty. 
"Aren't  you  after  saying  this  minute  that  nothing 
would  make  you  go  on  the  deputation  ?  " 

"  I  may  have  said  that,  but  if  I  did  it  was  because 
I  thought  it  was  a  got-up  job  with  them  behind  it 
that  hasn't  the  good  of  the  people  in  their  hearts. 
But  I  see  now  I  was  wrong  about  that.  You  can 
tell  the  doctor  I'll  go,  and,  what's  more,  I'll  do  my 
best.  What  time  is  it  to  be  ? " 

"  It's  twelve  o'clock,"  said  Geraghty.     "  That's  the 


24      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

hour  fixed  for  the  visit  to  the  industrial  school  above, 
at  the  convent,  and  the  deputation  is  to  meet  him 
when  he  comes  out." 

"  You  may  tell  the  doctor.     I'll  be  there." 
"  I'll  take  another  bottle  of  porter,"  said  Geraghty, 
"  the  way  I'll  wish  you  luck." 

The  Chief  Secretary  and  his  wife,  a  charming  lady 
in  a  mauve  dress  of  Irish  tweed,  reached  Ballintra  in 
good  time.  Accompanied  by  Father  Henaghan  and 
conducted  by  the  Reverend  Mother,  they  entered  the 
convent  just  as  the  town  clock  struck  twelve.  At 
ten  minutes  past  twelve  Dr.  Whitty  arrived  and  was 
cheered  by  the  crowd  which  had  watched  the  arrival 
of  the  motor-car.  Five  minutes  later  the  Rev.  J. 
Jackson,  rector  of  the  parish,  came  up.  He  had  put 
on  a  silk  hat,  of  somewhat  antiquated  shape,  for  the 
occasion.  He  looked  hot  and  nervous.  The  crowd, 
which  was  in  an  exceptionally  good  humour,  cheered 
him  too.  At  twenty  minutes  past  twelve  Thady  Glynn 
and  Michael  Geraghty  strolled  up  together  from  the 
hotel  and  took  up  a  position  just  outside  the  convent 
gate.  Some  one  in  the  crowd  began  to  sing,  "  God 
save  Ireland."  The  prayer,  considering  that  Thady 
Glynn  was  a  prominent  leader  of  public  opinion  in  the 
country,  was  appropriate,  but  it  was  sung  without 
any  malicious  intent.  There  was  no  thought  in  any- 
one's mind  that  Mr.  Glynn  might  be  a  difficulty  in 


THE  DEPUTATION  25 

the  way  of  the  Almighty.  Then  Colonel  Beresford 
drove  up  in  a  smart  dogcart  drawn  by  a  well-groomed 
horse.  The  singing  ceased  at  once.  An  Irish  crowd 
is  always  courteous,  and  it  was  felt  quite  rightly  that 
a  prayer  for  the  welfare  of  Ireland  would  be  regarded 
as  an  insult  to  Colonel  Beresford.  Dr.  Whitty 
watched  the  scene  anxiously,  casting  hurried  glances 
from  the  dogcart  to  the  convent  gate,  and  back  from 
the  convent  gate  to  the  dogcart.  He  saw  Mr.  Thady 
Glynn  start,  saw  him  make  a  remark  which  he  sup- 
posed, from  the  gesticulation  which  accompanied  it, 
to  be  a  violent  oath.  The  colonel  drove  on.  Dr. 
Whitty  saw  Michael  Geraghty  seize  Thady  by  the 
arm  and  whisper  eagerly  to  him.  The  colonel 
pulled  up  his  horse  with  a  jerk  and  sat  glaring  furi- 
ously in  the  direction  of  the  convent  gate.  Dr. 
Whitty  felt  that  there  was  not  a  moment  to  be  lost. 
He  darted  forward  and  took  his  place  beside  the 
colonel's  trap. 

"  Good  morning,  colonel.  You're  just  in  time. 
The  Chief  Secretary  is  in  the  convent.  He'll  be  out 
in  two  minutes.  Mr.  Jackson  is  here,  and  Father 
Henaghan  is  inside.  We're  all  ready.  Jump  down." 

The  colonel,  by  way  of  reply,  jammed  his  whip  into 
its  socket,  raised  his  arm,  and  pointed  a  finger  at 
Thady  Glynn.  Dr.  Whitty  leaned  towards  him  and 
spoke  in  a  clear  whisper. 


26        THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

"I  know.  It's  that  beast  Thady  Glynn.  He's 
come  here  to  make  himself  objectionable,  with  all  the 
corner  boys  about  the  place  after  him.  He'll  start 
them  hooting,  or  booming,  or  something  directly  the 
Chief  Secretary  comes  out.  I  was  afraid  he'd  do 
something  of  the  sort.  But  never  mind.  Father 
Henaghan  will  introduce  the  deputation.  It'll  be  all 
right." 

The  colonel  squared  himself,  as  military  men  do, 
and  assumed  an  appearance  of  great  determination. 
Dr.  Whitty  glanced  over  his  shoulder  and  observed 
with  pleasure  that  Thady  Glynn  was  standing  his 
ground.  Michael  Geraghty  had  acted  on  his  instruc- 
tions and  told  Thady  that  Colonel  Beresford  had 
come  to  persuade  the  Chief  Secretary  not  to  give  the 
pier.  The  colonel  got  out  of  his  trap  and  stalked  ma- 
jestically across  the  road.  Mr.  Jackson  joined  him. 
Dr.  Whitty  watched  the  convent  door  anxiously. 
The  situation  was  critical.  He  sincerely  hoped  that 
the  Chief  Secretary  would  not-  be  delayed  by  any  un- 
hallowed desire  to  see  more  than  the  Reverend 
Mother  wanted  to  show  him.  He  need  not  have  been 
anxious.  Mr.  Willoughby  was  a  man  of  tact.  He 
asked  only  the  proper  questions  and  patted  the  heads 
of  no  girls  except  those  brought  immediately  under 
his  notice.  At  half-past  twelve  precisely  he  shook 
hands  with  the  Reverend  Mother  and  stepped  out  of 


THE  DEPUTATION  27 

the  convent  door.  The  colonel,  Mr.  Jackson,  and 
Thady  Glynn  approached  him.  Father  Henaghan 
left  Mrs.  Willoughby,  to  whom  he  had  been  chatting, 
hurried  to  the  front,  and  took  off  his  hat. 

"  It's  my  pleasing  duty,  sir,"  he  said,  "  to  introduce 
to  you  a  deputation  which,  for  its  representative  char- 
acter, has  never  been  equalled  in  this  neighbourhood." 

The  crowd,  led  by  Michael  Geraghty,  cheered 
loudly.  Mr.  Willoughby  took  off  his  hat.  His  wife 
bowed  from  the  background. 

"  The  Rev.  Mr.  Jackson,"  said  Father  Henaghan, 
"  is  the  Protestant  rector  of  the  parish,  a  gentleman 
respected  by  all  classes  and  creeds  for  his  charity 
and  Christian  conduct.  And  I  may  say,  sir,  that  in 
this  parish  all  creeds  live  together  in  harmony  and 
good-fellowship." 

Mr.  Jackson,  hat  in  hand,  took  a  step  forward  and 
bowed  to  Mr.  Willoughby.  Mr.  Willoughby  shook 
him  warmly  by  the  hand.  The  crowd  cheered  again. 

"  This,"  said  Father  Henaghan,  "  is  Colonel  Beres- 
ford.  I  make  no  doubt  but  you've  heard  of  him  be- 
fore now,  and  I  may  say — ' 

Dr.  Whitty  watched  Thady  Glynn.  Fortunately 
the  crowd  cheered  again.  Thady  hesitated,  scowling 
heavily. 

"  I  may  say,"  continued  Father  Henaghan,  "  that 
the  fact  of  Colonel  Beresford's  presence  with  us  to- 


28      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

day  is  a  proof  that  the  request  we  are  about  to  make 
is  reasonable  and  just." 

The  Chief  Secretary  shook  Colonel  Beresford's 
hand,  and  introduced  him  to  Mrs.  Willoughby,  who 
smiled  pleasantly.  The  crowd  cheered  vociferously. 

"  This,"  said  Father  Henaghan,  taking  the  unwill- 
ing Thady  Glynn  by  the  arm  and  leading  him  for- 
ward, "  is  my  particular  friend,  Mr.  Glynn,  of  the 
Imperial  Hotel.  A  leading  man,  sir,  in  this  neigh- 
bourhood, a  J.P.,  and  the  Chairman  of  the  Board  of 
Guardians." 

Colonel  Beresford  grew  extremely  red  in  the  face. 
Dr.  Whitty  suspected  that  he  was  only  restrained 
from  swearing  by  the  presence  of  Mrs.  Willoughby. 
The  colonel  was  before  all  a  gentleman,  and  respected 
the  feelings  of  the  lady  beside  him.  Dr.  Whitty 
edged  a  little  away  from  him. 

"  What  this  deputation  wishes  to  lay  before  you," 
said  Father  Henaghan,  "  is  the  drawback  that  this 
town  suffers  from  the  want  of  a  pier.  It's  well 
known  that  the  development  of  the  fisheries  of  this 
coast  is  one  of  the  greatest  boons  which  a  sympa- 
thetic Government  could  confer  on  our  poor  people." 

He  ambled  on,  encouraged  by  the  cheers  of  the 
crowd,  totally  unconscious  of  the  passions  which  his 
introductions  had  excited.  Even  Dr.  Whitty,  who 
had  no  reason  to  look  forward  with  pleasure  to  the 


THE  DEPUTATION  29 

immediate  future,  began  to  wish  that  he  would  stop. 
In  the  end,  of  course,  he  did  stop.  All  men  must, 
even  when  they  speak  on  a  topic  so  entrancing  as 
the  development  of  Irish  fisheries.  The  Chief  Sec- 
retary's reply  was  brief  but  satisfactory.  He  said 
that  nothing  gratified  him  more  than  to  observe  the 
union  of  classes  and  creeds  in  Ireland.  The  coun- 
try, he  thought,  had  been  too  long  divided  into  hostile 
factions.  In  the  deputation  which  had  met  him  that 
day  he  saw  a  plain  proof  that  the  days  of  division 
were  past  and  a  happier  epoch  at  hand.  He  added 
that  the  inhabitants  of  Ballintra  might  count  upon 
having  the  pier  they  wanted.  He  himself  would  see 
to  it  that  the  necessary  money  was  forthcoming. 
Then  he  shook  hands  with  each  member  of  the  depu- 
tation, placed  his  wife  in  the  motor-car,  gave  an 
order  to  the  driver,  and  departed. 

"  Dr.  Whitty,"  said  the  colonel  furiously,  "  you 
have  grossly  abused  my  confidence,  sir.  I  trusted 
your  word  as  I  might  have  trusted  the  word  of  a 
gentleman.  I  find — " 

"  The  man  you  have  to  blame,  colonel,"  said  the 
doctor,  "  is  Michael  Geraghty.  Michael  told  me  dis- 
tinctly that  Thady  Glynn  absolutely  refused  to  go  on 
the  deputation.  I  had  every  reason  to  believe  what 
he  said.  I  did  believe  it.  I  believe  still  that  it  was 
true  at  the  time  he  told  it  to  me.  Come  now,  colonel, 


30       THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

be  reasonable.     You  can't  hold  me  responsible  because 
Glynn  changed  his  mind  at  the  last  moment." 
"  I    do    hold   you    responsible,"    said   the    colonel ; 

«  T          " 

"  If  Geraghty  wasn't  fighting  for  his  life  this  min- 
ute," said  Dr.  Whitty,  "  and  getting  the  worst  of  it 
from  Thady  Glynn,  I'd  call  him  to  corroborate  what 
I  say.  Look  at  that." 

He  pointed  to  the  spot  where  Michael  Geraghty 
was  trying  to  ward  off  the  blows  aimed  at  his  head 
by  Thady  Glynn.  Father  Henaghan,  with  uplifted 
hands,  was  dancing  about  on  the  outskirts  of  the 
fray  trying  to  restore  peace. 

"  Look  at  that,"  said  Dr.  Whitty.  "  Thady's  pretty 
near  as  angry  as  you  are." 

Colonel  Beresford  had  a  sense  of  humour.  He 
glanced  at  Thady  and  his  victim,  glared  at  the  doctor, 
glanced  at  Father  Henaghan,  smiled  at  the  doctor, 
and  finally  got  into  his  trap  and  drove  off. 

In  the  evening  Michael  Geraghty  came  round  to  the 
doctor's  house  and  complained  of  the  awkward  posi- 
tion in  which  he  had  been  placed. 

"  Thady  Glynn,"  he  said,  "  was  terrible  angry. 
Only  for  Father  Henaghan  he'd  have  had  me  killed." 

"  You're  all  right,"  said  the  doctor.  "  I  can't  see 
what  you  have  to  complain  of.  You've  no  bones 
broken  and  you've  got  the  pier." 


THE  DEPUTATION  81 

"  Thady'll  never  speak  to  me  again  in  this  world." 
"  He  will.  So  soon  as  ever  he  finds  out  that  you're 
going  to  make  £200  out  of  that  pier  he'll  be  as  friendly 
as  ever  he  was.  Why,  man,  it  would  be  a  terrible 
thing  for  him  if  you  spent  all  that  money  anywhere 
but  in  his  shop." 


II 

THE  PIER 

¥T  was  about  six  o'clock  in  the  afternoon  of  an 
•*•  August  day,  rather  more  than  a  year  after  the 
visit  of  the  Chief  Secretary,  when  Mr.  Eccles,  B.E., 
drove  into  Ballintra.  He  engaged  a  room  in  Thady 
Glynn's  hotel,  and  then  asked  where  Dr.  Whitty  lived. 
Thady  eyed  his  guest,  anxious  to  know  exactly  who 
he  was  and  what  he  wanted  in  Ballintra.  He  was 
not  a  commercial  traveller.  Thady  knew  all  the  gen- 
tlemen  of  that  profession  who  visited  Ballintra,  and 
he  did  not  recognise  Mr.  Eccles.  It  followed  that 
he  must  be  a  Government  official.  Thady  searched 
his  memory,  but  could  think  of  nothing  in  the  recent 
performances  of  the  Board  of  Guardians,  over  which 
he  presided,  which  would  call  for  a  visit  from  a  Local 
Government  Board  inspector.  He  decided  that  Mr. 
Eccles  must  be  an  engineer,  and  had  probably  come 
to  report  on  the  pier  which  Michael  Geraghty  had 
built.  Mr.  Eccles  repeated  his  inquiry  for  Dr. 
Whitty. 

"  Is  it  the  doctor  you  want  to  see  ?  " 

32 


THE  PIER  33 

Thady  was  a  little  puzzled.  He  could  not  imagine 
why  a  Board  of  Works  engineer  should  want  to  visit 
Dr.  Whitty. 

"  Yes,"  said  Mr.  Eccles ;  "  where  does  he  live  ?  " 

"If  it's  a  tooth  that's  troubling  you,"  said  Thady, 
"  you  couldn't  go  to  a  better  man  than  Dr.  Whitty. 
He'll  whip  it  out  for  you  before  you'll  rightly  know 
he  has  a  grip  on  it.  There  isn't  a  proper  dentist 
would  do  it  quicker." 

This  warm  recommendation  was  highly  creditable 
to  Thady  Glynn.  He  had  never  liked  Dr.  Whitty. 
He  owed  him  a  special  grudge  since  the  day  when  the 
deputation  met  the  Chief  Secretary.  But  he  did  not 
allow  his  private  feelings  to  stand  in  the  way  of  a 
public  duty.  If  there  was  a  half-crown  to  be  got 
out  of  a  Government  official  he  was  anxious  to  secure 
it  for  the  pocket  of  one  of  the  inhabitants  of  Ballintra, 
if  possible,  rather  than  allow  it  to  be  wasted  on  a 
Dublin  dentist. 

"  I  don't  want  him  to  pull  my  teeth  out,"  said  Mr. 
Eccles.  "  Do  I  look  like  a  man  who'd  come  all  the 
way  to  Ballintra  because  he  had  toothache  ?  " 

"You  do  not,"  said  Thady  judicially.  "When  I 
take  a  good  look  at  you  I  can  see  well  that  you're  not 
that  sort  of  man." 

"  Dr.  Whitty  and  I  are  old  friends,"  said  Mr.  Ec- 
cles. "  He  and  I  lived  in  the  same  lodgings  when  he 


34     THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

was  walking  the  hospitals  and  I  was  going  through 
the  engineering  school." 

Thady  Glynn  was  satisfied.  He  started  his  guest 
on  the  way  to  Dr.  Whitty's  house  and  then  returned 
to  his  own  bar.  He  found  Michael  Geraghty  there. 
There  had  been  an  outward  reconciliation  between 
him  and  Geraghty,  brought  about  by  a  conviction, 
present  in  both  their  minds,  of  the  inconvenience  of 
keeping  up  a  quarrel.  Michael  had  borrowed,  at  a 
high  rate  of  interest,  a  good  deal  of  money  from 
Thady  Glynn,  money  absolutely  necessary  for  his  pier 
building.  As  one  instalment  after  another  of  his  con- 
tract price  was  paid  him  by  the  Government  he  punc- 
tually discharged  his  debt.  He  now  stood  clear  of 
Thady  Glynn's  books,  and  was  looking  forward  to  his 
last  and  largest  cheque,  as  almost  all  clear  profit,  to 
be  put  into  his  own  pocket. 

"  Did  you  see  the  man  that's  just  after  driving  up 
to  the  hotel?"  said  Thady. 

"  I  did,"  said  Michael  Geraghty  — "  a  good-looking 
young  fellow  enough.  Who  is  he  ? " 

"  He's  the  engineer  from  the  Board  of  Works," 
said  Thady,  "  that's  come  down  to  pass  your  pier  be- 
fore they  pay  for  it." 

"  I'm  glad  to  hear  it.     It's  time  he  came." 

"  He's  a  mighty  sharp  man,  sharper  than  any  of 
them  that  was  down  before  looking  at  it." 


THE  PIER  35 

"  He'll  find  no  fault  with  the  pier,  no  matter  how 
sharp  he  is,"  said  Michael  bravely. 

"  I  hope  he  won't.  It'd  be  a  terrible  thing  for 
you,  Michael,  if  he  wouldn't  pass  it  now  it's  done, 
after  all  the  money  you've  spent  on  it." 

"  It  would  be  a  loss  of  £250  to  me,"  said  Michael. 
"  But  why  would  he  not  pass  it  ?  It's  a  good  pier. 
I  don't  know  where  you'd  see  a  pier  that's  better 
built." 

"It's  a  well-built  pier.  He'll  not  fault  the  work 
that's  in  it.  But  you  couldn't  be  up  to  the  ways 
of  them  fellows.  He  mightn't  pass  it  at  the  latter 
end." 

Michael  Geraghty  was  uneasy.  He  spoke  con- 
fidentially, but  there  was  a  note  of  anxiety  in  his 
voice. 

"Where's  he  off  to  now?"  he  asked.  "He 
wouldn't  be  going  down  to  the  pier  at  this  time  of 
the  evening,  all  by  himself,  without  me  with  him." 

"  He's  not  gone  near  the  pier,  and  he  won't  till  to- 
morrow morning.  And  it  wouldn't  be  any  harm  if 
he  did,  for  he  hasn't  taken  his  measuring  tape  with 
him.  He's  gone  to  see  Dr.  Whitty,  if  you  want  to 
know.  I'm  sure  of  that,  for  he  asked  me  the  way 
to  his  house.  It  seems  the  doctor  and  him  is  old 
friends." 

"If  he's  gone  there  it's  all  right,"  said   Michael. 


36      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

"  The  doctor's  a  good  friend  of  mine.  He'll  put  in 
a  word  for  me." 

"  You  don't  want  him,  or  any  other  one,  to  be  put- 
ting in  a  word  for  you,  if  so  be  that  your  pier's  all 
right." 

"  I  do  not,  of  course.  But  it'll  do  no  harm,  any- 
way. Them  inspectors  from  Dublin  is  queer  at 
times." 

"  This  is  a  mighty  sharp  man,  anyway,"  said  Thady. 
"  I  could  tell  that  by  the  way  he  looked  at  me  when 
I  told  him  it  would  be  a  pleasure  to  the  doctor  to  be 
pulling  his  teeth  out  of  him.  It's  as  well  for  you 
that  he'll  not  be  able  to  fault  your  pier." 

Mr.  Eccles  returned  to  the  hotel  at  about  midnight. 
He  had  spent  a  very  pleasant  evening  with  Dr.  Whitty. 
They  dined  together,  and  after  dinner,  drinking  a 
moderate  quantity  of  whisky  and  smoking  an  im- 
moderate quantity  of  tobacco,  they  recalled  bygone 
festivities,  football  matches,  cycling  tours,  and  other 
joys  of  their  lost  youth.  Before  they  parted  they  en- 
tered into  a  covenant  to  spend  their  September  holi- 
day together,  climbing  mountains  in  Cumberland. 
Dr.  Whitty  could,  he  thought,  count  on  a  clear  fort- 
night. Mr.  Eccles,  under  the  rules  of  his  department, 
was  entitled  to  three  weeks. 

Early  next  morning  Dr.  Whitty  was  aroused  by 
a  knocking  at  his  hall  door.  He  looked  out  of  the 


THE  PIER  37 

window  and  discovered  Michael  Geraghty  standing 
on  the  step. 

"  If  it's  your  wife's  rheumatism,"  he  said,  "  I'll 
not  dress  myself  to  go  and  attend  her  at  this  hour. 
It'll  neither  be  better  nor  worse  after  breakfast." 

"  It's  not  herself  at  all,"  said  Michael  Geraghty. 

"  Has  Thady  Glynn  been  beating  you  again  ?  for, 
if  he  has,  you  needn't  come  here  to  be  plastered  up. 
I  told  you  last  time  you'd  have  to  learn  to  hit  back. 
I  hate  a  man  who  sits  down  and  lets  himself  be  as- 
saulted." 

"  There's  been  no  one  beating  me." 

"  Then  what  the  devil  do  you  want  ?  Has  the  baby 
swallowed  a  pin?  If  so,  go  home  out  of  this  and 
feed  her  on  mashed  potatoes  and  cotton  wool." 

"  I  want  a  word  with  you,  doctor." 

"  Very  well,  say  it,  and  let  me  get  back  to  my  bed." 

"  It's  not  what  I  could  be  shouting  out  in  the 
street,"  said  Michael.  "  It's  of  a  private  nature,  and 
I'd  thank  you  to  let  me  within  into  the  house  before 
I  say  it." 

Dr.  Whitty's  curiosity  was  aroused.  He  went 
downstairs,  opened  the  door,  and  brought  Michael 
Geraghty  into  the  dispensary. 

"  Now,  then,"  he  said,  "  out  with  it." 

"They  do  say,"  said  Michael,  "that  the  gentle- 
man that's  down  from  Dublin  is  a  great  friend  of  your 


38      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

own,  and  that  he'd  do  anything  you  asked  him,  what- 
ever it  might  be." 

"  He  is  a  friend  of  mine." 

"  And  they  tell  me  he's  come  about  the  pier,  to 
give  me  the  writing  that'll  entitle  me  to  get  the  last 
instalment  of  the  price." 

"  That's  exactly  what  he  has  come  for." 

"  Then  I'd  be  thankful  to  you,  doctor,  if  you'd  put 
in  a  good  word  for  me." 

"  Is  there  anything  the  matter  with  the  pier  ? " 

"  It's  a  good  pier,"  said  Michael  Geraghty. 

"If  it's  a  good  pier,"  said  the  doctor,  "  you  don't 
want  me  to  be  talking  to  the  engineer.  He'll  pass  it 
all  right  without  that." 

"  It  would  do  no  harm  if  you  were  to  speak  a  word 
to  him." 

"  Look  here,"  said  the  doctor,  "  I'm  quite  ready 
to  help  you,  Michael,  all  I  can.  But  I  won't  work 
in  the  dark.  If  there's  anything  wrong  with  your 
pier,  tell  me  what  it  is,  and  I'll  pull  you  through." 

"  It's  a  good  pier,"  said  Michael. 

"  If  that's  all  you're  going  to  say  you  may  go  home, 
and  devil  the  word  I'll  speak  to  Mr.  Eccles  on  your 
behalf." 

"  It's  a  good  pier,"  said  Michael  — "  what  there  is 
of  it." 

"Oh,"  said  the  doctor,  "so  that's  the  way  of  it, 


THE  PIER  39 

is  it?  What  a  damned  fool  you  are,  Michael;  you 
must  have  known  he'd  measure  it." 

"  He  might  not." 

"  He  will.  I  know  Eccles,  and  he'll  measure  any 
pier  he  inspects.  If  it's  so  much  as  an  inch  short 
he'll  not  pass  it." 

"  I'm  not  saying  it  is  short,  mind  you,"  said  Mich- 
ael Geraghty  cautiously.  "  All  I  want  is  for  you  to 
speak  a  word  to  him  in  case  he  was  to  fault  it  that 
way  or  another.  It's  ruined  and  broke  altogether 
I'd  be  if  I  didn't  get  the  money  that's  owing  to  me 
this  minute." 

"  I'll  do  the  best  I  can  for  you,  Michael.  I'll  be 
down  at  the  pier  this  morning,  and  if  I'm  able  to 
distract  his  attention  when  he's  measuring  it,  I  will. 
Anyway,  make  your  mind  easy  about  it.  One  way  or 
another  I'll  see  you  safe  through." 

Mr.  Eccles  breakfasted  quietly  at  nine  o'clock.  At 
ten  he  prepared  to  go  down  to  the  pier.  Thady 
Glynn  met  him  in  the  hall  of  the  hotel. 

"  Might  I  speak  a  word  to  you,  sir?  " 

"  Certainly." 

"And  what  I  say  will  be  kept  private?" 

"  I  don't  know  about  that.  It  depends  on  what 
it  is." 

Thady  Glynn  looked  searchingly  at  Mr.  Eccles. 
He  would  have  liked  to  have  secured  himself  by  a 


40      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

pledge  of  secrecy,  but  he  was  prepared  to  run  some 
risks  for  the  sake  of  a  complete  and  satisfactory  re- 
venge on  Michael  Geraghty. 

"  I'll  trust  you,"  he  said  at  last,  "  without  your 
promising,  but  it'll  be  a  bad  thing  for  me  that  has  to 
live  among  the  people  here  if  it  ever  gets  out  that  I 
gave  you  the  word." 

"  Don't  do  it  unless  you  like,"  said  Mr.  Eccles. 
"  I'm  not  asking  you  for  any  information." 

"  I  will  do  it.  I'm  an  honest  man,  and  it  goes 
against  me  to  see  cheating  and  robbery  going  on, 
even  if  it's  only  the  Government  that's  at  the  loss  of 
the  money.  It's  the  curse  of  this  country  the  way 
men'll  go  behind  their  bargains  for  the  sake  of  try- 
ing to  make  a  pound  or  two." 

"  Those  opinions  do  you  the  greatest  credit." 

"  Michael  Geraghty  is  a  friend  of  mine,"  said 
Thady  Glynn,  "  an  old  friend  that,  I've  known  since 
the  both  of  us  were  barefooted  gossures  running  in 
and  out  of  the  school  beyond.  But  I  wouldn't  let 
him  being  my  friend  stop  me  in  doing  my  duty. 
There  was  talk  one  time  of  his  marrying  a  sister  of 
mine,  though  it  didn't  come  off,  owing  to  a  falling 
out  there  was  over  the  girl's  fortune.  I  won't  let 
that  stop  me." 

"Don't,"  said  Mr.  Eccles.  "Duty  before  all 
things,  especially  public  duty." 


THE  PIER  41 

"  If  I  were  you,"  said  Thady,  sinking  his  voice  to 
a  whisper,  "  I'd  measure  that  pier.  I'm  not  saying 
there's  anything  wrong,  but  if  I  was  you,  I'd  meas- 
ure it.  That's  all  I'll  say,  so  make  the  most  of  it, 
you." 

"  Thank  you,"  said  Mr.  Eccles.  "  I  should  have 
measured  it  in  any  case." 

He  walked  down  to  the  pier  and  found  Dr.  Whitty 
and  Michael  Geraghty  waiting  for  him.  There  was 
also  a  small  crowd  of  men,  principally  those  who  had 
taken  some  part  in  building  the  pier. 

"  It's  a  glorious  day,"  said  the  doctor.  "  Hurry 
up  over  vetting  the  pier  and  then  we'll  get  rid  of 
these  fellows  and  have  a  swim  off  the  end  of  it." 

"  That's  about  all  this  pier  will  ever  be  used  for," 
said  Mr.  Eccles. 

His  eye  was  fixed  on  a  jagged  reef  of  rocks  which 
lay  plainly  visible  about  twenty  yards  seaward  of  the 
end  of  the  pier,  a  horrible  menace  to  a  boat  approach- 
ing in  any  but  the  calmest  weather. 

"  It's  a  good  pier,"  said  Michael  Geraghty.  "  I 
don't  know  where  you'd  see  a  better." 

"  It  is,"  said  the  group  of  bystanders  in  chorus. 
"  It's  a  credit  to  the  man  that  built  it." 

"  Come  on,"  said  Dr.  Whitty,  "  tap  a  stone  or  two 
to  see  that  they're  real  and  then  sign  whatever  you 
have  to  sign." 


42       THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

"  The  stones  are  all  right,"  said  Mr.  Eccles. 

He  opened  a  small  brown  bag  which  he  carried  in 
his  hand  and  took  out  a  measuring-tape. 

"  Surely  to  goodness,"  said  the  doctor,  "  you're  not 
going  to  spend  the  whole  morning  measuring  the 
thing?" 

Mr.  Eccles  beckoned  to  Michael  Geraghty  and  gave 
him  the  end  of  the  tape. 

"  Take  this,"  he  said,  "  and  hold  on  to  it  while  I 
walk  out  to  the  end  of  the  pier." 

Michael  Geraghty  did  as  he  was  bid.  Mr.  Eccles, 
letting  the  tape  run  out  of  its  case,  walked  rapidly 
along  the  pier.  Michael  Geraghty,  his  eyes  fixed  on 
Mr.  Eccles,  took  three  rapid  steps  backwards,  drag- 
ging the  tape  with  him.  Mr.  Eccles  turned  sharply. 

"  I'm  not  surveying  the  field  behind  there,"  he  said. 
"  Kindly  stand  where  I  put  you." 

"  I  didn't  move  a  step,"  said  Michael. 

"  You  did." 

"There's  them  here,"  said  Michael,  "that'll  tell 
you  I  did  not,  if  you  ask  them." 

"  I'm  not  going  to  ask  them.  Just  you  go  back  to 
the  place  I  put  you,  and  stay  there." 

Michael  Geraghty  went  back.  Mr.  Eccles  resumed 
his  expedition  to  the  extremity  of  the  pier.  As  he 
did  so,  Michael  gathered  the  tape  into  a  ball  in  his 
hand.  When  Mr.  Eccles  reached  the  end  of  the  pier 


THE  PIER  43 

Michael  had  about  five  yards  of  tape  crushed  in  his 
palm.  Mr.  Eccles  gave  a  sudden  jerk,  and  then, 
winding  up  his  end  of  the  tape,  took  the  measurement 
of  the  pier.  He  noted  the  result  on  a  slip  of  paper. 
Then  he  called  Michael  Geraghty  to  him,  stood  him 
on  the  point  of  the  pier,  walked  shorewards  himself, 
and  checked  his  first  measurement  carefully.  This 
time  he  entered  the  figures  in  a  notebook. 

"  I  am  sorry,"  he  said,  "  but  I  can't  sign  the  cer- 
tificate authorising  payment  for  this  work.  The  pier 
is  twenty-seven  feet  short  of  the  length  stated  in  our 
specification." 

"  Your  honour,  sir  — "  said  Michael  Geraghty. 

"Yes?" 

"  If  you  make  me  add  another  twenty-seven  feet 
to  the  end  of  the  pier  I'll  be  broke.  I  couldn't  do  it. 
It's  little  enough  I'm  making  out  of  it  the  way  it  is. 
I  shan't  have  a  penny  —  no,  but  I'll  have  a  big  loss 
on  it,  and  you  wouldn't  like  to  be  the  means  of  putting 
an  honest  poor  man,  with  a  wife  and  family  de- 
pendent on  him,  into  the  workhouse." 

"I  can't  help  myself,"  said  Mr.  Eccles.  "You 
don't  surely  expect  me  to  sign  a  certificate  that  the 
work's  done  when  it  isn't." 

"  It's  that  damned  traitor,  Thady  Glynn,  that  put 
you  up  to  measuring  it.  He's  had  it  in  for  me  ever 
since  the  time  the  doctor  played  the  trick  on  him  and 


44      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

the  colonel,  when  the  Chief  Secretary  was  in  the 
town.  But  I'll  be  even  with  him  yet.  I'll — : 

"  You  shut  up,  Michael,"  said  Dr.  Whitty,  "  and 
don't  be  making  a  fool  of  yourself.  Come  on  out  of 
this,  Eccles.  I  suppose,  after  the  way  you've  behaved 
to  poor  Geraghty,  you'd  hardly  care  to  bathe  off  the 
end  of  his  pier.  It  wouldn't  be  decent." 

"  If  I'm  hanged  for  it  after,"  said  Michael  Ger- 
aghty, "  I'll  make  Thady  Glynn  sorry  for  himself. 
If  I  don't—" 

"  Be  quiet,  can't  you,  Michael  ?  "  said  a  man  from 
the  crowd.  "  Be  quiet,  when  the  doctor  bids  you. 
Don't  you  see  him  taking  the  inspector  by  the  arm 
and  talking  to  him  ?  It'll  be  all  right,  I  tell  you.  The 
doctor'll  manage  him  if  you  don't  get  putting  the  man's 
back  up  against  you  with  the  like  of  that  murdering 
talk." 

"  The  doctor  himself  can't  help  me  now,"  said 
Michael  despondingly.  "  I'm  ruined  and  destroyed, 
and  it's  all  the  fault  of  Thady  Glynn.  There's  ne'er 
another  man  about  the  town  would  have  done  a  turn 
like  that." 

Mr.  Eccles  and  the  doctor  left  the  pier  together 
and  walked  towards  the  town. 

"  That  hotel-keeper,"  said  Eccles,  "  seems  to  be  a 
pretty  low-down  species  of  beast.  I  suppose  he  had 
a  spite  against  the  contractor." 


THE  PIER  45 

"  Geraghty  was  right,  then,"  said  the  doctor.  "  It 
was  Thady  Glynn  put  you  up  to  measuring  the  pier." 

"  I'd  have  done  that  in  any  case.  Nothing  he  said 
made  a  bit  of  difference.  All  the  same,  I  hope  our 
friend  Geraghty  —  Geraghty's  the  name,  isn't  it?  — 
will  give  him  the  thrashing  he  deserves,  and  a  bit 
over.  You'd  hardly  believe  it,  but  he  tried  to  per- 
suade me  this  morning  that  he  was  acting  out  of  pub- 
lic spirit  and  honesty." 

"  Did  he,  then  ?  He  must  have  taken  you  for  a 
bigger  fool  than  I'd  have  thought  you  look  if  he  ex- 
pected you  to  swallow  that." 

"  It  appears  to  me  that  you  all  mistook  me  for  a 
fool,"  said  Eccles.  "  Did  you  really  suppose  I'd  cer- 
tify for  that  pier  without  measuring  it?" 

"  Look  here,"  said  the  doctor,  "  surely  to  good- 
ness you're  not  really  going  to  cut  poor  Geraghty 
off  without  his  money  ?  You  can't  mean  to  do  that." 

"  I  am,  of  course.  What  else  can  I  do  ?  The 
beastly  thing's  twenty-seven  feet  too  short." 

"  Come  in  here  to  my  house  till  I  talk  to  you." 

"  I'll  come  in  for  an  hour,  if  you  like,  but  after 
that  I  must  go.  And  I  warn  you  fairly,  you  may  talk 
till  you're  sick,  but  you  won't  make  me  put  my  name 
to  the  bottom  of  that  certificate  till  the  pier's  the 
right  length." 

Dr.  Whitty  set  his  friend  down  in  a  comfortable 


46      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

chair,  offered  him  whisky,  which  he  refused,  and  to- 
bacco, which  he  accepted,  then  he  began. 

"  Geraghty,"  he  said,  "  is  a  decent  man,  and  he's 
done  good  solid  work  on  that  pier.  You  could  see 
for  yourself  that  the  stones  he  built  it  of  were  real 
stones.  He  didn't  make  the  least  attempt  to  stick  you 
there." 

"  If  there'd  been  any  other  material  in  the  coun- 
try cheaper  than  stones,"  said  Eccles,  "  I  haven't  the 
least  doubt  he'd  have  used  it,  and  tried  to  persuade 
me  afterwards  it  was  stone,  otherwise  I  dare  say  he's 
decent  enough." 

"  Thady  Glynn  is  a  horrid  blackguard,"  said  the 
doctor.  "  He's  a  blood-sucking  money-lender,  for  one 
thing,  and  has  half  the  people  in  the  country  round  in 
his  power.  He's  the  sort  of  man  that  the  devil  him- 
self will  be  squeamish  about  making  a  bonfire  of  for 
fear  of  the  smell  there'll  be  afterwards." 

"  I  can  quite  believe  that.  From  the  little  I  saw 
of  him  this  morning  I'd  say  the  breath  of  him  would 
go  near  poisoning  any  decent  brigand." 

"  And  yet,"  said  the  doctor,  "  you  propose  to  back 
this  very  scoundrel,  to  aid  and  abet  him  in  his  plan 
for  ruining  poor  Michael  Geraghty.  You  ought  to  be 
ashamed  of  yourself,  Eccles.  You,  a  member  of  the 
Government,  whose  business  it  is  to  protect  decent 
people  and  do  justice,  you  actually  propose  to  do 


THE  PIER  47 

Thady  Glynn's  dirty  work  for  him  and  help  him  to 
wreak  his  beastly  vengeance  on  a  man  like  Geraghty 
who  never  did  anybody  any  harm." 

"  What's  the  use  of  talking  like  that,  Whitty?  You 
know  perfectly  well  I  can't  sign  the  certificate." 

"Why  not?" 

"  Because  the  pier's  twenty-seven  feet  short. 
That's  why.  Build  a  bit  on  to  it  and  I'll  sign  with 
pleasure." 

"  He  can't  build  a  bit  on.     He's  got  no  money." 

"  Well,  then,  I  can't  sign  the  certificate." 

"  I  don't  see  what  harm  it  would  do  you  to  sign 
it.  You  could  sign  it  if  you  liked." 

"  Hang  it,  Whitty,  it's  not  a  question  of  what  I 
like  or  don't  like.  I'm  simply  a  servant  of  the  Gov- 
ernment. The  Government  grants  the  money  for  a 
pier  a  certain  number  of  feet  long,  and  I'm — " 

"  Don't  come  the  Government  official  over  me," 
said  the  doctor,  "  for  I  won't  stand  it.  What  on 
earth  does  the  Government  know  or  care  about  the 
pier?  I've  been  running  the  whole  show  from  the 
beginning,  and  I  give  you  my  word  the  Chief  Sec- 
retary never  so  much  as  asked  where  we  proposed  to 
plant  the  thing  when  we  got  it." 

"  I  don't  see  what  that  has  to  do  with  it." 

"  It  has  everything  to  do  with  it.  You  don't  sup- 
pose, surely,  that  the  Government  really  intended  to 


48      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

build  a  useful  kind  of  marine  work  in  Ballintra?  No 
Government  could.  The  thing's  absurd  on  the  face 
of  it.  What  the  Government  meant  to  do  was  to 
drop  a  round  sum  of  money  into  the  town  for  the 
benefit  of  the  inhabitants.  That's  what  it  intended 
all  along.  That's  what  it  tried  to  do,  and  what  it 
would  do,  if  you  hadn't  come  along  with  your  ridic- 
ulous measuring-tape  and  a  thing  inside  you  that, 
I  suppose,  you  call  a  conscience,  and  defeated  the 
excellent  intentions  of  the  Chief  Secretary  and  the 
good  men  who  are  advising  him.  You  think  you  are 
acting  on  your  instructions  and  that  you'll  get  credit 
for  it  afterwards.  Let  me  tell  you  you  won't. 
There's  nothing  a  Government  hates  more  than  an 
official  who  can't  see  beyond  the  letter  of  what  he 
has  written  down  for  him.  All  the  great  worries  that 
Governments  have  are  the  result  of  pig-headed  literal- 
ness  of  stupid  officials.  Look  at  the  case  of  the  king 
who  had  Thomas  a  Becket  murdered.  Did  he  mean 
to  murder  him?  Not  at  all.  Some  fool  of  an  of- 
ficial, a  fellow  very  like  you,  Eccles,  went  and  did 
literally  what  he  was  told,  instead  of  considering 
what  the  king  really  meant.  There  was  jolly  nearly 
being  a  revolution  afterwards.  It  is  just  the  same 
in  this  case.  By  obeying  the  letter  of  your  orders 
you  are  defeating  the  spirit  of  them.  I've  told  you 


THE  PIER  49 

what  the  Chief  Secretary  wanted  to  do.  Are  you 
going  to  take  the  responsibility  of  stopping  him  ?  " 

"  I'm  not  going  to  sign  the  certificate.  If  the  Chief 
Secretary  likes  to  pay  the  money  over  without  the  cer- 
tificate he  can,  of  course.  I  won't  prevent  him." 

"  Look  at  the  matter  this  way,"  said  the  doctor. 
"  The  pier's  no  earthly  use.  You  know  that,  don't 
you?" 

Mr.  Eccles  smiled. 

"  I  quite  admit  that." 

"  Would  it  be  any  more  use  if  it  was  twenty-seven 
feet  longer  than  it  is  at  present  ? " 

"  Not  a  bit.  It  wouldn't  be  any  use  if  it  was  a  mile 
long." 

"  Would  it  be  any  less  use  if  it  was  twenty-seven 
feet  shorter?" 

"  It  couldn't,"  said  Mr.  Eccles,  "  by  any  possibility 
be  less  use  than  it  is  at  present." 

"  Then  why  on  earth  make  all  this  fuss  about  a 
beggarly  twenty-seven  feet?  I  could  understand  your 
kicking  up  a  row  if  the  thing  was  ever  going  to  be 
any  good  to  man  or  beast,  but  it  isn't.  Except,  as  I 
said,  for  bathing  off  it's  no  good  at  all,  and  you  can 
only  bathe  off  it  comfortably  at  high  tide.  Be  reason- 
able, Eccles." 

"  I  can't  sign  the  certificate." 


50      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

"  Very  well.  I've  done  my  best  with  you.  I  can 
do  no  more.  But  I  warn  you  fairly,  Eccles,  that  I 
mean  to  get  that  money  for  poor  Geraghty.  I'm  not 
going  to  see  him  stuck." 

"  All  right.  Petition  the  Chief  Secretary.  I  don't 
mind.  But  I'll  be  surprised  if  you  get  it." 

"  I'm  not  going  to  petition  the  Chief  Secretary  or 
any  other  fool  thing  of  the  sort.  I'm  going  to  per- 
suade Michael  Geraghty  to  lengthen  the  pier.  I  sup- 
pose you'll  come  down  again  any  time  we  send  for 
you,  and  sign  the  certificate  when  we  have  the  extra 
twenty-seven  feet  added  on." 

"  Of  course  I  will,  with  the  greatest  pleasure.  But 
mind  me  now,  Whitty,  it  must  be  full  length.  Don't 
fetch  me  down  all  this  way  if  you're  only  going  to 
add  on  six  feet." 

"  I'll  see  it's  right  next  time." 

"  I  suppose  it  won't  actually  ruin  Geraghty  ?  " 

"  No,  it  won't.  Don't  fret  about  that.  We  only 
said  that  to  excite  your  compassion." 

"  So  I  thought.  And  now  what  about  this  holiday 
of  ours?  Is  ist  September  fixed?  " 

"  I'll  join  you  that  day  in  Dublin,"  said  Dr.  Whitty. 
"  We'll  cross  to  Liverpool,  and  then  make  our  way  up 
tc  the  Lakes  the  best  we  can.  "  We'll  have  a  great 
time.  It's  a  pity  I  can't  get  more  than  a  fortnight.  I 
shall  envy  you  your  extra  week." 


THE  PIER  61 

He  bid  good-bye  to  Mr.  Eccles  at  the  door.  Mi- 
chael Geraghty,  who  was  standing  disconsolately  near 
the  doctor's  house,  took  off  his  hat  and  bowed  humbly 
as  Mr.  Eccles  passed  him.  Then  he  joined  Dr. 
Whitty. 

"  Did  you  get  him  persuaded,  doctor  ?  " 
"  I  did  not.     I  tried  my  best  with  him,  Michael,  but 
I  failed." 

"  It  couldn't  be  expected  that  you'd  do  anything 
else,"  said  Michael.  "  He's  a  hard  man  that,  as  hard 
as  e'er  a  one  ever  I  met." 

"  Don't  give  up  heart,  Michael.  We're  not  beat  yet 
by  a  long  way." 

"  It's  not  easy  to  see  what  more  we  can  do." 
"  You  couldn't  build  the  bit  on  that  he  wants  ?  " 
"  I  could  not.  I'm  telling  you  the  truth,  doctor. 
It  would  cost  me  more  than  I'm  worth  in  the  world, 
and  more  than  I'd  be  able  to  borrow,  and  more  than 
I'd  get  at  the  latter  end  if  so  be  every  penny  was  paid 
me.  Thanks  be  to  God  I  don't  owe  that  old  repro- 
bate, Thady  Glynn,  a  penny  this  minute.  I've  paid 
him  off ;  but  there's  a  bill  of  mine  in  the  bank  beyond 
at  Dunbeg  that'll  be  due  next  week,  and  the  Lord 
knows  where  the  money's  to  come  from  to  pay  it." 

"  You  go  over  there,  Michael,  and  try  will  they  re- 
new it  for  you  for  another  three  months  with  my  name 
on  the  back  of  it." 


52      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

"  I'll  not  do  it,  doctor.  I'm  obliged  to  you ;  but  I'll 
not  do  it.  I  wouldn't  be  able  to  pay  it  in  three 
months  no  more  than  I  am  this  minute,  and  then  they'd 
come  down  on  you.  You've  been  a  good  friend  of 
mine,  and  I'll  not  ask  you  to  go  security  for  what  I'll 
never  be  able  to  pay." 

"  You'll  be  able  to  pay  it  all  right  when  you  get  the 
money  from  the  Government  for  building  the  pier,  and 
that'll  be  —  let  me  see  now,  this  is  the  first  week  in 
August  —  that'll  be  in  nine  weeks  from  now  at  the 
outside." 

"  It'll  never  be,"  said  Michael. 

Even  the  doctor's  confidence  failed  to  inspire  him 
with  any  hope. 

"  Come  inside  for  a  minute  till  I  talk  to  you,"  said 
the  doctor. 

"  I'll  come,"  said  Michael.  "  But  where's  the  use  ? 
All  the  talk  in  the  world  won't  get  me  the  money  that 
Thady  Glynn  has  me  robbed  of." 

An  hour  later  Michael  Geraghty  left  the  doctor's 
house.  His  face  still  expressed  anxiety,  but  the  look 
of  blank  despair  was  gone  from  it.  He  walked  down 
to  the  hotel,  followed  by  a  considerable  number  of 
the  inhabitants  of  Ballintra,  who  hoped  to  see  him 
commit  an  immediate  assault  upon  Thady  Glynn. 
To  the  amazement  of  everybody  present,  he  greeted 
Thady  in  the  friendliest  way  and  ordered  a  bottle  of 


THE  PIER  53 

porter.  Thady  himself  was  puzzled.  He  realised 
that  Mr.  Eccles  must  have  kept  his  warning 
a  secret,  but  he  did  not  understand  how  Michael 
Geraghty  came  to  be  as  cheerful  as  he  was. 

"  I  hope,"  said  Thady,  "  that  you  got  your  money 
all  right  out  of  the  inspector." 

"  I  did  not,"  said  Michael.  "  There's  a  couple  of 
things  he  wanted  to  have  seen  to,  trifles  just  that  I'll 
be  able  to  settle  in  a  week  at  the  outside.  Then  I'll 
get  the  money." 

Thady,  who  knew  Michael's  financial  position  down 
to  the  last  penny,  was  annoyed  as  well  as  puzzled. 
It  seemed  that  his  bomb  of  vengeance  had  somehow 
•failed  to  explode.  He  asked  Michael  a  great  many 
questions.  He  asked  a  great  many  questions  of  all 
his  customers,  but  he  got  no  information  which  threw 
any  real  light  on  the  matter.  Michael  Geraghty  would 
not  tell  him  anything,  and  kept  repeating  his  plainly 
incredible  statement  about  the  few  trifles  to  be  seen 
after.  Nobody  else  had  any  information  to  give. 

Early  in  the  third  week  in  September  Dr.  Whitty 
received  a  letter  from  his  friend,  Mr.  Eccles. 

"  DEAR  WHITTY," —  it  ran  — "  When  I  returned  to 
the  office  on  Monday  I  found  that  your  friend,  Michael 
Geraghty,  had  been  paid  in  full  for  his  pier.  It  seems 
that  he  wrote  up  to  the  office  and  asked  for  an  in- 
spector to  go  down  and  sign  his  certificate.  They  sent 


54      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

old  Thompson,  who  says  he  measured  his  pier  care- 
fully, and  that  it  was  eighteen  inches  over  the  full 
length.  Old  Thompson  is  a  bit  of  an  ass,  of  course, 
but  he  couldn't  have  made  a  mistake  about  a  simple 
job  like  that,  particularly  as  I  had  left  a  note  before 
I  started  that  the  pier  was  short  and  would  have  to 
be  measured  before  the  certificate  was  signed.  Would 
you  mind  telling  me,  in  confidence,  how  you  managed 
it?  I  promise  not  to  make  a  fuss,  and,  of  course, 
even  if  I  did,  we  couldn't  get  the  money  back  now.  I 
ask  out  of  pure  curiosity.  As  a  matter  of  fact,  I'm 
glad  the  poor  fellow  has  got  paid.  Don't  waste  paper 
and  a  postage  stamp  telling  me  he  built  the  twenty- 
seven  feet  on  to  the  pier,  for  I  shouldn't  believe  it. 
It  couldn't  be  done  in  the  time." 

To  this  Dr.  Whitty  replied  by  return  of  post. 

"  DEAR  ECCLES, —  I  had  the  whole  matter  settled 
before  you  left  Ballintra  that  day.  It  was  perfectly 
simple,  and  anybody  except  a  hide-bound  official  would 
have  hit  on  the  dodge  at  once.  We  added  the  twenty- 
seven  feet  to  the  shore  end  of  the  pier.  It  cost 
Michael  Geraghty  next  to  nothing.  He  had  to  dig 
down  a  grass  bank  and  make  a  sort  of  paved  cause- 
way. That's  all.  Stones,  as  you  said,  are  cheap  here, 
and  I  helped  him  to  dig  the  bank. —  Ever  yours  very 
sincerely, 

"  G.  WHITTY. 

"  P.  S. —  I  entertained  your  friend  Thompson  to  keep 


THE  PIER  55 

him  out  of  Thady  Glynn's  way.  He's  a  decent  old 
boy,  but  he  punished  my  whisky.  I  had  to  make 
Michael  Geraghty  give  me  a  present  of  a  bottle  when 
he  got  his  cheque." 


Ill 

MRS.  CHALLONER'S  PUBLIC  MEETING 

*4T  DON'T  think  you've  ever  met  my  daughter, 
Mrs.  Challoner,"  said  Colonel  Beresford  to 
Dr.  Whitty  one  day  near  the  end  of  October. 

"  No,"  said  the  doctor,  "  I  haven't.  She  hasn't  been 
over  in  Ballintra  since  I've  been  in  the  place." 

"  She  very  seldom  pays  me  a  visit,"  said  the  colonel. 
"  She's  a  good  deal  tied  to  London.  Her  husband  is  a 
barrister,  and  when  he  gets  a  holiday  he  likes  to  go 
abroad.  However,  it  seems  she's  been  working  too 
hard  lately,  and  has  knocked  herself  up.  She's  com- 
ing over  here  for  rest  and  quiet." 

"  She'll  get  them  both.  I  don't  know  anywhere 
with  more  quiet  about  it  than  Ballintra  in  the 
autumn." 

Dr.  Whitty  wondered  what  Mrs.  Challoner  worked 
at  in  London,  but  he  was  too  well-mannered  a  man  to 
ask  a  direct  question. 

"  I  dare  say  you've  seen  her  name  in  the  papers," 
said  the  colonel.  "  It  has  been  pretty  prominent  in 
the  discussions  about  Woman's  Suffrage.  She  has 

56 


MRS.  CHALLONER'S  PUBLIC  MEETING      57 

taken  the  matter  up,  and,  like  all  women,  she's  tre- 
mendously keen." 

Dr.  Whitty  had  not  seen  her  name.  He  seldom  saw 
an  English  paper,  and  unless  a  woman  makes  herself 
very  remarkable  indeed,  unless  she  gets  imprisoned  in 
circumstances  of  an  entirely  novel  kind,  the  Irish 
papers  take  no  notice  of  her. 

"  Of  course  I  have,"  said  Dr.  Whitty;  "  but  I  didn't 
think  of  her  being  your  daughter." 

"  I  wish  she  wouldn't  do  it,"  said  the  colonel.  "  It's 
too  much  for  her.  I  quite  agree  with  her  view  of  the 
question,  but  I'd  sooner  she  left  the  heavy  end  of  the 
work  to  some  one  else." 

This  surprised  Dr.  Whitty  a  good  deal.  He  would 
not  have  suspected  Colonel  Beresford  of  being  an  ad- 
vocate of  Woman's  Suffrage. 

"  I  don't  know  what  your  opinions  on  the  subject 
are,"  said  the  colonel. 

Dr.  Whitty  had  no  opinions.  Woman's  Suffrage  is 
not  a  burning  question  in  Connacht;  he  had  never 
given  it  a  moment's  serious  thought.: 

"  I  entirely  agree  with  you  and  Mrs.  Challoner,"  he 
said.  "  I  don't  see  how  any  man,  not  actually  blinded 
by  prejudice,  can  take  the  other  view." 

"  I'm  glad  to  hear  that,  because  I  want  to  ask  you  up 
to  dinner  to  meet  my  daughter  when  she  arrives,  but 
I  couldn't  do  it  if  you  had  been  likely  to  disagree  with 


58      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

her.  She's  not  a  woman  who  tolerates  any  difference 
of  opinion.  She  likes  arguing,  and  arguments  on  that 
subject  bore  me." 

"  I  don't  want  to  argue,"  said  the  doctor.  "  I  shall 
agree  with  every  word  she  says,  even  if  she  goes  fur- 
ther than  I'm  inclined  to  go  myself." 

"  It's  a  pity  she  does  it,"  said  the  colonel.  "  She's 
right,  of  course,  in  principle,  but  I  can't  help  feeling 
a  dislike  for  her  making  herself  so  prominent  in  pub- 
lic. Of  course,  not  having  any  children,  she  naturally 
wants  something  to  occupy*  her  mind." 

"  You  can't  expect  all  women  to  have  children,"  said 
the  doctor  tolerantly.  "  There'd  be  too  many  children 
in  the  world  if  they  were  all  like  Mrs.  Michael  Ger- 
aghty.  She  has  thirteen." 

Mrs.  Challoner  turned  out  to  be  a  most  charming 
lady.  Her  clothes  in  themselves  excited  the  reverent 
admiration  of  Dr.  Whitty.  He  had  never  in  his  life 
seen  anything  so  fine  as  the  black  and  green  evening 
gown  she  wore  at  dinner.  It  glittered  all  over  with 
little  shiny  discs  which  he  discovered  after  were  called 
sequins.  Her  figure  was  regal.  She  was  at  least 
four  inches  taller  than  the  doctor,  and  looked  quite  as 
tall  as  the  colonel,  who  of  late  years  stooped  a  little. 
She  moved  with  a  sumptuous  grace  which  made  it  a 
pleasure  to  watch  her  cross  the  room.  She  had  large 


MRS.  CHALLONER'S  PUBLIC  MEETING      59 

flashing  eyes,  and  a  smile  which  made  the  doctor's 
heart  beat  rapidly.  He  fell  a  victim  to  her  before  he 
had  been  ten  minutes  in  her  company,  and  after  he 
had  taken  her  in  to  dinner  he  felt  that  Mr.  Challoner, 
the  barrister,  was  an  exceedingly  fortunate  man. 

The  conversation  turned  at  once  on  the  question  of 
Woman's  Suffrage. 

"I'm  glad  to  hear,  Dr.  Whitty,"  said  Mrs.  Chal- 
loner, "  that  you  take  our  view  of  the  matter." 

"  I  do,  thoroughly." 

"  It  seems  such  a  pity  that  women  should  neglect 
to  use  the  enormous  influence  for  good  they  might 
have  and  ought  to  have." 

"  It  is  a  pity.  When  I  look  round  the  women  of 
this  town,  for  instance,  and  think  what  a  difference 
it  would  make  if  only  — " 

"  I  like  to  think  of  woman,"  said  Mrs.  Challoner, 
"  not  as  the  rival  of  man,  not  as  a  competitor  for  the 
prizes  of  the  market-place,  but  as  his  comrade." 

Dr.  Whitty  was  a  little  puzzled.  He  had  a  vague 
idea  that  the  advocates  of  Woman's  Suffrage  did  want 
to  be  rivals  and  competitors. 

"  Quite  so,"  he  said.  "  Look  at  Mrs.  Michael  Ger- 
aghty,  for  instance — " 

"  I  was  thinking,"  said  Mrs.  Challoner,  who  gener- 
ally interrupted  anyone  else  who  spoke,  "  of  trying 


60      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

to  do  a  little  work  among  the  women  here  now  that 
I  am  over  with  them.  I  suppose  there  would  be  no 
difficulty  about  getting  up  a  public  meeting?  " 

"  My  dear,"  said  the  colonel,  alarmed,  "  do  recollect 
that  you  have  come  over  here  for  rest  and  quietness. 
It  is  absolutely  necessary  —  I  am  sure  Dr.  Whitty  will 
agree  with  me  that  you  ought  not  to  address  a  public 
meeting."  He  looked  appealingly  at  the  doctor. 

Unfortunately  Dr.  Whitty,  besides  being  exhilarated 
by  the  extraordinary  beauty  of  Mrs.  Challoner's  eyes 
and  smile,  had  drunk  his  first  glass  of  champagne. 
He  basely  deserted  the  colonel. 

"  I  don't  think  one  meeting  would  do  Mrs.  Chal- 
loner  any  harm,"  he  said. 

"  And  besides,"  said  the  colonel,  "  you  couldn't  pos- 
sibly get  up  a  meeting  of  the  sort  in  Ballintra.  The 
people  know  nothing  about  the  subject,  and  care  less." 

''  That  seems  to  me,"  said  Mrs.  Challoner,  with  a 
radiant  smile,  "  all  the  more  reason  for  having  a  meet- 
ing. Don't  you  think  so,  Dr.  Whitty?" 

"  Certainly.  I  should  like  to  see  a  strong  branch  of 
your  —  your —  (he  did  not  feel  quite  certain 
whether  Mrs.  Challoner  presided  over  a  league,  a 
guild,  a  union,  an  association,  or  a  simple  society) 
"  your  organisation  established  in  Ballintra.  Take 
the  case  of  Mrs.  Michael  Geraghty.  That  poor 
woman  — " 


MRS.  CHALLONER'S  PUBLIC  MEETING      61 

"  The  priest  won't  like  a  meeting  for  women,"  said 
the  colonel ;  "  and  you  can't  run  a  thing  of  the  sort 
here  without  the  priest." 

"  We'll  try,"  said  Mrs.  Challoner,  smiling  again. 
"  I  have  faced  worse  obstacles  than  that." 

"The  priest  will  be  all  right,"  said  Dr.  Whitty. 
"  He's  a  reasonable  man.  If  he's  approached  the 
right  way  and  talked  to  sensibly  he'll  come  to  the 
meeting  and  make  a  speech." 

"  He  ought  to,  of  course,"  said  Mrs.  Challoner. 
"  The  Church  has  always  taken  a  strong  line  on  the 
subject.  We  count  on  the  support  of  the  clergy  of 
every  denomination  wherever  we  go." 

This  surprised  Dr.  Whitty.  He  had  always  sup- 
posed that  the  ecclesiastical  mind  was  prejudiced 
against  the  enfranchisement  of  anyone. 

"  Perhaps,"  said  Mrs.  Challoner,  "  you'll  see  the 
priest,  Dr.  Whitty,  and  talk  to  him.  My  doctor  has 
strictly  forbidden  me  to  undertake  any  work  I  can 
possibly  avoid.  Otherwise,  of  course,  I  should  not 
dream  of  encroaching  on  your  time." 

"  I  will,"  said  Dr.  Whitty.  "  I'll  see  him  to- 
morrow. I'll  work  the  whole  thing  up  for  you. 
You'll  want  women  and  not  men  at  the  meeting? " 

"  Certainly.  Get  all  the  women  you  can.  It's  a 
woman's  question,  and  it  ought  to  be  settled  by 
women.  I  shall  have  a  copy  of  our  monster  petition 


62      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

sent  over  from  our  London  office,  and,  after  the 
meeting,  we  can  obtain  the  signatures  of  those 
present." 

"  Some  of  them  can't  write  very  well,"  said  the  doc- 
tor, "  but  we'll  make  their  marks  for  them.  Mrs. 
Michael  Geraghty  will  come.  So  will  Mrs.  Thady 
Glynn  and  her  eldest  daughter,  who's  just  home  from 
school.  You  won't  object  to  Mrs.  Glynn,  will  you, 
colonel?" 

"  I  won't  have  him,"  said  the  colonel.  "  Remember 
that  now,  doctor.  No  tricks  like  that  deputation  one." 

"  Certainly  not.  You'll  be  quite  safe.  I  won't 
have  a  man  in  the  room  except  Father  Henaghan,  Mr. 
Jackson  —  you'd  like  to  have  him,  of  course,  when 
you're  having  the  priest  —  and  myself.  We  don't 
count.  Clergy  and  doctors  occupy  a  sort  of  inter- 
mediate position  between  the  two  sexes.  We're  not 
really  either  one  thing  or  the  other." 

Next  day  Dr.  Whitty  felt  rather  less  confident  about 
the  success  of  his  mission  to  the  town  of  Ballintra. 
The  daylight  of  an  October  morning  is  not  a  good 
tonic  for  a  fading  enthusiasm.  Tea  —  breakfast  tea 
—  does  not  exhilarate  as  champagne  does.  Mrs.  Chal- 
loner's  eyes  and  smile  were  with  him  still,  but  only  as 
a  memory.  Their  radiance  no  longer  made  the  world 
seem  an  easy  thing  to  conquer.  Nevertheless  being  a 


MRS.  CHALLONER'S  PUBLIC  MEETING      63 

man  of  great  hopefulness,  he  went  out  and  called  on 
the  priest. 

"  Good  morning,  Father  Henaghan.  You  know 
Mrs.  Challoner,  of  course." 

"  Is  that  the  colonel's  daughter?  I  know  the  look 
of  her,  but  I  never  spoke  three  words  to  her." 

"  She  wants  to  get  up  a  meeting  in  the  town,"  said 
the  doctor,  "  in  favour  of  Woman's  Suffrage.  I  sup- 
pose you  won't  have  any  objection  to  taking  the 
chair?" 

"  A  meeting  in  favour  of  what  ?  " 

"  Woman's  Suffrage,  giving  women  votes,  you 
know.  It's  a  capital  thing;  the  Church  all  over  the 
world  has  pronounced  in  favour  of  it." 

"  I'll  take  the  chair  at  no  such  meeting." 

"  I'm  sorry  to  hear  you  say  that,"  said  the  doctor. 
"  By  taking  up  that  sort  of  reactionary  attitude  you 
will  be  throwing  yourself  into  opposition  to  the  great 
majority  of  the  clergy.  Mrs.  Challoner  told  me  last 

night  that  everywhere  she  went  she  had  the  support 

f 

of  the  clergy." 

"  It's  different  in  England.  England's  a  Protestant 
country." 

"  She  wasn't  talking  of  England.  She  was  talking 
of  Ireland.  Why,  your  own  bishop  is  as  strongly  in 
favour  of  it  as  any  man." 


64      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

"What  makes  you  say  that?  I  never  heard  it  of 
him." 

"  Mrs.  Challoner  told  me  so,"  said  the  doctor,  lying 
boldly,  "  and  she'd  be  sure  to  know." 

"  She's  mistaken,"  said  the  priest.  "  The  bishop  has 
more  sense." 

"  I  don't  see  what  harm  it  can  do  you  to  preside," 
said  the  doctor.  "  You  may  just  as  well  do  the  civil 
thing  when  you're  asked.  We  won't  let  it  get  into  the 
papers." 

"  I'm  against  it,"  said  the  priest.  "  That's  why  I 
won't  do  it.  In  my  opinion  women  are  a  deal  better 
without  votes." 

"  Of  course  they  are.     I  quite  agree  with  you." 

"  Then  why  should  I  be  getting  votes  for  them  ?  " 

"  You  won't,  if  you  presided  at  fifty  meetings.  If 
you  presided  at  one,  once  a  week  for  five  years,  you 
wouldn't  get  a  vote  for  a  solitary  woman  at  the  end 
of  it.  Come  now,  Father  Henaghan,  it's  a  mere  ques- 
tion of  obliging  a  lady." 

"  What  use  would  votes  be  to  women  if  they  had 
them?" 

"  None,"  said  the  doctor,  "  none  whatever.  They'd 
never  use  them.  Votes  aren't  any  use  to  men;  so  it's 
not  likely  they  would  be  to  women  if  they  got  them, 
which,  of  course,  they  won't." 

"  Then  what's  the  good  of  the  meeting? " 


MRS.  CHALLONER'S  PUBLIC  MEETING      65 

"  The  same  good  as  all  the  other  meetings.  In  fact, 
this  one  will  be  a  great  deal  more  good  than  most. 
For  if  you  preside  at  it,  like  a  sensible  man,  the  colo- 
nel will  be  so  pleased  that  he'll  give  you  that  field  be- 
yond my  house  for  your  new  school.  You  want  that 
field  badly,  you  know  you  do." 

"  I  have  a  great  respect  for  the  colonel,"  said  the 
priest. 

"  Then  you'll  preside  at  the  meeting.  I  knew  you 
would." 

"If  I  do,"  said  the  priest,  "I'll  not  make  a 
speech." 

"  You  needn't.  All  that's  necessary  is  for  you  to  in- 
troduce Mrs.  Challoner  in  a  few  well-chosen  words, 
something  about  a  charming  and  distinguished  lady 
whose  career  has  been  watched  with  interest  by  the 
people  of  her  native  town." 

"I  know  what  to  say,"  said  the  priest,  "without 
your  teaching  me." 

"  You  do,  of  course.  Good-bye.  Oh,  by  the  way, 
Tuesday  next  is  the  day.  Eight  o'clock  in  the  school- 
room." 

Dr.  Whitty  had  much  less  difficulty  at  the  rectory. 
H'e  saw  Mrs.  Jackson  first.  She  was  a  lady  with  lean- 
ings towards  culture,  and  an  unsatisfied  desire  for 
what  she  thought  of  as  a  "  fuller  life."  She  was 
greatly  interested  in  hearing  that  Mrs.  Challoner  was 


66        THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

an  ardent  advocate  of  Woman's  Suffrage.  It  ap- 
peared to  her  from  the  short  sketch  the  doctor  gave 
her  of  the  objects  of  the  movement  that  it  was  just 
the  thing  she  had  always  been  looking  out  for,  some- 
thing that  would  lift  her  soul  out  of  the  dreary 
monotony  of  house  cleaning  and  baby  culture.  She 
promised  to  use  her  influence  to  persuade  her  hus- 
band to  attend  the  meeting.  She  went  to  the  door 
of  the  room  and  called  him  in  a  loud  voice  until  he 
Came. 

Mr.  Jackson  held  no  strong  views  on  any  political 
subject  except  temperance.  About  that  he  was  violent 
and  extreme.  He  wanted  a  Bill  passed  forbidding  the 
sale  of  alcohol  in  any  form,  except  in  chemists'  shops 
on  presentation  of  a  written  order  from  a  medical 
man.  Dr.  Whitty  knew  this  and  shaped  his  argu- 
ments to  suit  the  circumstances. 

"  In  Finland,"  he  said,  "  the  effect  of  the  women's 
vote  —  you  know,  of  course,  that  women  have  votes 
in  Finland  —  has  been  to  close  every  public-house  in 
the  entire  country,  and  to  make  the  manufacture  of 
whisky  a  criminal  offence." 

Mr.  Jackson,  though  his  favourite  study  was  tem- 
perance legislation,  had  never  heard  of  the  drastic 
action  of  the  Finnish  Parliament.  He  expressed  sur- 
prise. 

*'  I'm  not  telling  you  that  on  my  own  authority," 


MRS.  CHALLONER'S  PUBLIC  MEETING      67 

said  the  doctor ;  "  in  fact,  I  never  heard  it  until  Mrs. 
Challoner  mentioned  it  to  me  last  night  at  dinner. 
But  she  ought  to  know.  She's  gone  into  all  these 
questions  thoroughly.  Her  husband,  as  you  know,  is 
an  international  lawyer,  makes  speeches  at  the  Hague 
Conference,  sits  on  Boards  of  Arbitration,  and  that 
kind  of  thing." 

"  I  suppose  she's  right,"  said  Mr.  Jackson,  "  but  I 
never  heard  of  it." 

"That  being  so,"  said  Dr.  Whitty,  "you  will  of 
course  support  this  Suffrage  movement.  What  we 
want  you  to  do  is  to  open  the  meeting  by  proposing 
that  Father  Henaghan  takes  the  chair.  Quite  a  short 
speech  will  do.  You  needn't  say  much  about  the  ques- 
tion itself.  Mrs.  Challoner  will  have  all  the  argu- 
ments ready  cut  and  dried  when  her  turn  comes.  All 
you  have  to  do  is  to  be  sympathetic  in  a  general  way. 
You  could  mention,  if  you  like,  that  the  hand  which 
rocks  the  cradle  ought  to  rule  the  world ;  or  any  other 
little  thing  of  that  kind  that  occurred  to  you.  You'll 
know,  better  than  I  can,  what  the  proper  thing  is." 

Mrs.  Jackson  added  her  voice  to  Dr.  Whitty's,  and 
the  rector  allowed  himself  to  be  persuaded.  When 
the  doctor  had  left  the  house,  he  wrote  to  the  secre- 
tary of  the  Total  Abstinence  Society  to  which  he  be-> 
longed  for  all  the  pamphlets  in  existence  which  dealt 
with  the  temperance  question  in  Finland. 


68      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

Dr.  Whitty  walked  up  towards  Ballintra  House,  in- 
tending to  report  his  success  to  Mrs.  Challoner.  On 
the  way  he  met  Michael  Geraghty,  who,  pursuing  his 
profession  of  builder  and  contractor,  was  erecting  a 
new  cow  byre  for  a  farmer  near  the  village. 

"  Look  here,  Michael,"  said  the  doctor,  "  I  want 
your  wife  to  attend  a  meeting  in  the  schoolroom  at 
eight  o'clock  on  Tuesday  next." 

"  Herself  might  go,"  said  Michael.  "  But  she  has 
her  hands  full  with  the  baby.  I'm  not  sure  that  she'll 
be  able." 

"  The  baby's  a  girl,  isn't  it?  "  said  the  doctor. 

"  It  is.     It's  the  tenth  girl." 

"  Then  tell  her  to  bring  it.  I  couldn't  have  asked  it 
if  it  had  been  a  boy.  Be  sure  now,  Michael,  you  don't 
forget  to  tell  her.  I  can't  be  running  round  the  town 
inviting  everybody  twice." 

"  Doctor,"  called  Michael  Geraghty,  as  Whitty  left 
him,  "  did  you  say  it  was  the  preventing  of  con- 
sumption the  meeting  was  for?" 

"  No,  it's  not." 

"  Then  it'll  be  dairying,  or  cookery,  maybe?  " 

"No.    It's  not.     It's  Woman's  Suffrage." 

"  It'll  be  all  the  same  to  herself,"  said  Michael  Ger- 
aghty. "  Only  it  would  be  as  well  for  her  to  be  told, 
so  as  she'd  know  what  to  be  expecting.  I'll  give  her 
the  message." 


MRS.  CHALLONER'S  PUBLIC  MEETING      69 

The  day  of  the  meeting  arrived.  As  soon  as  the 
children  had  gone  home,  Dr.  Whitty  took  possession 
of  the  schoolroom.  He  swept  it  out  with  a  brush  he 
borrowed  from  the  schoolmaster's  wife,  working  vig- 
orously but  not  very  effectively.  He  disturbed  a  great 
deal  of  dirt,  but  got  very  little  of  it  out  of  the  door. 
He  arranged  the  forms  and  desks  in  rows,  so  that  the 
audience  would  be  obliged  to  face  the  speakers.  He 
put  the  schoolmaster's  kitchen  table  at  the  top  of  the 
room  and  covered  it  with  a  green  cloth  which  came 
from  his  own  dining-room.  He  placed  two  vases  full 
of  roses,  supplied  by  Colonel  Beresford's  gardener,  on 
the  table,  got  a  pen,  a  bottle  of  ink,  and  a  sheet  of 
blotting-paper.  Then  he  went  home  and  had  some- 
thing to  eat.  At  half-past  seven  he  got  back  to  the 
schoolroom.  At  twenty-five  minutes  to  eight  Mrs. 
Michael  Geraghty  came  in.  Dr.  Whitty,  who  was 
anxious  about  the  size  of  the  audience,  welcomed  her 
heartily. 

"  I  ran  round,"  she  said,  "  to  tell  you  that  I  couldn't 
attend  the  meeting.  The  baby's  that  cross  I  couldn't 
bring  her,  for  fear  she'd  be  disturbing  the  people  with 
her  crying,  and  I  daren't  leave  her." 

"  You'll  stay  here,  now  you  are  here,"  said  the 
doctor. 

"  Where's  the  use  ? "  she  said.  "  I  heard  all  they 
had  to  say  about  domestic  economy,  or  whatever  it  is 


70       THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

they  call  it,  the  last  meeting  there  was  in  it.  What's 
more,  I  didn't  think  much  of  it." 

"  This  isn't  domestic  economy.  It's  Woman's  Suf- 
frage. And  you've  got  to  stay." 

"  I'd  do  a  deal  for  you,  doctor,  but  the  baby  — 

"  Sit  down  now  and  don't  talk.  Here's  somebody 
else." 

It  was  Thady  Glynn's  daughter,  very  sumptuously 
arrayed  in  a  blue  dress.  Her  hat  was  magnificent. 
She  apologised  for  her  mother's  absence.  Four  more 
women  dribbled  in  after  her,  and  gathered  in  a  close 
group  round  Mrs.  Michael  Geraghty.  Miss  Glynn 
sat  on  the  front  bench  by  herself.  There  was  a  noise 
of  wheels.  Dr.  Whitty  rushed  to  the  door,  fearing 
that  Mrs.  Challoner  might  have  arrived  before  her 
time.  He  was  met  by  six  women,  four  of  them  fe- 
male servants  from  Ballintra  House ;  the  fifth,  Mrs. 
Challoner's  own  maid,  whose  opinions  on  the  subject 
of  the  suffrage  were  probably  formed;  the  sixth,  the 
coachman's  wife.  They  took  their  places  in  a  prim 
row  on  the  back  bench,  and  sat  very  much  as  they  did 
in  the  great  hall  of  Ballintra  House  while  the  colonel 
read  prayers  in  the  morning.  At  ten  minutes  to 
eight  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Jackson  arrived.  Dr.  Whitty 
placed  Mr.  Jackson  on  one  of  the  chairs  behind  the 
table,  and  arranged  Mrs.  Jackson  at  a  decent  distance 
from  Miss  Glynn  on  the  front  bench.  Father  Hena- 


MRS.  CHALLONER'S  PUBLIC  MEETING      71 

ghan  came  next.  He  looked  round  the  audience  and 
grinned. 

"  You  haven't  got  very  many  people,"  he  said. 

"  I  have  not,"  said  the  doctor.  "  It  got  out  some 
way  that  you  didn't  approve  of  the  meeting,  and  so 
they  wouldn't  come.  I  shouldn't  be  surprised  if  the 
colonel  refused  to  give  you  that  field  after  all." 

The  priest  had  something  to  say  in  reply,  but  the 
arrival  of  Mrs.  Challoner  prevented  his  saying  it. 
She,  too,  glanced  at  the  empty  benches,  but  she  had 
the  grace  to  conceal  her  disappointment.  Dr.  Whitty 
placed  her  in  a  chair  beside  Mr.  Jackson.  The  school- 
master's wife  arrived  immediately  after  Mrs.  Chal- 
loner, and  sat  by  herself  in  front  of  the  Ballintra 
House  servants.  Dr.  Whitty  crossed  the  room  and 
whispered  to  Mr.  Jackson.  The  rector  rose  nerv- 
ously. 

"  Ladies  and  gentlemen,"  he  said,  "  I  have  much 
pleasure  in  proposing  that  Father  Henaghan  take  the 
chair.  I  shall  not  detain  you  with  any  remarks  of 
my  own  on  a  subject  about  which  I  hope  to  know 
more  when  I  leave  this  room  than  I  do  at  present. 
But  I  think  I  ought  to  say  that,  in  so  far  as  Woman's 
Suffrage  promotes  the  cause  of  temperance  through- 
out the  world,  it  has  my  sincerest  sympathy." 

Dr.  Whitty  applauded  this  sentiment  vigorously.  It 
struck  him  that  Mrs,  Challoner  did  not  look 


72      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

pleased,  and  he  wished  that  Mr.  Jackson  would  ex- 
press himself  more  warmly.  It  seemed  a  pity  to  rest 
his  support  of  the  Suffrage  movement  entirely  on 
temperance.  He  sincerely  hoped  that  no  mention 
would  be  made  of  the  remarkable  achievement  of  the 
women  of  Finland.  Mr.  Jackson  did  not  say  much 
more,  but  he  succeeded,  to  Dr.  Whitty's  gratification, 
in  working  in  the  proverb  about  rocking  the  cradle  and 
ruling  the  world. 

Father  Henaghan  took  the  chair  amid  loud  applause 
from  Dr.  Whitty,  backed  by  the  tapping  of  the  school- 
mistress' umbrella  on  the  floor.  The  priest  began  his 
speech  by  saying  that  he  was  glad  to  have  the  oppor- 
tunity of  welcoming  to  their  midst  a  lady  whose  bril- 
liant and  striking  career  had  long  been  watched  with 
deep  interest  and  unfailing  admiration  by  the  people 
of  Ballintra.  The  sentence  was  so  well  rounded  and 
delivered  with  such  fervour  that  it  was  applauded  by 
several  members  of  the  audience  as  well  as  by  Dr. 
Whitty  and  the  schoolmaster's  wife.  Mrs.  Challoner's 
face  cleared.  She  evidently  liked  the  priest's  speech, 
so  far,  better  than  she  had  liked  the  rector's. 

"  I'm  sorry,"  Father  Henaghan  went  on,  "  that  we 
haven't  a  better  room  in  which  to  welcome  the  lady 
who  has  come  to  address  us.  This  school  isn't  what 
it  ought  to  be,  but  there's  talk  of  building  a  new  one, 
more  suited  to  the  needs  of  the  parish,  and  more  ap- 


MRS.  CHALLONER'S  PUBLIC  MEETING      73 

propriate  to  the  accommodation  of  meetings  of  this 
sort.  I  think  I  may  say  that  if  we  had  a  suitable  site 
we  wouldn't  be  long  in  getting  together  the  money  for 
the  building." 

He  glanced  round  at  Mrs.  Challoner  to  see  how  she 
was  taking  the  hint.  She  smiled  and  nodded  in  the 
most  encouraging  manner.  Father  Henaghan  felt  he 
might  complete  the  impression  he  had  evidently  made 
on  her  by  a  few  judicious  words  on  the  subject  of 
Female  Suffrage. 

"  With  regard  to  the  cause  which  we  have  as- 
sembled here  to  support,"  he  said,  "  it  wouldn't  suit 
me  to  be  saying  too  much.  I'm  a  man  myself,  and  in 
my  opinion  it's  women  who  ought  to  look  into  the 
matter.  I  haven't  what  you  call  a  strong  opinion 
either  one  way  or  the  other." 

The  schoolmaster's  wife  applauded  feebly  with  her 
umbrella.  Mrs.  Michael  Geraghty,  noticing  that  the 
doctor  was  looking  the  other  way,  slipped  as  quietly 
as  possible  from  the  room.  She  was  really  anxious 
about  her  baby.  Mrs.  Challoner  appeared  puzzled 
and  slightly  annoyed.  Dr.  Whitty  winked  ferociously 
at  Father  Henaghan.  He  was  watching  Mrs.  Chal- 
loner's  face,  and  he  didn't  like  the  look  of  it.  The 
priest  glanced  round  quickly  and  saw  the  incipient 
frown  which  had  aroused  Dr.  Whitty's  alarm.  He 
felt  he  must  improve  on  his  non-committal  attitude. 


74       THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

"  I  haven't,"  he  said,  "  what  you'd  call  a  strong 
opinion,  but  I  may  tell  you  this:  if  I  had  an  opinion,  it 
would  be  entirely  in  favour  of  Woman's  Suffrage; 
and  what's  more,  if  any  one  among  you  wants  a  good 
argument  in  favour  of  women  being  given  the  right 
to  vote,  let  him  look  at  Mrs.  Challoner.  I  defy  any 
man  to  doubt  that  if  she  had  a  vote  she'd  use  it  well." 

After  this  effort  he  felt  he  could  do  no  more.  He 
called  upon  Mrs.  Challoner  to  address  the  meeting 
and  sat  down. 

Mrs.  Challoner  stood  up,  and  there  was  no  doubt 
she  was  in  an  uncommonly  bad  temper.  Dr.  Whitty 
was  anxious  and  puzzled.  The  servants  from  Bal- 
lintra  House  fidgeted  nervously. 

"  I  came  here  to-night,"  she  began,  "  under  the  im- 
pression that  I  was  to  address  a  meeting  of  opponents 
to  the  monstrous  and  ridiculous  demand  for  Votes  for 
Women.  I  find  I  was  mistaken.  The  two  clergymen 
who  addressed  you  appear  to  be  in  favour  of  what  I 
regard  as  the  degradation  of  my  sex." 

Mr.  Jackson,  who  had  not  paid  much  attention  to 
Father  Henaghan's  speech,  woke  up  with  a  start  and 
looked  surprised.  Father  Henaghan  glared  savagely 
at  Dr.  Whitty. 

"  In  the  circumstances,"  said  Mrs.  Challoner,  "  I  am 
thankful  to  observe  that  this  is  an  extremely  small 
meeting,  and  apparently  quite  wanting  in  enthusiasm. 


MRS.  CHALLONER'S  PUBLIC  MEETING      75 

I  am  glad  of  it.  The  other  women  —  those  who  are 
not  present  —  have  shown  good  taste  and  sound  sense 
in  staying  away.  I  do  not  know  that  I  ought  to  ad- 
dress you  at  all  to-night,  but  I  shall  say  a  few  words 
in  the  hope  that  I  may  convince  some  of  the  least  ob- 
stinate among  you  of  the  folly  of  the  course  you  are 
bent  on  pursuing." 

Her  eyes  were  fixed  as  she  spoke  on  Colonel  Beres- 
ford's  under-housemaid.  The  poor  girl  trembled  vis- 
ibly. Mrs.  Challoner  then  denounced  all  supporters 
of  Woman's  Suffrage,  especially  those  whom  she 
called  the  "  Male  Suffragettes."  Her  speech  lasted 
for  more  than  half  an  hour.  She  repeated  with  con- 
temptuous emphasis  a  large  number  of  witticisms 
which  had  appeared  in  comic  papers.  She  quoted, 
though  without  reference  to  the  original  documents,  a 
good  many  articles  from  London  daily  papers.  She 
explained  that  she  was  a  leading  member  of  an  organ- 
isation of  right-minded  women  pledged  to  resist  to  the 
uttermost  the  demands  of  infatuated  members  of  their 
sex.  She  produced  at  last  a  copy  of  a  petition  to 
Parliament.  It  asked,  so  she  informed  her  audience, 
that  the  suffrage  should  never,  under  any  pressure,  be 
granted  to  women. 

"  I  do  not  suppose,"  she  said,  "  that  more  than  one 
or  two  of  those  present  will  sign  it."  She  glanced,  as 
she  spoke,  at  her  own  maid,  who  had  signed  twice 


76      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

before,  "  but  I  mean  to  take  it  round  the  town  to- 
morrow myself  and  obtain  the  signatures  of  those  who 
have  had  the  good  sense  not  to  attend  this  meeting." 

She  sat  down.  Father  Henaghan,  a  little  redder  in 
the  face  than  usual,  but  with  a  twinkle  in  his  eye, 
called  upon  Dr.  Whitty  to  propose  a  vote  of  thanks 
to  Mrs.  Challoner.  The  doctor  rose  without  exhibit- 
ing any  very  obvious  embarrassment. 

"  Reverend  chairman,  ladies,  and  gentlemen,"  he 
said,  "  I  came  here  to-night  a  convinced  and  deter- 
mined supporter  of  Woman's  Suffrage.  So  did  the 
Rev.  Mr.  Jackson,  so  did  Father  Henaghan  — 

"  I  did  not,"  exclaimed  the  priest. 

Mr.  Jackson,  who  seemed  a  good  deal  bewildered, 
shook  his  head. 

"  You  did,"  said  the  doctor,  "  both  of  you.  And 
there's  no  use  your  denying  it,  because  you  committed 
yourselves  in  the  speeches  you  made.  But  it's  open  to 
you,  as  it  is  to  me,  to  change  your  views;  and  I  may 
say  that,  after  listening  to  the  extraordinarily  power- 
ful and  convincing  speech  just  made  by  Mrs.  Chal- 
loner, I  have  changed  mine.  The  ladies  who  have 
attended  the  meeting  have  also,  I  feel  certain,  changed 
theirs.  That  is  the  best  compliment  we  can  pay  Mrs. 
Challoner  to-night,  and  by  way  of  showing  that  it's 
not  a  mere  empty  form  of  words,  I  propose  that  every 


MRS.  CHALLONER'S  PUBLIC  MEETING      77 

one  here  signs  the  petition  which  has  been  laid  on  the 
table  before  the  chairman." 

He  sat  down.     Father  Henaghan  rose  at  once. 

"  Ladies,"  he  said,  "  let  each  one  of  you  step  for- 
ward and  sign  the  petition,  and  let  nobody  leave  the 
room  till  that's  done." 

"  I  don't  want  people  to  sign  against  their  will,"  said 
Mrs.  Challoner.  "  If  there's  any  woman  here  who 
sincerely  believes  — " 

"  There  isn't,"  said  Father  Henaghan. 

"  There  is  not,"  said  the  doctor  with  emphasis.  "  I 
know  them  all  well,  and  there  isn't  one  that  sincerely 
believes  votes  would  be  the  slightest  use  to  her,  if  she 
had  them  given  out  free  by  the  stone,  the  same  as  the 
Congested  Districts  Board  would  give  potatoes." 

The  petition  was  signed.  Mrs.  Challoner,  who  went 
back  to  London  early  in  November,  parted  with  Dr. 
Whitty  on  terms  of  the  warmest  friendship.  She 
afterwards  spoke  of  him  as  a  singularly  open-minded 
man,  one  of  the  very  few  who  are  ready  to  surrender 
an  opinion  when  it  is  clearly  shown  to  be  wrong. 


IV 

THE  INTERPRETERS 

A  T  the  end  of  January,  after  three  weeks  of  vio- 
•*•  ^  lently  stormy  weather,  the  American  bark  Ken- 
tucky went  ashore  at  Carrigwee,  the  headland  which 
guards  the  northern  end  of  Ballintra  Bay.  She 
struck  first  on  some  rocks  a  mile  from,  the  shore, 
drifted  over  them  and  among  them,  and  was  washed 
up,  frightfully  shattered,  on  the  mainland.  The  cap- 
tain and  the  crew  were  saved,  and  made  their  way 
into  the  town  of  Ballintra.  They  were  dispatched 
thence  to  Liverpool,  all  of  them  except  one  sailor,  a 
forecastle  hand,  whose  right  leg  had  been  broken  by 
a  falling  spar.  This  man  was  brought  into  Ballin- 
tra in  a  cart  by  Michael  Geraghty,  and  taken  to  the 
workhouse  hospital.  He  arrived  in  a  state  of  com- 
plete collapse,  and  Dr.  Whitty  was  sent  for  at  once. 

The  sailor  turned  out  to  be  a  man  of  great  strength 
and  vigour.  He  recovered  from  the  effects  of  the 
long  exposure  rapidly,  had  his  leg  set,  and  was  made 
as  comfortable  as  the  combined  efforts  of  the  whole 
workhouse  hospital  staff  could  make  him.  Then  it 

78 


THE  INTERPRETERS  79 

was  noticed  that  he  did  not  speak  to  anyone,  and  was 
apparently  unable  to  understand  a  word  that  was  said 
to  him.  The  master  of  the  workhouse,  after  a  con- 
sultation with  the  matron  and  the  nurse,  came  to  the 
conclusion  that  he  must  be  a  foreigner.  Dr.  Whitty 
was  sent  for  again  and  the  fact  reported  to  him. 

"  I  was  thinking,"  said  the  master,  "  that  you 
might  be  able  to  speak  to  him,  doctor,  so  as  he'd  be 
able  to  understand  what  you  said." 

"  Well,  I  can't,"  said  the  doctor.  "  I'm  not  a  pro- 
fessional interpreter,  but  I  don't  see  that  it  much  mat- 
ters whether  you're  able  to  talk  to  him  or  not.  Give 
him  his  food.  He'll  understand  the  meaning  of  a 
cup  of  tea  when  it's  offered  him,  whatever  language 
he's  accustomed  to  speak.  That's  all  you  need  care 
about.  As  a  matter  of  fact,  he'll  be  just  as  well  off 
without  having  you  and  the  nurse  and  the  matron 
sitting  on  the  end  of  his  bed  and  gossiping  with  him 
all  day  long." 

"  What's  troubling  me,"  said  the  master,  "  is  that 
I've  no  way  of  finding  out  what  religion  he  is." 

"  I  don't  see,"  said  the  doctor,  "  that  his  religion 
matters  in  the  least  to  us.  He's  not  going  to  die." 

"  I  know  that.  But  I  have  to  enter  his  religion  in 
the  book.  It's  the  rule  that  the  religion  of  every  in- 
mate of  the  house  or  the  hospital  must  be  entered, 
and  I'll  get  into  trouble  after  if  I  don't  do  it." 


80       THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

"  Well,"  said  the  doctor,  "  there's  no  use  asking 
me  about  it.  I  can't  talk  to  him  any  better  than  you 
can,  and  there  isn't  any  way  of  telling  by  the  feel  of 
a  man's  leg  whether  he's  a  Catholic  or  a  Protes- 
tant." 

"  That  may  be,"  said  the  master,  who  disliked  this 
sort  of  flippant  materialism,  "  but  if  I  was  to  enter 
him  down  as  a  Catholic,  and  it  turned  out  after  that 
he  was  a  Protestant,  there'd  be  a  row  I'd  never  hear 
the  end  of;  and  if  I  was  to  have  him  down  as  a 
Protestant,  and  him  being  a  Catholic  all  the  time, 
there'd  be  a  worse  row." 

Dr.  Whitty  was  a  good-natured  man,  and  was  al- 
ways ready  to  help  anyone  who  was  in  a  difficulty. 
He  felt  for  the  master  of  the  workhouse.  He  also 
had  a  natural  taste  for  solving  difficult  problems,  and 
the  question  of  the  sailor's  religion  attracted  him. 

"  Tell  me  this,  now,"  he  said.  "  Had  he  any  kind 
of  a  Prayer  Book  or  a  religious  emblem  of  any  sort 
on  him  when  you  were  taking  the  clothes  off  him  ?  " 

"  Not  one.  I  looked  myself,  and  the  nurse  went 
through  his  pockets  after.  Barring  a  lump  of  ship's 
tobacco  and  an  old  knife  there  wasn't  a  thing  on  him." 

"  That's  not  much  use  to  us,"  said  the  doctor.  "  I 
never  heard  of  a  religion  yet  that  forbid  the  use  of 
tobacco  or  objected  to  people  carrying  penknives.  If 
you'd  found  a  bottle  of  whisky  on  him,  now,  it  might 


THE  INTERPRETERS  81 

have  helped  us.  We'd  have  known  then  that  he 
wasn't  a  Mohammedan." 

"What'll  I  do  at  all?" 

"  I'll  tell  you  what  it  is,"  said  the  doctor.  "  I'll  go 
round  the  town  and  I'll  collect  all  the  people  in  that 
can  speak  any  language  besides  English.  I'll  bring 
them  up  here  and  let  them  try  him  one  by  one.  It'll 
be  a  queer  thing  if  we  can't  find  somebody  that  will 
be  able  to  make  him  understand  a  simple  ques- 
tion." 

Dr.  Whitty  called  first  at  the  Imperial  Hotel  and 
had  an  interview  with  Lizzie  Glynn. 

"  Lizzie,"  he  said,  "  you've  had  a  good  education  at 
one  of  the  most  expensive  convents  in  Ireland.  Isn't 
that  a  fact?" 

"  It  is,"  she  said.  "  And  I  took  a  prize  one  time 
for  playing  the  piano." 

"  It's  not  piano-playing  that  I  expect  from  you 
now,"  said  the  doctor,  "  but  languages.  You  speak 
French,  of  course?" 

"  I  learned  it,"  said  Lizzie,  "  but  I  wouldn't  say 
I  could  talk  it  very  fast." 

"  Never  mind  how  slow  you  go,"  said  the  doctor, 
"  so  long  as  you  get  it  out  in  the  end.  Are  you  good 
at  German  ?  " 

"  I  didn't  learn  German." 

"Italian?" 


82       THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

"  There  was  one  of  the  sisters  that  knew  Italian," 
said  Lizzie,  "  but  it  wasn't  taught  regular." 

"  Russian  ?     Spanish  ?    Dutch  ?  " 

Lizzie  shook  her  head. 

"  That's  a  pity.  Never  mind.  I'll  put  you  down 
for  French,  anyway.  I'll  take  you  up  with  me  to  the 
workhouse  hospital  at  six  o'clock  this  evening.  I 
want  you  to  speak  French  to  a  man  that's  there,  one 
of  the  sailors  out  of  the  ship  that  was  wrecked." 

"  I  mightn't  be  fit,"  said  Lizzie  doubtfully. 

"  Oh  yes,  you  will.  Just  look  up  the  French  for 
religion  before  you  start,  and  get  off  the  names  of 
the  principal  kinds  of  religion  in  that  language.  All 
you  have  to  do  is  to  ask  the  man,  '  What  is  your  re- 
ligion ? '  and  then  understand  whatever  it  is  he  says 
to  you  by  way  of  an  answer." 

Dr.  Whitty  next  called  on  Mr.  Jackson  and  ex- 
plained the  situation  to  him.  The  rector,  rather  un- 
willingly, offered  French,  and  seemed  relieved  when 
he  was  told  that  that  language  was  already  provided 
for. 

"  I  thought,"  said  the  doctor,  "  that  you'd  be  sure 
to  know  Greek." 

"  I  do,"  said  the  rector,  "  but  not  modern  Greek." 

"  Is  there  much  difference  ?  " 

"  I  don't  know.     I  fancy  there  is." 

"  Well,  look  here,  come  up  and  try  the  poor  fellow 


THE  INTERPRETERS  83 

with  ancient  Greek.  I  expect  he'll  understand  it  if 
you  talk  slowly.  All  we  want  to  get  out  of  him  is 
whether  he's  a  Protestant  or  a  Catholic." 

"If  he's  Greek  at  all,"  said  the  rector,  "  he'll  prob- 
ably not  be  either  the  one  or  the  other." 

"  He's  got  to  be  one  or  the  other  while  he's  here. 
He  can  choose  whichever  happens  to  be  the  nearest 
thing  to  his  own  religion,  whatever  that  is.  Does 
Mrs.  Jackson  know  Italian  or  Spanish?" 

"  No.  I  rather  think  she  learned  German  at 
school,  but  I  expect — " 

"  Capital.     I'll  put  her  down  for  German." 

"  I'm  sure  she's  forgotten  it  now." 

"  Never  mind.  She  can  brush  it  up.  There's  not 
much  wanted,  and  she  has  till  six  o'clock  this  evening. 
I  shall  count  on  you  both.  Good-bye." 

"  By  the  way,  doctor,"  said  Mr.  Jackson  on  the 
doorstep,  "  now  I  come  to  think  of  it,  I  don't  believe 
there's  a  word  in  ancient  Greek  for  Protestant." 

'  There  must  be.  It's  one  of  the  most  important 
and  useful  words  in  any  language.  How  could  the 
ancient  Greeks  possibly  have  got  on  without  it?" 

"  There  isn't.     I'm  perfectly  sure  there  isn't." 

"  That's  awkward.  But  never  mind,  you'll  be  able 
to  get  round  it  with  some  kind  of  paraphrase.  After 
all,  we  can't  leave  the  poor  fellow  without  the  con- 
solations of  religion  in  some  form.  Good-bye." 


81       THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

"  And  —  and  —  Catholic  in  ancient  Greek  will  mean 
something  quite  different,  not  in  the  least  what  it 
means  now." 

The  doctor  was  gone.  Mr.  Jackson  went  back  to 
his  study  and  spent  two  hours  wrestling  with  the 
contents  of  a  lexicon.  He  arrived  at  the  workhouse 
in  the  evening  with  a  number  of  cryptic  notes,  the 
words  lavishly  accented,  written  down  on  small  slips 
of  paper. 

Father  Henaghan  was  the  next  person  whom  Dr. 
Whitty  visited.  At  first  he  absolutely  declined  to  help. 

"  The  only  language  I  could  make  any  shift  at 
speaking,"  he  said,  "  is  Latin.  And  that  would  be 
no  use  to  you.  There  isn't  one  sailor  out  of  every 
thousand,  outside  of  the  officers  of  the  Royal  Navy, 
that  would  know  six  words  of  Latin." 

"  They  tell  me,"  said  the  doctor,  "  that  there's  no 
great  difference  between  Latin  and  Spanish  or  Italian. 
Anyone  that  knows  the  one  will  make  a  pretty  good 
push  at  understanding  the  others." 

"  Whoever  told  you  that  told  you  a  lie,"  said  the 
priest ;  "  and,  anyway,  I'm  not  going  near  that  man 
until  I'm  sure  he's  a  Catholic." 

"  Don't  be  hard-hearted,  Father.  Think  of  the 
poor  fellow  lying  there  and  not  being  able  to  tell  any 
of  us  what  religion  he  belongs  to." 


THE  INTERPRETERS  85 

"  I'll  tell  you  why  I  won't  go,"  said  the  priest. 
"  There  was  one  time  when  I  was  a  curate  in  Dublin 
I  used  to  be  attending  one  of  the  hospitals.  People 
would  be  brought  in  suffering  from  accidents  and  dy- 
ing, and  you  wouldn't  know  what  they  were,  Catholic 
or  Protestant.  I  got  into  the  way  of  anointing  them 
all  while  they  were  unconscious,  feeling  it  could  do 
them  no  harm,  even  if  they  were  Protestants.  Well, 
one  day  I  anointed  a  poor  fellow  that  they  told  me 
was  dying.  What  did  he  do  but  recover?  It  turned 
out  then  that  he  was  a  Protestant,  and,  what's  more, 
an  Orangeman,  and  when  he  heard  what  was  done  he 
gave  me  all  sorts  of  abuse.  He  said  his  mother 
wouldn't  rest  easy  in  her  grave  when  she  heard  of  it, 
and  more  talk  of  the  same  kind." 

"  This  is  quite  a  different  sort  of  case,"  said  the  doc- 
tor. "  This  man's  not  dying  or  the  least  likely  to 
die." 

"  I'll  not  go  near  him,"  said  the  priest. 

"  I'm  sorry  to  hear  you  say  that,  Father.  The  Rev.' 
Mr.  Jackson  is  coming  up,  and  he's  prepared  to  ask 
the  man  what  religion  he  is  in  ancient  Greek  —  an- 
cient Greek,  mind  you,  no  less.  It  wouldn't  be  a  nice 
thing  to  have  it  said  about  the  town  that  the  Protest- 
ant minister  could  talk  ancient  Greek  and  that  you 
weren't  fit  to  say  a  few  words  in  Latin.  Come  now, 


86       THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

Father  Henaghan,  for  the  credit  of  the  Church  say 
you'll  do  it." 

This  last  argument  weighed  greatly  with  the  priest. 
Dr.  Whitty  saw  his  advantage  and  pressed  the  mat- 
ter home. 

"  I'll  put  you  down,"  he  said,  "  for  Spanish  and 
Italian." 

"  You  may  put  me  down  if  you  like,  but  I  tell  you 
he  won't  know  a  word  I  speak  to  him." 

"  Try  him,"  said  the  doctor. 

"  I'll  not  be  making  a  public  fool  of  myself  to 
please  you,"  said  the  priest.  "  If  I  do  it  at  all  I'll 
have  no  one  with  me  in  the  room  at  the  time,  mind 
that  now."  .  , 

"  Not  a  soul.  You  shall  have  him  all  to  yourself. 
To  tell  the  truth,  I  expect  everybody  will  feel  the  same 
as  you  do  about  that.  The  Rev.  Mr.  Jackson  didn't 
seem  very  keen  on  showing  off  his  ancient  Greek." 

Colonel  Beresford,  when  Dr.  Whitty  called  on  him, 
confessed  to  a  slight,  a  very  slight  acquaintance  with 
the  Russian  language. 

"  I  took  it  up,"  he  said,  "  a  long  time  ago  when  I 
was  stationed  in  Edinburgh.  There  was  a  Russian 
scare  on  at  the  time  and  everybody  thought  there  was 
going  to  be  war.  I  happened  to  hear  that  there  were 
a  couple  of  Russian  medical  students  in  the  university, 
and  I  thought  if  I  picked  up  a  little  of  the  language 


THE  INTERPRETERS  87 

I  might  fall  in  for  a  staff  appointment.  I've  nearly 
forgotten  it  all  now,  and  I  didn't  make  any  special 
study  of  religious  terms  at  the  time,  but  I'll  do  the 
best  I  can  for  you.  You've  got  all  the  other  lan- 
guages, you  say." 

"  I  think  so.  I  have  " —  the  doctor  took  a  list  from 
his  pocket  — "  French,  Miss  Lizzie  Glynn.  She  was 
educated  at  a  first-rate  convent,  and  speaks  French 
fluently.  Greek  (ancient  and  modern),  the  Rev.  Mr. 
Jackson,  German  and  allied  tongues,  Mrs.  Jackson. 
Italian,  Spanish,  and  Portuguese,  Father  Henaghan. 
That,  with  your  Russian,  makes  a  tolerably  complete 
list." 

"  I'd  no  idea,"  said  the  colonel,  "  that  we  were  such 
a  polyglot  people  in  Ballintra.  By  the  way,  you 
haven't  got  Norwegian." 

"  No,"  said  the  doctor,  "  I  haven't,  and  when  you 
come  to  think  of  it,  a  sailor  is  more  likely  to  be  that, 
or  a  Swede,  than  anything  else.  Can  you  speak  it  ?  " 

"  Not  a  word." 

,  "  Do  you  happen  to  have  a  dictionary,  Norwegian 
or  Swedish,  in  the  house  ?  " 

"  No." 

"  That's  a  pity.  I'd  have  tried  to  work  it  up  a  little 
myself  if  you  had." 

"  All  I  have,"  said  the  colonel,  "  is  a  volume  of  Ib- 
sen's plays." 


88       THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

"  Give  me  that,"  said  the  doctor,  "  and  I'll  do  tny 
best." 

"  It's  only  a  translation." 

"  Never  mind.  I'll  pick  up  something  out  of  it  that 
may  be  useful.  I  have  two  hours  before  me.  Do 
you  mind  lending  it  to  me  ?  " 

Dr.  Whitty  went  home  with  a  copy  of  a  translation 
of  Rosmersholme,  Ghosts,  and  The  Enemy  of  So- 
ciety. 

At  six  o'clock  the  whole  party  of  linguists  as- 
sembled in  the  private  sitting-room  of  the  master  of 
the  workhouse.  Dr.  Whitty  gave  them  a  short  ad- 
dress of  an  encouraging  kind,  pointing  out  that  in 
performing  an  act  of  charity  they  were  making  the 
best  possible  use  of  the  education  they  had  received. 
He  then  politely  asked  Mrs.  Jackson  if  she  would 
like  to  visit  the  foreigner  first.  She  did  not  seem 
anxious  to  push  herself  forward.  Her  German,  she 
confessed,  was  weak;  and  she  hoped  that  if  she  was 
reserved  until  the  last  the  man  might  possibly  recog- 
nise one  of  the  other  languages  before  her  turn  came. 
Everybody  else,  it  turned  out,  felt  very  much  as  Mrs. 
Jackson  did.  In  the  end  Dr.  Whitty  decided  the  or- 
der of  precedence  by  drawing  lots.  The  colonel,  ac- 
cepting loyally  the  decision  of  destiny,  went  first  and 
returned  with  the  news  that  the  sailor  showed  no  sign 
of  being  able  to  understand  Russian.  Lizzie  Glynn 


THE  INTERPRETERS  89 

went  next  and  was  no  more  fortunate  with  her 
French. 

"  I'm  not  sure,"  she  said,  "  did  I  speak  it  right. 
But,  right  or  wrong,  he  didn't  know  a  word  I  said  to 
him." 

Mr.  Jackson  arranged  his  notes  carefully  and  was 
conducted  by  the  doctor  to  the  ward.  He  too  re- 
turned without  having  made  himself  intelligible. 

"  I  knew  I  should  be  no  use,"  he  said.  "  I  expect 
modern  Greek  is  quite  different  from  the  language  I 
know." 

Father  Henaghan's  Latin  was  a  complete  failure. 
He  seemed  irritated  and  reported  very  unfavourably 
of  the  intelligence  of  the  patient. 

"  It's  my  belief,"  he  said,  "  that  the  man's  mind's 
gone.  He  must  have  got  a  crack  on  the  head  some- 
how, as  well  as  breaking  his  leg,  and  had  the  sense 
knocked  out  of  him.  He  looks  to  me  like  a  man  who'd 
understand  well  enough  when  you  talked  to  him  if  he 
had  his  right  mind." 

This  view  of  the  sailor's  condition  made  Mrs.  Jack- 
son nervous.  She  said  she  had  no  experience  of 
lunatics  and  disliked  being  brought  into  contact  with 
them.  She  wanted  to  back  out  of  her  promise  to  ask 
the  necessary  question  in  German.  In  the  end  she 
consented  to  go,  but  only  if  her  husband  was  allowed 
to  accompany  her.  She  was  back  again  in  five 


90       THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

minutes,  and  said  definitely  that  the  man  knew  no 
German  whatever. 

"  Now,"  said  the  colonel,  "  it's  your  turn,  doctor. 
Go  at  him  with  your  Norwegian." 

"  The  fact  is,"  said  the  doctor,  "  that,  owing  to  the 
three  plays  you  lent  me  being  merely  translations, 
I've  only  been  able  to  get  a  hold  of  one  Norwegian 
word.  However,  as  it  happens,  it  is  an  extremely 
useful  word  in  this  particular  case.  The  Norwegian 
for  a  clergyman,"  he  said  triumphantly,  "  is  'Pastor.' 
What's  more,  I've  got  a  hold  of  the  name  of  one  of 
their  clergy.  If  this  man  is  a  Norwegian,  and  has 
been  in  the  habit  of  going  to  the  theatre,  I  expect 
he'll  know  all  about  Pastor  Manders." 

"  It's  clever  of  you  to  have  fished  that  out  of  the 
book  I  lent  you,"  said  the  colonel,  "  but  I  don't  quite 
see  how  it  will  help  you  to  find  out  whether  our  friend 
with  the  broken  leg  is  a  Protestant  or  a  Roman  Catho- 
lic." 

"  It  will  help  if  it's  worked  properly,  if  it's  worked 
the  way  I  mean  to  work  it,  that  is  to  say,  if  the  man 
is  a  Norwegian,  and  I  don't  see  what  else  he  can  be." 

"  He  might  be  a  Turk,"  said  Father  Henaghan. 

"  No,  he  couldn't.  I  tried  him  with  half  a  glass 
of  whisky  this  morning  and  he  simply  lapped  it  up. 
If  he  had  been  a  Turk  the  smell  of  it  would  have 
turned  him  sick.  We  may  fairly  assume  that  he  is, 


91 

as  I  say,  a  Norwegian,  and  if  he  is  I'll  get  at  him. 
I  shall  want  you,  Father  Henaghan,  and  you,  Mr. 
Jackson,  to  come  with  me." 

"  I've  been  twice  already,"  said  Mr.  Jackson.  "  Do 
you  really  think  it  necessary  for  me — " 

"  I  shan't  ask  you  to  speak  another  word  of  ancient 
Greek,"  said  the  doctor.  "  You  needn't  do  anything 
except  stand  where  I  put  you  and  look  pleasant." 

He  took  the  priest  and  the  rector,  seizing  each  by 
an  arm,  and  swept  them  with  him  along  the  corridor 
to  the  ward  in  which  the  -injured  sailor  lay.  He  set 
them  one  on  each  side  of  the  bed,  and  stood  at  the 
foot  of  it  himself.  The  sailor  stared  first  at  the  priest 
and  next  at  the  rector.  Then  he  looked  the  doctor 
straight  in  the  face  and  his  left  eyelid  twitched 
slightly.  Dr.  Whitty  felt  almost  certain  that  he 
winked ;  but  there  was  clearly  no  reason  why  he  should 
wink  with  any  malicious  intent,  so  he  put  the  motion 
down  to  some  nervous  affection. 

"  Pastor,"  said  the  doctor,  in  a  loud,  clear  tone, 
pointing  to  Father  Henaghan. 

The  sailor  looked  vacantly  at  the  priest. 

"  Pastor,"  said  the  doctor  again,  indicating  Mr. 
Jackson  with  his  finger. 

The  sailor  turned  his  head  and  looked  at  Mr. 
Jackson,  but  there  was  no  sign  of  intelligence  on  his 
face. 


92      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

"Take  your  choice,"  said  the  doctor;  "you  can 
have  either  one  or  the  other.  We  don't  want  to  in- 
fluence you  in  the  slightest,  but  you've  got  to  profess 
a  religion  of  some  sort  while  you're  here,  and  these 
clergymen  represent  the  only  two  kinds  we  have. 
One  or  other  of  them  you  must  choose,  otherwise  the 
unfortunate  master  of  this  workhouse  will  get  into 
trouble  for  not  registering  you.  Hang  it  all !  I  don't 
believe  the  fool  knows  a  single  word  I'm  saying  to 
him." 

Again  the  man's  eyelid,  this  time  his  right  eyelid, 
twitched. 

"  Don't  do  that,"  said  the  doctor ;  "  it  distracts  your 
attention  from  what  I'm  saying.  Listen  to  me  now. 
Pastor  Manders !  "  He  pointed  to  the  priest.  "  Pas- 
tor Manders !  "  He  indicated  the  rector. 

Neither  Father  Henaghan  nor  Mr.  Jackson  had  ever 
read  Ghosts,  which  was  fortunate.  If  they  had  they 
might  have  resented  the  name  which  the  doctor  im- 
posed on  them.  Apparently  the  sailor  did  not  know 
the  play  either.  "  Manders  "  seemed  to  mean  no  more 
to  him  than  "  Pastor  "  did. 

"  There's  no  use  our  standing  here  all  evening," 
said  Father  Henaghan.  "  You  told  me  to  look  pleas- 
ant, and  I  have  —  I  haven't  looked  pleasant  for  so 
long  a  time  since  the  fellow  was  round  last  summer 


THE  INTERPRETERS  93 

taking  photographs  —  but  I  don't  see  that  any  good 
is  likely  to  come  of  it." 

"  Come  on,"  said  the  doctor.  "  I've  done  my  best 
and  I  can  do  no  more.  I'm  inclined  to  think  now 
that  the  man  must  be  either  a  Laplander  or  an  Esqui- 
maux. He'd  have  understood  me  if  he'd  been  a  Dane, 
a  Swede,  a  Norwegian,  or  even  a  Finn." 

"  I  told  you,  as  soon  as  ever  I  set  eyes  on  him," 
said  the  priest,  "  that  he  was  out  of  his  mind.  My 
own  belief  is,  doctor,  that  if  you  give  him  some  sort 
of  a  soothing  draught,  and  get  him  back  into  his  right 
senses,  he'll  turn  out  to  be  an  Irishman.  It's  what  he 
looks  like." 

Michael  Geraghty,  who  had  carted  the  injured  sailor 
from  the  scene  of  the  shipwreck,  called  on  Dr.  Whitty 
next  day  at  breakfast-time. 

"  I  hear,"  he  said,  "  that  you  had  half  the  town 
up  yesterday  trying  could  they  get  a  word  out 
of  that  fellow  that's  in  the  hospital  with  the  broken 
leg." 

"  I  had.  We  spoke  to  him  in  every  language  in 
Europe,  and  I'm  bothered  if  I  know  what  country  he 
belongs  to  at  all.  There  wasn't  one  of  us  he'd  an- 
swer." 

"  Did  you  think  of  trying  him  with  the  Irish  ?  " 

"I   did  not.     Where  would  be  the  good?     If  he 


94      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

could  speak  Irish  he'd  be  sure  to  be  able  to  speak 
English." 

"  Would  you  have  any  objection  to  my  saying  a 
few  words  to  him,  doctor  ?  " 

"  Not  the  least  in  the  world.  If  you've  nothing 
particular  to  do,  go  up  there  and  tell  the  master  I 
sent  you." 

An  hour  later  Michael  Geraghty  reappeared  at  the 
doctor's  door.  He  was  grinning  broadly  and  seemed 
pleased  with  himself. 

"  Well,  Michael,  did  you  make  him  speak  ?  " 

"  I  didn't  like  to  say  a  word  to  you,  doctor,  till  I 
made  sure,  for  fear  of  what  I  might  be  bringing  some 
kind  of  trouble  on  the  wrong  man ;  but  as  soon  as 
ever  I  seen  that  fellow  put  into  my  cart  beyond  at 
Carrigwee,  I  said  to  myself:  'You're  mighty  like 
poor  Affy  Hynes  that's  gone,  only  a  bit  older.'  I  took 
another  look  at  him  as  we  were  coming  along  the 
road,  and  says  I,  '  If  Affy  Hynes  is  alive  this  minute 
you're  him.'  You'll  recollect,  doctor,  that  the  poor 
fellow  couldn't  speak  at  the  time,  by  reason  of  the 
cold  that  was  on  him  and  the  broken  leg  and  all  the 
hardship  he'd  been  through.  Well,  looking  at  him 
off  and  on  till  I  got  to  the  workhouse  I  came  to  be 
pretty  near  certain  that  it  was  either  Affy  Hynes  or 
a  tW'in  brother  of  his;  and  Mrs.  Hynes,  the  mother, 


THE  INTERPRETERS  95 

that's  dead  this  ten  years,  never  had  but  the  one 
son." 

"  And  who  was  Affy  Hynes  ?  " 

"  It  was  before  your  time,  of  course,  and  before 
Father  Henaghan  was  parish  priest;  but  the  colonel 
would  know  who  I  mean."  Michael  sank  his  voice 
to  an  impressive  whisper.  "  Affy  Hynes  was  the  boy 
that  the  police  was  out  after  in  the  bad  times,  wanting 
to  have  him  hanged  on  account  of  the  way  that  the 
bailiff  was  shot.  But  he  made  off,  and  none  of  us 
ever  knew  where  he  went  to,  though  they  did  say 
that  it  might  be  to  an  uncle  of  his  that  was  in  Amer- 
ica." 

"  Did  he  murder  the  bailiff?  " 

"  He  did  not ;  nor  I  don't  believe  he  knew  who  did, 
though  he  might." 

"  Then  what  did  he  run  away  for  ?  " 

"  For  fear  they'd  hang  him,"  said  Michael  Ger- 
aghty.  "  Amn't  I  just  after  telling  you?" 

"  Go  on,"  said  the  doctor. 

"  Well,  when  Affy  came  to  himself  after  all  the 
hardship  he  had  it  wasn't  long  before  he  found  out 
the  place  he  was  in.  '  It's  Ballintra/  says  he  to  him- 
self, '  or  it's  mighty  like  it.'  There  did  be  a  great 
dread  on  him  then  that  the  police  would  be  out  after 
him  again  and  have  him  took,  and,  says  he,  into  him- 


96       THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

self  like,  so  as  no  one  would  hear  him,  '  I'll  let  on  I 
can't  understand  a  word  they  say  to  me,  so  as  they 
won't  know  my  voice,  anyway.'  And  so  he  did;  but 
he  went  very  near  laughing  one  time  when  you  had 
the  priest  and  the  minister,  one  on  each  side  of  him, 
and  '  Pastor,'  says  you  — " 

"  Never  mind  that  part,"  said  the  doctor. 

"If  it's  displeasing  to  you  to  hear  about  it  I'll  not 
say  another  word.  Only,  I'd  be  thankful  if  you'd 
tell  me  why  you  called  the  both  of  them  Manders. 
It's  what  Affy  was  saying  to  me  this  minute :  '  Mich- 
ael,' says  he,  '  is  Manders  the  name  that's  on  the  priest 
that's  in  the  parish  presently  ? '  '  It  is  not,'  I  says, 
'  but  Henaghan.'  '  That's  queer,'  said  he.  '  Is  it 
Manders  they  call  the  minister  ?  '  '  It  is  not/  I  says ; 
'  it's  Jackson.  There  never  was  one  an  the  place  of 
the  name  of  Manders,  priest  or  minister.'  '  That's 
queer,'  says  he,  '  for  the  doctor  called  both  the  two 
of  them  Manders.'  " 

"  So  he  understood  every  word  we  said  to  him  all 
the  time  ?  "  said  the  doctor. 

"  Not  the  whole  of  it,  nor  near  the  whole,"  said 
Michael  Geraghty.  "  He's  been  about  the  world  a 
deal,  being  a  sailor,  and  he  said  he  could  make  out 
what  Miss  Glynn  was  saying  pretty  well,  and  he 
knew  the  minister's  lady  was  talking  Dutch,  though 
he  couldn't  tell  what  she  was  saying,  for  it  wasn't 


THE  INTERPRETERS  97 

just  the  same  Dutch  as  he'd  been  accustomed  to  hear- 
ing. The  colonel  made  a  middling  good  offer  at  the 
Russian.  Affy  was  a  year  one  time  up  in  them  parts, 
and  he  knows ;  but  he  said  he'd  be  damned  if  he  could 
make  any  kind  of  a  guess  at  what  either  the  priest 
or  the  minister  was  at,  and  he  told  me  to  be  sure  and 
ask  you  what  they  were  talking,  because  he'd  like  to 
know." 

"  I'll  go  up  and  see  him  myself,"  said  the  doctor. 

"  If  you  speak  the  Irish  to  him  he'll  answer  you," 
said  Michael. 

"  I  will,  if  he  likes,"  said  the  doctor.  "  But  why 
won't  he  speak  English  ?  " 

"  There's  a  sort  of  dread  on  him,"  said  Michael 
Geraghty.  "  I  think  he'd  be  more  willing  to  trust  you 
if  you'd  speak  to  him  in  the  Irish,  it  being  all  one  to 
you.  He  bid  me  say  to  you,  and  it's  a  good  job  I 
didn't  forget  it,  that  if  so  be  he  was  dying,  you  might 
tell  Father  Henaghan  he's  a  Catholic,  the  way  he'd 
attend  on  him ;  but  if  he's  to  live,  he'd  as  soon  no 
one  but  yourself  and  me  knew  he  was  in  the  place." 

Dr.  Whitty  went  up  to  the  workhouse,  turned  the 
nurse  out  of  the  ward,  and  sat  down  beside  Affy 
Hynes. 

"  Tell  me  this  now,"  he  said,  "  why  didn't  you  let 
me  know  who  you  were?  I  wouldn't  have  told  on 
you." 


98        THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

"  I  was  sorry  after  that  I  didn't,"  said  Affy,  "  when 
I  seen  all  the  trouble  that  I  put  you  to.  It  was  too 
much  altogether  fetching  the  ladies  and  gentlemen  up 
here  to  be  speaking  to  the  like  of  me.  It's  what  never 
happened  to  me  before,  and  I'm  sorry  you  were  both- 
ered." 

"  Why  didn't  you  tell  me  then  ?  " 

"  Sure,  I  did  my  best.  Did  you  not  see  me  winking 
at  you  twice,  when  you  had  the  priest  and  the  min- 
ister in  with  me,  as  much  as  to  say :  '  Doctor,  if  I 
thought  I  could  trust  you  I'd  tell  you  the  truth  this 
minute.'  I  made  full  sure  you'd  understand  what  it 
was  I  was  meaning  the  second  time,  even  if  you 
didn't  at  the  first  go-off." 

"  That's  not  what  I  gathered  from  your  wink  at 
all,"  said  the  doctor.  "  I  thought  you'd  got  some 
kind  of  a  nervous  affection  of  the  eye." 

"  It's  a  queer  thing  now,"  said  Affy,  "  that  the  two 
of  them  reverend  gentlemen  should  have  the  same 
name,  and  that  Manders." 

"  We'll  drop  that  subject,"  said  the  doctor. 

"  We  will,  of  course,  if  it's  pleasing  to  you.  But 
•it  is  queer  all  the  same,  and  I'd  be  glad  if  I  knew  the 
reason  of  it,  for  it  must  be  mighty  confusing  for  the 
people  of  this  place,  both  Catholic  and  Protestant. 
Tell  me  now,  doctor,  is  there  any  fear  that  I  might 
be  took  by  the  police  ?  " 


THE  INTERPRETERS  99 

"  Not  a  bit.  That  affair  of  yours,  whatever  it  was, 
is  blown  over  long  ago." 

"  Are  you  certain  of  that  ?  " 

"  I  am." 

"  Then  as  soon  as  I'm  fit  I'll  take  a  bit  of  a  stroll 
out  and  look  at  the  old  place.  I'd  like  to  see  it 
again.  Many's  the  time  I've  said  to  myself,  me  being 
maybe  in  some  faraway  country  at  the  time,  '  I'd  like 
to  see  Ballintra  again,  and  the  house  where  my  mother 
lived,  and  the  bohireen  that  the  asses  does  be  going 
along  into  the  bog  when  the  turf's  brought  home.' 
Is  it  there  yet?" 

"  I  expect  it  is,"  said  the  doctor. 

"  God  is  good,"  said  Affy.  "  It's  little  ever  I  ex- 
pected to  set  eyes  on  it." 


V 
THE  ETYMOLOGISTS 

4CT  DON'T  know  what  right  he  thinks  he  has  to  do 

•*•    it,"  said  Colonel   Beresford,  "  but  every  time 

Hosty  meets  me  he  asks  some  favour  or  other  of  me." 

He  had  returned  from  a  short  visit  to  Dublin  and 
stood  outside  the  Court  House  after  the  Petty  Ses- 
sions were  over.  He  was  talking  to  Dr.  Whitty. 

"  Last  time  I  met  him  was  the  day  I  was  going  over 
to  London  to  see  my  daughter  in  April.  He  palmed 
off  a  niece  of  his  on  me  then,  a  creature  that  was 
going  back  to  school,  who  sat  on  top  of  me  the  whole 
way  from  Holyhead  to  Euston." 

"  You  speak  figuratively,  of  course,"  said  the  doc- 
tor. "  No  respectable  niece  — " 

"  The  time  before  that  he  had  an  army  pensioner 
whom  he  wanted  me  to  take  on  as  gatekeeper.  I 
told  him  I  had  more  gatekeepers  already  than  I  had 
gates ;  but  he  bothered  on  at  me  for  nearly  an  hour. 
Once  before  he  dragged  me  to  a  concert  to  hear  a 
musical  protege  of  his.  That  cost  me  ten  and  six- 
pence, and  I  was  frightfully  bored." 

100 


THE  ETYMOLOGISTS  101 

"  Sir  Clement  Hosty,"  said  the  doctor,  "  appears 
to  be  a  man  of  varied  interests  in  life." 

"  You'll  say  that  more  emphatically  when  you  hear 
the  last  thing  he  did.  I  was  lunching  in  the  club  the 
day  before  yesterday,  and  as  soon  as  I  entered  the 
room  I  caught  sight  of  Hosty.  I  sat  down  as  far 
away  from  him  as  I  could,  of  course,  and  I  thought 
he  wouldn't  see  me.  Unfortunately,  he  did.  I  had 
no  sooner  lit  my  cigarette  in  the  hall  afterwards  than 
he  came  bounding  up  to  me.  You  know  the  way  he 
walks." 

"  No,  I  don't.     I've  never  seen  him." 

"  Well,  he's  a  stoutish  man  and  short.  He's  also 
surprisingly  energetic,  and  he  gets  over  the  ground 
like  a  tennis  ball  on  a  dry  day.  He  grabbed  me  at 
once  and  said  he  wanted  me  to  do  the  civil  thing  to 
a  Professor  Bernstein  who  was  coming  down  to  this 
neighbourhood  with  two  assistant  etymologists. 
They're  sent  out  by  the  Royal  Society  to  make  a  scien- 
tific survey  of  this  county." 

"  You're  sure  he  said  etymologists  ?  " 

"  Quite,"  said  the  colonel.  "  Hosty  always  shouts 
so  that  you  can't  pretend  not  to  hear  what  he's  say- 
ing, even  if  you're  quite  a  long  way  off.  Now,  what 
sort  of  civility  would  an  etymologist  expect,  do  you 
think?" 

"  Lunch,    for  one   thing,"   said   the   doctor.     "  All 


102      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

scientific  men  eat  largely,  you  know.  And  whatever 
help  you  can  give  him  in  his  pursuit." 

"  I  don't  know  anything  about  etymology,"  said  the 
colonel.  "  It's  words,  isn't  it  ?  not  insects." 

"  Yes ;  the  science  of  the  origin  of  human  speech, 
and  the  relationship  of  the  words  that  are  in  one 
language  to  other  words  that  are  in  other  languages 
which  don't  sound  a  bit  like  them.  There's  a  thing 
called  Grimm's  Law  which  lies  at  the  base  of  the 
whole  concern.  It  shows  that  whenever  a  German 
is  inclined  to  say  '  k '  an  Englishman  naturally  wants 
to  say  '  d,'  or  something  else  of  the  same  sort." 

"  I  sympathise  a  good  deal  with  the  Englishman. 
But  what's  the  good  of  coming  down  here  to  study 
that  sort  of  thing?  There  are  no  Germans  here,  and 
I  don't  believe  there  are  two  dozen  Englishmen  within 
a  radius  of  ten  miles  of  us." 

"  I  expect,"  said  the  doctor,  "  that  they're  after 
Irish.  It's  perfectly  amazing  the  interest  German 
professors  take  —  you  said  he  was  a  German,  didn't 
you?" 

"No,  I  didn't.  I  don't  know  what  he  is.  All  I 
said  was  that  his  name  is  Bernstein." 

"  Then  he  must  be  a  German,  and,  if  so,  he's  al- 
most certain  to  be  studying  Irish.  In  that  case  he 
hasn't  come  to  an  absolutely  first-rate  place,  but  still 
we  can  manage  to  collect  a  few  people  for  him  who 


THE  ETYMOLOGISTS  103 

speak  the  language  pretty  fluently.  When  does  he 
arrive  ? " 

"  Next  Tuesday,"  said  the  colonel.  "  He  leaves  the 
same  day,  I'm  thankful  to  say." 

"  Very  well,"  said  Dr.  Whitty.  "  You  order  sauer 
kraut  and  lager  beer  for  luncheon.  I'll  arrange  the 
rest,  and  you  may  rely  on  me  to  see  that  they  get 
enough  Irish  to  last  them  for  the  afternoon,  any- 
how." 

"What  do  you  mean  to  do?" 

"  I  shall  collect  half  a  dozen  old  people  who  speak 
nothing  else,"  said  Dr.  Whitty,  "and  I'll  set  them 
out  in  a  row  in  your  hall.  I'll  get  Father  Henaghan 
up  to  interpret.  You'll  have  to  ask  him  to  lunch,  of 
course ;  and  then,  after  they've  done  eating,  the  scien- 
tists can  have  a  regular  linguistic  debauch.  I  dare 
say  you'd  better  have  Mr.  Jackson  too,  as  you're  hav- 
ing the  priest.  It's  always  well  to  avoid  exciting 
ill-feeling,  and  the  clergy  are  frightfully  jealous  of 
each  other." 

"  You'll  have  to  come  yourself  too,"  said  the  colo- 
nel. "  I  couldn't  face  a  party  of  that  sort  without 
help." 

"Right,"  said  Dr.  Whitty.  "And  now,  as  we've 
only  got  three  days  before  us,  I'd  better  be  off." 

He  went  straight  to  the  Presbytery  and  called  on 
Father  Henaghan. 


104      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

"  The  colonel,"  he  said,  "  wants  you  to  lunch  with 
him  next  Tuesday." 

"What  for?" 

"  Well,  the  pleasure  of  your  company  for  one 
thing." 

"  If  the  other  thing  has  anything  to  do  with 
Woman's  Suffrage,"  said  the  priest,  "  I'm  not  going. 
I  had  enough  of  that  the  last  time  Mrs.  Challoner 
was  over." 

"  She's  not  here  now,"  said  the  doctor,  "  and  the 
subject  for  discussion  on  Tuesday  is  the  Irish  lan- 
guage. You're  interested  in  that,  I  know." 

"  There's  a  mighty  deal  of  nonsense  talked  about 
the  same  language.  It  would  make  you  sick  to  hear 
the  way  some  of  them  go  on,  and  them  the  ones  that 
know  least  about  it." 

"That  may  be,"  said  the  doctor.  "But  the  colo- 
nel has  a  German  professor  and  two  assistants  com- 
ing to  him  on  Tuesday,  men  that  have  devoted  their 
lives  to  the  Irish  language,  and  are  more  deeply  in- 
terested in  it  than  in  anything  else  in  the  world. 
They  study  it,  of  course,  mainly  from  an  etymological 
point  of  view." 

"  I  don't  know,"  said  the  priest,  "  would  I  be  much 
use  at  the  ancient  Irish.  They  tell  me  it's  not  the 
same  as  what  we  talk  now." 


THE  ETYMOLOGISTS  105 

"That'll  be  all  right,"  said  Dr.  Whitty.  "You'll 
only  be  wanted  to  act  as  interpreter.  I'm  getting  up 
half  a  dozen  or  so  old  people,  and  I  was  thinking  of 
y£neas  Finnegan  for  one.  He's  upwards  of  ninety 
years  of  age,  so  I  should  think  his  Irish  would  be 
ancient  enough  for  anybody.  What's  more,  he's 
stone  deaf  and  hasn't  been  able  to  hear  a  word  that's 
been  said  to  him  for  the  last  twenty  years,  so  his  way 
of  talking  can't  have  got  corrupted  by  any  modern  in- 
novations." 

"  How  do  you  mean  to  get  him  to  talk  if  he's  so 
deaf  that  he  can't  hear  what  you  tell  him  ?  " 

"  That's  a  difficulty,"  said  the  doctor,  "  that  can  be 
got  over  by  a  glass  of  whisky.  If  one  doesn't  do  I'll 
give  him  another.  The  colonel  won't  grudge  it  when 
it's  for  the  sake  of  his  guests.  Is  there  anyone  else 
now  that  you'd  suggest?  The  Widow  Rafferty  I'm 
sure  will  come  if  I  offer  her  a  bottle  of  embrocation 
for  her  rheumatism  by  way  of  a  bribe.  Then  Patsy 
Flynn's  grandfather — " 

"  You'll  not  get  him,"  said  the  priest. 

"And  why  not?" 

"  Because  he  hasn't  been  out  of  his  bed  this  two 
years." 

"  That's  no  reason  why  he  shouldn't  get  out  of  it 
now.  When  once  he  understands  that  it's  a  German 


106      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

professor  of  etymology  that  wants  to  see  him  he'll 
be  leaping  like  a  two-year-old,  and  Patsy  can  bring 
him  in  the  ass-cart." 

"  Is  it  nothing  but  Irish-speaking  you  want  ?  " 

"  Pure  Irish,"  said  the  doctor.  "  If  possible  I  don't 
want  anyone  there  who  has  a  word  of  English." 

"  If  a  good  jig  would  be  any  use  to  you,"  said  the 
priest,  "  there's  Molly  Geraghty  that  was  taught  by 
the  old  fellow  that  was  round  giving  lessons  two 
years  ago,  and  won  a  prize  for  her  dancing  up  in 
Dublin." 

"  I  don't  know,"  said  the  doctor,  "  whether  jig- 
dancing  would  come  in  under  the  heading  of  etymol- 
ogy or  not.  But  it  would  be  a  break  in  the  monot- 
ony of  the  proceedings,  and  I  don't  suppose  that  even 
a  German  professor  can  want  to  talk  Irish  the  whole 
afternoon.  Who  else  would  you  suggest?" 

"  I  think  you  have  your  'nough,  as  it  is,"  said  the 
priest.  "  By  the  time  you  have  old  Finnegan  half 
drunk,  and  Biddy  Rafferty  telling  us  all  about  the 
pains  in  her  legs  till  we're  tired  listening  to  her,  and 
Patsy  Flynn's  grandfather  getting  his  death  of  cold 
in  the  ass-cart,  him  not  having  been  out  of  his  bed  for 
so  long,  you'll  have  mischief  enough  done  for  one 
afternoon.  You  can  let  the  rest  of  the  poor  people 
stay  quiet  in  their  homes  till  they're  wanted  for  some- 
thing that'll  be  some  good  for  them." 


THE  ETYMOLOGISTS  107 

"  I  shouldn't  wonder,"  said  the  doctor,  "  but  the 
colonel  would  give  them  two  and  sixpence  apiece  after 
it's  over." 

"  If  that's  the  way  of  it,  and  if  you  let  it  be  known," 
said  the  priest,  "  you'll  get  plenty  to  go  —  more  maybe 
than  the  colonel  will  care  to  have  wiping  their  boots 
on  the  floor  of  his  house." 

Colonel  Beresford  walked  up  and  down  the  gravel 
sweep  in  front  of  Ballintra  House  and  waited  for  his 
guests.  He  was  in  an  uncomfortable  humour,  and 
the  excellent  cigar  which  he  smoked  failed  to  soothe 
his  nerves.  He  did  not  look  forward  to  entertaining 
a  German  savant  who  might  or  might  not  be  able  to 
,speak  English  fluently.  He  pictured  to  himself  a 
grizzled  man  with  a  shaggy  beard,  uncouthly  dressed, 
deficient  in  manners,  and  probably  dirty.  He  would 
be  accompanied  by  two  assistants,  gauche  youths,  no 
doubt,  either  painfully  shy  or  else  bumptious.  The 
prospect  was  dismal  enough.  And  things  were  not, 
in  the  colonel's  opinion,  likely  to  be  improved  by  the 
additions  which  Dr.  Whitty  was  making  to  the  party. 
The  three  old  people  who  were  to  speak  Irish  were 
sure  to  cause  trouble  of  some  sort,  especially  if  given 
liberal  supplies  of  whisky.  He  had  not  the  least  wish 
to  see  Molly  Geraghty  dancing  jigs  in  his  hall.  He 
threw  away  the  end  of  his  cigar  and  cursed  Sir  Clem- 
ent Hosty  heartily.  Then  he  heard  the  sound  of 


IDS     THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

wheels,  and  turned  to  see  Patsy  Flynn  driving  his 
donkey-cart  up  to  the  house.  In  the  back  of  the  cart, 
on  a  bundle  of  straw,  well  wrapped  up  in  old  sacks, 
sat  Patsy's  grandfather. 

"  Who  the  devil  are  you,"  said  the  colonel,  "  and 
what  do  you  want?  " 

"  It's  my  grandfather,"  said  Patsy,  "  that's  come 
according  to  what  the  doctor  was  saying." 

"  Oh,  is  it  ?  Can  he  talk  Irish  ?  He  doesn't  look 
as  if  he'd  talk  anything  much." 

"  Irish,  is  it  ?  There  isn't  one  in  the  county  talks 
it  better.  If  so  be  you  get  him  started,  he'll  go  on 
till  you'd  think  the  jaws  of  him  would  crack.  There's 
no  stopping  him." 

"  Take  him  round  to  the  backdoor  then,"  said  the 
colonel,  "  and  the  cook  will  give  him  his  dinner.  I'll 
send  for  him  when  I  want  him." 

Patsy  sidled  up  to  the  colonel  and  stood  in  a  depre- 
cating attitude  with  his  hat  in  his  hand. 

"Why  don't  you  go?"  said  the  colonel. 

"  As  regards  the  half-crown,"  said  Patsy,  "  the  old 
man  hasn't  as  much  sense  as  he  might,  and  I  was 
thinking,  if  it  was  pleasing  to  your  honour,  that  it 
might  be  as  well  to  give  the  half-crown  to  me." 

"What  half-crown?" 

"  The  half-crown  the  doctor's  after  promising  him 
for  talking  the  Irish  to  the  foreign  gentlemen." 


THE  ETYMOLOGISTS  109 

"Oh,  the  doctor  promised  that,  did  he?  If  so,  I 
suppose  I'll  have  to  pay  up.  But  I  won't  give  you 
a  penny  till  I've  actually  heard  the  Irish." 

Dr.  Whitty  was  the  next  arrival.  He  greeted  the 
colonel  with  an  inquiry. 

"  You're  perfectly  certain,"  he  said,  "  that  Sir  Clem- 
ent Hosty  said  etymologists  that  day  in  the  club?  " 

"I  am,"  said  the  colonel,  "perfectly.     Why?" 

"  Oh,  nothing.  Only  I  happened  to  hear  this  morn- 
ing that  there  was  a  man  chasing  butterflies  in  the 
neighbourhood  of  Dunbeg  the  last  two  days,  and  it 
occurred  to  me  —  but  of  course  you're  quite  sure  about 
this  professor  being  an  etymologist?" 

"  I  am." 

"  That's  all  right  then.  I  passed  old  Finnegan  on  the 
way  up  the  avenue,  and  Father  Henaghan  is  bringing 
Molly  Geraghty  on  his  car." 

"  One  cripple  has  already  arrived  in  a  donkey- 
cart,"  said  the  colonel.  "  He  appears  to  expect  to  be 
paid  half  a  crown." 

"  I  forgot  to  mention,"  said  the  doctor,  "  that  I  had 
to  promise  them  half  a  crown  each  to  get  them  to 
come.  It'll  only  be  seven  and  sixpence.  Molly  Ger- 
aghty will  dance  for  the  pleasure  of  it.  By  the  way, 
I  hope  you  don't  mind,  I  arranged  for  your  gardener 
to  play  for  her.  He  has  a  melodeon." 

"  Not  in  the  least.     If  you  think  it  would  be  any 


110      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

comfort  to  her  I'll  get  the  stable  boy  in  to  whistle, 
and  we'll  have  a  band.  I  know  he  whistles,  for  I 
hear  him  every  time  I  go  into  the  yard." 

"Ah,"  said  Dr.  Whitty.  "Here's  Mr.  Jackson. 
He  has  old  Finnegan  by  the  arm.  That's  nice  of 
him,  isn't  it?  I  always  said  Mr.  Jackson  had  a  kind 
heart.  I  suppose  it  comes  from  having  a  large  fam- 
ily." 

Father  Henaghan  and  Molly  Geraghty  arrived  im- 
mediately after  the  rector.  Molly,  in  honour  of  the 
occasion,  wore  a  white  frock  and  a  bright  green  sash, 
which  crossed  her  left  shoulder  and  was  tied  in  a  neat 
bow  at  her  waist.  Along  it  in  large  silver  letters  ran 
the  inscription  — "  Ar  Dteanga  Fein."  Dr.  Whitty 
nudged  the  colonel  delightedly. 

"  Irish,"  he  said,  "  the  written  language.  That'll 
please  the  professor." 

"  I  hope  to  goodness,"  said  the  colonel,  "  that  it's 
not  any  kind  of  seditious  inscription.  I  don't  mind 
myself;  but  if  Allington  was  to  hear — " 

"  Lord  Allington  can't  object  to  that,"  said  the  doc- 
tor. "  It  simply  means  '  our  own  language.'  It 
might  apply  to  English  or  French  or  Chinese  or  any- 
thing." 

"  It'll  be  awkward  enough  as  it  is,"  said  the  colo- 
nel. "  Allington  is  frightfully  down  on  this  language 
revival  business.  Bless  my  soul,  who's  this  ?  " 


THE  ETYMOLOGISTS  111 

A  car  drove  rapidly  up  the  avenue.  On  one  side 
of  it  sat  a  fresh-complexioned,  white-haired  gentle- 
man dressed  in  a  smart  grey  suit  of  clothes  and 
wearing  a  light  grey  felt  hat  of  very  stylish  appear- 
ance. On  the  other  side  were  two  girls  in  pink  cotton 
frocks,  looking  very  bright  and  pretty. 

"  It  must  be  the  professor  and  his  assistants,"  said 
Dr.  Whitty ;  "  but  they  don't  look  like  etymologists." 

Professor  Bernstein  leaped  from  the  car  and  in- 
troduced himself  to  Colonel  Beresford.  Then  he  pre- 
sented the  two  girls,  who  were,  it  appeared,  his  two 
daughters.  There  were  further  introductions,  much 
hand-shaking  and  smiling.  Professor  Bernstein  made 
a  series  of  light  jokes  in  rapid  succession.  His  re- 
mote ancestors  might  possibly  have  come  from  Ger- 
many, but  it  was  quite  obvious  that  he  spoke  Eng- 
lish as  his  mother  tongue.  The  elder  of  the  two  girls 
took  hold  of  Molly  Geraghty  and  drew  her  from  the 
priest's  side. 

"  What  a  sweetly  pretty  sash,"  she  said.  "  Is  this 
your  daughter,  Colonel  Beresford  ?  " 

"  No,"  said  the  colonel,  "  she's  not.     "  She's  — " 

"  But  what's  the  inscription  ?  "  said  Miss  Bernstein, 
still  intent  on  the  sash.  "  I  can't  even  read  the  let- 
ters." 

"Ar  Dteanga  Fein,"  said  Dr.  Whitty.  "You 
recognise  it  at  once,  of  course,  professor.  '  Teanga ' 


112      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

is  no  doubt  connected  etymologically  with  the  Eng- 
lish '  tongue/  the  old  German  for  which  I  have  at  this 
moment  forgotten,  but  you'll  know.  Mr.  Jackson  will 
tell  us  the  Greek.  What  is  the  Greek  for  a  tongue, 
Mr.  Jackson  ? " 

"  Glossa,"  said  Mr.  Jackson. 

Professor  Bernstein  stared. 

"  Glossa,"  said  the  doctor.  "  Glossa,  teanga,  tongue. 
I  don't  quite  see  the  phonetic  connection,  but 
I've  no  doubt  it's  there.  The  fact  is,  I'm  not  as  fa- 
miliar with  Grimm's  Law  as  I  ought  to  be.  But  this 
is  all  ABC  to  you,  professor." 

"  Shall  we  wait  luncheon  for  your  assistants  ? " 
said  the  colonel. 

Professor  Bernstein  smiled. 

"  These  are  my  assistants,"  he  said,  pointing  to  his 
two  daughters.  "  I  often  say  that  they're  just  like  but- 
terflies themselves.  Some  day  they'll  be  caught,  I 
suppose,  and  then  what  shall  I  do?" 

Both  Miss  Bernsteins  blushed.  The  colonel  did  not 
catch  the  point  of  the  joke,  and  suggested  that  the 
car  should  go  round  to  the  stable.  Dr.  Whitty  walked 
a  few  yards  with  the  driver  to  show  him  the  way.  On 
his  return  he  caught  the  colonel  by  the  arm  and  whis- 
pered to  him  — 

"  You're  still  absolutely  certain  that  Sir  Clement 
Hosty  said  etymologists?" 


THE  ETYMOLOGISTS  113 

"  Yes,  I  am.     Don't  ask  me  that  again." 

"  All  right,"  said  the  doctor,  "  only  I'd  have  taken 
my  oath  that  there  was  a  green  butterfly  net  on  the 
back  of  that  car." 

At  luncheon  Professor  Bernstein  took  the  lead  in 
the  conversation.  He  was,  it  appeared,  greatly  in- 
terested in  rotifers.  No  one  else,  except  perhaps  his 
two  daughters,  knew  what  rotifers  were ;  so  the 
professor  had  the  subject  entirely  to  himself,  until, 
at  the  end  of  ten  minutes,  Dr.  Whitty  interrupted 
him. 

"  Rotifer,"  he  said,  "  is  a  remarkably  interesting 
word.  It  is  derived  —  you  will  correct  me,  professor, 
if  I  go  wrong  —  from  the  Latin  root  '  f er,'  which 
implies  the  idea  of  carrying,  and  '  rota,'  which  means 
a  wheel.  That  reminds  me  that  the  Irish  word  for  a 
bicycle  is  '  ratha  ' —  the  aspirated  t,  you  know,  profes- 
sor —  obviously  the  Latin  '  rota  '  again.  Curious  that 
the  Irish  people,  in  giving  a  name  to  an  entirely  new 
object,  should  have  hit  on  the  same  way  of  doing  it 
as  the  Americans.  They  always  speak  of  bicycles  as 
wheels,  you  know.  The  fact  suggests  some  interesting 
thoughts  about  the  effect  of  the  Irish  mind  upon  the 
American  language.  But  perhaps  that's  a  matter 
rather  for  the  ethnologist  than  the  etymologist." 

He  looked  round  for  admiration  when  he  had  fin- 
ished this  speech.  He  received  it  from  Colonel  Beres- 


114      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

ford,  Mr.  Jackson,  and  Father  Henaghan.  The 
professor  appeared  to  be  puzzled,  and  relapsed  into 
silence.  His  two  daughters  giggled  slightly.  They 
evidently  regarded  Dr.  Whitty 's  etymology  as  a  joke. 

"  We  have  a  little  surprise  for  you  after  lunch," 
said  Dr.  Whitty,  noticing  that  the  professor  did  not 
take  up  the  subject  of  wheels  with  any  interest.  "  We 
have  succeeded  in  collecting  together  —  by  the  way, 
Father  Henaghan,  did  the  Widow  Rafferty  arrive? 
I  saw  Finnegan,  and  the  colonel  tells  me  that  Patsy 
Flynn's  grandfather  turned  up  all  right.  I  hope 
Biddy  hasn't  failed  us." 

"  I  didn't  see  sight  nor  light  of  her,"  said  the 
priest. 

"If  she  doesn't  turn  up,"  said  Dr.  Whitty,  "she 
may  twist  herself  into  knots  with  rheumatism  before 
I  give  her  another  bottle.  You'd  have  been  particu- 
larly interested  in  Biddy  Rafferty,  professor.  I  shall 
be  sorry  if  she's  not  here." 

"  Is  she  very  amusing?  "  asked  the  eldest  Miss  Bern- 
stein. 

"  Not  very,"  said  the  doctor ;  "  but  her  Irish  is  re- 
markably idiomatic.  Every  one  agrees  about  that. 
You  think  it  first-rate,  don't  you,  Father  Henaghan  ?  " 

"  I  do,"  said  the  priest ;  "  barring  that  she  seldom 
says  a  word  about  anything  but  the  way  the  rheuma- 


THE  ETYMOLOGISTS  115 

tism  has  her  tormented,  her  Irish  is  as  good  as  you'd 
hear." 

"  But  not  as  ancient  as  Finnegan's,"  said  the  doc- 
tor. "  The  professor,  I  know,  will  take  a  particular 
delight  in  Finnegan,  and  fortunately  he's  here." 

"I  —  I  regret  to  say,"  said  the  professor,  "  that 
I've  never  found  time  to  study  the  Irish  language." 

Colonel  Beresford  became  aware  that  his  party  was 
turning  out  even  worse  than  he  expected.  There  was 
evidently  some  misunderstanding  about  the  Bern- 
steins  and  the  Irish  language.  He  changed  the  sub- 
ject of  conversation  effectively  by  asking  the  professor 
if  he  had  recently  seen  Sir  Clement  Hosty.  Mr. 
Jackson,  who  had  known  Lady  Hosty  before  she  was 
married,  asked  several  questions  about  her.  Colonel 
Beresford,  after  scowling  at  Dr.  Whitty,  found  an 
opportunity  of  telling  the  butler  to  give  the  two  Irish 
speakers  five  shillings  each  and  send  them  off  the 
premises. 

Greatly  to  the  relief  of  the  rest  of  the  party  the 
Bernsteins  declared  that  they  must  go  away  immedi- 
ately after  luncheon. 

"  I  don't  like  to  miss  this  fine  afternoon,"  said  the 
professor.  "  There  is  an  interesting  series  of  small 
lakes  in  this  neighbourhood,  in  which  I  may  quite  pos- 
sibly come  across  some  unique  specimens." 


116      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

Colonel  Beresford  turned  angrily  on  Dr.  Whitty  as 
scon  as  the  car  was  out  of  sight. 

"  What  do  you  mean,"  he  said,  "  by  letting  me  in 
for  this  tomfoolery?" 

"  That,"  said  the  doctor,  "  is  a  question  which, 
properly  speaking,  ought  to  be  put  to  Sir  Clement 
Hosty." 

"  I  shall  put  it  to  Hosty,"  said  the  colonel,  "  as  soon 
as  ever  I  see  him.  But  it  wasn't  Hosty  who  made  an 
ass  of  me  before  this  professor  by  filling  up  my  house 
with  cripples  and  dancing  girls." 

"  As  far  as  the  dancing  girl  is  concerned,"  said  Dr. 
Whitty,  "  she  was  Father  Henaghan's  suggestion  en- 
tirely. I  didn't  want  her.  But  neither  he  nor  I  are 
to  blame  in  the  slightest.  You  and  Sir  Clement  Hosty 
have  bungled  it  between  you.  Ever  since  I  heard 
there  was  a  man  catching  butterflies  in  Dunbeg  I  sus- 
pected that  the  professor  would  turn  out  to  be  an  en- 
tomologist. I  felt  pretty  sure  of  it  when  I  saw  the 
butterfly  net  on  the  car.  But  you  stuck  to  your  theory 
in  spite  of  all  I  could  say  to  you ;  and  I  still  maintain 
that  the  entertainment  we  provided  was  quite  the  best 
possible  if  the  man  had  been  what  you  told  me  he 
was." 

"  It  was  'etymologist  that  Hosty  said,"  said  the 
colonel.  "  I'll  stick  to  that  till  the  day  of  my  death. 
I  couldn't  have  been  mistaken,  because  Hosty  has  a 


THE  ETYMOLOGISTS  117 

habit  of  shouting  every  remark  he  makes  as  if  the 
whole  world  was  deaf." 

"  If  I'd  been  told  he  was  an  entomologist,"  said  the 
doctor,  "  I'd  have  talked  to  him  about  rotifers.  I 
don't  know  anything  about  them,  but  I  could  have 
made  them  up  out  of  a  book  before  I  came.  It  would 
have  been  a  great  deal  easier  for  me  to  talk  intelli- 
gently about  rotifers  than  about  Grimm's  Law. 
What's  more,  I'd  have  had  specimens  of  every  in- 
sect in  this  part  of  the  country  ready  for  him  when 
he  came,  from  the  common  pediculus  capitis — " 

"  Don't  be  disgusting  if  you  can  help  it,"  said  the 
colonel.  "  Things  are  bad  enough  without  that." 

"  There's  nothing  disgusting  about  the  pediculus," 
said  the  doctor.  "  To  the  truly  scientific  mind,  like 
the  professor's,  he's  as  interesting  as  any  other  bug." 

"  Perhaps  on  the  whole,  then,"  said  the  colonel, 
"  it's  just  as  well  Hosty  made  that  mistake.  Your 
mendicant  cripples  and  Molly  Geraghty  are  bad 
enough,  but  they're  better  than  having  my  house  filled 
up  with  live  fleas." 


VI 

"  GOD  SAVE  THE  KING  " 

band  will  play  all  afternoon,  of  course," 
said  Dr.  Whitty. 

He  was  speaking  about  the  sports  —  the  "  Grand 
Athletic,  Bicycle  and  Boat  Racing  Regatta,"  as  the 
advertisement  called  the  event  —  which  were  to  be 
held  in  Ballintra  on  the  first  Saturday  in  August. 

"  I  don't  know  will  it  be  able,"  said  Father  Hena- 
ghan,  "  and  if  it  is,  it'll  likely  be  the  last  time  ever 
it  does  play." 

He  was  President  —  in  Connacht  everything  has  a 
President  —  of  the  town  band.  He  was  also  its  Hon- 
orary Treasurer. 

"  And  why  do  you  say  that  ?  "  said  Dr.  Whitty. 

"  You  know  well  enough,"  said  the  priest,  "  that 
we  had  to  give  the  bandmaster  notice  for  want  of 
funds  to  pay  him." 

"  Surely  to  goodness,"  said  the  doctor,  "  they  must 
have  half  a  dozen  tunes  learned  off  by  this  time. 
Nobody'll  know  whether  they  play  them  right  or 
wrong.  Let  them  do  the  best  they  can,  and  make 
some  sort  of  a  noise  anyway." 

118 


"GOD  SAVE  THE  KING"  119 

"  I  don't  know,"  said  the  priest,  "  will  they  be  fit 
to  do  that  much  itself.  It  was  only  last  week  they 
were  telling  me  that  the  cornet's  broke,  and  I'm  think- 
ing they'll  do  badly  without  it.  What's  more,  I'm  not 
sure  but  young  Flaherty  put  the  blade  of  his  knife 
through  the  big  drum." 

"  We'll  have  to  get  them  some  new  instruments 
then,"  said  the  doctor.  "  The  band  we  simply  must 
have." 

"  You  can't  get  new  instruments,  for  there's  no 
money,  and  I  don't  see  where  it's  to  be  got  after  the 
way  you've  collected  the  whole  district  for  the  sports. 
There  isn't  one  about  the  place  has  a  shilling  left  in 
his  pocket." 

Dr.  Whitty  had,  in  fact,  levied  a  sum  of  money 
very  near  the  taxable  capacity  of  the  people.  He 
recognised  the  impossibility  of  securing  further  con- 
tributions. 

"  I'll  tell  you  what  it  is,"  he  said.  "  We  must  get 
something  out  of  Lord  Allington.  That  man's  as  rich 
as  a  Jew." 

"  He  never  gives  a  penny,"  said  the  priest. 

"  He  does.  I  happen  to  know  that  he  gives  twenty 
pounds  a  year  to  the  Protestant  Church  on  account  of 
having  property  in  the  parish,  though  he  doesn't  live 
in  it.  I  don't  see  why  he  shouldn't  give  the  half  of 


120      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

that  amount  to  our  band.  You  ought  to  try  him  any- 
way." 

"  I  will  not.  I  asked  him  for  a  subscription  one 
time,  and  the  way  he  refused  me  I  swore  I'd  never 
ask  him  again.  Do  you  go  over  to  Allington  Castle 
and  ask  him  yourself." 

"  It  wouldn't  be  a  bit  of  good,"  said  the  doctor. 
"  But  I'll  tell  you  what  I'll  do.  I'll  get  the  colonel 
to  write.  He'd  give  us  something  if  the  colonel  asked 
him." 

It  took  Dr.  Whitty.  a  long  time  to  persuade  Colonel 
Beresford  to  write  the  letter,  but  he  succeeded  in  the 
end.  By  return  of  post  a  reply  came  from  Lord  Al- 
lington. 

"  DEAR  COLONEL  BERESFORD, —  I  am  always  ready 
to  support  anything  which  is  for  the  benefit  of  the 
tenants  on  my  estate,  and  I  should  be  perfectly  will- 
ing to  give  a  subscription  to  a  band  managed  on  non- 
political  lines.  Unfortunately,  my  experience  of  these 
local  bands  leads  me  to  believe  that  they  are  nothing 
more  or  less  than  part  of  the  machinery  used  by  sedi- 
tious persons  for  the  inculcation  of  rebellious  princi- 
ples. On  the  only  occasion  on  which  I  ever  heard  the 
Ballintra  band  play,  the  tune  chosen  was  '  God  Save 
Ireland.'  I  am  sure  you  will  understand  that,  in 
these  circumstances,  and  in  the  absence  of  any  express 
guarantee  from  some  reasonable  person  that  no  Party 


"GOD  SAVE  THE  KING"  121 

tunes  will  be  played,  I  cannot  conscientiously  support 
the  band. 

"  Thanks  for  your  inquiry  for  Lady  Allington.  I 
am  glad  to  say  she  is  a  great  deal  stronger  than  she 
was.  The  Irish  air  always  sets  her  up. —  I  am,  yours 
very  sincerely,  ALLINGTON." 

The  colonel  handed  the  letter  to  Dr.  Whitty. 

"  Do  you  think  now,"  said  the  doctor,  "  that  if  the 
band  was  to  play  '  God  Save  the  King '  he'd  give  us  a 
subscription  ?  " 

"  I  expect  he  would,"  said  the  colonel,  smiling ; 
"  but  you  know  as  well  as  I  do  the  band  will  do  no 
such  thing,  and:  there'd  be  a  riot  if  it  did." 

"  Colonel,"  said  the  doctor,  "  do  you  write  to  Lord 
Allington  and  tell  him  you  will  send  him  a  written 
undertaking  from  the  parish  priest  —  you  can  put  in 
that  the  dispensary  doctor  will  sign  it,  too,  if  you  like 
—  to  the  effect  that  the  band  will  play  '  God  Save 
the  King '  in  the  middle  of  the  afternoon  on  the  day 
of  the  sports,  and  that  Lord  Allington  can  come  over 
and  hear  it  for  himself  so  as  to  make  sure  that  it's 
actually  done." 

"  I  don't  believe  you'll  work  it,  doctor,  Thady  Glynn 
and  the  League  boys  would  smash  up  every  trumpet 
the  band  possessed  if  you  did." 

"  You  write  the  letter,"  said  the  doctor,  "  and  leave 
the  rest  to  me." 


122      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

"  If  you  do  what  you  say,"  said  the  colonel,  "  I 
should  think  Lord  Allington  would  give  you  twenty 
pounds  with  pleasure;  and,  what's  more,  I'll  add  two 
pounds  to  my  own  subscription  if  it's  only  for 
the  sake  of  seeing  the  rage  Thady  Glynn  will 
be  in." 

Dr.  Whitty  called  on  Father  Henaghan  at  once. 

"  I've  ten  pounds,"  he  said,  "  ten  pounds  at  least, 
and  maybe  twenty  pounds,  got  out  of  Lord  Ailing- 
ton  for  the  town  band  —  at  least  I  have  it  as  good  as 
got." 

"  Have  you,  then  ?  I  wouldn't  have  believed  it 
possible.  You're  a  wonderful  man,  doctor." 

"  All  he  wants,"  said  the  doctor,  "  is  a  written  guar- 
antee from  you  and  me  that  the  band  will  perform 
'  God  Save  the  King '  on  the  day  of  the  sports.  He 
says  he  objects  to  Party  tunes." 

"  And  is  that  what  you  call  having  the  money  as 
good  as  got?  You  know  as  well  as  I  do  the  thing 
can't  be  done." 

"  It  can.  I'll  get  the  music,  and  I'll  teach  it  to  the 
band  myself.  I'm  not  what  you'd  call  practised  in 
conducting  an  orchestra,  but  I  have  a  middling  good 
ear,  and  I  could  manage  that  much.  Any  new  in- 
struments wanted  you  can  get,  and  pay  for  when 
Lord  Allington's  cheque  comes." 

"  It's  not  the  want  of  instruments  would  stop  me," 


"GOD  SAVE  THE  KING"  123 

said  the  priest.  "  But  the  people  would  never  stand 
it.  There'd  be  the  devil  and  all." 

"  You  needn't  appear  in  the  matter,"  said  the  doc- 
tor. "  Beyond  writing  the  letter  to  Lord  Allington 
you've  nothing  to  do.  If  there's  a  row,  you  can  pre- 
tend to  be  as  surprised  as  anyone  else.  But  there 
won't  be  a  row." 

"  There  will.     There   couldn't  but  be   a  row." 

"  There  will  not.  There  aren't  ten  men  in  Ballin- 
tra,  barring  the  colonel,  Mr.  Jackson,  and  the  police, 
that  would  know  that  tune  from  any  other  if  they 
heard  it.  Would  you  know  it  yourself  now,  Father 
Henaghan?  Tell  the  truth." 

"  I'm  not  sure  that  I  would." 

"And,  if  you  wouldn't  recognise  it,  how  do  you 
suppose  that  Thady  Glynn  will?  —  Thady  that  has  no 
more  ear  for  music  than  your  cow.  I'll  tell  you  what 
I'll  do.  I'll  drop  into  the  hotel  this  evening,  and  I'll 
whistle  it  in  the  hearing  of  Thady.  I'll  call  his  at- 
tention to  it,  and  I'll  bet  half  a  crown  he  hasn't  the 
least  notion  what  it  is." 

"  Try  it,"  said  the  priest.  "  But,  mind  you,  I'll  take 
no  responsibility.  If  there's  a  row,  I'll  say  you  did 
the  whole  thing  unknown  to  me." 

Dr.  Whitty  strolled  into  the  hotel  at  ten  o'clock  that 
night.  There  were  five  or  six  men  drinking  at  the 
bar,  all  of  them,  he  was  pleased  to  see,  prominent 


124      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

poliiicians  and  strong  allies  of  Thady  Glynn.  He 
ordered  a  bottle  of  porter,  and  then,  leaning  against 
the  bar,  whistled  "  God  Save  the  King,"  loudly  and 
clearly.  Then  he  drank  half  his  porter  and  whistled 
the  tune  through  again,  throwing  great  spirit  into  the 
last  few  bars. 

"  That's  a  fine  tune,"  he  said  when  he  had  finished. 

"  It's  good  enough,"  said  Thady. 

"  It's  a  tune  I'm  thinking  of  teaching  the  town  band 
to  play  the  day  of  the  sports,"  said  the  doctor.  "  It's 
only  the  other  day  it  was  discovered,  hid  away  in  an 
old  book  that  was  buried  in  a  bog  in  the  neighbour- 
hood of  the  hill  of  Tara.  It  turns  out  to  be  the  an- 
cient tune  that  was  sung  by  Malachi,  the  High  King 
of  Ireland,  at  the  time  he  was  driving  the  English 
out  of  the  country.  There's  great  talk  about  it  up  in 
Dublin." 

"It  would  be  well,"  said  Thady,  "that  the  band 
would  learn  something  new.  We're  tired  of  them  old 
tunes  they've  been  playing  since  the  bandmaster  was 
sent  away." 

Dr.  Whitty,  in  order  to  make  sure  of  getting  the 
music  in  the  most  correct  form  possible,  sent  to  Bel- 
fast for  it.  He  had  to  copy  it  all  out  in  manuscript 
when  he  got  it,  because  the  inconsiderate  publisher 
had  printed  "  God  Save  the  King  "  at  the  top  of  every 
sheet  of  the  score.  Every  sheet  of  Dr.  Whitty's  ver- 


"GOD  SAVE  THE  KING"  125 

sion  had  "  The  Song  of  King  Malachi "  written  in 
large  letters  across  the  top.  The  members  of  the 
band  made  fair  progress  when  the  doctor  took  them 
in  hand.  He  conducted  on  a  system  of  his  own; 
whistled  shrilly,  and  flung  himself  into  all  sorts  of 
grotesque  attitudes,  waving  his  arms,  clenching  his 
fists,  and  stamping  violently  with  his  feet.  He  suc- 
ceeded in  working  up  a  most  spirited  performance  of 
the  tune. 

The  day  of  the  sports  was  magnificently  fine.  The 
band  was  stationed  in  a  prominent  part  of  the  grounds, 
and  a  space  close  beside  it  was  reserved  for  Lord 
Allington's  motor-car.  Dr.  Whitty  asked  Thady 
Glynn  to  act  as  judge  and  referee  in  all  the  races,  an 
arrangement  not  altogether  satisfactory  to  the  com- 
petitors, but  which  he  hoped  would  keep  Thady  from 
paying  any  attention  to  the  band.  With  the  same 
object  he  made  the  secretary  and  treasurer  of  the 
League  starter  and  timekeeper,  giving  them  a  pistol, 
a  supply  of  blank  cartridges,  and  a  stop-watch. 

At  four  o'clock  Colonel  Beresford  arrived  in  his 
dogcart.  Lord  Allington  drove  up  in  his  motor-car 
at  half-past  four,  and  was  shepherded  by  Dr.  Whitty 
into  the  space  reserved  for  him.  He  had  Lady  Al- 
lington with  him  and  two  strange  gentlemen.  The 
band,  acting  on  instructions  from  Dr.  Whitty,  struck 
up  "  The  Minstrel  Boy."  This  is  an  Irish  song,  but 


126      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

quite  unobjectionable  because  it  is  not  stated  in 
Moore's  words  what  war  the  boy  went  to  or  on  which 
side  he  fought. 

After  "  The  Minstrel  Boy "  had  been  played 
through  four  times  Dr.  Whitty  spoke  earnestly  to 
Flaherty,  the  cornet  player,  and  to  the  man  who  man- 
aged the  big  drum.  Then  he  strolled  away  from  the 
band  and  engaged  in  conversation  with  Thady  Glynn. 
A  few  minutes  later  the  band  struck  up  "  God  Save 
the  King."  Dr.  Whitty  looked  round  nervously. 
Thady  Glynn  took  no  notice  of  the  tune.  Most  of 
the  people  seemed  pleased  to  hear  it.  The  reputa- 
tion of  "  The  Song  of  King  Malachi  "  had  been  spread 
beforehand  by  the  members  of  the  band,  and  there 
was  a  good  deal  of  curiosity  about  the  remarkable 
tune.  The  only  thing  which  disquieted  Dr.  Whitty 
was  the  behaviour  of  Lord  Allington  and  his  friends. 
The  whole  party  stood  up  in  the  motor-car,  and  the 
three  gentlemen  took  off  their  hats.  Colonel  Beres- 
ford,  who  was  standing  beside  the  car,  stopped  talking 
to  Lady  Allington  and  stood  bareheaded. 

Thady  Glynn,  fully  occupied  elsewhere,  did  not  so 
much  as  glance  at  Lord  Allington.  Father  Henaghan 
had  disappeared  from  the  seat  he  had  occupied  all 
the  afternoon.  Dr.  Whitty  made  his  way  rapidly 
through  the  crowd  towards  the  refreshment  tent,  an 
establishment  run  in  connection  with  Thady  Glynn's 


"GOD  SAVE  THE  KING" 

hotel.  The  band  was  beginning  "  God  Save  the 
King  "  for  the  second  time  when  he  reached  it.  He 
noticed  with  pleasure  that  the  starter  and  timekeeper 
of  the  races  were  drinking  whisky  and  water  inside 
the  tent,  apparently  unconscious  of  the  band's  per- 
formance. He  ran  round  to  the  back  of  the  tent. 
There,  he  felt  sure,  he  would  find  Father  Henaghan. 
He  found  the  priest  engaged  in  conversation  with 
Mrs.  Michael  Geraghty,  who  was  feeding  her  seven 
youngest  children  with  biscuits  and  partially  ripe 
apples. 

"  Come  now,  Father  Henaghan,"  he  said,  "  it's  time 
you  were  going  up  to  speak  to  Lord  Allington  to  get 
that  cheque  out  of  him." 

"  Will  you  whisht,"  said  the  priest,  with  a  glance 
at  Mrs.  Michael  Geraghty. 

"  It's  all  right,"  said  the  doctor.  "  Mrs.  Geraghty 
has  a  respect  for  the  clergy,  and  wouldn't  repeat  what 
I'm  saying  to  you  —  not  that  it  would  matter  if  she 
did,  for  we're  talking  no  secrets." 

"  I'll  go  when  the  band  stops  playing  that  tune," 
said  the  priest. 

"If  you  wait  till  then  you'll  wait  too  long,  for 
Lord  Allington  will  be  gone,  and  it's  ten  to  one  you'll 
never  see  that  cheque.  I  know  the  ways  of  people  of 
his  sort.  They  set  up  to  be  fonder  of  that  tune  than 
of  anything  else  in  heaven  or  earth;  but  there's  no 


128      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

surer  way  of  getting  them  out  of  a  place  than  to  play 
it.  The  minute  they  hear  the  first  four  notes  they're 
streaming  off  for  the  door  or  the  gate,  as  the  case 
may  be.  What  I'm  wondering  is  that  they've  stood 
it  as  long  as  they  have.  Come  on,  now." 

He  took  the  priest  by  the  arm  and  led  him  round 
the  tent  into  the  open.  The  band,  very  pleased  with 
its  own  performance,  had  just  begun  to  play  the  tune 
for  the  sixth  time.  Lord  Allington  was  still  standing 
bareheaded,  but  he  was  looking  puzzled  and  a  little  an- 
noyed. "  God  Save  the  King "  is  an  excellent  tune, 
but  it  is  possible,  even  for  an  Irish  peer,  to  get  too 
much  of  it.  There  was  not,  so  far  as  he  could  see, 
any  sign  of  exhaustion  about  the  band.  Lady  Al- 
lington, excusing  herself  on  the  ground  of  delicate 
health,  sat  down  at  the  end  of  the  fourth  repetition  of 
the  tune. 

"  Go  on  now,  Father  Henaghan,"  said  Dr.  Whitty, 
pushing  the  priest  towards  the  motor-car. 

Lord  Allington  turned  round. 

"  Ah,"  he  said,  "  Father  Henaghan,  isn't  it  ?  I'm 
delighted  to  see  you.  Would  you  mind  telling  the 
band  to  stop  playing  for  a  moment?  I  can  hardly 
hear  myself  speak." 

Father  Henaghan  tapped  the  cornet  player  on  the 
shoulder  and  gave  his  order.  The  music  stopped 


"GOD  SAVE  THE  KING"  129 

abruptly  in  the  middle  of  a  bar.  Lord  Allington,  with 
a  sigh  of  relief,  sat  down  and  put  on  his  hat. 

"  That's  a  capital  band  of  yours,"  he  said.  "  I 
don't  know  when  I  heard  a  better.  All  native  talent, 
eh?  That's  right.  Keep  the  young  men  out  of  mis- 
chief. By  the  way,  I  understand  from  my  friend, 
Colonel  Beresford,  that  it's  dependent  entirely  on  pri- 
vate contributions  for  its  support.  I  shall  have  the 
greatest  pleasure  in  sending  you  a  cheque  for  fifteen 
guineas  to-night  when  I  go  home.  That  will  see  you 
out  of  your  difficulties,  I  hope.  And  you  can  count 
on  me  for  the  future  for  an  annual  five  guineas.  But 
no  Party  tunes  now,  remember  that." 

Father  Henaghan  bowed  his  thanks.  Lord  Alling- 
ton, after  a  whisper  from  his  wife,  gave  a  signal  to 
the  chauffeur  and  drove  off  the  ground. 

Two  days  afterwards  Dr.  Whitty  met  Colonel 
Beresford  in  the  street. 

"  Come  into  my  house  for  two  minutes,  colonel," 
he  said ;  "  I've  something  to  show  you." 

"  Look  here,"  he  said,  taking  a  letter  from  his  desk, 
"  read  that  "  :  — 

"  The  Committee  of  the  League  (Ballintra  Branch) 
having  had  under  consideration  at  a  special  meeting 
the  conduct  of  Dr.  Whitty,  Medical  Officer  of  the 
Union,  with  reference  to  the  band  on  the  occasion  of 


ISO      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

the  recent  Regatta  and  Athletic  Sports,  hereby  allow 
Dr.  Whitty  an  opportunity  of  defending  himself  at 
8.15  sharp  in  the  League  rooms  to-morrow  evening. — 
Signed,  on  behalf  of  the  Committee, 

"  THADDEUS  GLYNN,  President." 

"  What  do  you  think  of  that  now  ?  "  said  the  doc- 
tor. 

"  It's  —  it's  —  the  only  words  that  seem  to  fit  it  at 
all  are  blasted  insolence;  but,  of  course,  you'll  take 
no  notice  of  it." 

"  Oh  yes,  I  shall.  I'll  make  that  League  sit  up.  I 
shall  have  a  glorious  time  with  them  if  only  they're 
sober  enough  to  take  in  what  I  say." 

"  You'd  better  get  Father  Henaghan  to  quiet  them," 
said  the  colonel. 

"  Not  at  all.  I'm  not  going  to  hide  behind  the 
priest.  I  mean  to  see  the  thing  through  myself." 

At  the  hour  affixed  for  the  trial  Dr.  Whitty  stepped 
jauntily  into  the  League  rooms.  He  was  received 
in  gloomy  silence,  broken  only  by  an  order  from  Thady 
Glynn  to  stand  at  the  end  of  the  table.  The  doctor 
took  a  vacant  chair  and  sat  down.  Thady  Glynn 
scowled  at  him.  Dr.  Whitty  smiled  pleasantly  by  way 
of  reply. 

"Dr.  Whitty,"  said  Thady  solemnly,  "it  has  been 
reported  to  us  that  on  the  occasion  of  the  recent 
sports,  held  in  this  town,  you  instigated  the  band  to 


"GOD  SAVE  THE  KING"  131 

play  a  tune  that  can  only  be  regarded  as  a  deliberate 
insult  to  the  Irish  people.  What  have  you  to  say  for 
yourself?" 

"  What  tune  ?  "  asked  the  doctor. 

"I  won't  lower  myself  by  naming  it,"  said  Thady; 
"  but  it  was  a  tune  that's  seldom  heard  in  this  coun- 
try outside  of  a  music  hall." 

"  If  you  mean  the  ancient  '  Song  of  King  Mala- 
chi,' "  said  the  doctor,  "  I  quite  admit  it's  not  often 
heard,  but  the  reason  of  that  is  that  it  has  only  re- 
cently been  discovered,  as  I  told  you  and  the  rest  of 
these  gentlemen  the  night  I  first  whistled  it  to  you. 
If  you  had  any  objection  to  it  you  should  have  said 
so  then." 

"  King  Malachi  be  damned,"  said  Thady  Glynn. 

"  If  you're  prepared  to  let  your  temper  run  away 
with  you,"  said  the  doctor,  "  to  the  extent  of  cursing 
one  of  the  greatest  heroes  of  ancient  Ireland,  of 
course  I  can't  stop  you.  All  I  can  do  is  to  tell  you 
that,  if  I  repeat  that  last  remark  of  yours  outside 
this  room,  you'll  never  be  able  to  hold  up  your  head 
as  a  Nationalist  again." 

"  Damn  you  and  King  Malachi  both,"  said  Thady 
Glynn. 

"  Very  well,"  said  the  doctor,  "  if  you're  so  drunk 
as  to  say  a  thing  like  that  twice,  there's  no  use  my 
talking  to  you.  Good  night." 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

"  Wait  a  minute/'  said  Thady,  "  you'll  not  get  off 
so  easy  as  all  that.  We  know  well  enough  what  the 
tune  was,  and  we  know  why  you  had  it  played.  You 
thought  you'd  make  up  to  the  colonel  and  Lord  All- 
ington  by  heaping  insults  on  the  people  of  this  coun- 
try. That's  what  you  thought.  But  I  may  tell  you 
it  won't  do.  It's  us  and  not  them  that's  paying  you 
your  salary.  It's  us  and  not  them  that's  putting  the 
bread  and  butter  in  your  mouth,  and  I  tell  you  it 
won't  do.  The  tune  you  were  the  means  of  intro- 
ducing into  our  midst  is  a  tune  that's  well  known. 
It's  a  Party  tune,  and  we  won't  have  it." 

"  What  do  you  mean  to  do  ?  "  said  the  doctor. 

"  We've  settled  on  a  decision  before  you  came  in," 
said  Thady,  "  and  it's  this :  that  if  you  don't  offer  an 
apology  to  the  people  of  this  neighbourhood,  it'll  be 
the  worse  for  you." 

"  Listen  to  me  now,"  said  the  doctor.  "  As  a  mat- 
ter of  fact,  that  tune  was  played  over  seven  times  and 
a  half  on  the  ground  the  other  day,  and  not  a  single 
one  of  you  cared  a  hang.  The  man  that  asked  to 
have  it  stopped  was  Lord  Allington.  If  it  was  the 
tune  you  think  it  was,  would  he  have  had  it  stopped? 
He  would  not.  He'd  have  kept  the  band  playing  on 
at  it  the  whole  afternoon." 

"  It's  a  damned  insult  — "  began  Thady  Glynn. 


"GOD  SAVE  THE  KING"  133 

"  Listen  to  me,"  said  the  doctor,  "  and  don't  in- 
terrupt. If  you  had  as  much  real  principle  about 
you,  Nationalist  or  any  other  kind,  as  would  make 
a  supper  for  a  snipe,  I'd  have  some  pity  for  you. 
But  you're  the  sort  of  man,  Thady,  that  would  sell 
his  mother  for  the  price  of  a  pint  of  porter.  I've 
let  you  down  easy  in  the  past,  not  telling  the  things 
I  know  about  you;  but  if  there's  another  word  out 
of  your  head,  I'll  tell  every  man  and  woman  in  the 
place  the  dirty  trick  you  tried  to  play  on  poor  Michael 
Geraghty  the  time  inspector  was  down  to  give  him 
the  money  for  the  pier ;  and,  if  that  isn't  enough,  I'll 
buy  a  gramophone  and  set  it  playing  the  tune  you 
don't  like  day  and  night  outside  the  door  of  your 
beastly  public-house,  and,  whenever  it  stops,  I'll  pay 
a  boy  to  go  and  wind  it  up;  and,  what's  more,  the 
next  time  you're  sick  —  and  that  won't  be  long  if 
you  go  on  drinking  the  way  you  do  at  present  — 
I'll  give  you  some  medicine  that'll  twist  you  round 
and  round  the  same  way  as  your  wife  wrings  out 
the  clothes  when  she  has  them  washed,  and  tie  you 
up  in  knots,  and,  what's  more,  will  turn  you  bright 
green  from  head  to  foot  afterwards,  so  that  your  own 
children  won't  know  you  when  they  meet  you  in 
the  street.  After  that,  if  there's  any  more  fight  left 
in  you,  I'll  give  word  to  the  police  about  the  Sunday 


134      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

drinking  that  goes  on  in  your  house,  and  I'll  have 
your  licence  taken  away  from  you.  And  if  that's 
not  enough  — " 

Apparently  it  was  enough.  Thady  Glynn  was 
cowed  by  the  extraordinary  versatility  of  the  doc- 
tor's threats.  He  waved  his  hand  feebly  towards  the 
door.  Dr.  Whitty,  after  a  cheerful  good  night  to 
the  other  members  of  the  committee,  went  home. 


VII 

HYGIENIC   AND    SCIENTIFIC  APPARATUS 

TT  was  a  hot  day  in  June,  and  Dr.  Whitty,  not  very 
A  busy  at  that  season  of  the  year,  was  sitting  in  his 
dining-room  smoking.  Michael  Geraghty  put  his 
head  in  through  the  window. 

"Are  you  there,  doctor?" 

"  I  am,"  said  the  doctor ;  "  can't  you  see  me  ?  " 

"  It's  what  I  have  a  letter  for  you.  Jamesy  Casey, 
the  postboy,  gave  it  to  me,  knowing  I  was  coming  up 
this  way,  seeing  that  it  had  '  immediate '  written  on 
the  outside  of  it." 

The  doctor  looked  at  the  letter. 

"  It's  from  my  Aunt  Eliza,"  he  said.  "  But  what 
the  dickens  she  can  possibly  have  to  say  to  me  in  a 
hurry  is  more  than  I  can  tell  you,  Michael.  It's  not 
once  in  six  months  she  writes  to  me,  and  then  it's 
only  to  get  a  prescription  out  of  me  that  she  might 
as  well  ask  her  own  doctor  for,  only  that  she  grudges 
the  poor  man  what  she'd  have  to  pay  him." 

"  Maybe  it's  took  sick  sudden  she  is  this  time," 
said  Michael,  "  and  wanting  to  get  what  would  do 
her  good  in  a  hurry." 

135 


136      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

"  She's  never  sick,"  said  the  doctor.  "  What  medi- 
cine she  uses  is  for  her  family.  I  never  recollect  her 
having  anything  the  matter  with  her." 

"  If  it  isn't  that,"  said  Michael,  "  I  don't  know 
what  it  would  be;  but,  sure,  if  you  opened  the  letter 
you'd  find  out." 

The  suggestion  was  reasonable.  Michael  Geraghty, 
his  curiosity  aroused,  remained  with  his  head  pushed 
through  the  window. 

"'DEAR  GEORGIE,' " — read  the  doctor — ("she's 
the  only  person  in  the  world  that  ever  calls  me  that  ") 
— "  '  I  write  in  great  trouble  to  inform  you  that  your 
Cousin  Annie  has  contracted  a  matrimonial  engage- 
ment — ' 

Look  here,  Michael,  this  letter  seems  likely  to  be  of  a 
confidential  kind.  Perhaps  you'd  excuse  my  not 
reading  the  rest  of  it  out  loud." 

Michael  Geraghty,  a  man  of  tact  and  delicate  feel- 
ing, retired  at  once.  Dr.  Whitty  went  on  with  the 
letter : 

" '  A  matrimonial  engagement  of  a  most  unde- 
sirable kind  to  a  young  man  who  has  little  or  nothing 
to  live  on;  and,  so  far  as  I  can  make  out,  never  will. 
His  name  is  against  him,  for  one  thing.  How  can 
you  expect  anybody  called  Augustus  Jetty  to  make 
his  way  in  the  world?  But,  as  your  poor  uncle  said 
when  he  heard  of  it,  we've  got  to  make  the  best  of 
it.  Your  cousin  won't  listen  to  advice  either  from 


HYGIENIC  APPARATUS  137 

her  father  or  me.  After  a  great  deal  of  trouble,  your 
poor  uncle  has  got  a  situation  of  a  sort  for  the  young 
man,  and  we're  relying  on  you  to  give  him  what  help 
you  can.  He's  employed  on  commission,  they  call  it 
—  I  don't  understand  business  very  well  —  to  travel 
for  the  Hygienic  and  Scientific  Apparatus  Company. 
As  well  as  I  can  make  out,  he's  got  to  try  and  sell 
some  kind  of  surgical  instruments,  and  it'll  depend 
largely  on  the  kind  of  support  he  gets  from  the  doc- 
tors whether  he  makes  anything  or  not.  We  are 
sending  him  down  to  Ballintra  to  make  a  start,  and 
we're  all  relying  on  you  to  do  the  best  you  possibly 
can  for  him.  Annie  encloses  a  note  from  herself,  but 
I  dare  say  there's  nothing  in  it  except  foolishness. 
"  '  Your  affectionate  aunt,  ELIZA/  " 

Annie's  letter  was  much  longer  than  her  mother's. 
She  wrote  with  considerable  enthusiasm  about  the 
personal  charm,  moral  superiority,  intellectual  force, 
and  general  desirableness  of  Augustus  Jetty,  and 
ended  her  letter  with  a  formal  threat  — 

"  And  now,  George,  if  you  don't  do  your  best  for 
Augustus  and  sell  a  lot  of  his  things  to  all  your 
patients,  I'll  never  speak  to  you  again  as  long  as  I 
live,  and  you  wouldn't  like  that.  Father  and  mother 
are  perfectly  horrid,  so  we've  nobody  to  help  us  ex- 
cept you." 

Hard   upon  the   letter   Augustus   himself   arrived. 


138      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

His  appearance  was  not  attractive.  He  was  under- 
sized, pallid,  very  thin,  and  seemed  to  be  rapidly  grow- 
ing bald.  His  eyes  were  narrow,  and  of  a  watery 
green  colour.  Dr.  Whitty,  who  had  a  liking  for  his 
Cousin  Annie,  received  him  hospitably,  and  offered 
him  a  cigar. 

"  No,  thank  you,"  said  Augustus,  "  I  never  smoke. 
The  fact  is,  my  heart  is  a  little  weak,  and  I  fear  the 
effects  of  tobacco,  which,  as  you  know,  is  a  stimu- 
lant." 

"  I  suppose,  then,  you  wouldn't  care  for  some 
whisky." 

"No,"  said  Augustus.  "That's  a  stimulant,  too; 
moreover,  I  have  the  strongest  possible  conscientious 
objection  to  the  use  of  alcohol." 

Dr.  Whitty  swallowed  a  mild  oath,  but,  still  recol- 
lecting Annie's  pretty  face,  spoke  politely  to  Au- 
gustus : 

"  Is  there  anything  you  would  care  for?  " 

"  Thank  you,"  said  Augustus,  "  if  you  have  such 
a  thing  as  a  banana  in  the  house,  I  will  take  it  gladly." 

"  I  have  not  a  banana,  and,  what's  more,  I  don't 
believe  there's  one  in  the  town  of  Ballintra;  so,  if 
that's  the  only  form  of  food  you  consume,  I'm  afraid 
you're  likely  to  go  hungry  till  you  leave  this." 

Augustus  sighed  heavily. 


HYGIENIC  APPARATUS  139 

"  What  about  your  surgical  instruments  ?  "  said  the 
doctor.  "  Have  you  brought  any  specimens  with 
you?  I  could  do  very  well  with  a  new  hypodermic 
syringe.  I  broke  the  needle  of  my  old  one  last  week, 
and  the  thing  was  pretty  near  worn  out  any  way." 

Augustus  smiled  in  a  feeble,  vacuous  way.  He  pro- 
duced from  his  pocket  a  list,  which  he  handed  to  Dr. 
Whitty : 

"  These  are  the  articles  our  firm  manufactures." 

Dr.  Whitty  read  the  list  through  aloud: 

"  Portable  Turkish  Baths,  305.  6d. ;  superior 
Quality,  Oak,  493.  6d. 

"  Home  Exercisers,  173.  6d. ;  with  Patent 
Springs  and  Pearl  Grips,  253. 

"  Electric  Belts,  12s.  6d. ;  Full  Strength  of  Cur- 
rent, 155. 

"  Electric  Indiarubber  Flesh  Massage  Brushes, 
7s.  6d.  each. 

"  Photographic  Cameras,  Quarter-plate,  Guar- 
anteed, £2,  los.  to  £4." 

"  Now,  how  the  devil,"  asked  Dr.  Whitty,  "  do  you 
expect  to  sell  any  of  those  things  in  a  place  like  this? 
There  isn't  a  man,  woman,  or  child  in  the  district 
would  take  a  present  of  the  whole  lot  of  them,  or 
know  what  to  do  with  them  if  you  laid  them  out  on 
the  mat  outside  their  bedroom  doors." 

"  Annie  told  me,"  said  Augustus  feebly,  "  you'd  be 


140      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

sure  to  be  able  to  help  me  by  recommending  them  to 
your  patients." 

"  Well,  I'll  tell  you  what  I'll  do  for  you.  I'll  buy 
a  camera  myself  at  £3.  I  don't  want  it  in  the  least, 
and  am  simply  taking  it  out  of  affection  for  my 
Cousin  Annie." 

Augustus  Jetty  seemed  disappointed. 

"  Annie  told  me,"  he  said,  "  that  you'd  be  sure  to 
give  me  a  letter  of  recommendation  to  all  your  prin- 
cipal patients." 

Dr.  Whitty  thought  the  matter  over,  and  remem- 
bered the  threat  at  the  end  of  Annie's  letter  before 
replying : 

"As  a  rule,  I  don't  do  this  kind  of  thing;  but  in 
this  particular  case  I've  no  objection  to  your  stick- 
ing Thady  Glynn  with  a  portable  Turkish  bath,  if 
you  can.  He's  away  from  home  to-day  at  a  fair;  so 
I'll  give  you  a  letter  to  Mrs.  Glynn,  telling  her  that 
a  portable  Turkish  bath  is  the  exact  thing  her  hus- 
band really  wants.  If  you  have  the  nerve  to  rush 
her  into  buying  one  before  Thady  gets  back,  I'll  take 
all  the  blame  afterwards.  I've  had  it  in  for  Thady 
Glynn  ever  since  the  time  he  went  for  me  about  the 
band  at  the  Sports,  and  I  don't  in  the  least  mind  help- 
ing you  to  swindle  him  out  of  thirty  bob." 

"  What  about  the  other  things  ?  "  persisted  Augus- 
tus. "  Isn't  there  anybody  who  would  buy  a  home 


HYGIENIC  APPARATUS  141 

exerciser?  I'm  in  a  position  to  offer  you  a  commis- 
sion of  10  per  cent,  on  anything  I  sell  through  your 
recommendation." 

"  If  you  like  to  try  the  colonel  with  a  home  exer- 
ciser you  can.  I'll  give  you  his  address.  He's  a 
well-off  man  who  wouldn't  feel  the  175.  6d.  The  10 
per  cent.,  which  would  come  to  something  with  a 
halfpenny  in  it,  as  well  as  I  can  make  out,  you  can 
keep  to  buy  furniture  when  you  set  up  house  with 
Annie.  While  you're  at  it,  you  may  as  well  call  on 
Father  Henaghan  and  see  if  he'd  take  an  electric  belt. 
He  might  fancy  it,  and  I  don't  suppose  it  can  do  him 
any  harm.  In  any  case,  I'll  call  round  to-morrow 
and  warn  him  not  to  use  it.  The  only  other  people 
who  could  possibly  buy  anything  are  the  Jacksons, 
and  I  wouldn't  like  to  stick  them  for  more  than  a  mas- 
sage brush.  They  have  a  large  family." 

Augustus  made  a  careful  list  of  the  names  and  ad- 
dresses and  went  out,  promising  to  be  back  in  time 
for  dinner. 

To  the  doctor's  great  surprise  he  returned  abso- 
lutely jubilant;  he  had  sold  all  four  articles,  delivered 
them  to  their  purchasers,  and  received  cash  payment. 
He  offered  to  make  out  the  amount  of  Dr.  Whitty's 
percentage,  but  seemed  pleased  when  the  whole  sum 
was  made  over  to  him  as  a  wedding  present.  He  sat 
down  and  watched  the  doctor  eat  his  dinner.  As 


142      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

there  were  no  bananas  or  nuts,  he  himself  ate  nothing 
but  two  slices  of  very  hard  toast,  which  the  house- 
keeper cooked  under  protest.  Next  morning  he  left 
Ballintra. 

Dr.  Whitty  wrote  a  letter  to  his  aunt: 

"  MY  DEAR  AUNT  ELIZA, —  I  have  seen  Augustus, 
and  feel  extremely  sorry  for  Annie!  I  have  sold  a 
specimen  of  each  kind  of  hygienic  and  scientific  ap- 
paratus to  the  principal  inhabitants  of  this  town,  and 
am  looking  forward  with  anxiety  to  the  kind  of  row 
there'll  be  to-morrow.  Whatever  happens,  don't  send 
Augustus  here  again,  unless  you  want  to  get  rid  of 
him  permanently.  The  people  here  are  peaceful,  and 
have  a  great  regard  for  me;  but  they  will  probably 
shoot  him  at  sight  if  he  appears  among  them  again. 
-Give  my  love  to  Annie  and  tell  her  to  try  her  young 
man  with  a  steak  and  a  bottle  of  porter.  He  wants 
fattening  up,  otherwise  he  seems  all  right,  and  ought  to 
succeed  in  life,  if  persistence  will  help  him.  Send  me 
a  bit  of  wedding  cake  when  the  affair  culminates,  and 
believe  me  your  affectionate  nephew, 

"  GEORGE  WHITTY." 

There  was,  as  the  doctor  anticipated,  a  row,  or 
rather  four  separate  rows,  next  day.  The  trouble 
began  quite  early  with  a  visit  from  Mrs.  Thady 
Glynn : 

"  Doctor,"  she  said,  "  himself  is  mighty  queer  this 
morning,  and  I'd  be  thankful  to  you  if  you'd  give 
me  some  kind  of  a  bottle  that  would  do  him  good." 


HYGIENIC  APPARATUS  143 

"  I'll  come  down  and  have  a  look  at  him  at  once." 

"  It'd  be  better  for  you  not.  His  temper  is  that 
riz,  he  might  be  for  taking  a  knife  to  you.  It's  all 
along  of  that  portable  Turkish  bath  you  sent  down  to 
him  yesterday." 

"  If  he's  fit  to  take  the  knife  to  me,"  said  the  doc- 
tor, "  there  can't  be  much  the  matter  with  him  except 
temper." 

"  There  is,  then.  It  would  make  you  cry,  if  so  be 
it  didn't  make  you  laugh,  to  see  the  state  it  has  him 
in.  Nothing  would  do  him  this  morning  but  to  have 
a  try  at  it.  He  sat  in  it  for  the  best  part  of  half  an 
hour,  and  the  perspiration  was  running  down  off  his 
face  before  he  was  out.  When  he  did  get  out,  you'll 
hardly  believe  me,  but  it  had  him  turned  black  from 
his  chin  to  his  feet,  every  inch  of  him  barring  his 
head,  which  didn't  be  in  the  inside  of  the  bath  at  all." 

"  Nonsense,"  said  Dr.  Whitty,  "  it  can't  possibly 
have  turned  him  black.  Why  should  it?  I  expect 
the  black  was  in  him  before  he  got  in,  and  the  thing 
hadn't  time  to  do  more  than  bring  it  to  the  surface. 
If  he'd  stayed  where  he  was  for  another  half-hour  it 
would  have  all  peeled  off." 

"  He  does  say,"  continued  Mrs.  Glynn,  "  that  you've 
had  it  in  for  him  this  long  time,  and  that  you  said 
you'd  turn  him  blue  the  way  he  angered  you  over  the 
tune  the  band  played  the  day  of  the  Sports." 


144      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

"  Look  here,  what  did  you  fill  the  lamp  with  ? " 

"The  lamp  is  it?" 

"  Yes.     The  lamp  you  put  in  under  him." 

"  It  did  say  on  the  paper,"  said  Mrs.  Glynn,  "  that 
it  was  methylated  spirits  had  a  right  to  be  put  in, 
but  we'd  run  out  of  them  on  account  of  the  way 
Lizzie  does  be  taking  them  out  of  the  shop  for  curling 
her  hair,  and  I  thought  a  drop  of  paraffin  oil  would 
do  as  well." 

"  That's  it,"  said  the  doctor.  "  It's  lamp-black 
that's  the  matter  with  the  man.  Go  home  and  tell 
him  to  take  an  ordinary  bath  with  a  jampot  full  of 
soft  soap  beside  him.  That'll  make  him  all  right  at 
the  end  of  ten  minutes." 

"  It's  what  I  told  him  myself.  But  where  was  the 
use  of  my  talking?  He  said  he'd  be  in  dread  of  any 
kind  of  a  bath  after  what  that  one  did  to  him.  He 
said  with  the  way  you  were  treating  him  it  would 
be  hard  to  say  what  colour  he'd  come  out  next  time, 
and  he'd  rather  be  black  itself  than  either  red  or 
blue." 

"  All  right,"  said  the  doctor,  "  if  he  won't  take  a 
bath  he'll  have  to  go  about  the  way  he  is  for  a  day 
or  two.  It'll  rub  off  on  his  clothes  by  degrees.  But, 
if  I  were  you,  I  wouldn't  give  him  clean  sheets  to 
sleep  in  till  he's  got  rid  of  the  worst  of  it." 

"He  did  say  that—" 


HYGIENIC  APPARATUS  145 

"  Hurry  up,  Mrs.  Glynn,  I  see  Father  Henaghan's 
housekeeper  and  another  woman  waiting  in  the  hall 
to  speak  to  me." 

"He  did  say  that  if  you'd  take  it  off  him—" 

"  Well,  I  won't.  I've  more  to  do  than  spend  my 
time  scrubbing  your  husband  with  a  nail-brush." 

"  It  was  the  curse  he  meant,"  said  Mrs.  Glynn. 

"Curse?  I'll  put  a  curse  on  you  that  you  won't 
forget  as  long  as  you  live,  unless  you  get  out  of  this 
pretty  quick.  I  can't  spend  the  day  listening  to  your 
foolishness.  I'm  afraid  of  my  life  this  minute  of 
what  Father  Henaghan's  housekeeper  may  have  come 
to  tell  me,  and  I'm  nearly  sure  the  other  woman  is 
the  Jacksons'  servant." 

Father  Henaghan,  it  appeared,  was  in  serious  dif- 
ficulties, if  not  in  actual  pain.  The  whole  surface 
of  that  part  of  his  body  covered  by  the  electric  belt 
had  come  out  in  small  white  blisters.  He  could 
neither  lie  down,  nor  stand  up  to  put  on  his  clothes, 
on  account  of  the  pain  given  by  the  blisters  when 
anything  touched  them.  He  wanted  the  doctor  to 
go  down  to  him.  Dr.  Whitty  started  at  once,  only 
waiting  long  enough  to  hear  that  Mrs.  Jackson's 
youngest  boy  had  developed  an  extraordinary  series 
of  red  blotches  on  his  back,  and  that  the  rector's  left 
leg  had  been  afflicted  in  a  similar  way.  They  had 
both,  he  was  told,  used  the  electric  indiarubber  flesh 


146      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

massage  brush  he  had  recommended.  It  took  him 
some  time  to  soothe  the  physical  sufferings  and  the 
mental  irritation  of  the  clergy. 

When  he  got  home  he  found  another  letter,  marked 
this  time  in  red  ink :  "  Immediate.  In  Great  Haste." 

"  It's  Aunt  Eliza  again,"  he  muttered.  "  I  hope  to 
goodness  the  second  girl  hasn't  got  engaged  to  be 
married  to  another  commercial  traveller.  If  she  has, 
she  may  starve  before  I  sell  any  of  his  infernal  ap- 
pliances for  him." 

The  news  Aunt  Eliza's  letter  contained  was  of  quite 
a  different  kind: 

"  Your  Cousin  Annie  has  changed  her  mind  about 
Augustus  Jetty,  and  I  hope  this  will  reach  you  in 
time  to  prevent  your  selling  any  of  his  appliances  for 
him.  She  has  found  out  he  is  a  vegetarian,  and  has 
all  sorts  of  queer  notions  about  his  own  health.  A 
girl  he  was  engaged  to  before  he  met  Annie  has  told 
her  about  him.  Now,  whether  it's  the  thought  of  the 
things  he  eats  or  the  feeling  that  he  used  to  be  after 
the  other  girl,  I  don't  know ;  anyway,  she  says  she'd 
be  glad  to  get  out  of  her  engagement.  The  worst  of 
it  is  that  the  other  girl  tells  us  he's  a  very  hard  young 
man  to  get  rid  of,  and  that,  now  he  has  Annie  prom- 
ised to  him,  it's  likely  he'll  stick  to  her.  Annie  says 
that,  if  he  does,  she'll  marry  him  if  it  breaks  her 
heart,  rather  than  go  back  on  her  word,  for  she  thinks 
he's  really  fond  of  her,  though  that's  nonsense,  of 


HYGIENIC  APPARATUS  147 

course.  You  may  be  able  to  help  us.  If  he  can't 
sell  any  of  the  appliances  he  may  be  willing  to  give 
up  Annie.  That's  the  only  hope  I  see  of  getting  out 
of  the  engagement ;  so,  whatever  happens,  don't  let 
him  sell  anything  in  Ballintra." 

Dr.  Whitty  was  still  considering  what  answer  he 
ought  to  give  to  this  letter  when  Colonel  Beresford 
appeared. 

"  I'd  be  very  much  obliged  to  you,  doctor,  if  you 
could  find  it  convenient  to  come  up  to  my  house  and 
take  away  that  home  exerciser  I  bought  from  your 
friend  yesterday." 

"  Surely  to  goodness,"  said  the  doctor,  "  you 
weren't  such  a  fool  as  to  go  using  a  thing  of  the 
sort?" 

"  Of  course  I  didn't  use  it.  Is  it  likely,  at  my 
time  of  life,  I'd  go  tangling  myself  up  with  a  lot  of 
pulleys  and  cords?  No!  What  I  did  was  to  have 
it  fixed  up  in  the  servants'  hall.  Then  I  told  Jacobs, 
my  man,  that  he  and  the  cook  could  take  it  in  turns 
to  work  the  thing  when  they'd  nothing  particular  to 
do.  Jacobs  has  been  looking  flabby  for  a  long  time, 
and  the  cook  is  getting  unwieldy  with  fat.  I  thought 
the  home  exerciser  would  do  them  both  good." 

"  So  it  ought,"  said  the  doctor.  "  I  should  say 
myself  it'd  be  the  very  thing  for  Jacobs." 

"  Well,  it  didn't  seem  to  suit  him.     I  gave  him  the 


148      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

papers  of  '  Directions  for  Use,'  and  told  him  to  try 
it  very  gently  at  the  first  go-off,  until  he  felt  he'd  got 
the  hang  of  it  properly.  I  don't  know  what  the  fool 
did,  but,  anyhow,  there's  been  an  accident:  Jacobs 
has  a  black  eye  and  won't  be  fit  to  appear  in  the  din- 
ing-room for  the  next  week.  The  cook's  given  no- 
tice." 

"  I  don't  see  what  can  possibly  have  gone  wrong," 
said  the  doctor,  "  unless  you  bought  the  twenty-five 
shilling  sort,  with  the  patent  springs.  You  can't  trust 
a  patent  spring." 

"  It  was  that  one  I  did  buy,"  said  the  colonel.  "  I 
thought,  from  the  way  you  wrote,  the  man  was  a 
friend  of  yours,  and  I'd  do  the  best  I  could  for  him  " 

"  I  suppose,"  said  the  doctor,  "  the  patent  spring 
exploded  in  some  way." 

"  What  the  cook  says  is  that,  all  of  a  sudden,  there 
was  a  kind  of  noise :  '  the  like  of  what  one  of  them 
motor-cars  would  make  when  it  was  starting,  and  a 
clucking  hen  along  with  that,'  and  that  then  '  the  two 
handles  of  the  thing  came  woffling  off '  and  struck 
poor  Jacobs  in  the  eye,  I  suppose." 

"And  what  do  you  want  me  to  do?  If  Jacobs 
puts  a  lump  of  raw  meat  to  his  eye  it's  the  only  thing 
that  can  be  done  for  it." 

"  I  want  you  to  come  up  and  unscrew  the  thing 


HYGIENIC  APPARATUS  149 

off  the  wall  and  take  it  away.  I'll  get  no  peace  till 
it's  out  of  the  house." 

"Can't  Jacobs  do  that?" 

"  Jacobs  won't.  He  says  he  wouldn't  touch  it 
again  for  fifty  pounds.  And  the  cook  won't,  and 
she  won't  let  the  groom  into  the  kitchen  for  fear 
he'd  lose  his  life  over  it.  She  seems  to  have  a  strong 
personal  regard  for  the  groom.  I  asked  the  under- 
housemaid,  who  is  the  only  sensible  person  left  about 
the  place,  if  she'd  have  a  go  at  it.  I  lent  her  a  screw- 
driver, and  I  believe  the  poor  girl  tried,  but — " 

"  The  cook  didn't  mind  about  her  losing  her  life, 
I  suppose  ?  " 

"  She  didn't  seem  to.  But,  anyhow,  the  girl  failed 
to  get  it  unscrewed." 

"  I  expect  she  tried  to  twist  the  screws  the  wrong 
way,"  said  the  doctor.  "  I  never  met  a  woman  in 
my  life  that  could  remember  which  way  a  screw 
turns." 

"  I  dare  say.  At  all  events,  there's  nothing  for  i£ 
now  but  for  you  to  come." 

"Couldn't  you  do  it  yourself?" 

"  No.  I  daren't  venture  downstairs  on  account  of 
the  temper  the  cook's  in.  In  fact,  my  plan  was  to 
wait  here  until  you  came  back  and  brought  the  ex- 
erciser with  you." 


150      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

"Well,  I  can't  go  yet,"  said  the  doctor.  "I'm 
frightfully  busy  at  present.  Father  Henaghan's  stom- 
ach is  covered  all  over  with  white  blisters,  and  the 
rector's  leg  has  a  red  blotch  upon  it  the  size  of  a 
porter  bottle,  and  to-morrow's  Sunday.  If  I  don't 
get  those  two  reverend  gentlemen  straightened  out  in 
the  course  of  the  afternoon  there  won't  be  a  religious 
service  of  any  sort  in  the  town  to-morrow ;  and,  on 
top  of  that,  Thady  Glynn  has  come  out  black  from 
head  to  foot,  and  can't  be  induced  to  take  a  bath." 

"  If  you're  going  to  wash  Thady  Glynn,"  said  the 
colonel,  "  until  he's  clean,  I'm  hardly  likely  to  see  you 
up  at  Ballintra  House  before  Monday,  and  the  dear 
knows  what  state  the  servants  will  be  in  by  that  time." 

"  Well,"  said  the  doctor,  "  rather  than  see  you  ab- 
solutely stuck  I'll  go  with  you.  But  you'll  have  to 
wait  a  minute  till  I  write  a  telegram." 

It  was  to  his  Aunt  Eliza  that  Dr.  Whitty  sent  his 
message : 

"  Strongly  recommend  Annie  to  insure  the  life  of 
Augustus  Jetty,  marry  him,  and  then  insist  on  his 
using  all  his  own  hygienic  and  scientific  appliances. 
She'll  be  a  widow  in  a  week." 


VIII 
LAW   AND   ORDER,   AND   THE   CAMERA 

TT  is  popularly  supposed  that  all  Irishmen  take  a 
natural  delight  in  politics  and  prefer  public  meet- 
ings to  every  other  form  of  amusement.  This  is 
quite  a  mistake.  It  is  like  the  corresponding  theory, 
held  generally  in  England,  that  the  Irish  prefer  po- 
tatoes to  any  other  food  and  take  a  pleasure  in  sub- 
mitting to  the  guidance  of  priests.  They  used  to  live 
on  potatoes ;  but  it  was  only  because  they  could  get 
little  else.  They  still,  sometimes,  respect  priests  be- 
cause nobody  else  in  Ireland  asks  for  respect,  and 
men  must  look  up  to  somebody.  They  do  not  really 
care  much  for  politics,  but  are  driven  to  them  as 
theatre-goers  in  provincial  towns  are  at  certain 
seasons  of  the  year  forced  to  go  to  pantomimes,  be- 
cause no  other  form  of  entertainment  is  offered  to 
them. 

Dr.  Whitty,  for  instance,  had  not  the  smallest  taste 
for  politics.  The  speeches  of  Members  of  Parliament 
bored  him,  and  he  had  a  definite  feeling  of  hostility 
towards  the  League,  chiefly  because  the  principal 
Leaguer  in  the  neighbourhood  was  Thady  Glynn. 


152      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

Yet  Dr.  Whitty  once  in  his  life  took  an  active  part 
in  a  political  demonstration;  and  his  action,  though 
not  gratifying  to  either  of  the  contending  parties,  was 
on  the  whole  beneficial.  He  himself  claimed  that  he 
had,  at  a  very  critical  moment,  restored  law  and  or- 
der when  there  was  serious  danger  of  a  riot. 

Shortly  after  the  visit  of  Augustus  Jetty  to  Ballin- 
tra,  while  the  camera  he  had  bought  from  that  un- 
fortunate young  man  was  still  a  new  toy  to  Dr. 
Whitty,  politics  became  unusually  interesting  on 
Colonel  Beresford's  estate.  A  certain  widow,  Mrs. 
Canavan  by  name,  was  evicted  from  a  farm  for  which 
she  had  paid  no  rent  for  seven  years.  By  way  of 
making  things  as  pleasant  as  possible  for  Mrs.  Cana- 
van, her  nephew,  Peter  Canavan,  was  given  the  farm 
on  the  understanding  that  he  would  allow  his  aunt 
to  live  with  him.  Peter  agreed  to  this;  but,  as  it 
appeared  afterwards,  Peter's  wife  did  not.  She  was 
a  young  woman  with  seven  babies  and  she  thought 
there  was  not  room  in  the  house  for  Peter's  aunt. 
Old  Mrs.  Canavan  spoke  her  mind  freely  to  Peter 
and  there  was  a  good  deal  of  unpleasantness  in  the 
family  circle.  Peter,  quite  naturally,  took  to  spend- 
ing most  of  his  time  in  town  and  found  himself  more 
comfortable  in  a  public-house  than  at  home.  It  was 
not  Thady  Glynn's  public-house  which  he  frequented, 
unfortunately  for  himself.  The  quarrel  between  the 


LAW  AND  ORDER,  AND  THE  CAMERA  153 

elder  and  the  younger  Mrs.  Canavan  grew  acute,  and 
Dr.  Whitty  was  sent  for  to  minister  to  a  black  eye 
inflicted  on  Peter's  wife.  Being  at  the  time  very 
much  interested  in  his  camera  he  photographed  young 
Mrs.  Canavan  while  her  eye  was  at  its  worst.  This 
was  the  beginning  of  the  fine  collection  of  political 
pictures  which  he  made  before  the  Canavan  case 
was  finally  settled. 

After  being  summoned  for  assaulting  her  niece,  old 
Mrs.  Canavan,  the  Widow  Canavan  as  she  was  gen- 
erally called,  declined  to  return  to  her  nephew's 
house.  She  took  lodgings  in  town  and  denounced 
Peter  as  a  "  land-grabber "  of  the  worst  order. 
Thady  Glynn  took  up  her  case  warmly.  Several 
strong  resolutions  were  passed  about  Peter;  and  Dr. 
Whitty,  recognising  that  he  was  becoming  a  public 
man,  photographed  him.  He  also  secured  a  snap- 
shot of  the  Widow  Canavan.  Peter  did  not  seem  to 
object  to  the  resolutions  in  the  least ;  so  his  aunt  went 
out  one  night  and  broke  down  a  wall  on  the  farm, 
so  that  a  calf  was  able  to  stray  into  a  potato-field 
and  do  a  great  deal  of  damage.  For  this  she  was 
brought  before  the  magistrates  and  sent  to  jail  for  a 
week.  Dr.  Whitty  photographed  her  between  two 
policemen,  and  afterwards  photographed  the  wall.  It 
had  been  built  up  again,  but  Peter  obligingly  made  a 
fresh  breach  in  it  and  posed  the  calf  for  Dr.  Whitty. 


154     THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

The  picture  was  most  realistic  and  very  interesting. 
A  Dublin  paper  paid  half  a  crown  for  the  use  of  the 
negative. 

While  the  Widow  Canavan  was  in  prison  some 
members  of  the  League,  incited,  it  was  believed,  by 
Thady  Glynn,  went  out  to  the  farm  and  dug  a  grave 
opposite  the  front  door  of  Peter's  house.  Peter  said 
that  he  did  not  object  to  the  grave  in  the  least ;  but  he 
spent  more  of  his  time  than  ever  in  the  town.  If, 
even  at  this  stage  of  the  proceedings,  he  had  had  the 
sense  to  buy  his  whisky  from  Thady  Glynn  all  might 
have  gone  well  with  him.  Unfortunately  he  preferred 
another  public-house  whose  landlord  was  not  an  in- 
fluential man.  Dr.  Wbitty  photographed  the  grave, 
but  the  picture  was  not  a  success.  The  hole,  hur- 
riedly dug  in  the  dead  of  night,  did  not  look  like  a 
grave.  When  photographed  it  did  not  even  appear 
to  be  a  hole.  Dr.  Whitty  called  on  Thady  Glynn  and 
proposed  that  the  League  should,  in  the  interests 
of  art,  erect  a  tombstone  beside  the  grave.  Thady, 
who  did  not  care  about  photography,  said  it  would  be 
time  enough  to  do  that  when  Peter  was  in  the  grave. 

The  Widow  Canavan  came  out  of  prison  in  a  very 
bad  temper  and  full  of  a  desire  to  take  revenge  on 
Peter.  She  lay  in  wait  for  the  two  eldest  Canavan 
children  and  threw  stones  at  them  as  they  returned 
from  school.  She  did  not  hit  them  but  Peter,  who 


LAW  AND  ORDER,  AND  THE  CAMERA  155 

was  getting  irritated,  took  out  a  summons  against  her. 
She  went  to  jail  for  another  week.  The  constable 
who  took  charge  of  her,  a  young  man  fresh  from  the 
depot,  said  that  her  language  made  him  break  out 
into  a  cold  sweat.  Dr.  Whitty  photographed  that 
constable  and  added  the  picture  to  his  collection.  It 
was  Colonel  Beresford  who  suggested  this  picture. 
He  said  that  the  man  was  a  curiosity,  and  that  his 
features  ought  to  be  preserved  for  posterity  before 
his  innocence  faded  away. 

The  case  began  to  excite  a  good  deal  of  interest  in 
the  locality,  and  a  subscription  was  got  up  for  the 
benefit  of  the  Widow  Canavan.  Peter,  very  gener- 
ously, offered  to  contribute  a  shilling;  but  the  League 
refused  to  receive  the  money.  Thady  Glynn  said 
that  Peter's  only  proper  course  was  to  give  up  the 
farm,  and  that  a  shilling  was  worse  than  useless 
while  he  continued  to  hold  the  land.  Dr.  Whitty 
photographed  the  shilling,  having  obtained  it  from  the 
till  of  the  public-house  which  Peter  frequented.  The 
publican  said  he  could  take  his  oath  to  its  being  the 
right  shilling,  because  he  felt  pretty  certain  at  the 
time  that  Peter  handed  it  to  him  that  it  was  a  bad 
one.  He  had  not,  he  said,  liked  to  refuse  it,  because 
Peter  was  a  good  customer,  and  in  trouble  at  the 
time. 

When  the  Widow  Canavan  got  out  of  prison  for 


156      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

the  second  time  she  was  met  by  a  deputation  of  the 
League.  Thady  Glynn  handed  her  the  sum  which 
had  been  collected,  175.  Qd.,  and  told  her  the  story 
of  Peter's  shilling.  Any  feeling  of  affection  which 
she  may  still  have  entertained  for  the  nephew  disap- 
peared when  she  heard  about  the  shilling.  She  said 
publicly  that  from  that  day  forward  she  refused  to 
recognise  any  relationship  between  herself  and  Peter. 
She  also  felt  that  she  owed  the  League  some  return 
for  the  money  which  had  been  given  her.  She 
watched  for  her  opportunity,  and  got  it  one  evening 
when  Peter  lay  inoffensively  drunk  and  quite  helpless 
on  the  side  of  the  road,  half-way  between  the  town 
and  his  home.  She  stuck  a  two-pronged  table  fork 
into  the  calf  of  his  leg.  Peter's  wife,  when  she  dis- 
covered what  had  been  done  to  her  husband,  sent  for 
Dr.  Whitty.  The  fork  had  been  extracted  before  he 
reached  the  house,  but  he  offered  Peter  half  a  crown 
to  allow  him  to  stick  it  in  again  so  as  to  obtain  a 
really  interesting  photograph.  Peter  stood  out  for  55., 
and  a  bargain  was  struck  in  the  end  at  35.  6d.  Un- 
fortunately Mrs.  Canavan  objected.  Dr.  Whitty 
reasoned  with  her,  pointing  out  that  he  meant  to  stick 
the  fork  into  precisely  the  same  holes  that  it  was  in 
before,  and  that  Peter's  leg  would  not  be  any  worse 
than  it  was.  She  still  objected.  When  he  offered, 
in  addition  to  the  35.  6d.,  to  let  her  baby  off  without  be- 


LAW  AND  ORDER,  AND  THE  CAMERA  157 

ing  vaccinated,  she  hesitated  for  a  minute.  Dr. 
Whitty  pointed  out,  speaking  as  persuasively  as  he 
could,  that  there  were  two  holes  in  Peter's  leg  in 
any  case;  whereas,  if  he  escaped  vaccination,  there 
was  no  reason  why  there  should  ever  be  a  hole  in  her 
baby's  arm.  Mrs.  Canavan  listened  to  him,  but  in 
the  end  she  sacrificed  the  baby.  Dr.  Whitty  was 
obliged  to  be  content  with  a  photograph  in  which  the 
fork  appeared  lying  on  a  chair  close  to  Peter's  leg. 
Events  for  the  Widow  Canavan  seemed  likely  to 
take  their  usual  course.  She  was  commanded,  under 
certain  frightful  penalties,  to  appear  before  the  mag- 
istrates in  the  Petty  Sessions  Court.  No  doubt  she 
would  have  been  quietly  and  unobtrusively  condemned 
to  another  period  of  imprisonment  if  circumstances 
had  not  combined  to  make  her  case  notorious.  The 
publication  of  Dr.  Whitty's  leg-and-fork  photograph 
excited  a  good  deal  of  public  attention.  The  Govern- 
ment then  in  power,  being  anxious  to  do  something 
unpopular  with  regard  to  China,  found  it  necessary 
in  the  first  instance  to  pacify  certain  powerful  people 
by  establishing  a  reign  of  Law  and  Order  in  Ireland. 
It  was  a  thoroughly  well-intentioned  and  benevolent 
Government,  which  did  not  wish  to  annoy  anyone  un- 
necessarily. The  Widow  Canavan,  however,  seemed 
to  it  to  be  just  the  sort  of  person  who  might  be  used 
for  great  ends  without  injustice  of  any  sort.  The 


158      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

.fact  that  she  would  be  vigorously  dealt  with  was 
rather  ostentatiously  advertised,  and  two  Resident 
Magistrates  were  told  off  to  try  her  case.  On  the 
other  hand,  the  League,  goaded  on  by  Thady  Glynn, 
saw  in  the  Widow  Canavan  the  makings  of  a  striking 
victim  of  landlord  tyranny.  A  Dublin  barrister  of 
great  eloquence  was  engaged,  at  a  fee,  it  was  under- 
stood, of  forty  pounds,  his  travelling  expenses,  and 
his  luncheon  in  Thady  Glynn's  hotel,  to  prove  that 
the  sticking  of  the  fork  into  Peter's  leg  was  an  act 
of  patriotic  virtue  which  deserved  a  reward,  and  not 
a  punishment.  A  Member  of  Parliament  noted  for 
his  skill  in  breezy  invective  promised  to  supplement 
the  barrister's  oration  with  a  speech  to  the  general 
public  outside  the  Court  House. 

The  widow's  fate  was,  of  course,  decided  before- 
hand. The  Resident  Magistrates  were  quite  ready  to 
listen  to  the  barrister,  and  anticipated  an  agreeable 
entertainment ;  but  they  were  not  the  men  to  be  moved 
by  anything  which  could  possibly  be  said  to  them  in 
Court.  Nobody  expected  that  their  judgment  would 
be  altered  by  so  much  as  a  day's  imprisonment  as  a 
result  of  the  barrister's  speech.  Allowing  him  an 
hour  in  which  to  make  his  speech,  they  ordered  a 
brake  to  be  at  the  door  of  the  Court  House  at  one 
o'clock,  to  convey  the  Widow  Canavan  to  the  County 
Jail.  The  only  item  in  the  programme  which  gave 


LAW  AND  ORDER,  AND  THE  CAMERA  159 

rise  to  any  speculation  was  the  speech  of  the  Mem- 
ber of  Parliament.  It  was  possible  that  he  might  so 
far  work  upon  the  feelings  of  the  people  who  heard 
him  that  the  people  would  feel  obliged  to  attack  them 
with  batons. 

Thady  Glynn,  hoping  for  the  best,  arranged  that 
there  should  be  a  large  number  of  people  to  listen  to 
the  Alember  of  Parliament.  The  Government,  also 
hoping  for  the  best,  arranged  that  there  should  be  a 
considerable  force  of  police  outside  the  Court  House 
ready  to  attack  the  people.  Dr.  Whitty,  who,  like 
Thady  Glynn  and  the  Government,  had  hopes,  ar- 
ranged to  take  a  photograph  of  the  baton  charge  if 
it  came  off.  He  obtained  a  supply  of  highly  sensitive 
plates  guaranteed  to  record  satisfactory  impressions 
with  the  shortest  possible  exposure.  Fortune  fa- 
voured him.  The  day  was  remarkably  fine  and  the 
light  was  good.  With  the  help  of  Michael  Geraghty, 
who  supplied  some  planks  and  low  trestles,  he  ar- 
ranged his  camera  on  a  sort  of  platform  at  the  base 
of  the  statue  recently  erected  to  the  memory  of  Wolfe 
Tone.  The  situation  was  an  ideal  one,  for  the  statue 
stood  in  the  middle  of  the  street  which  led  from  the 
Court  House  to  the  Fair  Green.  If  there  was  flight 
and  pursuit  it  was  almost  certain  that  they  must  pass 
the  statue.  Dr.  Whitty  had  everything  in  perfect 
readiness  before  twelve  o'clock.  Michael  Geraghty, 


ICO      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

who  was  greatly  interested  in  the  camera,  stood  be- 
side him  on  the  improvised  platform. 

The  two  Resident  Magistrates  passed  up  the  street 
to  the  Court  House.  They  were  strangers  to  Dr. 
Whitty,  and  they  looked  at  him  suspiciously.  In  Ire- 
land the  guardians  of  law  and  order  have  to  be  sus- 
picious. Dr.  Whitty  seized  the  bulb  by  which  the 
shutter  of  his  camera  was  released,  and  photographed 
them.  He  hoped  the  focus  would  turn  out  to  be  right. 
The  Resident  Magistrates  were  pleased.  The  photo- 
graph was  a  tribute  to  their  personal  importance. 
They  passed  on  without  molesting  Dr.  Whitty.  The 
barrister  and  the  Member  of  Parliament,  escorted  by 
Thady  Glynn,  came  next.  Dr.  Whitty  hailed  Thady, 
and  while  the  party  turned  round  to  look  at  him  se- 
cured another  photograph.  Michael  Geraghty  was 
delighted,  and  persuaded  a  body  of  police  who 
marched  up  the  street  to  halt  in  front  of  the  camera. 
The  serjeant  in  command  happened  to  be  married  to 
a  niece  of  Michael's  wife,  so  there  was  no  difficulty 
about  getting  the  men  to  stand  still.  Some  leading 
members  of  the  League,  on  their  way  to  help  in  the 
administration  of  justice,  were  also  photographed. 
Then  ensued  a  long  period  of  waiting. 

"  The  brake,"  said  Michael  Geraghty,  "  isn't  or- 
dered till  one  o'clock.  I  was  talking  to  the  man  who 
is  to  drive  it,  and  he  told  me  so  himself.  If  there's 


LAW  AND  ORDER,  AND  THE  CAMERA  161 

anything  that  you'd  like  to  be  doing  in  the  meanwhile, 
doctor,  you  have  time  enough." 

"  I  wouldn't  trust  them,"  said  Dr.  Whitty.  "  If 
I  went  away  it's  as  likely  as  not  they'd  hurry  the 
whole  thing  up,  and  I'd  miss  the  show  afterwards." 

"  They  couldn't.  Isn't  the  man  they  have  down 
from  Dublin  to  be  talking  for  the  best  part  of  an 
hour?  Would  they  pay  him  forty  pounds  for 
less?" 

"  I  have  no  doubt  he  will  if  he's  let,"  said  Dr. 
Whitty.  "  But  there  was  a  determined  look  in  the 
eye  of  the  nearest  of  the  two  magistrates.  I  wouldn't 
wonder  if  they  cut  him  short." 

"  They  might  then,  them  two,  if  they  was  left  to 
themselves.  But  the  colonel  will  be  on  the  bench 
along  with  them  ones,  and  he'll  see  fair  play  all  round. 
He  doesn't  care  a  great  deal  for  Thady  Glynn,  but 
he  isn't  the  man  to  see  forty  pounds  spent  and  noth- 
ing done  for  the  money." 

"  The  colonel  won't  be  on  the  bench.  The  very  first 
thing  that  Dublin  man  will  do  will  be  to  put  the  colonel 
off.  He'll  say  the  colonel's  an  interested  party  and 
ought  not  to  sit  on  the  case." 

"  I  wouldn't  wonder  if  he  did  say  that ;  but  the 
colonel  mightn't  go  for  him." 

"He  will,"  said  Dr.  Whitty.  "I  know  him  well. 
If  they  make  out  that  he  has  any  sort  of  connection 


162      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

with  either  Peter's  leg  or  the  fork  he'll  step  down  off 
the  bench  at  once." 

"  As  regards  the  Widow  Canavan,  it'll  be  the  same 
thing  whether  he  does  or  doesn't." 

"  It  will,  of  course ;  but  it'll  be  so  much  to  the 
good  for  the  Dublin  lawyer  if  he  succeeds  in  chasing 
the  colonel." 

Events  justified  the  prophecies  of  both  Dr.  Whitty 
and  Michael  Geraghty.  The  colonel  resigned  his 
place  on  the  bench,  but  the  barrister  made  a  full- 
length  speech.  At  one  o'clock  the  brake  drove  slowly 
up  the  street  and  was  hooted  vigorously  by  the  crowd. 
It  took  its  stand  outside  the  Court  House  door,  under 
the  protection  of  a  double  line  of  police.  At  a  quar- 
ter-past one  the  Widow  Canavan,  in  the  charge  of 
four  constables  and  uttering  terrific  language,  was 
hustled  into  it.  It  drove  through  the  crowd  and  Dr. 
Whitty  obtained  a  photograph  of  it  as  it  passed  him. 
Thady  Glynn,  the  barrister,  who  looked  hot,  and  the 
Member  of  Parliament  appeared  on  the  Court  House 
steps.  The  crowd  cheered  vociferously.  The  Mem- 
ber of  Parliament  stepped  to  the  front,  took  off  his 
hat,  and  began  to  speak. 

"  I  can't  hear  a  single  word  he  says,"  said  Dr. 
Whitty.  "Can  you,  Michael?" 

"  I  cannot ;  but,  sure,  I've  often  heard  the  like  be- 
fore." 


LAW  AND  ORDER,  AND  THE  CAMERA  163 

The  two  Resident  Magistrates,  followed  by  Colonel 
Beresford,  slipped  round  the  back  of  the  Member  of 
Parliament  and  took  up  a  secure  position  among  the 
police. 

"  I  wouldn't  wonder,"  said  Michael  Geraghty,  "  but 
he  might  be  saying  things  against  the  colonel  now. 
He  has  all  the  look  of  it." 

The  orator's  arm  was  in  fact  stretched  out  and  his 
finger  pointed  in  the  direction  of  the  place  where 
Colonel  Beresford  was  standing. 

"  It's  either  him  or  the  magistrates  that's  getting  it, 
and  getting  it  hot  this  minute,"  said  Michael  Geraghty. 
"  Look  at  the  way  Thady  Glynn  has  his  hat  took  off 
of  his  head  and  it  waving  up  and  down  in  the  air. 
The  like  of  that  I  have  never  seen  yet." 

The  Member  of  Parliament  was  evidently  doing 
his  best.  The  cheers  of  the  crowd  testified  to  the 
fact  that  he  was  speaking  acceptable  things.  Urged 
on  to  fresh  exertion  by  the  popular  approval  of  his 
efforts,  his  voice  rose  to  a  sort  of  shriek,  and  the 
word  "  Hell  "  came  ringing  down  the  street. 

"  Good,"  said  Dr.  Whitty,  "  if  those  magistrates  are 
any  use  they'll  put  a  stop  to  that." 

But  neither  the  magistrates  nor  the  police  showed 
any  sign  of  unusual  emotion.  The  Member  of  Par- 
liament wiped  his  forehead  and  started  again.  He 
made  a  good  beginning,  and  the  words  "  Men  of  the 


164.      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

West "  were  plainly  audible  to  Dr.  Whitty  and 
Michael  Geraghty.  Then  for  a  while  his  strength 
failed  him,  and  it  was  not  until  he  reached  his  second 
peroration  that  Dr.  Whitty  heard  any  more.  Then 
the  expression  "  dastardly  land-grabber  "  sounded  out 
clearly.  The  police  did  not  seem  to  object  to  that  in 
the  least,  but  the  Member  of  Parliament  was  a  de- 
termined man.  At  the  end  of  another  quarter  of  an 
hour  he  succeeded  in  saying  something  which  stirred 
up  one  of  the  magistrates.  There  were  signs  of  ac- 
tivity among  the  police.  The  Member  of  Parliament 
worked  himself  up  to  a  series  of  inarticulate  shrieks. 
Batons  were  snatched  out  of  their  cases.  Thady 
Glynn,  the  barrister,  and  the  Member  of  Parliament, 
who  was  breathless  and  somewhat  dishevelled,  skipped 
back  into  the  Court  House.  The  crowd  began  to  run 
down  the  street.  The  police  came  after  them,  were 
among  them,  struck  right  and  left  with  their  batons. 

Dr.  Whitty  seized  his  opportunity.  Just  as  the 
foremost  members  of  the  crowd  reached  the  front  of 
his  platform  he  sprang  forward. 

"Stop!"  he  shouted.  "Hold  on!  Stand  just  as 
you  are  for  a  single  instant !  All  of  you !  " 

Everybody  looked  up,  and  everybody  stopped  in 
sheer  amazement.  There  was  something  about  Dr. 
Whitty's  shout,  a  cheerful  gaiety,  a  sort  of  suggestion 
that  the  whole  thing  was  a  game  got  up  for  his  amuse- 


LAW  AND  ORDER,  AND  THE  CAMERA  165 

merit,  which  took  the  heart  out  of  police  and  people 
alike.  Most  of  them  knew  the  doctor  well,  and  every- 
body liked  him.  He  squeezed  the  bulb  which  he  held 
in  his  hand.  There  was  a  sharp  click,  plainly  audible 
in  the  silence  which  followed  the  pause. 

"  Thank  you,  gentlemen,"  said  Dr.  Whitty.  "  Now 
just  stand  as  you  are  till  I  change  the  plate  and  take 
you  again.  The  police  will  kindly  look  as  ferocious 
as  they  can.  Everybody  else  must  wear  an  expres- 
sion of  terror.  Nobody  may  grin.  I  notice  several 
men  grinning  now.  Please  don't  do  it.  This  is  a  seri- 
ous business.  It  is  riot,  and  will  be  reported  in  all 
the  papers." 

The  taller  of  the  two  magistrates,  the  man  whom 
Dr.  Whitty  had  noticed  earlier  in  the  day  as  looking 
determined,  elbowed  bis  way  through  the  crowd. 

"What's  this?"  he  said;  "what's  all  this?  Why 
aren't  the  police  doing  their  duty  ?  " 

"It's  all  right,"  said  Dr.  Whitty  cheerfully. 
"  They'll  be  doing  it  again  in  a  minute.  I'm  just  tak- 
ing a  photograph.  Just  stand  where  you  are,  will 
you?  You'll  look  uncommonly  well  there.  Your  ex- 
pression of  face  is  perfect.  Michael  Geraghty,  give 
me  that  other  slide,  quick.  Not  that  one.  The 
plates  in  that  are  used.  Oh,  confound  it!  Here's 
that  ass  Thady  Glynn." 

Thady,  the  barrister,  and  the  Member  of  Parlia- 


166      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

ment,  noticing  from  their  post  inside  the  Court  House 
door  that  there  was  a  hitch  in  the  proceedings,  came 
hurriedly  down  the  street. 

"  We  protest,"  said  Thady,  "  against  this  outrage- 
ous attack  which  the  police — " 

"  You  shall  hear  more  of  this,"  said  the  Member 
of  Parliament.  "  I  shall  denounce  these  proceedings 
from  my  seat  in  the  House.  I  shall  — " 

Dr.  Whitty's  shutter  clicked  again. 

"  Thank  you,  gentlemen,"  he  said.  "  I  think  I  can 
promise  two  successful  pictures.  I've  quite  finished 
now,  and  any  time  you  like  to  go  on  with  your  riot  you 
can." 

Everybody,  except  the  magistrate,  Thady  Glynn, 
and  the  Member  of  Parliament,  grinned  broadly. 
No  one  showed  any  intention  of  either  running  away 
or  pursuing.  Some  one  on  the  outskirts  of  the  crowd 
demanded  a  speech  from  the  doctor. 

"Gentlemen,"  said  Dr.  Whitty,  "I  think  you  will 
all  agree  with  me  that  the  proceedings  have  terminated 
in  a  manner  most  satisfactory  to  everybody  concerned. 
My  photographs  will  be  published  in  a  large  number 
of  newspapers.  They  will  prove  how  enthusiastically 
the  Royal  Irish  Constabulary  respond  to  the  call  of 
duty.  Nothing  could  be  better  calculated  to  estab- 
lish the  reputation  of  the  force  than  a  representation 
of  it  in  the  very  act  of  attacking  a  crowd.  On  the 


other  hand,  the  cause  of  the  League  will  be  greatly 
advanced  in  Great  Britain,  Ireland,  and  America, 
when  it  is  shown  by  actual  photographs  how  brutally 
the  people  of  this  country  are  coerced  by  the  armed 
forces  of  British  rule.  Again,  the  police  would  cer- 
tainly have  got  very  hot  and  uncomfortable  if  they 
had  gone  on  running  down  this  street  at  the  rate  at 
which  they  started.  Now,  if  they  don't  particularly 
want  to  run,  they  can  go  quietly  back  to  their  barrack. 
Also,  if  the  riot  had  gone  on,  a  number  of  people, 
probably  quite  innocent  people,  would  have  got  hit 
about  the  head  and  body.  They  ought  to  be  thankful 
to  have  escaped." 

"  Three  cheers  for  the  doctor,"  said  Michael  Ger- 
aghty. 

Colonel  Beresford  made  his  way  through  a  thor- 
oughly good-humoured  crowd  to  the  Resident  Magis- 
trate. 

"  I  really  think,"  he  said,  "  that  we  shall  all  look 
rather  fools  if  we  go  on  with  the  baton  charge  after 
this  incident." 


>"T"NHE  day  was  hot,  really  hot,  as  days  very  seldom 

•*•  are  on  the  Connacht  coast.  Dr.  Whitty  was 
bathing  off  the  end  of  the  pier  and  enjoying  himself 
greatly.  Michael  Geraghty  sat  on  the  edge  of  the 
pier  with  his  legs  dangling  over  the  water  and  gazed 
gloomily  at  the  doctor.  From  time  to  time  he  struck 
a  match  and  lit  a  damp  plug  of  tobacco  which  lay  at 
the  bottom  of  the  bowl  of  his  pipe.  There  came  after 
a  while  to  be  quite  a  flotilla  of  matches  in  the  water 
round  the  steps  of  the  pier.  Two  of  them  stuck  to 
the  doctor's  legs  when  he  dragged  himself  at  last  on 
to  dry  land.  He  picked  them  off  and  dropped  them 
into  the  sea  again. 

"  I  wish,"  he  said,  "  that  you'd  get  out  of  the  habit 
of  using  a  whole  box  of  matches  to  light  your  pipe. 
Why  won't  one  do  you  ?  " 

"  The  times,"  said  Michael  Geraghty,  "  are  mighty 
dull." 

"I  don't  see,"  said  Dr.  Whitty,  "that  that's  any 
reason  for  wasting  matches.  In  fact  I  should  say  that 
a  wave  of  commercial  depression  such  as  you  hint  at 

168 


BUOYING  THE  CHANNEL  169 

ought  to  lead  sensible  men  to  consider  small  econo- 
mies." 

"  What's  troubling  me  most,"  said  Michael  Ger- 
aghty, "  is  them  two  anchors.  I'm  sorry  now  that 
ever  I  bought  them,  though  I  don't  deny  but  I  got 
them  cheap." 

Dr.  Whitty  was  rubbing  himself  vigorously  with  a 
rough  towel. 

"  What  anchors  ?  "  he  said. 

"  Them  two  anchors  that  I  bought  the  time  of  the 
wreck.  The  customs  officer  was  selling  what  was  left 
of  the  ship,  and  I  got  the  both  of  her  anchors  for  five 
shillings.  They're  good  anchors.  You  wouldn't  see 
better.  But  what's  the  use  of  them  in  a  place  like 
this?" 

"  Was  that  the  time  we  had  the  clergy  up  talking 
Latin  and  Greek  to  Affy  Hynes  ?  " 

"  It   was,"   said   Michael   Geraghty,   grinning. 

Dr.  Whitty  slipped  his  shirt  over  his  head.  Then 
he  fished  a  pipe  out  of  his  coat  pocket,  pressed  the 
tobacco  into  the  bowl  and  sat  down  on  the  steps  of  the 
pier.  The  sun  was  shining  very  brilliantly  and  he 
liked  the  feel  of  its  heat  on  his  bare  legs. 

"  Hand  over  that  box  of  matches,"  he  said,  "  if 
there  are  any  left  in  it." 

"  They're  good  anchors,"  said  Michael  Geraghty. 
"  Devil  the  better  you'd  see.  But  where's  the  use  of 


170      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

them  lying  in  the  shed  at  the  back  of  the  house?" 

"  Why  don't  you  sell  them  if  they're  as  good  as  all 
that?  You  couldn't  get  less  than  five  shillings  for 
them  whatever  happened." 

"  Sell  them !  It's  fhankf  ul  I'd  be  to  sell  them  if  I 
could.  But  who'd  buy  them  ?  " 

"  Advertise  in  The  Irish  Times,"  said  the  doctor. 
"  There  must  be  somebody  in  the  world  somewhere 
who  wants  a  good  anchor." 

"  It  wouldn't  be  a  bit  of  use.  The  carriage  of 
them  things  to  any  place  where  they  might  be  wanted 
would  be  more  than  they'd  cost  when  they're  new. 
What  with  carting  them  all  the  way  to  Dunbeg  and 
the  railway  rates,  which  has  the  people  of  this  coun- 
try robbed — " 

"  There's  a  commission  sitting  on  railway  rates  this 
minute,"  said  the  doctor.  "If  you  were  to  threaten 
the  company  that  you'd  bring  up  the  case  of  your  two 
anchors,  you  might  get  them  carried  cheap  in  an  empty 
truck." 

"  I  would  not,"  said  Michael  gloomily.  "  Don't  I 
know  I  wouldn't?  And  there'd  be  the  price  of  the 
advertisement  to  be  considered." 

Dr.  Whitty  pulled  on  his  trousers  and  collected  to- 
gether his  boots  and  socks.  Then  he  said  — 

"  Why  don't  you  sell  them  to  the  Government  ?  " 


BUOYING  THE  CHANNEL  171 

"  Is  it  the  Lord  Lieutenant  ?  " 

"  Well,  not  exactly  the  Lord  Lieutenant  personally. 
You  could  hardly  expect  him  to  invest  his  hard-earned 
savings  in  old  anchors  just  to  oblige  you.  When  I 
said  the  Government,  I  meant  the  Board." 

"What   Board?" 

"  Any  Board.  It  doesn't  seem  to  me  to  matter 
what  Board  buys  them  so  long  as  you  get  your  price. 
You've  plenty  of  choice.  There's  the  Prisons  Board, 
the  Agricultural  Board,  the  National  Board  of  Edu- 
cation — " 

"Talk  sense,"  said  Michael  Geraghty.  "What 
would  one  of  them  school  inspectors  be  doing  with  an 
anchor  if  he  had  it?" 

"  That  would  be  his  affair.  He  might  take  it 
round  with  him  for  the  purpose  of  giving  the  chil- 
dren an  object-lesson  in  navigation.  But  I  wouldn't 
be  inclined  to  try  the  Education  Board  first  of  all. 
You  might  fall  back  on  it  if  all  the  others  fail.  But 
I'd  begin  with  the  Congested  Districts  Board." 

"  I  might  try  them." 

"  They're  a  good  Board,"  said  the  doctor,  "  en- 
gaged in  every  kind  of  miscellaneous  work.  They'd 
be  able  to  find  some  use  for  almost  any  sort  of  odds 
and  ends  — 

"  The    anchors    is    good    anchors,"    said    Michael 


172      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

stiffly.  "  I  wouldn't  be  trying  to  get  the  better  of  a 
Board  by  selling  them  rotten  stuff." 

"You  would  not,  of  course;  and  I  wouldn't  help 
you  if  I  thought  you  were  perpetrating  any  sort  of 
swindle.  In  fact,  I'll  step  round  as  soon  as  I've  fin- 
ished dressing  and  take  a  look  at  the  anchors,  so  as 
to  be  sure  they're  all  right.  If  we  were  going  to  deal 
with  the  Education  Board  it  wouldn't  so  much  mat- 
ter, but  the  Congested  Districts  Board  is  as  likely  as 
not  to  tie  some  floating  objects  to  the  anchors  and 
sink  them  in  the  sea,  so  we'll  have  to  make  sure  be- 
forehand that  they'll  bear  the  strain." 

Dr.  Whitty  fastened  his  collar  and  made  a  neat 
bow  of  his  tie.  Then  he  smoothed  his  wet  hair  with 
both  hands  and  put  on  his  hat.  Michael  Geraghty 
rose  slowly  to  his  feet,  and  the  two  men  went  to- 
gether through  the  town  to  the  shed  at  the  back  of 
Michael's  house. 

"  Those,"  said  the  doctor,  "  seem  to  me  very  large 
anchors.  They  are  much  bigger  than  I  expected." 

"  They  are  big,  of  course.  She  was  a  three-master 
from  San  Francisco  that  they  belonged  to  first  of 
all." 

"  I'm  afraid,"  said  the  doctor,  "  that  we  can't  ap- 
proach the  Congested  Districts  Board  directly  about 
the  purchase  of  those  anchors.  They'd  shy  at  the 
enormous  size  of  them." 


BUOYING  THE  CHANNEL  173 

"  I  was  thinking  that  myself." 

"  But  there's  no  reason  why  we  shouldn't  get  at 
them  obliquely.  After  all,  there'll  be  much  less  sus- 
picion excited  if  we  pretended  that  we  weren't  selling 
anchors.  The  proper  way  to  get  at  a  Board  of  that 
sort  is  to  start  a  public  agitation  in  favour  of  some 
purely  philanthropic  scheme  and  then  slip  in  the  an- 
chors at  the  end  in  a  way  that  they  won't  be  noticed. 
The  thing  for  us  is  to  hit  on  some  work  of  public 
utility  which  will  involve  the  use  of  anchors.  Now 
what  sort  of  things  can  be  done  with  anchors  ?  " 

"  If  so  be,"  said  Michael,  "  that  the  Board  had 
any  notion  of  establishing  a  fishing  station  here, 
they'd  be  wanting  to  have  an  old  hulk  in  the  bay  to 
hold  the  ice  for  packing  the  mackerel  in,  and  she'd 
have  to  be  anchored." 

"  That's  not  a  bad  idea.  But  I  doubt  if  it  would 
work  out  satisfactorily.  The  chances  are  that  any 
hulk  they'd  bring  here  would  have  her  own  anchors. 
Nice  fools  we'd  look  if  we  saddled  the  town  with  a 
fishing  station  and  had  all  the  people  running  into 
debt  to  buy  boats  and  nets  and  things,  and  then  at 
the  latter  end  found  that  we  hadn't  got  rid  of  the 
anchors.  But  there  must  be  other  things  besides  ice 
hulks  which  require  anchoring.  What  about  a  light- 
ship?" 

"A  lightship?" 


174>      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

"  Yes.  I  suppose  you  could  build  one  if  you  got 
the  order,  and  fit  it  out  with  anchors  ?  " 

"  I'm  not  sure  could  I.  I  never  seen  one  of  them 
things." 

"  You  could  do  it  all  right  if  you  tried.  After  all, 
it  wouldn't  be  any  harder  than  building  a  pier,  and 
you  did  that.  A  lightship  is  just  the  sort  of  thing 
that's  wanted  here.  We  could  quote  that  wreck  to 
show  the  necessity  for  it." 

"  How  would  it  be,"  said  Michael  doubtfully,  "  if 
we  was  to  ask  for  a  buoy?  I'd  be  easier  in  my  mind 
working  with  buoys,  which  is  what  I  know  something 
about." 

"Right,"  said  Dr.  Whitty.  "We'll  have  buoys. 
We'll  have  the  channel  up  to  the  pier  marked  out 
with  two  large  buoys." 

"  It  would  take  more  than  two  buoys  to  mark  out 
that  channel,"  said  Michael,  grinning.  "  Sure  the 
rocks  is  as  thick  as  fleas  on  a  dog's  back." 

"  It  doesn't  matter  how  many  they  put.  Let  them 
put  fifty  if  they  like.  Our  point  is  that  there  must 
be  at  least  two  fastened  to  the  bottom  of  the  sea  with 
really  first-rate  anchors.  That  is  our  irreducible 
minimum.  You  see  the  way  the  thing  works  out, 
don't  you,  Michael  ?  These  Boards  which  spend  pub- 
lic money  are  always  most  frightfully  conscientious 
about  effecting  small  economies.  When  we  get  them 


BUOYING  THE  CHANNEL  175 

to  agree  to  buoy  that  channel  they'll  simply  jump  at 
your  two  anchors  in  order  to  save  the  expense  of 
dragging  others  all  the  way  from  Dublin." 

"  I  see  that." 

"  Very  well.  Go  you  now  and  write  a  proper  pe- 
tition to  the  Board.  When  you  have  it  written  take 
it  round  and  get  everybody  to  sign  it.  Get  the  priest 
and  the  rector  and  the  old  colonel  first  of  all.  I'll 
drop  in  on  the  colonel  as  I  pass  the  house  and  tell  him 
to  expect  you.  Get  Thady  Glynn  and  the  League 
fellows.  They  won't  refuse." 

Michael  Geraghty  wasted  no  time  after  the  doctor 
left  him.  He  sent  a  message  down  to  the  school  re- 
questing the  presence  of  his  eldest  daughter  at  once. 
She  was,  he  said,  urgently  required  at  home.  He 
realised  that  he  was  not  very  sure  of  the  way  to  spell 
certain  unusual  words  likely  to  be  required  in  the 
petition,  and  Molly  wrote  a  very  good  hand.  Early 
in  the  afternoon  he  had  his  document  ready  for  signa- 
ture. 

"  To  THE  RIGHT 
HONOURABLE  MEMBERS  OF  YOUR  BOARD 

"  DEAR  SIR, —  It  is  the  unanimous  desire  of  us,  the 
inhabitants  of  Ballintra,  signed  herewith,  to  have 
the  channel  leading  up  to  the  pier,  lately  built  by  your 
honourable  Board,  marked  out  plain  with  buoys. 
Now  I  say  at  once  that  of  all  the  blessings  which  your 
honourable  members  have  conferred  on  us,  the  people 


176      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

of  the  congested  districts,  this  would  be  the  greatest 
and  at  once  the  most  needed.  To  do  this,  I  have  prac- 
tically worked  it  out,  and  it  would  require  two  buoys, 
and  you  can  see  at  once  the  untold  blessing  it  must 
prove  to  the  poor.  Then  again,  see  the  advertisement 
it  must  prove  to  the  district  in  opening  direct  com- 
munication by  sea  with  tourists  and  the  public  gen- 
erally. I  again  impress  the  great  urgency  there  is  in 
the  establishment  of  the  scheme,  and  I  assure  you  I 
shall  do  a  man's  part  in  making  it  a  huge  success. 
I  should  mention  that  the  officials  of  your  honourable 
Board  in  discharge  of  their  duties  will  not  be  near  so 
liable  to  be  drowned  provided  you  grant  the  buoys, 
same  to  mark  the  worst  of  the  rocks,  which  as  situ- 
ated presently  is  a  constant  danger  to  boats  and  ships. 
The  price  of  the  buoys  would  not  be  much  in  the  eyes 
of  your  honourable  members.  The  anchors  for  same 
being  all  that  would  come  expensive,  and  them  not 
very  if  properly  worked.  The  gentlemen  whose  names 
appear  below  includes  all  the  principal  men  of  the  dis- 
trict, without  religion  or  politics,  and  there  will  be 
more  of  them  if  more  is  wanted  by  the  honourable 
Board.  But  where  would  be  the  use  ?  " 

At  about  six  o'clock  in  the  evening  Michael 
Geraghty  called  on  Dr.  Whitty.  He  carried  the  peti- 
tion in  his  hand. 

"  I  dunno,"  he  said,  "  will  it  be  any  use  posting  it 
to  the  Board  at  all." 

"Why  not?" 


BUOYING  THE  CHANNEL  177 

"  The  priest  won't  sign  it,  and  no  more  will  Mr. 
Jackson.  I  didn't  try  the  rest  of  the  people,  for 
what  good  would  they  be  if  the  clergy  held  back?" 

"  Nonsense,"  said  Dr.  Whitty.     "  They  must  sign." 

"  I  tell  you  they  won't  then,  neither  the  one  of  them 
nor  yet  the  other." 

"  You  must  have  gone  about  it  in  some  silly  way 
and  got  their  backs  up.  I  saw  the  colonel  this  after- 
noon, and  he  promised  he'd  sign.  Did  you  try 
him?" 

"I  did  not.     What  was  the  good?" 

"  Well,  run  up  with  it  to  him  now  and  get  his 
signature.  I'll  step  round  in  the  meanwhile  and  see 
the  two  clergymen." 

Mr.  Jackson,  when  Dr.  Whitty  walked  up  to  the 
Rectory,  was  mowing  his  lawn  and  looked  hot. 

"  Give  me  a  turn  at  that,"  said  the  doctor.  "  I'll 
finish  off  round  the  flower-beds  while  you  sit  down 
and  rest  yourself." 

"  It's  very  good  of  you,"  said  the  rector,  "  but  I 
couldn't  think  of  allowing  you  to — " 

"  Nonsense,"  said  the  doctor,  seizing  the  machine. 
"  I  shall  enjoy  it.  By  the  way,  I  hope  you  agree 
with  Colonel  Beresford  about  the  necessity  for  hav- 
ing the  channel  up  to  the  pier  properly  buoyed." 

"Colonel  Beresford?" 

"  Yes.     He's  using  all  his  influence  with  the  Con- 


178      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

gested  Districts  Board  to  get  it  done.  Michael 
Geraghty  is  forwarding  a  sort  of  petition." 

"  I  saw  that,"  said  the  rector,  "  but  I  didn't  know 
that  Colonel  Beresford — " 

"  The  colonel  didn't  actually  write  it  out,"  said  the 
doctor,  "  but  he's  signing  it." 

"  It  struck  me  as  rather  an  illiterate  document.  I 
hardly  cared  to  put  my  name  to —  Not  that  I've 
any  objection  to  buoying  the  channel.  I  merely  felt 
that  —  Did  you  read  the  petition  ?  " 

"  No,  I  didn't." 

"  It's  expressed  in  such  an  odd  way.  If  it  was 
written  out  again  in  decent  English — " 

"  I  see  what  you  mean ;  but,  if  you'll  excuse  my 
saying  so,  you're  making  a  mistake.  The  colonel  and 
I  were  particularly  anxious  to  have  it  expressed  in 
that  sort  of  way.  You  know  the  Congested  Dis- 
tricts Board,  of  course  ?  " 

"  Not  personally." 

"Ah!  Well  then  you  wouldn't  understand.  The 
fact  is,  that  Board  particularly  prides  itself  on  being 
in  direct  touch  with  the  people.  It  likes  all  petitions 
to  come  from  the  people,  and  tries  to  avoid  having 
anything  to  do  with  the  educated  classes.  That's 
the  reason  we  got  Michael  Geraghty  to  draw  up  the 
thing  himself." 

"  Oh !  "  said  the  rector.     "  I  hadn't  thought  of  that. 


BUOYING  THE  CHANNEL  179 

Of  course,  if  Colonel  Beresford  thinks  that's  the 
wisest  plan  — " 

"  That's  right,"  said  the  doctor.  "  I'll  send  Michael 
round  with  it  again  this  evening,  and  you'll  sign." 

He  finished  off  the  mowing  and  walked  on  to  the 
Presbytery. 

"I'll  not  put  my  name  to  any  such  thing,"  said 
Father  Henaghan.  "  Do  you  want  to  make  a  public 
fool  of  me?" 

"  I  do  not.  Is  it  likely  I'd  want  to  make  a  fool  of 
you  and  Mr.  Jackson  and  the  colonel,  not  to  mention 
myself?" 

"  Well,  then,  what  did  you  send  Michael  Geraghty 
round  with  that  paper  for?  Didn't  you  know — " 

"  Look  here  now,  Father  Henaghan,"  said  the  doc- 
tor, "be  sensible.  What  was  that  paper?" 

"  So  far  as  I  could  make  out  it  was  meant  to  be  a 
petition  to  the  Congested  Districts  Board." 

"  It  was.  Now,  what  do  you  suppose  generally 
happens  to  petitions  sent  to  public  Boards  ?  " 

"  I  don't  know." 

"  Well,  I'll  tell  you.  Some  clerk  or  other  takes 
them  and  enters  the  name  of  them  along  with  a  num- 
ber in  a  large  book.  When  he  does  that  he  goes  home 
to  his  tea,  and  nobody  ever  hears  anything  more  about 
them.  That's  the  ordinary,  well-written,  sensible- 
looking  petition.  There's  simply  no  use  sending  it 


180      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

in  at  all.  But  what  do  we  do?  We  draw  up  a  peti- 
tion which  strikes  the  clerk  who  reads  it  as  out  of  the 
common.  Instead  of  indexing  it  and  going  home,  he 
passes  it  on  to  some  kind  of  official  above  him.  He 
thinks  it  an  excellent  joke,  and  shows  it  to  some  one 
else.  In  the  end  it  gets  to  the  really  influential 
people  —  the  bishops  and  men  of  that  sort  who  actu- 
ally run  the  Board.  Then  it's  attended  to." 

"  All  the  same  I  don't  see  — " 

"  Surely  you're  not  opposed  to  having  the  channel 
up  to  the  pier  properly  marked  out  with  buoys?  You 
can't  mean  that.  You  ought  to  have  more  sense  than 
to  be  setting  yourself  against  the  will  of  the  people 
in  a  matter  of  the  kind.  Let  me  tell  you,  Father 
Henaghan,  there's  lots  of  men  in  Ireland  at  the  pres- 
ent moment  only  too  anxious  to  get  a  hold  of  some 
sort  of  excuse  for  attacking  the  clergy.  If  it  comes 
out  that  you  refused  to  take  any  part  in  the  move- 
ment for  buoying  out  the  channel,  your  action  will 
be  represented  in  a  most  unpleasant  way.  Besides, 
after  all,  you  must  want  to  have  the  channel  buoyed." 

"  I  don't  care  whether  it  is  or  not.  There  isn't  a 
boat  goes  up  to  that  pier  once  in  twelve  months. 
What  good  will  it  be  ?  " 

"That's  not  the  way  to  look  at  it  at  all.  What 
you  ought  to  be  asking  is :  What  harm  can  it  possi- 
bly do?" 


BUOYING  THE  CHANNEL  181 

"  I  don't  suppose  it'll  do  any  harm,  because  I  don't 
suppose  it'll  ever  be  done." 

"  Very  well  then,  you'll  sign  the  petition.  It's  for 
your  own  good  that  I'm  pressing  you.  Mr.  Jackson 
is  signing  it,  and  it  won't  look  at  all  well  if  you  re- 
fuse." 

When  the  petition  had  been  dispatched  with  about 
thirty  signatures  attached  to  it,  Dr.  Whitty  had  an- 
other interview  with  Michael  Geraghty. 

"  Michael,"  he  said,  "  it  won't  do  for  you  simply 
to  sit  down  and  wait  for  the  Board  to  come  along  and 
buy  your  anchors.  You  must  stir  yourself  and  work 
things  up  a  bit." 

"  Is  it  a  public  meeting  you  have  in  your  mind  ? " 

"  It  is  not.  A  public  meeting  is  an  excellent  thing 
in  its  way,  but  I  strongly  suspect  that  the  Board  will 
send  down  my  old  friend  Eccles  to  look  into  this  mat- 
ter. You  remember  Eccles,  don't  you?" 

"  I  do,"  said  Michael.  "  He  was  the  gentle- 
man that  wanted  a  bit  added  on  to  the  end  of  the 
pier." 

"  Exactly.  He's  not  by  any  means  a  fool ;  and  a 
public  meeting  wouldn't  impress  him  in  the  least. 
What  we  want  for  him  is  a  few  wrecks." 

"Wrecks,  is  it?"  said  Michael  doubtfully. 

"  Yes.  Wrecks  —  wrecked  boats  lying  on  the  rocks 
on  the  way  to  the  pier.  The  rocks  that  we  want  to 


182      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

have  buoyed.  Are  there  any  old  boats  you  could  get 
the  loan  of  for  a  few  days  ?  " 

"  There  is,  of  course." 

"  Very  well,  get  them.  Get  half  a  dozen  if  you  can. 
Row  them  out  and  put  them  on  the  rocks,  one  on  each 
rock  that  you  can  find  near  the  pier.  When  you 
have  them  there  I'll  photograph  them,  and  send  copies 
of  the  pictures  up  to  the  Board.  That  will  prepare 
Eccles'  mind  for  what  he  may  expect  when  he  gets 
down  here.  When  he  arrives,  we'll  take  him  out  in 
a  boat  and  run  him  on  to  a  rock  just  to  show  him 
how  dangerous  the  place  really  is." 

"  I  wouldn't  care  to  do  the  like  to  any  gentleman." 

"  He  can  swim,"  said  the  doctor.  "  You  needn't 
be  the  least  anxious  about  him,  and,  anyway,  it  won't 
come  to  swimming  if  you  manage  properly." 

In  due  time  Mr.  Eccles  arrived.  Dr.  Whitty  met 
him  at  the  railway  station,  and  invited  him  to 
luncheon. 

"  After  that,"  he  said,  "  I'll  take  you  down  to  the 
pier.  I  asked  a  few  people  to  meet  you  there  — 
Father  Henaghan,  and  Mr.  Jackson  the  rector,  and 
Colonel  Beresford,  and  Michael  Geraghty.  Unfor- 
tunately none  of  them  could  come  except  Michael, 
but  he'll  explain  to  you  exactly  what  has  to  be  done." 

"  Whitty,"  said  Mr.  Eccles  after  luncheon,  "  I  don't 
mind  telling  you  beforehand  that  the  Board  is  going 


BUOYING  THE  CHANNEL  183 

to  mark  out  that  channel  of  yours.  It  won't  make  a 
bit  of  difference  now  whether  you  tell  me  the  truth 
or  not,  but  I'd  like  to  know,  as  a  matter  of  curiosity, 
why  the  devil  you  want  the  thing  done.  It  won't 
bring  any  money  worth  speaking  of  into  the  place. 
We'll  send  down  all  the  things  we  want  from  Dub- 
lin, and  your  friend  Geraghty,  who  seems  to  be  at 
the  bottom  of  the  swindle,  won't  earn  a  penny  over 
it" 

"  If  it's  a  swindle,"  said  the  doctor,  "  why  on 
earth  is  your  Board  doing  it?  You  ought  to  have 
stopped  them.  You're  their  marine  adviser,  aren't 
you?" 

"  I  tried  to  stop  them,"  said  Mr.  Eccles,  "  but  that 
infernal  petition  of  yours  was  too  much  for  me.  The 
part  about  the  benefits  which  the  honourable  mem- 
bers had  conferred  on  the  people  fetched  the  Board 
like  anything.  There  are  two  or  three  of  the  hon- 
ourable members  who  can  really  see  a  joke,  and  they 
insisted  that  the  channel  should  be  marked  out.  Now 
I've  been  quite  frank  with  you,  and  I  expect  you  to 
tell  me  the  inner  meaning  of  the  move." 

"  The  fact  is,"  said  Dr.  Whitty,  "  that  the  channel 
is  frightfully  crooked  and  dangerous.  Boats  are 
continually  running  on  rocks,  and  though  there  have 
been  no  lives  actually  lost  as  yet,  there's  no  saying 
when  some  poor  fellow  with  a  wife  and  family  de- 


184      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

pending  on  him  will  get  drowned.  You  saw  those 
photos  I  sent  up  to  the  Board,  I  suppose." 

"  Yes,  I  saw  them. 

"  I  suppose  you  think  they  were  faked.  Well, 
you're  wrong,  quite  wrong.  Every  one  of  them  rep- 
resents an  actual  boat  on  a  real  rock." 

"  Three  of  them,"  said  Mr.  Eccles,  "  appeared  to 
me  to  represent  the  same  boat  on  different  rocks." 

"  Quite  so,"  said  Dr.  Whitty.  "  That  particular 
boat  ran  on  to  three  rocks;  but  the  others  were  all 
different  boats.  Most  of  them  are  still  on  the  rocks, 
and  Michael  Geraghty  is  going  to  take  you  out  this 
afternoon  and  show  you  the  wrecks.  You'll  believe 
they're  there  if  you're  allowed  to  touch  them,  I  sup- 
pose." 

"  Thanks,  but  I  don't  think  I'll  go  boating  with 
Michael  Geraghty.  I  don't  particularly  want  to  sup- 
ply you  with  a  photograph  of  another  wreck." 

"  Michael  can't  swim  a  stroke,  so  you  needn't  be 
afraid.  He'll  be  careful." 

"  All  the  same  I  won't  go.  All  I  came  down  here  for 
was  to  find  out  for  my  own  satisfaction  the  truth 
about  this  business.  If  you  won't  tell  me,  I  must 
just  go  back  to  Dublin  and  send  down  the  perches 
which  the  Board  has  ready  for  your  rocks." 

"  Perches !  "  said  the  doctor. 

"Yes,  perches.     Iron  posts  with  round  iron  shields 


BUOYING  THE  CHANNEL  185 

on  top  of  them,  painted  red  or  black.  The  usual 
things  for  marking  out  channels." 

"  It  wasn't  perches  we  asked  for,"  said  the  doctor, 
''but  buoys." 

"  I  know  that ;  but  buoys  would  be  ridiculous  on 
rocks  that  are  uncovered  at  low  tide.  What  you 
want  is  perches." 

"  It's  not  perches  we  want,  but  buoys.  Perches 
would  be  no  kind  of  use  to  us  one  way  or  another.  If 
it's  perches  you're  going  to  put  up,  you  may  ^  well 
save  yourselves  the  trouble,  for  we  won't  have  them. 
It  must  be  buoys  or  nothing." 

Mr.  Eccles  lit  his  pipe.  Then  he  sat  without  speak- 
ing for  nearly  ten  minutes.  He  was  thinking  deeply. 

"  Whitty,"  he  said  at  last,  "  you  have  me  fair 
beaten.  I'm  damned  if  I  see  what  good  buoys  will 
be  to  you.  I  mean  to  say  buoys  as  distinct  from 
perches  —  not  that  I  see  what  you  expect  to  gain  by 
having  either." 

"  It's  buoys  we  want,"  said  Dr.  Whitty,  "  and  so, 
of  course,  it's  buoys  you'll  give  us  in  the  end." 

"  I'm  not  at  all  sure  about  that.  What  the  Board 
has  decided  on  is  perches." 

"  That  was  before  the  Board  knew  how  strong  the 
public  opinion  of  the  district  was  in  favour  of  buoys." 

"  I  don't  think,"  said  Mr.  Eccles,  "  that  the  Board 
is  at  all  likely  to  change  its  mind." 


186     THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

"  If  it  doesn't,  it  will  stultify  itself,  and  will  act  in 
a  frightfully  immoral  and  fraudulent  way.  Hitherto, 
Eccles,  in  spite  of  your  cynical  and  bureaucratic  spirit, 
your  Board  has  been  honourably  distinguished  among 
all  the  other  Boards  of  the  country  as  being  the  only 
one  which  possesses  the  confidence  of  the  people.  It 
has  boasted  of  the  fact,  and  drawn  immense  sums 
from  the  Imperial  Treasury  on  the  strength  of  its  be- 
ing a  really  popular  Board.  When  it  comes  out  in 
Parliament,  as  it  certainly  will  come  out,  that  it  has 
deliberately  flouted  local  opinion,  and  has  forced  a 
lot  of  beastly  perches  which  nobody  wants  down  the 
throats  of  a  decent  set  of  intelligent  and  progressive 
people,  who  asked  for  a  few  buoys  —  when  that  hap- 
pens its  reputation  will  be  gone,  and  it  will  be  hauled 
over  the  coals  for  obtaining  money  under  false  pre- 
tences, saying  it  was  in  sympathy  with  the  wishes  of 
the  people  when  it  really  offers  factious  and  con- 
temptible opposition  to  a  perfectly  reasonable  de- 
mand." 

"  Look  here,  Whitty,  I  make  you  a  fair  offer.  Tell 
me  honestly  why  you  prefer  buoys  to  perches,  and 
I'll  do  my  best  to  get  you  buoys." 

"  I'll  tell  you  with  pleasure.  You  offer  us  a  dozen 
or  so  great  iron  perches  — " 

"  Fourteen,  to  be  quite  accurate." 


BUOYING  THE  CHANNEL  187 

"  Very  well,  fourteen.  We  ask  for  two  simple 
buoys." 

"Two?" 

"  That's  all  we  insist  on.  Two  buoys.  Now,  sup- 
posing each  buoy  costs  the  same  as  a  perch.  It  won't, 
as  a  matter  of  fact,  cost  as  much  —  I'll  explain  in  a 
minute.  But  supposing  each  buoy  costs  as  much  as 
a  perch,  by  adopting  our  scheme  the  Board  will  effect 
an  economy  of  twelve- fourteenths  —  in  other  words, 
six-sevenths  of  the  total  amount  to  be  spent.  Public 
money,  you  recollect,  Eccles.  Your  Board  may  like 
wasting  money;  but  we  have  a  highly  developed  civic 
conscience,  and  we'd  rather  see  the  sum  we  don't  actu- 
ally want  ourselves  spent  on  some  other  deserving 
district.  Are  you  listening  to  me  ?  " 

Mr.  Eccles  had  crossed  the  room,  and  was  staring 
out  of  the  window,  drumming  a  tune  on  the  panes 
of  glass  with  his  finger-tips. 

"  No,  I'm  not,"  he  said ;  "  but  I  will  as  soon  as  you 
begin  to  talk  sense." 

"  A  further  economy  will  be  effected,"  said  Dr. 
Whitty,  "  by  adopting  our  buoy  scheme,  because  the 
Board  will  be  able  to  save  the  carriage  for  the  anchors 
of  the  buoys.  It  happens,  by  the  merest  chance,  that 
there  are  in  the  town  at  the  present  moment  two  re- 
markably fine  anchors  which  the  Board  can  buy." 


188      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

Mr.  Eccles  stopped  playing  tunes  on  the  window 
and  turned  round. 

"  Belonging,  I  suppose,"  he  sa*id,  "  to  your  friend, 
Michael  Geraghty?" 

"Yes,"  said  Dr.  Whitty,  "to  Michael  Geraghty, 
who  is  perfectly  willing  to  sell  them  at  a  reasonable 
price." 

"  Why  on  earth  couldn't  you  have  told  me  that  be- 
fore?" 

"  I  wasn't  quite  sure,"  said  Dr.  Whitty,  "  that  you'd 
see  it  in  the  proper  light." 

"I  don't;  but  I  admire  it  greatly.  If  I  could  I'd 
stop  the  whole  thing,  and  give  you  and  Michael  Ger- 
aghty three  months  in  jail  —  but  — 

"  Don't  be  violent,  Eccles.  That  sort  of  language 
isn't  at  all  suitable  in  the  mouth  of  a  Government  offi- 
cial." 

"  As  I  can't  do  that,  and  as  my  Board  is  bent  on 
making  an  ass  of  itself  — 

"  It's  not.  It's  living  up  to  its  reputation  and  being 
popular." 

"  I  shall  recommend  it  to  mark  out  the  channel  with 
buoys  instead  of  perches.  I  suppose  if  I  send  you 
down  two  good  buoys  you'll  be  satisfied." 

"  And  buy  the  anchors." 

"  And  buy  the  anchors,  of  course.  You'll  be  able 
to  plant  out  the  buoys  yourselves  without  help." 


BUOYING  THE  CHANNEL  189 

"  Oh,  yes,  we'll  manage  that." 

"  And  for  goodness'  sake,  Whitty,  get  those  boats 
off  the  rocks.  They're  a  perfect  disgrace  to  the 
neighbourhood  where  they  are." 

"  They'll  be  taken  off  to-night,"  said  Dr.  Whitty. 
"  There's  a  spring  tide  at  six  o'clock  which  will  float 
them  all,  and  we  have  arrangements  made  for  bring- 
ing them  home." 


X 


AN  INTOLERABLE  HONOUR 

COLONEL  BERESFORD  came  down  to  break- 
fast one  morning  in  September  and  found  a  let- 
ter from  Lord  Allington  beside  his  plate.     He  eyed  it 
discontentedly  while  he  poured  out  his  coffee. 

Lord  Allington  was  a  nobleman  with  a  high  sense 
of  the  duties  a  great  magnate  ought  to  perform.  It 
was  his  custom  to  invite  Colonel  Beresford  twice 
every  summer  to  dine  and  sleep  at  Allington  Castle. 
Colonel  Beresford,  too,  had  a  high  sense  of  duty.  He 
always  accepted  one  of  the  invitations ;  but  —  be- 
cause the  dinner  parties  bored  him  severely  —  he  al- 
ways declined  the  other,  finding,  year  after  year, 
greater  difficulty  in  discovering  any  reasonable  ex- 
cuse. He  suspected  that  the  letter  before  him  con- 
tained the  second  of  his  two  invitations  for  the  cur- 
rent year.  His  face  wore  a  puzzled  frown  as  he 
tore  open  the  envelope. 

"  We   are   expecting   a  couple  of   young   fellows," 
wrote  Lord  Allington,  "  friends  of  my  son's,  to  spend 
next  week  with  us  for  the  shooting.     Danton,  who  is 
-    190 


AN  INTOLERABLE  HONOUR  191 

old  Riversdale's  right-hand  man  in  the  Foreign  Office, 
is  also  coming  and  bringing  his  wife.  It  will  be  a 
pleasure  to  us  if  you  will  drive  over  on  Tuesday,  dine, 
and  spend  the  night.  I  bought  a  few  dozen  of  hock 
at  poor  Fillingham's  auction  the  other  day  —  capital 
wine,  I  am  told  —  and  I  should  like  to  have  your 
opinion  on  it.  What  a  smash  he  came!  Two  hun- 
dred thousand,  they  say,  and  he  got  through  it  in  five 
years.  I  expect  that  old  grocer  of  an  uncle  of  his 
is  writhing  in  his  grave.  By  the  way,  I  am  thinking 
of  recommending  the  appointment  of  a  new  J.P.  in 
Ballintra.  It  would  be  a  convenience  to  you  to  have 
some  one  to  stand  between  you  and  that  blackguard, 
Glynn.  I  was  thinking  of  your  friend  the  doctor. 
Would  he  be  a  suitable  man?  In  my  opinion,  he 
deserves  a  pat  on  the  back  for  the  admirable  way  he 
behaved  at  the  Ballintra  sports  last  summer.  I  un- 
derstood at  the  time  that  it  was  he  who  persuaded 
the  local  band  to  play  '  God  Save  the  King.'  If  you 
think  well  of  the  idea,  send  me  a  note  of  his  name.  I 
have  forgotten  it,  if  I  ever  heard  it.  If  Tuesday 
doesn't  suit  you,  Wednesday  will  be  equally  con- 
venient to  us." 

Colonel  Beresford  read  the  letter  with  great  pleas- 
ure. He  had  a  feeling  of  warm  friendship  for  the 
doctor,  and  was  so  much  gratified  that  he  sat  down 
immediately  after  breakfast  and  accepted  Lord  Al- 
lington's  invitation.  He  expressed  a  pleasure  he  did 
not  actually  feel  at  the  prospect  of  meeting  Danton 


192      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

of  the  Foreign  Office,  and  promised  to  give  an  un- 
biased opinion  on  the  merits  of  the  unfortunate 
Fillingham's  hock.  He  closed  his  letter  with  a  strong 
recommendation  of  Dr.  Whitty,  whom  he  held  up  as 
a  bright  example  of  all  a  doctor  should  be.  Then, 
since  there  was  no  reason  to  doubt  that  the  appoint- 
ment would  be  made,  he  walked  down  to  the  town  to 
offer  his  congratulations  at  once. 

He  was  fortunate  enough  to  meet  the  doctor  in  the 
street. 

"  I've  got  a  little  surprise  for  you,"  he  said,  "  a 
pleasant  surprise,  and  I  want  to  tell  you  at  once  how 
pleased  I  am." 

"  Outbreak  of  typhoid  among  your  servants  ?  "  said 
the  doctor. 

"  No.     That  wouldn't  be  a  pleasant  surprise !  " 

"  It  would  to  me,"  said  the  doctor.  "  You've  no 
idea  how  agreeable  an  epidemic  is  to  a  doctor,  when 
it  occurs  among  people  who  have  some  one  behind 
them  to  pay  the  bill.  However,  if  it  isn't  that,  it 
can't  be  helped.  What  is  it?  " 

"  I  had  a  letter  from  Lord  Allington  this  morning. 
He—" 

"  He  doesn't  want  the  town  band  to  learn  '  Rule 
Britannia,'  does  he?  For  if  he  does  he'll  have  to 
come  over  and  teach  them  himself.  I  am  not  going 
to  take  on  a  job  of  that  kind  again." 


AN  INTOLERABLE  HONOUR  193 

"It's  nothing  of  the  sort,"  said  the  colonel.  "The 
fact  is,  Lord  Allington  was  so  pleased  about  the  '  God 
Save  the  King '  performance  last  year  that  he  wants 
to  see  you  a  J.P." 

"  If  that's  the  only  form  his  gratitude  takes,"  said 
the  doctor,  "  it's  not  much  use  to  me.  I  wouldn't  be 
a  J.P.  for  two  hundred  a  year  paid  quarterly  straight 
from  the  Bank  of  Ireland." 

"  It's  a  high  honour,"  said  the  colonel,  who  had  old- 
fashioned  ideas. 

"  Come,  now,  colonel,  you  can't  seriously  mean 
that.  I  know  you're  one  yourself,  and  I  think  it  un- 
commonly self-sacrificing  of  you  to  keep  it  up,  but  — 
hang  it  all!  Look  at  Thady  Glynn!  You  can't  call 
it  an  honour  to  be  mixed  up  with  that  fellow." 

"  Glynn's  only  a  magistrate  ex  oflicio,"  said  the 
colonel.  "  This  is  quite  a  different  thing." 

"Still,"  said  the  doctor,  "I  hardly  fancy  myself 
perched  up  in  the  Court  House  arguing  with  Thady 
as  to  whether  it's  the  policemen  or  the  riotous  drunk- 
ard who  ought  to  be  fined.  It's  not  good  enough." 

"  I  regard  it  as  a  public  duty,"  said  the  colonel, 
"  for  every  one  of  us  — " 

"  I'm  afraid  I  haven't  got  that  sort  of  conscience," 
said  the  doctor.  "  I  really  couldn't  be  bothered. 
Why,  think  what  it  would  mean.  Every  publican 
who  wanted  an  occasional  licence  would  be  worrying 


194      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

the  life  out  of  me.  Every  fellow  whose  heifer  had 
been  caught  trespassing  would  send  his  wife  to  try 
and  bribe  me  with  a  present  of  some  old  goose  or 
other.  I'd  make  personal  enemies  of  all  the  drunk- 
ards about  the  place,  and  lots  of  them  are  patients  of 
mine.  I  can't  do  it.  If  Lord  Allington  is  really  as 
grateful  as  you  say,  let  him  break  his  leg  and  send 
for  me  to  set  it.  I  should  like  that,  but  this  plan  of 
setting  me  on  to  go  J.P.-ing  about  the  country  doesn't 
suit  me  at  all." 

"  I've  just  written  to  him,"  said  the  colonel, 
"  strongly  recommending  you,  and  I  make  it  a  per- 
sonal matter,  Whitty,  that  you  accept  the  position. 
I'm  getting  an  old  man,  and  I'm  beginning  to  find  a 
good  many  things  tell  on  me  in  a  way  they  didn't  a 
few  years  ago.  It  would  be  a  great  relief  to  me  to 
feel  there  was  somebody  I  could  rely  on  —  a  man  like 
yourself  — " 

"  Don't  say  another  word,  colonel.  When  you  put 
it  that  way  I  have  no  choice.  It's  all  rot,  of  course, 
about  your  getting  old.  You're  good  for  years  and 
years  of  scrapping  with  Thady  Glynn  yet.  Still,  since 
you  make  a  point  of  it,  I  won't  refuse,  if  Lord  Alling- 
ton really  nominates  me." 

"  Thanks,"  said  the  colonel.  "  And,  really,  you 
know,  Whitty,  it  is  an  honour.  I  quite  feel  the  force 


AN  INTOLERABLE  HONOUR  195 

of  all  you  say  about  Thady  Glynn ;  still,  it's  something 
to  know  that  you  are  entrusted  by  your  sovereign 
with  the  administration  of  the  law  of  the  land." 

"  I'll  try  and  look  at  it  that  way,"  said  the  doctor, 
"  when  I'm  appointed.  But  I  expect,  myself,  that 
Lord  Allington  will  think  better  of  it." 

"  Not  at  all.  The  thing's  as  good  as  settled  already. 
After  he  gets  the  letter  I  wrote  him,  he  won't  hesitate 
for  an  hour." 

The  party  at  Castle  Allington  was  quite  as  dull 
as  Colonel  Beresford  expected.  The  hock,  indeed, 
turned  out  excellent  and  reflected  great  credit  on  the 
palate  of  the  bankrupt  Fillingham.  But  Lady  Alling- 
ton, whom  the  colonel  took  in  to  dinner,  growled 
intolerably  about  her  health.  Danton,  undoubtedly  a 
valuable  man  in  the  Foreign  Office,  prosed  abomina- 
bly, and  failed  to  see  the  point  of  anybody's  jokes  ex- 
cept his  own.  It  was  with  a  sense  of  relief  the 
icolonel  escaped  to  bed  at  eleven  o'clock.  Next  morn- 
ing, after  breakfast,  Lord  Allington  led  him  away  to 
the  library. 

"  I  should  like,"  he  said,  "  to  have  a  few  words  with 
you  about  that  doctor.  Whitty,  isn't  that  his  name  ?  " 

"  You've  sent  his  name  up  to  the  Lord  Chancellor, 
I  suppose  ? " 


196      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

"  No.  The  fact  is  —  I  don't,  of  course,  attach  any 
importance  to  communications  of  this  sort."  Lord 
Allington  unlocked  a  drawer  in  his  writing-table  and 
drew  out  a  letter  which  he  handed  to  the  colonel. 
"  Still,  I'm  bound  to  take  every  possible  precaution. 
You'll  quite  understand,  Beresford,  that  it  wouldn't 
do.  With  the  way  our  actions  are  criticised  now- 
adays, we  can't  be  too  careful.  But  read  that  letter." 

The  colonel  looked  the  sheet  of  paper  up  and  down, 
and  then  read: 

"  YOUR  LORDSHIP, —  Having  heard  that  it  is  your 
intention  to  make  a  magistrate  of  Dr.  Whitty,  I  beg 
to  bring  the  following  fact  to  your  notice.  Dr. 
Whitty  is  drunk  in  the  evenings  as  often  as  he  is 
sober,  and,  only  last  night,  had  to  be  helped  home 
to  his  house  by  Michael  Geraghty,  the  carpenter.  If 
you  have  any  doubt  about  the  truth  of  this  statement, 
ask  Michael.  He  will  bear  out  every  word  I  say. — 
Your  Lordship's  humble  servant, 

"  '  A  LOVER  OF  JUSTICE.'  " 

"  An  anonymous  letter !  "  said  the  colonel. 

"  Quite  so." 

"  And  obviously  written  in  a  disguised  hand." 

"  Plainly,"  said  Lord  Allington.  "  And,  of  course, 
I  attach  no  weight  to  it." 

"  I  should  hope  not.  The  whole  thing  is  an 
abominable  and  malicious  slander.  I  shouldn't  won- 


AN  INTOLERABLE  HONOUR  197 

der  if  Thady  Glynn  was  at  the  bottom  of  it.  He 
hates  Whitty." 

"Very  likely.     Still—" 

"  Whitty  never  was  drunk  in  his  life." 

"  Who's  this  man,  Michael  Geraghty  ?  Is  he  a 
friend  of  Glynn's?" 

"  Not  at  all.  On  the  contrary,  he  detests  Glynn. 
Geraghty  is  a  friend  of  the  doctor's." 

"  A  friend  of  the  doctor's !  Then  why  do  you  sup- 
pose the  writer  of  this  letter  refers  to  him?  If 
Geraghty  had  been  an  ally  of  the  other  man's,  of 
Glynn's,  I  could  understand  it  better." 

"  It  is  odd,"  said  the  colonel,  "  very  odd,  but  I'm 
perfectly  certain  that  Geraghty  wouldn't  stand  in  with 
anyone  who  was  slandering  the  doctor." 

"  Suppose,  then,"  said  Lord  Allington,  "  that  you 
ask  this  fellow,  Geraghty,  whether  there's  any  truth 
in  the  story.  There  can't  be  any  harm  in  doing  that. 
You  could  do  it  quietly,  you  know." 

"  I  shall  ask  him  if  you  like,"  said  the  colonel,  "  but 
I  know  very  well  what  he'll  say." 

"  I  shall  be  delighted  to  have  the  story  flatly  de- 
nied," said  Lord  Allington,  "  and  I'm  sure  it  will  be. 
In  any  ordinary  matter,  Beresford,  I  need  scarcely 
say  that  your  word  would  be  enough  for  me,  but,  in 
a  case  like  this,  you  will  understand  that  I  have  to 
be  extremely  cautious." 


198      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

Colonel  Beresford  went  home  perfectly  satisfied 
that  Lord  Allington's  anonymous  letter  was  the  work 
of  Thady  Glynn.  He  summoned  Michael  Geraghty 
to  Ballintra  House  and  demanded  from  him  a  flat 
contradiction  of  the  story  of  the  doctor's  drunken- 
ness. To  his  surprise,  Michael  Geraghty  seemed  un- 
easy and  inclined  to  evade  the  questions  which  were 
put  to  him. 

"  I  wouldn't,"  he  said,  "  like  to  be  the  man  who'd 
say  a  word  against  the  doctor." 

"  Tell  me  straight  out  at  once,"  said  the  colonel. 
"  Was  Dr.  Whitty  so  drunk  the  night  before  last  that 
you  had  to  help  him  home  ?  " 

'*  If  he  was  itself,"  said  Michael,  "  he  wouldn't  be 
the  first." 

"  Don't  shuffle.     Give  me  a  plain  '  yes  '  or  '  no.'  " 

"  There's  many  a  man,"  said  Geraghty,  "  that  might 
make  a  sup  too  much  and  nobody  would  ever  think 
the  worse  of  him  after." 

"Was  Dr.  Whitty  drunk  or  was  he  not?"  The 
colonel's  temper  was  beginning  to  give  way.  "  I  may 
as  well  tell  you  that,  if  you  say  he  was,  I  shan't  be- 
lieve you." 

"  He  was."  Michael  Geraghty  spoke  without  con- 
viction. 

"Was  drunk?" 

"  As  drunk  as  anyone  you  ever  seen.    Drunk  so 


AN  INTOLERABLE  HONOUR  199 

i 

that  he  couldn't  walk,  nor  couldn't  talk  sense,  nor 
didn't  know  what  you  were  saying  to  him,  no  more 
than  if  he  was  one  of  them  heifers  beyond  in  the 
field  and  you  reading  to  it  out  of  a  book." 

The  indictment  was  definite  and  complete  enough, 
but  it  seemed  quite  plain  to  Colonel  Beresford  that 
Geraghty  was  lying,  lying  clumsily  and  without  real 
pleasure. 

"  You're  a  liar,  Geraghty,"  said  the  colonel,  "  and 
you  ought  to  be  ashamed  of  yourself  taking  money 
from  a  blackguard  like  Thady  Glynn  and  then  slan- 
dering an  innocent  man." 

"  I  haven't  spoken  a  word  to  Thady  Glynn  this  six 
months,"  said  Michael  sulkily,  "  and  I  wouldn't  touch 
his  money  if  he  offered  me  the  full  of  my  hat  of 
sovereigns." 

"  I  always  thought  before,"  said  the  colonel,  "  that 
you  were,  comparatively  speaking,  an  honest  man. 
I  know  now  that  you're  a  liar  and  a  scoundrel." 

"  That's  a  hard  word,"  said  Michael,  "  and,  may  be, 
if  you  knew  what  you  don't  know,  you  wouldn't  be 
so  ready  with  it." 

"  You  deserve  it,"  said  the  colonel,  "  for  slandering 
Dr.  Whitty,  who's  always  been  a  good  friend  to  you." 

"  I  would  deserve  it,  if  so  be  I'd  done  what  you 
say.  But  it's  what  I  wouldn't  do,  and  nobody  but 
yourself  ever  drew  it  down  against  me  that  I  did." 


200     THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

"  You  have  done  it.  Even  supposing  the  doctor 
was  drunk,  which  I  don't  for  a  moment  believe, 
you're  the  last  man  that  ought  to  publish  it.  You 
should  have  kept  it  to  yourself." 

"  And  so  I  would,  if  so  be  — " 

"  Don't  talk  that  way  to  me.  What's  the  good  of 
saying  you'd  keep  it  a  secret  when  you're  joining  in 
with  Thady  Glynn  to  publish  it  when  it  isn't  a  fact  ?  " 

"  Colonel,"  said  Michael  Geraghty,  "  it's  well 
known  that  you're  a  gentleman,  and  I'll  trust  to  you 
that  what  I'm  going  to  tell  you  will  go  no  farther, 
for  if  ever  it  got  out  that  I  told  you,  there'd  be  trou- 
ble for  me,  and,  what's  more,  you'd  be  sorry  your- 
self, terribly  sorry,  so  you  would.  The  doctor  was 
not  drunk,  no  more  than  yourself  this  minute." 

"  I  knew  that,"  said  the  colonel.  "  Now  tell  me 
this.  Wasn't  it  Thady  Glynn  that  set  you  on  to  say 
he  was  ?  " 

"  I'll  not  say  another  word,  good  nor  bad." 

"  You  needn't.  I  know  very  well  it  couldn't  be 
anyone  else  except  Thady  Glynn." 

"  I'll  say  no  more.  I'll  neither  say  it  is  nor  it 
isn't.  Only,  I'll  tell  you  this,  and  it's  my  last  word. 
If  Thady  Glynn  was  to  be  hanged  to-morrow  for  put- 
ting them  stories  out  against  the  doctor,  he'd  die  an 
innocent  man." 

Colonel  Beresford  wrote  at  once  to  Lord  Ailing- 


AN  INTOLERABLE  HONOUR  201 

ton  a  brief  but  emphatic  letter.  Without  attempting 
a  detailed  report  of  his  conversation  with  Michael 
Geraghty,  he  made  it  plain  that  the  charge  against 
Dr.  Whitty  was  entirely  baseless. 

A  few  days  later  he  received  a  visit  from  Dr. 
Whitty. 

"  Colonel,"  said  the  doctor,  "  has  anything  more 
been  done  about  making  me  a  J.P.  ?" 

"  I  expect,"  said  the  colonel,  "  to  hear  from  Lord 
Allington  to-day  or  to-morrow  that  he  has  forwarded 
your  name  to  the  Lord  Chancellor." 

"  I'd  be  glad  if  you'd  telegraph  to  him  not  to  do  it. 
I  am  perfectly  ready  to  act  if  I  am  appointed,  as  I 
told  you  the  other  day,  but  —  well,  I  don't  want  to 
say  more  than  I  need  about  a  very  unpleasant  matter 
—  but  it  will  be  better  both  for  you  and  Lord  Al- 
lington if  my  name  is  withdrawn." 

"  What  do  you  mean?  " 

"  I  mean  this.  If  I'm  made  a  magistrate  it'll  be  a 
public  scandal,  and  will  bring  disgrace  upon  the  Petty 
Sessions  Court  of  this  town." 

"  If  you're  thinking  of  that  ridiculous  story  about 
your  being  drunk,  I  may  tell  you  at  once  that  I  don't 
believe  a  word  of  it,  and  I  am  sure  Lord  Allington 
doesn't  either.  I  never  did  believe  it  for  an  instant. 
The  only  thing  that  puzzles  me  about  it  is  the  queer 
way  Michael  Geraghty  behaved." 


202     THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

"  I'm  not  thinking  of  that  story,  but  of  something 
worse." 

"  Let's  have  it,  whatever  it  is,"  said  the  tolonel 
anxiously. 

"  I'd  rather  not  speak  about  it,  but  the  truth  is  that 
my  tailor  is  taking  proceedings  against  me  in  the 
County  Court  for  a  bill  I  owe  him  which  I  can't  pay. 
It  wouldn't  look  well,  colonel  —  you  must  admit  your- 
self it  wouldn't  look  at  all  well  for  a  newly  appointed 
magistrate  to  be — " 

"  My  dear  fellow,"  said  the  colonel  heartily,  "  if 
that's  all  that's  the  matter  it  can  easily  be  settled." 

"  No,  it  can't.  The  bill's  .close  on  twenty  pounds, 
and  I  haven't  as  many  pence." 

Colonel  Beresford  crossed  the  room  to  his  writing- 
table  and  took  his  cheque-book  from  a  drawer. 

"  You  must  allow  me,  doctor,  you  really  must. 
The  sum  is  very  trifling.  We  shall  regard  it  as  a 
loan,  repayable  at  your  convenience.  I  wish  you'd 
told  me  sooner." 

"  I  won't  allow  you,  colonel,"  said  the  doctor.  "  I 
couldn't  possibly.  I  may  never  be  able  to  repay  you. 
I  —  hang  it  all !  I  don't  want  the  money." 

Colonel  Beresford  blotted  his  cheque,  folded  it  up, 
and  pressed  it  into  the  doctor's  hand. 

"  I'm  glad  to  be  able  to  do  it,"  he  said.  "  It's  a 
pleasure  to  me.  You're  a  man  I've  always  liked. 


AN  INTOLERABLE  HONOUR          203 

I've  regarded  you  as  a  friend.  I  shall  be  seriously 
annoyed.  I  want  no  thanks.  I  won't  hear  another 
word  from  you.  Go  home  at  once  and  settle  with 
that  rascally  tailor.  And,  let  me  tell  you,  I  think  all 
the  better  of  you  for  coming  here  and  telling  me 
straightforwardly  about  the  matter.  It  would  have 
been  awkward.  I  think  Lord  Allington  might  have 
felt  himself  in  an  unpleasant  position  if  this  unfor- 
tunate business  had  come  on  in  the  County  Court  im- 
mediately after —  But  we'll  not  talk  about  that. 
Good-bye,  doctor.  And  don't  let  the  thought  of  that 
twenty  pounds  come  between  you  and  your  sleep. 
I  don't  care  if  I  never  see  it  again." 

Still  shaking  the  doctor's  hand,  he  pushed  him  from 
the  room. 

Three  days  later  Colonel  Beresford  received  from 
Lord  Allington  a  bulky  envelope.  It  contained  a 
copy  of  the  last  issue  of  The  Connacht  Mercury 
and  a  short  letter.  The  colonel  read  the  letter  first : 

"  MY  DEAR  BERESFORD, —  I  send  you  herewith  a  copy 
of  the  local  paper  in  which  I  have  marked  a  para- 
graph in  blue  pencil.  After  reading  it,  you  will,  I 
feel  sure,  agree  with  me  that  it  is  quite  impossible  for 
us  to  place  Dr.  Whitty  on  the  Commission  of  the 
Peace  for  this  county.  I  cannot  blame  you  for  being 
mistaken  about  the  man.  I  made  the  same  mistake 


204      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTV 

myself,  allowing  myself  to  be  misled  by  his  action  in 
the  matter  of  the  performance  of  '  God  Save  the 
King '  at  the  Ballintra  sports  last  year.  But  we  may 
be  thankful  that  his  real  character  has  come  to  light 
in  time  to  prevent  our  making  a  serious  mistake. 
"  I  am,  yours  very  sincerely, 

"  ALLINGTON." 

Colonel  Beresford  took  up  the  newspaper.  There 
was  no  mistake  about  the  passage  which  had  roused 
Lord  Allington's  anger.  It  was  completely  framed 
in  thick  blue  lines. 

"  Contributions  to  the  funds  of  the  United  Irish 
League,  received  through  Thaddeus  Glynn,  Esq., 
J.P.,  Chairman  and  Treasurer  of  the  Ballintra 
Branch :  — 

"  George  Whitty,  Esq.,  M.D.,  Ballintra,  £2,  2s." 

A  number  of  other  names  followed.  A  couple  of 
priests  were  credited  with  ten  shillings  each.  About  a 
dozen  other  people  appeared  to  have  subscribed  sums 
varying  from  two  shillings  to  sixpence.  Dr.  Whitty's 
name  came  first,  and  his  subscription  was  much  the 
largest.  The  Editor  had  appended  a  note  to  the  list, 
in  which  he  pointed  out  the  advantage  to  the  people's 
cause  which  would  follow  the  enrolment  of  men  like 
Dr.  Whitty  in  the  National  Organisation.  "  As  a 
professional  man,"  he  wrote,  "  Dr.  Whitty's  reputa- 


AN  INTOLERABLE  HONOUR  205 

tion  stands  deservedly  high.  Of  his  personal  popu- 
larity there  is  no  need  to  speak.  It  remains  only  to 
express  the  hope  that  he  will,  in  the  future,  display 
the  active  interest  in  the  affairs  of  the  League  which 
his  generous  subscription  shows  us  he  feels." 

Colonel  Beresford  stared  at  the  paper  in  amaze- 
ment. He  found  it,  even  with  the  printed  statement 
before  him,  impossible  to  believe  that  Dr.  Whitty  had 
handed  over  the  sum  of  two  guineas  to  Thady  Glynn. 
There  must,  he  felt  convinced,  be  some  mistake  about 
the  announcement.  He  put  the  paper  in  his  pocket 
and  walked  down  to  the  doctor's  house.  He  found 
Whitty  filling  a  medicine  bottle  with  some  black  drug 
in  a  corner  of  his  surgery.  An  old  woman,  grum- 
bling in  an  undertone,  sat  in  a  chair  near  the  door. 

"  Is  that  you,  colonel  ?  "  said  the  doctor  cheerfully. 
"  I  was  expecting  you  yesterday.  Have  you  only  just 
seen  The  Connacht  Mercury?  I'll  be  with  you  in 
a  minute.  Here,  Mary,  take  that  bottle  home  with 
you  and  rub  it  into  your  legs.  Don't  go  drinking  it. 
It'll  very  likely  kill  you,  if  you  do.  If  you  simply 
rub  it  in  night  and  morning,  the  way  I  tell  you,  it'll 
do  you  no  particular  harm,  and  the  thought  that  you 
have  it  by  you  may  be  some  comfort.  Now,  colonel." 

"  I  suppose,"  said  the  colonel,  "  that  this  announce- 
ment is  a  mistake." 

"  Not  at  all.     It's  perfectly  correct." 


206      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

"  Then  it's  some  sort  of  joke,  though  I  must  con- 
fess I  don't  see  the  point." 

"  It's  not  a  joke.  It's  serious  earnest.  I  can  tell 
you  I  didn't  a  bit  like  parting  with  that  two  guineas, 
and  it  went  through  me  like  a  knife  when  I  saw  the 
grin  on  Thady's  face  as  he  pocketed  the  coins.  I  felt 
more  like  killing  him  then  than  I  ever  did  before, 
and  that's  saying  a  good  deal." 

"  Then  you  really  gave  it  ?  " 

"  I  did.    You  drove  me  to  it." 

"I?" 

"Yes  —  you  and  Lord  Allington  between  you. 
First  of  all  you  refused  to  believe  that  I  was  an 
habitual  drunkard,  although  you  had  the  best  possible 
evidence  for  it." 

"  Was  it  likely  that  we'd  believe  an  anonymous 
letter  written  by  Thady  Glynn  ?  " 

"  Thady  didn't  write  that  letter.  I  wrote  it  myself, 
and  if  that  miserable  ass,  Michael  Geraghty,  hadn't 
lost  his  head  and  gone  back  on  every  word  I  told  him 
to  say  you  would  have  believed  it,  and  then  there'd 
have  been  an  end  of  this  wretched  J.P.  business." 

"  Do  you  mean  to  say  —  ?  " 

"  Next,"  said  Dr.  Whitty,  "  instead  of  accepting 
my  statement  that  a  fraudulent  bankrupt  is  not  a 
proper  man  to  make  a  magistrate  of,  you  insisted  on 
forcing  a  cheque  for  twenty  pounds  on  me.  It  would 


AN  INTOLERABLE  HONOUR          207 

have  served  you  jolly  well  right  if  I  had  handed  the 
whole  of  it  over  to  Thady  Glynn  as  a  subscription  to 
the  League  from  you.  But  I  didn't.  I'm  a  merciful 
man,  and  I  spared  you.  Here's  your  cheque,  by  the 
way;  and  the  next  time  you  want  to  pay  a  man's 
debts  for  him,  make  sure  he  owes  them  before  you 
write  cheques." 

"But  why  on  earth—?" 

"After  that,"  said  Dr.  Whitty,  "there  seemed  to 
me  only  one  possible  thing  to  do.  I  knew  that  Lord 
Allington  would  never  appoint  a  man  a  magistrate 
who  was  mixed  up  with  Thady  Glynn  and  his  lot,  so 
I  went  round  to  the  hotel  and  handed  two  guineas 
to  Thady  in  the  presence  of  a  lot  of  witnesses.  Then 
I  went  home  and  wrote  a  note  to  The  Connacht 
Mercury  man,  asking  him  to  stick  the  subscription 
into  a  prominent  place  in  his  next  issue  and,  if  possi- 
ble, to  write  a  special  note  about  it.  You  read  it,  I 
suppose.  He  didn't  do  it  at  all  badly." 

"  Why  didn't  you  tell  me  you  objected  to  being  a 
magistrate  ?  " 

"  I  did  tell  you,  but  you  wouldn't  listen  to  me. 
You  went  on  arguing  about  duty  and  responsibility 
and  things  of  that  kind.  You  finally  put  it  to  me  in 
a  personal  way  that  I  couldn't  refuse.  Then,  I 
promised  I'd  accept  the  honour  —  it  was  you  called  it 
an  honour,  I  didn't — if  Lord  Allington  nominated  me." 


208      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

"  He  never  will  now." 

"  I  sincerely  hope  not." 

"  I  can't,"  said  the  colonel,  after  a  short  pause, 
"tell  him  all  this  story." 

"  You  can  if  you  like,"  said  the  doctor.  "  I  don't 
mind  a  bit  if  you  do.  But  I  should  say  myself  that 
he  wouldn't  believe  a  word  of  it  if  you  swore  it  on  a 
Bible." 

"No,"  said  Colonel  Beresford,  "he  wouldn't. 
Hardly  anybody  would." 


XI 
MISS  MULHALL'S  LECTURE 


was  a  young  woman  of  peculiar  but  prepos- 
sessing  appearance,  and  Dr.  Whitty's  eyes  rested  on 
her  with  warm  appreciation.  Her  hair,  he  noticed, 
was  of  a  blue-black  colour,  very  abundant,  wavy,  and 
lustrous.  Her  face  was  oval  and  plump,  with  a  deep 
dimple  in  the  middle  of  her  chin.  Her  skin  was  a 
warm  shade  of  brown;  her  eyes  narrow,  the  irises  very 
dark.  Her  figure,  plump  like  her  face,  was  well 
formed  and  delightfully  curved.  The  general  effect 
was  heightened  by  the  fact  that  she  was  dressed  with 
good  taste  in  clothes  which  fitted  her.  She  had  a 
gold-rimmed  pince-nez,  attached  by  a  thin  gold  chain 
to  a  round  brooch  fastened  on  the  lapel  of  her  coat. 
Concealed  in  the  brooch  was  a  spring  which  wound  up 
the  gold  chain  whenever  her  fingers  loosed  their  hold 
of  the  pince-nez.  She  had  a  trick  of  pulling  out  the 
chain  and  then  letting  it  fly  back  again,  very  interesting 
to  watch. 

"  I  see,"  she  said,  smiling  pleasantly,  "  that  I  must 
introduce  myself.     I  am  Miss  Mulhall." 

209 


210     THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

"  I  am  delighted  to  see  you,"  said  Dr.  Whitty. 

He  spoke  the  truth ;  but  he  also  wondered  who  she 
was  and  what  she  wanted.  She  was  a  stranger  in 
Ballintra.  He  did  not  think  she  was  a  chance  trav- 
eller driven  by  some  sudden  catastrophe  to  seek  for 
medical  advice.  She  did  not  look  as  if  there  were  any- 
thing the  matter  with  her,  and  her  face  had  not  that 
expression  of  vacuous  superiority  to  her  surroundings 
which  marks  the  faces  of  all  tourists.  She  had  an  air 
of  brisk  competence,  not  unlike  that  of  a  young  wo- 
man who,  three  weeks  before,  had  forced  Dr.  Whitty 
to  buy  a  complete  outfit  of  rubber  stamps  suitable  for 
marking  house  linen.  But  Miss  Mulhall,  who  was 
simply  dressed,  seemed  inclined  to  get  straight  to 
business.  The  young  lady  of  the  rubber  stamps  was 
showily  shabby  ,and  had  wasted  a  lot  of  time  talking 
about  the  weather  and  the  scenery.  It  seemed  un- 
likely Miss  Mulhall  had  come  to  sell  anything. 

"  You've  heard  from  Lady  Claneder,  I  think,"  she 
said. 

"  No,"  said  Dr.  Whitty,  "  I  haven't.  I  should  like 
to,  of  course.  I'm  sure  she  writes  interesting  letters; 
but  I  don't  happen  to  know  her,  and  I  don't  expect  she 
would  care  about  starting  a  correspondence  with  me." 

Miss  Mulhall  had  a  small  black  bag  hanging  by  a 
chain  from  her  waist.  She  opened  it,  took  out  a  note- 
book, and  turned  over  the  pages  rapidly. 


MISS  MULHALL'S  LECTURE          211 

"  There  must  have  been  some  curious  mistake,"  she 
said.  "  Your  name  is  certainly  here  as  one  of  those  to 
whom  literature  has  been  sent  in  Ballintra." 

"  Literature,"  said  Dr.  Whitty,  "  is  a  thing  I  delight 
in.  Have  you  read — ?" 

"  The  Rev.  J.  Jackson,"  said  Miss  Mulhall,  her  eyes 
on  the  page  before  her,  "  Rev.  Father  Henaghan, 
Colonel  Beresford,  D.L.,  G.  Whitty,  M.D.  Those  are 
the  names  I  was  given.  I  make  it  a  rule  to  try,  in 
the  first  instance,  to  secure  the  interests  of  the  medical 
men  in  the  locality  in  the  work  of  the  Guild." 

"  Quite  right,"  said  Dr.  Whitty.  "  But  what  is  the 
Guild?" 

"  The  Guild  of  Maternal  Education,"  said  Miss 
Mulhall.  "  Lady  Claneder's  Guild.  Surely  you  must 
have  heard  of  it." 

Dr.  Whitty's  conscience  smote  him  suddenly.  He 
had  —  the  recollection  flashed  on  him  —  received  by 
post  a  large  bundle  of  pamphlets  a  week  before.  The 
envelope  in  which  they  came  bore  a  monogram  made 
up  of  the  letters  G.M.E.,  surmounted  by  a  coronet, 
Lady  Claneder's  coronet,  no  doubt.  Among  the 
printed  papers  was  a  letter  bearing  an  address  em- 
bossed in  gold,  "  Claneder  Castle,  near  Devizes."  The 
letter  was  lithographed  and  obviously  represented  the 
actual  handwriting  of  somebody,  Lady  Claneder's, 
probably.  Dr.  Whitty,  mistaking  the  whole  for  a  cun- 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

ningly  devised  advertisement  of  some  new  patent  med- 
icine, had  thrown  the  printed  matter  into  the  waste- 
paper  basket  and  thrust  the  coroneted  envelope  behind 
the  clock.  His  eyes  wandered  to  the  chimney-piece, 
and  he  noticed  that  half  the  envelope  was  sticking  out. 
Miss  Mulhall  glanced  in  the  same  direction. 

"  As  you  didn't  get  the  literature,"  she  said,  "  I 
had,  perhaps,  better  explain  that  the  Guild  of  Maternal 
Education  is  founded  for  the  purpose  of  instructing 
the  mothers  of  the  Empire." 

"  I  should  almost  have  guessed  that  from  its  name," 
said  Dr.  Whitty. 

He  edged  his  way  over  to  the  chimney-piece  and 
stood  with  his  back  against  the  clock.  Miss  Mulhall 
watched  him,  and  it  seemed  to  Dr.  Whitty  that  her 
eyes  twinkled  slightly.  She  let  her  pince-nez  go  with 
a  run.  She  looked  peculiarly  charming,  and  Dr. 
Whitty  hastened  to  offer  a  propitiatory  apology  for 
his  last  remark. 

"A  most  valuable  work,"  he  said.  "There  is  an 
enormous  amount  of  infant  mortality  due  entirely  to 
the  ignorance  of  mothers.  I  understand  that  in  the 
great  English  cities  the  percentage  — " 

"  And  in  Irish  rural  districts,"  said  Miss  Mul- 
hall. 

"  Of  course.  It  is,  I  should  say,  if  anything  worse 
in  the  Irish  rural  districts." 


MISS  MULHALL'S  LECTURE  213 

The  majority  of  the  babies  who  came  under  Dr. 
Whitty's  observation  grew  up  to  be  healthy  boys  and 
girls,  but  he  felt  it  desirable  to  placate  Miss  Mulhall. 
The  more  he  looked  at  her,  the  more  attractive  she 
appeared. 

"  If  subscriptions  of  ten  shillings  — "  he  said. 

"  I'm  not  collecting  subscriptions,"  said  Miss  Mul- 
hall, "  but,  of  course,  if  you  like  to  make  a  contribu- 
tion to  the  funds  of  the  Guild,  after  you  have  listened 
to  our  lecturer — " 

"  I  shall  take  the  first  opportunity  I  get  of  going  to 
hear  him,"  said  the  doctor.  "  Where  does  he  lec- 
ture?" 

"If  you  had  read  the  letter  Lady  Claneder  wrote 
you,"  said  Miss  Mulhall  severely,  "you'd  know  that 
our  lecturer  will  be  here  on  Monday." 

Dr.  Whitty  felt  it  would  be  useless  to  deny  any 
longer  the  receipt  of  the  literature  of  the  Guild  of 
Maternal  Education.  There  was  only  one  course 
open  to  him  which  promised  any  chance  of  ingratiating 
himself  with  Miss  Mulhall. 

"  I  need  scarcely  say,"  he  said,  "  that  I'm  delighted  to 
hear  it.  As  a  medical  man  I  am  painfully  aware  of 
the  absolute  necessity  for  maternal  education  in  this 
district.  You'd  be  surprised  to  hear  some  of  the 
things  I  could  tell  you.  Most  of  the  women  regard 
vaccination  as  a  kind  of  accompaniment  of  baptism. 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

There  was  one  the  other  day  who  was  really  distressed 
because  her  child  died  without  it.     She  said  — 

"The  Guild,"  said  Miss  Mulhall,  "tries  to  keep 
clear  of  religious  controversy  of  every  kind." 

"  It's  perfectly  right,"  said  the  doctor,  "  and  I'm 
prepared  to  back  it  in  every  way  I  can.  Just  you 
let  me  know  if  I  can  be  of  the  slightest  assistance  to 
your  lecturer,  and  whatever  I  can  do,  I  will." 

This  was  apparently  what  Miss  Mulhall  wanted. 
She  smiled  in  the  most  charming  way  and  went  so 
far  as  to  balance  her  pince-nez  for  a  moment  on  the 
bridge  of  her  nose.  Dr.  Whitty  recognised  that  this 
added  a  delightful  piquancy  to  her  appearance. 

"  The  first  thing  to  do,"  said  Miss  Mulhall,  "  is  to 
obtain  the  use  of  the  local  hall  for  the  accommodation 
of  the  lecturer." 

"  Father  Henaghan  is  the  man  to  get  at  for  that," 
said  the  doctor.  "  There  isn't  exactly  a  hall  here,  but 
I  haven't  the  least  doubt  he'll  lend  us  the  schoolroom." 

"  I  shall  call  on  him  at  once." 

"  Perhaps,"  said  Dr.  Whitty,  "  you'd  better  let  me 
approach  him  in  the  first  instance.  He's  a  delightful 
man,  but  he's  a  little  touchy  on  the  subject  of  Wo- 
man's Franchise." 

"  We've  nothing  whatever  to  do  with  the  Franchise 
movement." 

"  Of   course   not ;   but  he   might   think   you   have. 


MISS  MULHALL'S  LECTURE  215 

You're  educating  women,  you  know,  and  nowadays  it's 
impossible  to  know  where  that  sort  of  thing  will  end. 
I  don't  mind  a  bit  myself,  but  Father  Henaghan  is 
sure  to  be  suspicious.  You  can't  altogether  blame 
him,  can  you  ?  " 

"  If  he's  that  kind  of  man  — "  said  Miss  Mulhall. 

"  He  isn't  in  the  least.  Don't  let  anything  I've  said 
give  you  a  wrong  impression  of  Father  Henaghan. 
He's  always  ready  to  take  his  part  in  any  good  work 
that's  going.  I  merely  wanted  to  suggest  that  it 
might  be  as  well  if  I  explained  things  to  him  a  bit 
before  you  called." 

"  Very  well,"  said  Miss  Mulhall.  "  I  shall  go  first 
to  the  other  two  gentlemen."  She  referred  to  her 
notebook  again.  "  The  Rev.  J.  Jackson  and  Colonel 

Beresford.  There's  no  objection  to  my  calling  on 
them,  I  suppose  ?  " 

"Not  the  slightest,"  said  Dr.  Whitty.  "They'll 
both  receive  you  most  courteously.  If  I  were  you, 
in  talking  to  Mr.  Jackson  I  should  emphasise  the 
Temperance  side  of  your  work.  It  has  a  Temperance 
side,  of  course?" 

"  We're  not  directly  interested  in  total  abstinence," 
said  Miss  Mulhall. 

"  Still,  you  can't  do  much  with  a  mother  when  she 
drinks,  can  you?  " 

"  Of  course  not." 


216      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

"  Well,  just  rub  that  into  Mr.  Jackson.  In  ap- 
proaching the  colonel,  you  should  make  it  clear  that 
you  are  working  on  imperial  lines.  You  said  you  were, 
didn't  you?" 

"  We  appeal  to  the  mothers  of  the  Empire." 

"  Quite  so.  Get  the  colonel  to  understand  that. 
He's  tremendously  keen  on  empires  of  every  kind. 
They're  a  sort  of  hobby  of  his.  Then,  when  you  come 
to  deliver  your  lecture  — " 

"  I  don't  lecture  myself,"  said  Miss  Mulhall ;  "  I 
merely  make  arrangements  beforehand  for  the  recep- 
tion of  the  lecturer  in  each  locality." 

"  I'm  sorry  to  hear  you  say  that,"  said  the  doctor. 
"  I  should  have  enjoyed  listening  to  you  lecturing  im- 
mensely." 

Miss  Mulhall's  eyes  twinkled  again,  but  she  took  no 
other  notice  of  the  compliment. 

"  When  you  are  talking  to  Father  Henaghan,"  she 
said,  "  you  must  get  him  to  promise  to  give  out  the 
lecture  in  his  church  on  Sunday." 

"  Certainly,"  said  Dr.  Whitty. 

"  I  shall  ask  Mr.  Jackson  to  do  so,  too.  That  is  the 
only  kind  of  advertisement  we  adopt.  As  a  rule,  we 
find  it  most  effective." 

Dr.  Whitty  went  straight  to  the  priest's  house  as 
soon  as  Miss  Mulhall  left  him. 

"  Good  morning,  Father  Henaghan,"  he  said.     "  I 


MISS  MULHALL'S  LECTURE          217 

came  round  to  have  a  chat  with  you  about  Lady  Clan- 
eder  and  her  Guild.  She's  a  very  remarkable  woman 
and  engaged  on  a  most  important  work." 

"  Is  it  her,"  said  the  priest,  "  that  sent  me  a  lot  of 
books  and  papers  about  the  proper  way  of  feeding 
babies?" 

"  It  was,"  said  Dr.  Whitty ;  "  but,  of  course,  she 
didn't  expect  you  to  put  her  advice  into  actual  prac- 
tice." 

"  As  well  as  I  can  make  out,"  said  the  priest,  "  she 
thought  — " 

"  Excuse  my  interrupting  you  for  one  moment," 
said  Dr.  Whitty,  "  but  did  you  read  those  papers  ?  " 

"  I  did,  the  most  of  them." 

"  Then  perhaps  you  wouldn't  mind  telling  me  what 
was  in  them." 

"  A  lot  of  talk,  that's  what  was  in  them.  I  didn't 
read  the  whole  of  them,  but  there  was  one  that  was 
about  what  they  call  sterilising  milk." 

"  Capital  thing  that,"  said  the  doctor. 

"  It  may  be,  for  them  that  has  time  to  spend  in 
amusing  themselves.  There  was  another  about  the 
amount  that  a  child  should  be  given  to  eat,  and  the 
way  the  most  of  the  people  feeds  them  too  much,  on 
account  of  not  knowing  the  size  of  their  stomachs. 
My  own  opinion  is  that  a  child  will  thrive  best  if  you 
give  it  as  much  as  you  have  for  it,  whenever  it  cries." 


218      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

"  But  then  you  don't  know  the  size  of  its  stomach, 
Father  Henaghan.  After  all — " 

"  I  do  not.  And  it's  what  neither  I  nor  anyone 
else  has  any  call  to  know.  The  only  other  one  I  read 
was  about  hygienic  clothing,  and  that's  foolishness 
too.  The  most  of  us  in  this  country  would  be  thank- 
ful enough  to  have  what  clothes  would  keep  us  warm 
without  bothering  our  heads  about  what  they  were 
made  of." 

"  Still,"  said  the  doctor,  "  whatever  you  may  think 
of  particular  details,  you  can't  deny  that,  on  the  whole, 
it's  an  excellent  work,  and  I'm  sure  you'll  have  no 
objection  to  lending  the  schoolroom  on  Monday  even- 
ing to  one  of  Lady  Claneder's  lecturers." 

"  Is  it  to  be  telling  them  things  to  the  women  of 
this  parish  ?  " 

"  Exactly.     It  can't  possibly  do  any  harm." 

"  How  do  I  know  that?  There's  too  much  going  on 
these  times  in  the  way  of  rising  the  people's  minds 
about  this  and  that,  so  that  they  won't  settle  down  and 
keep  quiet.  Anyway,  who'd  go  to  the  lecture?" 

"  If  nobody  goes,"  said  the  doctor,  "  you'll  be  none 
the  worse  off  for  having  it,  so  I  suppose  you'll  give 
us  the  schoolroom." 

The  discussion  ended,  as  such  discussions  usually 
did  end,  in  Dr.  Whitty  getting  what  he  wanted.  He 
walked  down  to  Thady  Glynn's  hotel,  where  Miss 


MISS  MULHALL'S  LECTURE          219 

Mulhall  was  staying,  and  announced  the  result  of  his 
mission  with  an  air  of  triumph.  Miss  Mulhall  did 
not  seem  so  pleased  and  grateful  as  he  expected.  Her 
face  wore  a  troubled  expression. 

"  Nothing  wrong,  I  hope?  "  said  Dr.  Whitty.  "  The 
colonel  hasn't  gone  back  on  you  in  any  way,  has  he? 
If  he  has,  I'll  go  up  at  once  and  set  the  matter  right." 

"  No,"  said  Miss  Mulhall.  "  Nothing  could  have 
been  nicer  than  the  colonel  and  Mr.  Jackson  were. 
The  fact  is,  that  I've  just  had  a  telegram  from  Dr. 
Quigley  to  say  he's  prostrated  with  influenza." 

"  Poor  fellow,"  said  Dr.  Whitty ;  "  but  don't  allow 
that  to  depress  you  too  much.  He'll  get  over  it  in 
time.  Is  he  a  near  relation?" 

"  No,"  said  Miss  Mulhall ;  "  he's  our  principal  lec- 
turer. It's  extremely  annoying,  for  now  our  meeting 
here  will  have  to  be  dropped.  The  whole  work  will  be 
at  a  standstill,  and  Lady  Claneder  will  be  greatly 
vexed." 

"  I  shouldn't  like  that  to  happen,"  said  Dr.  Whitty. 
"  She's  such  an  admirable  woman  it  would  be  the 
'greatest  pity  to  upset  her  in  any  way.  But  don't  be 
despondent,  Miss  Mulhall.  Give  the  lecture  yourself. 
We'll  all  be  just  as  pleased.  In  fact,  a  lecture  of  that 
sort  —  an  intimate  talk,  so  to  speak,  to  women  about 
what  is,  after  all,  principally  women's  business  —  is 
much  better  delivered  by  a  woman.  There  are  lots  of 


220      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

little  touches,  the  things  which  really  go  home  to  a 
mother's  heart  — 

It  struck  Dr.  Whitty  that  Miss  Mulhall  was  on  the 
verge  of  smiling.  He  stopped  abruptly.  Miss  Mul- 
hall became  quite  grave  again. 

"  I'm  afraid  I  can't  lecture,"  she  said. 

"  Nonsense,"  said  Dr.  Whitty.  "  Anyone  can  lec- 
ture. All  that  is  required  is  a  little  nerve,  a  touch  of 
enthusiasm,  and  a  thorough  knowledge  of  the  subject." 

"  I  should  fail  in  the  matter  of  nerve.  The  sight 
of  an  audience  before  me — " 

"  You  really  must  stay  here  and  lecture,"  said  the 
doctor.  "  We  can't  let  you  go  yet.  It  would  be  a 
bitter  disappointment  to  all  of  us  if  you  were  to  run 
away  at  once.  I  can  easily  arrange  that  there  won't 
be  any  audience  if  you'd  rather  have  an  empty  room." 

Miss  Mulhall  smiled  unmistakably  this  time. 

"  Besides,"  she  said,  "  I  don't  really  know  anything 
about  the  subject.  It  may  seem  odd  to  you  that  I 
don't,  but  the  fact  is  I  simply  make  arrangements  for 
Dr.  Quigley,  interview  the  local  people,  and  impress 
on  them  the  importance  of  the  work.  I'm  quite  igno- 
rant about  it  myself." 

"That  doesn't  matter,"  said  Dr.  Whitty.  "To- 
morrow is  only  Sunday.  You've  got  the  whole  of 
that  day  and  most  of  Monday  to  prepare.  Make  up 
those  pamphlets  of  Lady  Claneder's.  They'll  give 


MISS  MULHALL'S  LECTURE          221 

you  the  entire  thing  in  a  few  words.  Capital 
pamphlets  they  are,  tersely  put,  striking,  and  brimful 
of  sound  teaching." 

"  I  thought  you  told  me  you  didn't  get  them." 
"  Father  Henaghan  showed  me  his  copies,"  said  Dr. 
Whitty.  "  I  admired  them  immensely.  I  can't  im- 
agine anything  more  suitable  for  the  women  of  this 
neighbourhood  than  a  synopsis  of  those  pamphlets  with 
the  little  intimate  touches  thrown  in  which  you  — " 

"  Perhaps  I'd  better  try,"  said  Miss  Mulhall.  "  But 
you  needn't  chase  away  the  whole  audience.  I 
shouldn't  like  to  deliver  a  lecture  to  you  and  Father 
Henaghan  with  nobody  else  there." 

"  Right.  I'll  see  that  the  room's  crammed." 
Sunday  was  a  very  busy  day  with  Dr.  Whitty.  He 
spent  it  beating  up  an  audience  for  the  lecture.  He 
called  personally  on  more  than  forty  mothers,  and 
urged  them  strongly  not  to  miss  the  opportunity  of 
acquiring  really  valuable  information.  He  dropped 
in  on  Miss  Mulhall  at  short  intervals  with  offers  of 
help  in  the  preparation  of  her  lecture.  He  brought 
her  a  large  red  book  on  the  diseases  of  children  which, 
he  assured  her,  contained  all  that  was  known  about 
measles  and  whooping-cough.  Later  on,  he  called 
again  and  told  her  that  he  had  arranged  a  plan  for 
demonstrating  the  proper  way  of  sterilising  milk  by 
means  of  a  spirit  lamp  and  a  soda-water  bottle.  At 


222      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

about  six  o'clock  in  the  evening  he  walked  into  her 
room  again. 

"  I  don't  know,"  he  said,  "  whether  you  are  thinking 
of  saying  anything  about  hygienic  clothing.  Lady 
Claneder  is  very  keen  about  the  subject,  and  quite 
rightly.  I  have  just  been  round  with  Mrs.  Geraghty — 
she  has  thirteen  children  of  her  own,  and  the  youngest 
is  an  infant.  She  has  promised  to  lend  me  any  clothes 
you  want  —  by  way  of  illustration,  I  mean." 

"  Are  they  very  hygienic  ?  " 

"  Not  at  all.  Quite  the  contrary,  I  fancy.  I  thought 
you  might  like  to  have  them  as  examples  of  the  way 
the  thing  ought  not  to  be  done." 

On  Monday  morning  he  arrived  at  the  hotel  while 
Miss  Mulhall  was  at  breakfast. 

"  I'm  sure,"  he  said,  "  you  mean  to  speak  strongly 
about  the  popular  habit  of  overfeeding  infants." 

"  There's  a  pamphlet  entirely  devoted  to  that,"  said 
Miss  Mulhall. 

"  There  is.  I  read  it  through  from  end  to  end  last 
night  —  borrowed  it  from  the  colonel,  you  know.  I 
was  greatly  impressed  by  it." 

"  You  must  have  known  it  all  before,"  said  Miss 
Mulhall. 

"  Of  course ;  but  I  never  came  across  it  put  in  such 
a  forcible  way.  Lady  Claneder  is  a  wonderful 


MISS  MULHALL'S  LECTURE  223 

woman.  You're  going  to  say  something  on  that  sub- 
ject, of  course." 

"  I'm  going  to  begin  with  that." 

"  I  thought  you  probably  would,  so  I  sat  up  last 
night  and  made  a  baby's  stomach  —  I  mean,  of  course, 
a  model  of  a  baby's  stomach  —  out  of  part  of  the  inner 
tube  of  a  bicycle  tyre.  It  has  exactly  the  cubic  con- 
tent of  that  of  an  infant  three  months  old.  I  thought 
it  would  be  valuable  to  you  by  way  of  an  illustration. 
I  left  the  valve  on,  so  that  you  can  pump  milk  or  any- 
thing else  you  like  into  it,  and  show  what  happens  if 
you  overdo  it." 

"  Don't  you  think  that  would  be  rather  a  disgusting 
experiment  ?  " 

"  Not  very,"  said  Dr.  Whitty,  "  and  I'm  sure  every- 
body would  like  it." 

He  called  twice  more  in  the  course  of  the  day,  each 
time  with  a  suggestion  for  the  improvement  of  Miss 
Mulhall's  lecture.  At  seven  o'clock  he  arrived  to 
conduct  her  to  the  schoolroom.  He  found  her  sitting 
at  a  table  with  a  large  bundle  of  manuscript  in  front 
of  her.  His  sterilising  apparatus,  a  bundle  of  the 
cast-off  clothes  of  Mrs.  Geraghty's  baby,  and  the  sec- 
tion of  the  bicycle  tyre  stood  together  on  the  side- 
board. Miss  Mulhall  was  in  a  condition  of  extreme 
nervousness. 


224      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

"  I'm  dreadfully  afraid,"  she  said,  "  I  shall  break 
down." 

"Oh  no,  you  won't!"  said  Dr.  Whitty.  "I  shall 
be  close  beside  you.  I'll  take  charge  of  all  the  ap- 
paratus, and  the  moment  you  want  anything  I'll  hand 
it  to  you." 

"  That  will  make  me  worse." 

"  Don't  think  of  your  audience,"  said  Dr.  Whitty. 
"  Think  of  nothing  except  your  subject.  Let  it  take 
a  grip  of  you.  Recollect  that  you  have  an  absolutely 
priceless  opportunity  of  doing  a  great  work.  Hun- 
dreds of  lives  may  be  spared  —  lives  of  children  who 
might  grow  up  to  be  —  Are  you  a  Unionist  or  a  Na- 
tionalist, Miss  Mulhall  ?  " 

"  I  don't  know,  really.  My  father  used  to  admire 
Parnell,  I  believe." 

"  Then  you're  a  Nationalist.  So  we'll  say  that  the 
children  might  grow  up  to  be  Wolfe  Tones,  every  one 
of  them,  if  their  lives  aren't  sacrificed  at  the  start  by 
the  ignorance  of  their  mothers.  Keep  that  sort  of 
consideration  before  your  mind,  and  your  nervousness 
will  vanish  —  simply  vanish." 

"  But  — "  said  Miss  Mulhall.  She  paused  and 
looked  at  Dr.  Whitty  with  a  curious  deprecating  kind 
of  smile. 

"  Say  to  yourself,"  said  the  doctor,  "  '  The  hand 
that  rocks  the  cradle  rules  the  world.'  Think  how 


MISS  MULHALL'S  LECTURE  225 

you  are  engaged  in  directing  the  hand  to  rock  right. 
It's  the  noblest  and  most  inspiring  work  — " 

Again  Miss  Mulhall  smiled.  Dr.  Whitty  stopped 
speaking.  There  was  something  about  her  smile  which 
puzzled  him,  a  suggestion  which  eluded  him  com- 
pletely. 

"  There  were  fourteen  of  us  at  home,"  said  Miss 
Mulhall,  "  and  I  was  the  eldest.  My  mother  died 
when  the  youngest  was  born." 

"  And  you  brought  them  all  up  ?  "  said  Dr.  Whitty. 

"  Yes." 

"  Then  there  isn't  a  woman  in  Ireland  better  quali- 
fied than  you  are  — " 

"  That's  just  the  difficulty,"  said  Miss  Mulhall. 

"  I  beg  your  pardon.     I  don't  quite  catch  — " 

Miss  Mulhall  laid  her  hand  on  the  pile  of  manu- 
script before  her.  The  smile  flickered  on  her  lips 
again,  broadened,  glowed.  Laughter  danced  in  her 
eyes. 

"  I  think  all  this  is  rather  silly,"  she  said.  "  Don't 
you?" 

Dr.  Whitty  stared  at  her.  Then,  suddenly,  he  burst 
into  a  joyous  laugh.  He  crossed  the  room,  seized 
Miss  Mulhall's  hand,  and  wrung  it  heartily. 

The  next  day  Colonel  Beresford  met  Dr.  Whitty 
outside  Thady  Glynn's  hotel. 

"  Look  here,  Whitty,"  he  said,  "  what  did  you  mean 


226      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

by  insisting  on  my  attending  that  lecture  last  night? 
I  never  heard  such  a  lot  of  rot  talked  in  my  life." 

"  It  was  a  capital  lecture,"  said  the  doctor.  "  You'd 
go  a  long  way  before  you'd  hear  a  better  or  see  a 
nicer-looking  lecturer  than  Miss  Mulhall." 

"  Oh,  the  girl  was  all  right ;  but  —  own  up,  now, 
Whitty  —  there  was  no  sense  in  what  she  said.  How 
the  deuce  can  you  expect  the  women  about  here  to 
spend  their  time  boiling  soda  water?  " 

"  They're  not  wanted  to  boil  soda  water.  What 
you  allude  to  was  a  demonstration  of  the  art  of  ster- 
ilising milk." 

"  It  looked  to  me  a  great  deal  more  like  boiling 
soda  water.  But  take  another  point.  You're  a  sen- 
sible man,  and  you  must  know  quite  well  that  what 
she  said  about  washing  children  is  perfectly  ridiculous. 
I  don't  deny  that  a  child  ought  to  be  washed  oc- 
casionally, but  she  wants  to  overdo  it.  There's  noth- 
ing more  wholesome  than  a  little  dirt.  Take 
Geraghty's  children.  I  don't  suppose  they  get  a  bath 
from  one  year's  end  to  the  other,  and  I  defy  you 
to  find  a  healthier  lot  anywhere.  Or  look  at  my  roses. 
If  they  weren't  mulched  with  manure  —  manure,  mind 
you,  Whitty,  the  filthiest  thing  there  is  —  they'd  simply 
die.  It's  just  the  same  with  children." 

"  You  may  abuse  the  lecture  as  much  as  ever  you 
like,  colonel,  but  I  won't  have  a  word  against  Miss 


227 

Mulhall  in  my  presence.  Not  a  word.  It's  better  for 
you  to  understand  that  at  once.  She's  a  lady  I  have 
a  very  high  regard  for." 

"  Oh !  "  said  the  colonel,  drawing  the  exclamation 
out  slowly. 

"  Yes,"  said  Dr.  Whitty,  "  exactly  so." 

"I  apologise,"  said  the  colonel.  "If  I'd  known  — 
When  did  you  settle  it  ? " 

"  Last  night,  just  before  the  lecture." 

"  I  congratulate  you,"  said  the  colonel.  "  I'll  go 
into  the  hotel  now  and  congratulate  Miss  Mulhall. 
If  I'd  had  the  slightest  idea —  But  I  won't  say  an- 
other word  against  the  lecture." 

"  You  may  if  you  like,"  said  the  doctor.  "  I  know 
that  lecture's  all  tommy-rot  just  as  well  as  you  do. 
So  does  Miss  Mulhall.  In  fact,  she  knows  it  a  great 
deal  better  than  either  of  us;  and  you  could  hardly 
say  a  word  she  wouldn't  endorse.  But  I  must  say  I 
think  that  liquid  manure  theory  of  yours  rather  an 
exaggeration.  By  the  way,  do  you  happen  to  know 
Lady  Claneder?  " 

"  I  met  her  once,"  said  the  colonel,  "  at  my  daugh- 
ter's house  in  London." 

"  The  next  time  you  meet  her  I  wish  you'd  try  and 
get  her  to  wind  up  her  Guild.  It  doesn't  do  any  ac- 
tual harm,  I  suppose,  but  it's  a  public  nuisance'.  Yon 
can't  imagine  all  I  went  through  working  up  that  lee- 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

ture  before  I  found  out  what  Miss  Mulhall's  opinions 
really  were." 

"  Nothing,"  said  Colonel  Beresford,  "  will  stop  Lady 
Claneder,  unless  she  finds  by  experience  that  every 
one  of  her  assistants  gets  married  when  she  sends 
them  out  on  tour.  That  might  damp  her  ardour  a  lit- 
tle." 


DR.  WHITTY'S  PATIENT 

44T     CALLED    on    you    this    morning,"    said    Dr. 

•*•  Whitty,  "  about  a  purely  personal  matter.  But 
perhaps  you're  busy  ?  " 

"  I'm  thankful  to  say,"  said  Colonel  Beresford, 
"  that  I'm  past  the  age  at  which  men  think  they  can 
preserve  their  self-respect  only  by  being  busy." 

"  It  has  occurred  to  me,"  said  Dr.  Whitty,  "  since 
I  got  engaged  to  be  married  to  Miss  Mulhall,  that, 
though  my  income  is  all  right  for  the  quiet  kind  of  life 
we  intend  to  lead,  I  haven't  got  the  amount  of  capital 
ready  to  hand  that  I  ought  to  have,  if  we  are  to  go  on 
a  proper  honeymoon." 

"  Some  men,"  said  the  colonel,  "  would  have 
thought  of  that  before  they  got  engaged." 

Dr.  Whitty  ignored  this  remark. 

"  It  seems  to  me,  therefore,"  he  went  on,  "  that  it's 
my  duty  to  get  a  hold  of  some  ready  money.  I'm 
sure  I  can  count  on  your  help." 

"  If  you  expect  me  to  become  a  chronic  invalid  or 
poison  my  servants  — " 

"  Not  at  all.     The  idea  in  my  mind  — " 
229 


230      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

"  I  once  offered  you  a  present  of  twenty  pounds," 
said  the  colonel,  "  and  you  practically  threw  the 
cheque  back  in  my  face." 

"  I'm  not  begging,"  said  Dr.  Whitty ;  "  all  I  want  of 
you  is  your  name  as  a  reference." 

"What  for?" 

"  I'm  thinking  of  starting  a  sanatorium.  Hold  on  a 
minute  —  here's  the  advertisement :  '  Nervous  Pa- 
tients '  —  that,  of  course,  means  habitual  drunkards ; 
it's  put  in  that  way  to  save  unpleasantness  for  their 
relatives  — '  received  in  a  doctor's  house.  Bracing 
neighbourhood.  Gravel  soil.  Personal  supervision. 

References  kindly  permitted  to '  Then  comes 

your  name,  and,  after  it,  Father  Henaghan's  and  Mr. 
Jackson's.  I  have  them  both,  so  as  to  show  that  the 
religion  of  the  patient  will  be  properly  attended  to, 
whatever  sort  it  is." 

"  And  what  do  you  expect  to  make  out  of  that?  " 

"  I  shall  ask  £10  a  week,"  said  the  doctor,  "  and,  if 
I  light  on  the  right  kind  of  drunkard,  I  dare  say  I 
shall  get  it." 

"  Is  there  much  choice  ?  I  should  have  thought 
they  were  all  rather  disgusting." 

"  There  is  a  choice,  of  course.  The  best  kind  is  a 
young  man  whose  father  has  made  a  large  fortune 
honestly,  and  so  clings  to  the  idea  of  respectability. 
The  son,  having  been  educated  expensively,  gets  into 


DR.  WHITTY'S  PATIENT  231 

what  is  supposed  to  be  good  society.  There,  he  ac- 
quires habits  which —  Well,  the  father,  after  do- 
ing his  best  for  a  time,  determines  to  put  the  young 
man  under  control  in  some  rather  distant  place. 
That's  the  really  strong  point  about  my  advertisement. 
If  you  live  in  the  English  Midlands,  as  the  man  I  have 
in  mind  almost  certainly  does,  nowhere  seems  farther 
off  than  Western  Connacht.  I  shall  get  my  £10  a 
week  to  a  certainty  if  I  have  the  luck  to  light  on  a 
man  of  that  sort." 

"  I  dare  say  you  will,"  said  Colonel  Beresford.  "  I'm 
told  that  advertising  is  the  one  sure  means  of  making 
money;  and  your  effort  is  no  more  immoral  than  the 
rest." 

"  I'm  not  quite  sure,"  said  Dr.  Whitty,  "  that  I  un- 
derstand what  you  mean.  Where  does  the  immor- 
ality come  in?  " 

"  Well,  advertisements,  as  a  rule,  lie  like  Ananias 
and  Sapphira.  Yours,  for  instance,  says  '  Bracing 
neighbourhood.'  " 

"  That's  not  a  lie.  It's  simply  a  formula,  like  '  Dear 
Sir '  at  the  beginning  of  a  letter." 

" '  Gravel  soil/  then,  is  like  '  very  sincerely 
yours '  ?  " 

"  Precisely,  and  the  rest  of  the  advertisement  is 
true." 

"  Considering,"  said  the  colonel,  "  that  every  shop 


232      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

in  Ballintra  except  one  is  a  public-house,  it  seems  to 
me  it  would  have  been  wiser  to  have  aimed  at  some 
other  kind  of  patient." 

"  I  might  have  done  that,  of  course ;  but  a  drunk- 
ard is  much  the  most  likely  sort  to  get." 

"  He'll  need  a  good  deal  of  '  personal  supervision,'  " 
said  the  colonel. 

"  I  don't  mean  to  be  the  person  who  supervises.  I 
couldn't  spare  the  time." 

"  Ah !    You  mean  to  engage  a  sort  of  keeper." 

"  Certainly  not.  In  the  first  place,  those  fellows  are 
frightfully  expensive  and  I'm  trying  to  make  money. 
In  the  next  place,  men  of  that  sort  irritate  the  patient. 
What  I  mean  to  do  is  to  hire  Michael  Geraghty's  lit- 
tle girl,  the  eldest  one,  Molly,  who  is  about  fourteen. 
I  can  get  her  for  five  shillings  a  week,  and  she'll  find 
the  greatest  pleasure  in  walking  round  with  the  drunk- 
ard." 

"  But  she  won't  be  able  to  stop  him  drinking." 

"  Oh  yes,  she  will.  You  may  not  have  observed  it, 
colonel,  but  men  who  drink  are  invariably  kind-hearted 
and  fond  of  children.  Molly  will  appeal  to  his  better 
nature.  That's  part  of  my  system.  No  man  would 
touch  more  than  he  ought  while  a  nice  little  girl  was 
holding  him  by  the  hand." 

Ten  days  later,  Colonel  Beresford  received  a  letter 
marked  "  Private  and  Confidential." 


DR.  WHITTY'S  PATIENT  233 

"Dear  Sir," — he  read — "you  will,  I  feel  sure,  ex- 
cuse my  troubling  you,  when  I  mention  that  I  write  to 
make  inquiries  about  the  character  and  position  of  Dr. 
Whitty  of  your  town,  whose  advertisement  gives  your 
name  among  others  as  a  reference.  I  am  particularly 
anxious  to  know  whether  Dr.  Whitty  is  a  man  of 
cheerful  disposition.  It  has  become  necessary,  in  con- 
sequence of  a  serious  nervous  breakdown,  to  secure 
for  my  son  a  period  of  complete  rest  and  quiet.  I 
think  it  desirable  that  he  should  be  under  the  super- 
vision of  a  competent  medical  man,  although  I  trust 
he  will  not  require  actual  treatment,  and  it  is  abso- 
lutely necessary  that  his  surroundings  should  be  bright 
and  cheerful.  I  shall  feel  obliged  if  you  will  give  me 
your  candid  opinion  of  Dr.  Whitty,  and  I  shall  regard 
anything  you  write  as  strictly  confidential. —  I  am, 

"  Yours  truly, 

"J.  HATFIELD." 

The  notepaper  bore  the  name  of  a  firm,  "  Hatfield 
&  Co.,  Engineers  and  Contractors,"  with  a  business 
address ;  but  this  was  scratched  out  and  "  Cedar 
Lawn,  Edenberry,  Newcastle-on-Tyne,"  substi- 
tuted. 

Colonel  Beresford  replied  cautiously.  He  said  he 
held  the  highest  opinion  of  Dr.  Whitty 's  personal  char- 
acter and  medical  skill,  absolutely  guaranteed  his 
gaiety,  and  gave  it  as  his  opinion  that  rest  and  quiet 
would  be  obtainable  in  Ballintra  if  anywhere  in  the 
world.  He  added,  that  he  did  not  in  any  way  vouch 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

for  the  value  of  Dr.  Whitty's  methods  of  dealing  with 
nervous  patients.  Three  days  later,  he  received  a  call 
from  Dr.  Whitty. 

"Thanks,  colonel,"  he  said.  "Your  letter  did  the 
trick  for  me.  Old  Hatfield  is  evidently  a  British  mer- 
chant of  the  most  superior  possible  kind.  He  offered 
—  actually  offered  —  eight  guineas  a  week,  and  his 
son  is  just  the  kind  of  man  I  want." 

"Nervous  breakdown?"  asked  the  colonel. 

"  Precisely.  The  old  boy  was  frightfully  nice  about 
it.  You  could  see  at  once  that  he  is  really  fond  of 
Herbert  —  Herbert  is  the  son's  name." 

"  Of  course,"  said  the  colonel.  "  It  was  sure  to 
be." 

"  He  wrote  me  a  long  letter  and  put  the  whole  thing 
down  to  Herbert's  artistic  temperament  and  the  nerve 
strain  which  that  involved.  It  appears  that  he  did 
uncommonly  well  at  Oxford  —  Herbert,  I  mean,  not 
the  engineer  and  contractor  —  and  won  a  prize  for 
writing  poetry.  Then  he  went  up  to  London,  and 
there,  apparently,  things  began  to  get  serious,  though 
they'd  evidently  been  bad  enough  at  Oxford,  and  old 
Hatfield  connects  the  trouble  in  some  way  with  the 
prize  poem.  Herbert  himself  is  quite  willing  to  try 
the  experiment  of  placing  himself  under  my  care  for 
a  while.  He  is,  so  his  father  says,  a  young  man  of 
very  amiable  disposition  who  makes  friends  wherever 


DR.  WHITTY'S  PATIENT  235 

he  goes.  I  expect  he'll  take  to  Molly  Geraghty  at 
once.  I  dare  say  I  shall  have  him  for  as  much  as 
three  months,  and  at  the  end  of  that  time — " 

He  paused  and  was  evidently  engaged  in  multiply- 
ing eight  guineas  by  thirteen,  a  sum  difficult  to  do 
without  a  pencil  and  a  piece  of  paper. 

"You'll  be  in  a  position  to  marry,"  said  the  colo- 
nel. 

"  Yes/'  said  Dr.  Whitty,  when  he  had  finished  his 
sum,  "  I  shall." 

A  week  later  Herbert  Hatfield  arrived,  and  for 
some  days  Colonel  Beresford  saw  nothing  of  the  doc- 
tor. He  felt  a  good  deal  of  curiosity  about  the  prog- 
ress of  the  new  cure  for  inebriety,  and,  meeting 
Michael  Geraghty  on  the  road,  took  the  opportunity 
of  trying  to  find  out  what  was  going  on. 

"  I  hear,"  he  said,  "  that  Dr.  Whitty  has  engaged 
your  eldest  girl  as  housemaid,  Michael.  How  does 
she  like  it?" 

"  It  isn't  housemaid  she  is,"  said  Michael,  "  nor  yet 
cook." 

"What  is  she,  then?" 

"  I  wouldn't  wonder,"  said  Michael,  "  if  she's  what 
they  call  a  companion.  Anyway,  all  she  has  to  do  is 
to  walk  about  along  with  a  strange  gentleman  the 
doctor  has  with  him,  and  for  that  she's  getting  five 
shillings  a  week  and  her  dinner." 


236      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

"  It  sounds  an  easy  job." 

"  You  may  say  that." 

"  And  is  he  a  nice  gentleman?  " 

"  As  quiet  as  ever  you  seen,  barring  an  odd  time 
when  his  temper  would  be  riz,  and,  even  with  that, 
Molly  says  she  never  heard  a  curse  out  of  him  —  not 
what  you'd  call  a  proper  curse.  It  was  only  this 
morning  he  said  to  her,  '  Child,  there's  half  a  crown 
for  you.  Go  and  buy  dolls  and  sweets/  he  says,  '  and 
leave  me  in  peace  by  myself.'  You  wouldn't  call  that 
cursing?" 

"  I  would  not,"  said  the  colonel.  "  I  suppose  she 
took  the  half  crown." 

"  She  did,  of  course.  Is  it  likely  she'd  vex  him 
worse  than  he  was  vexed  ?  " 

"Was  he  vexed?" 

"  He  was.  Didn't  I  tell  you  he  was  ?  The  two  eyes 
were  starting  out  of  him  with  the  rage  he  was  in,  and, 
with  every  look  he  took  at  Molly,  he  got  worse  instead 
of  better." 

"  Did  she  go  away  ?  " 

"  She  did  not.  She'd  be  in  dread  to  do  the  like ;  for 
the  doctor  said  he'd  chastise  her  if  ever  she  let  the 
gentleman  out  of  her  sight,  and  the  most  of  the  time 
she  was  to  be  holding  his  hand,  if  so  be  he'd  let  her." 

Colonel  Beresford's  curiosity  was  intensely  excited 


DR.  WHITTY'S  PATIENT  237 

by  this  account  of  Herbert  Hatfield's  dealings  with 
Molly  Geraghty.  He  made  up  his  mind  to  call  on  Dr. 
Whitty  and  find  out  further  details  about  the  be- 
haviour of  the  inebriate  stranger.  He  was  aware  that 
he  was  acting  in  an  undignified  way  by  openly  pur- 
suing gossip  which  was  not  offered  to  him;  but  he 
consoled  himself  by  reflecting  that  he  had  not  much 
dignity  to  lose,  and  that,  in  any  case,  Dr.  Whitty  had 
none.  He  found,  as  he  expected,  that  the  doctor  was 
quite  ready  to  talk  freely. 

"  I'm  sorry,  colonel,"  he  said,  "  that  I  haven't  been 
able  to  go  up  to  see  you  since  poor  Herbert  arrived. 
I  simply  wasn't  able  to  get  away.  Molly  manages  ad- 
mirably and  sticks  to  him  like  a  leech ;  but,  of  course, 
I'm  responsible.  Herbert  arrived  here  this  day  last 
week,  a  frightful  wreck,  face  haggard,  eyes  sunken, 
hands  shaking  like  what-do-you-call-'em  leaves." 

"Aspen?" 

"Yes,  aspen;  that's  what  he  said  himself.  Being 
a  poet,  he'd  be  bound  to  say  something  of  the  sort.  I 
can't  recollect  ever  having  noticed  an  aspen  leaf, 
but—" 

"  The  aspen  tree,  I  believe,  is  the  same  thing  as  a 
poplar,"  said  the  colonel.  "But  it  doesn't  grow  in 
this  part  of  the  world." 

"  All  I  can  say  is  that  if  its  leaves  are  anything  like 


238      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

poor  Herbert's  hands  they  can't  be  much  use  to  it. 
His  body  was  frightfully  emaciated." 

"Nose  red?" 

"  No,  pale  grey.  A  nose  doesn't  get  red  except 
after  a  long  course.  Herbert,  apparently,  has  only 
been  really  going  it  for  about  a  year.  Well,  I  gave 
him  a  bit  of  dinner,  and,  seeing  the  state  he  was  in, 
offered  him  a  bottle  of  porter.  What  do  you  think  he 
said?  He  had  the  nerve  to  assure  me  that  he  never 
touched  alcohol  in  any  form.  I  call  that  rather  a  bad 
sign.  I'd  rather  have  a  man  who  owned  up  frankly. 
However,  I  did  not  say  anything,  but,  as  soon  as  din- 
ner was  over,  I  introduced  him  to  Molly,  who  was 
waiting  in  the  hall.  He  didn't  seem  as  much  inter- 
ested in  her  as  I  had  hoped.  However,  he  went  for  a 
walk  and  she  followed  him.  The  next  day  the  trouble 
began." 

"  Ah!     At  Thady  Glynn's,  I  suppose?  " 

"  No.  It's  a  curious  instance  of  the  crafty  way 
these  poor  fellows  go  about  things;  he  didn't  show 
the  smallest  wish  to  go  near  the  town.  He  went  down 
and  sat  on  Michael  Geraghty's  pier  and  looked  at  the 
sea.  Molly,  of  course,  sat  beside  him.  At  first,  he 
didn't  take  any  notice  of  her;  but,  after  a  while,  he 
inquired  why  she  wasn't  at  school.  From  that  on,  he 
made  a  series  of  efforts  to  get  rid  of  her.  He  tried 


DR.  WHITTY'S  PATIENT  239 

walking  fast,  and  even  running,  but  Molly  is  an  active 
child,  so  he  didn't  make  much  by  that.  Then  he  tried 
climbing  up  rocks  and  places,  where  he  thought  she 
wouldn't  be  able  to  follow  him.  He  soon  found  out 
his  mistake.  A  child  of  that  age  is  an  extraordinarily 
good  climber  as  a  rule.  Then  he  fell  back  on  the 
school  idea  and  made  his  way  up  to  Michael  Ger- 
aghty's  workshop.  He  had  inquired,  of  course,  from 
Molly  who  her  father  was.  He  didn't  make  much  by 
that.  Michael  listened  to  all  he  had  to  say  about  the 
advantages  of  education  for  the  young  and  the  duty 
of  parents.  Then  he  told  Herbert  that  Molly  was 
half-witted  and  couldn't  be  taught  anything,  so  there 
was  no  use  sending  her  to  school.  Herbert  appar- 
ently didn't  believe  that.  He  went  off  the  next  day  to 
the  schoolmaster  and  made  further  inquiries.  The 
master,  of  course,  was  prepared  to  back  up  anything 
Michael  had  said,  but  somehow  he  took  the  matter  up 
wrong.  He  thought  it  was  Herbert  Hatfield  who  had 
been  accusing  Molly  of  being  half-witted,  and  that 
Michael  had  been  defending  his  daughter's  reputa- 
tion." 

"  I  don't  blame  him,"  said  the  colonel.  "  Nobody 
would  expect  a  father  to  be  giving  away  his  own  child 
like  that  to  a  perfect  stranger." 

"  I  dare  say.    Anyway,  he  said  that  Molly  was  the 


240      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

smartest  girl  he  had,  and  that  the  only  reason  she 
didn't  go  regularly  to  school  was  that  her  education 
was  practically  complete. 

"  That  seems  to  have  aroused  Herbert's  suspicions 
worse  than  ever.  He  went  straight  up  to  the  Pres- 
bytery and  asked  Father  Henaghan  to  tell  him  the 
truth  about  Molly.  Father  Henaghan  wanted  to  do 
the  best  he  could  to  make  things  pleasant  for  Herbert, 
but  didn't  know  what  either  Michael  or  the  school- 
master had  told  him.  He  said  that,  owing  to  an  out- 
break of  measles  among  the  other  Geraghty  children, 
he  had  strictly  forbidden  Molly  to  go  to  school,  hop- 
ing in  that  .way  to  prevent  the  spread  of  infection. 
Herbert  then  inquired  for  the  school  attendance  of- 
ficer." 

"  Thinking,  I  suppose,  that  we  had  compulsory  edu- 
cation in  this  country?" 

"  Apparently.  When  he  found  out  that  there  was 
no  such  person  he  gave  up  the  idea  of  trying  to  get 
rid  of  Molly  by  sending  her  to  school." 

"What  did  he  do  next?" 

"  He  threatened  her  with  the  police,"  said  the  doc- 
tor. "  Molly  was  frightened  at  first,  and  told  her 
father  when  she  went  home  that  night.  Michael  said 
she  needn't  mind,  because,  even  if  she  was  arrested, 
nothing  would  be  done  to  her  afterwards.  He  said 
that  you  were  a  magistrate,  and  generally  got  your  own 


DR.  WHITTY'S  PATIENT  2-11 

way  on  the  Bench,  and  that  you  wouldn't  send  any 
one  to  prison  for  following  Herbert  H'atfield  about, 
because  you  were  as  keen  as  everybody  else  on  having 
him  properly  watched." 

"  I  wish  he  hadn't  said  that.  I  don't  like  being 
dragged  into  this  business." 

"  It's  all  right,"  said  the  doctor.  "  Molly  didn't  tell 
Herbert  what  her  father  had  said.  She  simply  turned 
up  smiling  the  next  morning." 

"  Then  he  tried  bribing  her,"  said  the  colonel. 
"  Michael  told  me  all  about  that." 

"  It  will  be  very  interesting  to  see  what  he  does 
next,  now  that  bribery  has  failed.  In  the  meanwhile 
the  thing  is  working  out  splendidly.  He  hasn't,  to  my 
certain  knowledge,  had  a  drop  of  any  kind  of  drink, 
except  water  and  tea,  since  he  came  here ;  and  he's  be- 
ginning to  fatten  already.  His  hands  are  not  half  as 
shaky  as  they  were  at  first —  Hullo!  Here  he  is." 

A  minute  later  Herbert  Hatfield,  having  banged  the 
hall  door  behind  him,  entered  the  room. 

"  Doctor  Whitty,"  he  said,  "  I  must  ask  you  for 
some  explanation  of  the  extraordinary  way  — " 

"My  friend,  Colonel  Beresford  —  Mr.  Hatfield," 
said  the  doctor,  performing  the  ceremony  of  introduc- 
tion. 

The  colonel  and  Herbert  Hatfield  bowed. 

"  Perhaps,"  said  Herbert,  "  I  could  speak  to  you  in 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

private  for  a  few  minutes,  if  Colonel  Beresford  will 
excuse  us." 

"  If  it's  Molly  Geraghty  you  want  to  talk  of,"  said 
the  doctor,  "  there's  not  the  least  necessity  for  a  pri- 
vate interview.  The  colonel  knows  all  about  it  and 
strongly  approves — " 

"  No ;  I  don't,"  said  the  colonel. 

"  Of  course  you  don't/'  said  Herbert  Hatfield. 
"  No  sane  man  — 

"  Keep  as  calm  as  you  can,"  said  Dr.  Whitty,  "  and 
tell  us  exactly  what  your  grievance  is." 

"  My  grievance  ?  I  am  followed  about  day  and 
night  — " 

"  Don't  exaggerate,"  said  Dr.  Whitty.  "  She  goes 
home  at  night." 

"  I'm  followed  about  all  day,"  said  Herbert  Hat- 
field,  "  by  a  horrid  little  girl.  There  she  is  sitting  on 
the  window-sill  waiting  for  me." 

Dr.  Whitty  glanced  at  Molly. 

"  She  looks  to  me  a  nice  little  girl,"  he  said.  "  She's 
quite  pretty." 

"I  don't  like  her,"  said  Herbert  Hatfield;  "and, 
even  if  I  did  like  her,  I  shouldn't  want  to  have  her 
always  treading  on  my  heels." 

"  I'll  tell  her  not  to  do  that,  if  you  like." 

"  Tell  her  to  go  away  and  leave  me  at  peace." 

"  No,  I  won't.     You  are  here  to  be  cured  of  a  dan- 


DR.  WHITTY'S  PATIENT  243 

gerous  and  highly  objectionable  kind  of  disease,  and, 
in  my  opinion,  Molly  Geraghty  is  doing  you  a  lot  of 
good." 

"  She's  making  me  worse.  I'm  going  mad.  I  shall 
become  a  raving  lunatic  if  she  follows  me  about  any 
more." 

"  Not  at  all.  So  long  as  you  keep  off  the  whisky, 
you'll  be  as  sane  as  any  man  living." 

"  Whisky !     I  never  touch  whisky." 

"  Well,  gin,  or  brandy,  or  rum,  or  absinthe,  or  what- 
ever it  is  you  do  drink.  I  expect  it's  some  queer,  out- 
of-the-way  foreign  spirit." 

"  I  tell  you,  I  don't  drink  at  all,  and  never  did." 

"  Your  father  told  me,"  said  Dr.  Whitty,  "  that  you 
were  a  pretty  nearly  hopeless  case  of  nervous  break- 
down. If  that  doesn't  mean  drink,  I  don't  know  what 
it  does  mean." 

"  And  do  you  mean  to  say  that  you've  set  that  child 
on  to  follow  me  about  in  order  to  prevent  my  going 
into  public-houses  ?  " 

"  Exactly,"  said  Dr.  Whitty,  "  and,  what's  more, 
the  treatment  is  doing  you  a  lot  of  good.  You 
couldn't  have  stood  up  to  me  and  argued  the  way 
you're  doing  when  you  came  here  a  week  ago.  Look 
at  your  hands  now,  man.  Are  they  aspen  leaves  ?  " 

Herbert  Hatfield  stretched  out  one  of  his  hands  and 
stared  at  it.  Then  he  laughed  suddenly. 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

"  By  Jove !  "  he  said,  "  I  believe  you're  right.  It  is 
doing  me  good.  I  slept  last  night  too:  the  whole 
night." 

"  That's  Molly  Geraghty,"  said  the  doctor. 

"  All  the  same,"  said  Herbert  Hatfield,  "  I'm  not  a 
drunkard.  I'm  —  it  may  seem  rather  absurd  to  you, 
but  my  nervous  breakdown  really  was  the  consequence 
of  great  mental  strain.  I  am  engaged  in  writing  — 
surely  my  father  must  have  told  you  that  I  am  a 
poet." 

"  If  you  prefer  to  call  it  poetry,"  said  Dr.  Whitty, 
"  I  don't  mind.  All  I  want  to  impress  on  you  is  that 
Molly  Geraghty  is  the  best  means  I  know  of  getting 
you  well  again.  So  long  as  she  is  after  you,  you  can't 
give  way  — " 

"  He  means,"  said  the  colonel,  "  that  she'll  keep 
your  mind  off  poetry." 

"  She  certainly  has  done  that,"  said  Herbert  Hat- 
field. 

"  Then  stick  to  her,"  said  the  doctor,  "  or,  rather, 
let  her  stick  to  you.  And  if  I  were  you,  I  should 
allow  her  to  hold  your  hands  as  you  walk  about." 

Herbert  Hatfield  stayed  in  Ballintra  for  six  weeks. 
After  he  left,  he  sent  Molly  Geraghty  a  present  of  an 
immense  doll's  house,  fully  furnished  and  crowded 
with  inhabitants.  Some  months  later  Dr.  Whitty 
made  a  confession  to  Colonel  Beresford. 


DR.  WHITTY'S  PATIENT  245 

"  Do  you  know,"  he  said,  "  that  fellow,  Herbert 
Hatfield,  really  was  a  teetotaler  after  all.  I  asked  his 
father  the  question  straight,  when  I  was  acknowledg- 
ing his  cheque." 

"And  a  poet?" 

"  I  didn't  inquire.  But  I  dare  say  he  was.  After 
all,  there  must  have  been  something  to  account  for  the 
horrid  state  he  was  in  when  he  arrived.  If  it  wasn't 
drink,  it's  as  likely  to  have  been  poetry  as  anything 
else." 


XIII 
.    THE  HONEYMOON 

R-  WHITTY  and  his  friend  Eccles  of  the  Con- 
gested  Districts  Board  sat  together  at  dinner 
in  a  Dublin  hotel.  They  had  a  small  table  to  them- 
selves in  a  corner  of  the  dining-room.  Intimate  con- 
versation became  possible  when  the  waiter  had 
brought  them  their  coffee  and  ceased  to  hover  round 
them.  Dr.  Whitty's  marriage  was  to  take  place  the 
next  morning,  and  Eccles  found  a  bachelor's  delight 
in  placing  before  him  the  exceedingly  awkward  posi- 
tion in  which  a  man  finds  himself  on  such  occasions. 

"You  appear  to  think  I'm  nervous,"  said  Dr. 
Whitty,  "  but  you're  mistaken.  I'm  not,  in  the  least." 

Eccles  smiled  maliciously.  He  thought  that  his 
friend's  manner  displayed  every  symptom  of  acute 
discomfort. 

"  If,"  said  the  doctor,  "  I  was  nervous  and  fright- 
ened of  the  girl,  I  shouldn't  marry  her.  As  a  matter 
of  fact,  Lucy  —  that  is  to  say,  Miss  Mulhall  —  doesn't 

246 


THE  HONEYMOON  247 

strike  me  as  the  sort  of  girl  who  would  terrify  any- 
one. She's  extremely  nice  and  gentle  in  her  manner." 

"  What  you're  nervous  about,"  said  Eccles,  "  isn't, 
of  course,  the  lady;  it's  the  ceremony.  I've  seen 
bolder  men  than  you  quail  at  the  prospect  of  standing 
up  unprotected  before  a  large  congregation  and  saying 
things  out  loud  which,  on  ordinary  occasions,  they'd 
shrink  from  even  whispering." 

"After  all,  what's  the  ceremony?"  asked  the  doc- 
tor. "  It's  nothing  to  an  operation.  I  assure  you, 
Eccles,  I've  seen  men  face  the  prospect  of  the  knife 
without  turning  a  hair.  Is  it  likely  I'd  funk  standing 
up-" 

"  They  won't  give  you  ether,  you  know." 

"  As  a  matter  of  fact,"  said  the  doctor,  after  a  short 
pause,  "  I  don't  mind  the  prospect  of  that  part  a  bit. 
What  I  do  rather  dislike—" 

"  Ah !  "  said  Eccles,  "  I  thought  from  your  manner 
there  must  be  something." 

" —  is  the  way  I  shall  have  to  go  about  as  a  marked 
man  during  the  three  weeks  we've  got  for  our  honey- 
moon. I  know  the  way  people  —  people  like  you, 
Eccles  —  whisper,  nudge  each  other,  and  then  smile 
in  hotels  and  steamers  and  railway  carriages.  You 
seem  to  think  there's  something  comic  about  a 
newly  married  couple.  I  regard  that  whole  attitude 


248      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

of  mind  as  simply  disgusting  and  unbearably 
vulgar." 

"Why  don't  you  go  to  some  lonely  place?" 

"  There  isn't  such  a  thing  in  the  world ;  and  if 
there  was,  we'd  still  have  to  travel  in  a  public  convey- 
ance and  stop  in  beastly  hotels  before  we  got  there. 
As  a  matter  of  fact,  we're  going  to  the  Channel 
Islands  —  Guernsey  or  Sark,  or  one  of  the  others." 

"  You  couldn't  have  chosen  a  worse  spot,"  said 
Eccles.  "  Tobacco  and  whisky  are  cheap,  of  course, 
but  at  this  season  of  the  year  those  islands  are  full 
of  people  on  holidays  who  will  have  nothing  better 
to  do  than  crack  jokes  about  you  —  jokes  which  you 
will  be  painfully  conscious  of." 

"  I  was  afraid  of  that,"  said  Dr.  Whitty,  sighing. 
"  But  what  can  I  do  ?  We  must  go  somewhere.  I 
spoke  to  Lucy  about  it,  and  suggested  she  should  wear 
nothing  but  old  clothes,  with  a  view  to  disguising  our 
position,  you  know." 

"  You  couldn't  possibly  expect  her  to  agree  to  that. 
I  don't  think  it  was  a  fair  thing  to  ask.  A  honeymoon 
is  the  one  chance  most  girls  get  in  their  lives  of  wear- 
ing new  dresses  day  after  day.  It  would  be  absolutely 
brutal." 

"  She  wouldn't  agree,"  said  Dr.  Whitty,  "  though 
she  was  awfully  nice  about  it.  She  said  she  felt  for 
me  so  much  that  if  I  liked  she'd  wear  old  boots.  It 


THE  HONEYMOON  249 

appears  that  somebody — her  youngest  brother,  I 
think  —  told  her  that  the  one  sure  way  of  recognising 
a  honeymoon  couple  was  by  the  soles  of  the  bride's 
boots.  Do  you  think  that's  true  ?  " 

"  No,"  said  Eccles,  "  it's  not.  I  don't  set  up  to  be 
particularly  expert  in  these  matters,  but  I  should 
think  that  anyone  with  a  real  eye  for  newly  married 
couples  could  judge,  not  so  much  by  the  lady's 
dresses,  boots,  or  hat,  as  by  the  man's  manner.  You 
may  take  my  word  for  it,  Whitty,  there's  something 
about  a  young  husband  —  an  air  of  affectionate  pro- 
tectiveness,  a  mixture  of  shyness  and  familiarity,  a 
kind  of  general  appearance  of  cooing-ness  —  which 
couldn't  possibly  be  mistaken,  whatever  boots  the  lady 
wore." 

"If  that's  all,"  said  Dr.  Whitty,  with  an  air  of  relief, 
"  I  shall  be  able  to  manage  all  right.  I  suppose  now 
that  if  I  make  a  point  of  travelling  in  a  smoking  car- 
riage and  putting  her  into  a  '  Ladies  Only  ' — 

"  If  you're  going  to  be  rude  to  your  wife,  she'll 
simply  turn  round  and  go  straight  home.  No  self- 
respecting  girl  would  stand  it." 

"  I  shall  explain  to  Lucy  beforehand,"  said  the  doc- 
tor, "  why  I'm  doing  it.  She'll  understand." 

"  No,  she  won't.  And  I  strongly  recommend  you 
not  to  try.  Take  my  word  for  it,  Whitty  - 

"  You  talk,"  said  the  doctor,  "  as  if  you  were  a 


250      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

Turk,  and  had  been  married  a  dozen  times  or  more; 
whereas  you  don't  really  know  any  more  about  it  than 
I  do,  if  as  much." 

"  Well,"  said  Eccles,  "  go  your  own  way ;  but  if  it 
ends  in  a  judicial  separation  or  a  perriianent  estrange- 
ment, don't  blame  me.  I've  done  the  best  I  could  to 
warn  you  of  the  risk  you're  running." 

Four  days  later  — they  had  dawdled  on  their  way 
in  Chester  and  London  —  Dr.  and  Mrs.  Whitty  crossed 
the  gangway  to  the  deck  of  the  steamer  which  was  to 
carry  them  from  Southampton  to  the  island  of  Guern- 
sey. The  day  was  a  brilliantly  fine  one  in  the  middle 
of  July,  and  there  were  a  good  many  other  passengers. 
Dr.  Whitty  eyed  them  with  sensitive  suspicion.  He 
secured  a  comfortable  chair  for  his  wife,  and  placed  it 
on  the  lee  side  of  the  deck  under  shelter  of  the  entrance 
to  the  saloon.  He  himself  stood  at  a  considerable  dis- 
tance from  her,  and  tried  to  look  as  if  he  had  little  or 
no  connection  with  her.  While  the  steamer  was 
threading  her  way  among  the  shipping  of  the  Solent 
Mrs.  Whitty  called  him : 

"  George,  do  come  over  and  sit  beside  me.  I  want 
to  talk  to  you." 

By  way  of  giving  him  confidence,  she  pushed  a 
foot  from  the  shelter  of  the  rug  in  which  she  had 
wrapped  herself.  Her  boot  was  undeniably  old.  It 
must  have  been  one  of  the  oldest  she  possessed,  for 


THE  HONEYMOON  251 

the  leather  was  cracked  along  the  sewing  of  the  toe- 
cap.  Dr.  Whitty  glanced  at  it,  and  then  at  his  fellow- 
passengers.  None  of  them  seemed  to  be  taking  any 
notice  of  what  he  did.  He  ventured  quite  close  to 
Mrs.  Whitty.  She  put  out  her  other  foot.  There 
was  a  small  patch  on  the  side  of  its  boot.  Dr.  Whitty 
looked  at  it  with  great  satisfaction.  The  boots 
formed  a  striking  contrast  to  the  unmistakable  new- 
ness of  everything  else  which  Mrs.  Whitty  wore.  He 
set  up  a  second  deck-chair,  and  sat  down  on  it  cau- 
tiously. 

The  sea,  even  after  the  steamer  left  the  shelter  of 
the  Isle  of  Wight,  was  perfectly  calm,  and  many  pas- 
sengers paced  up  and  down  the  deck.  Some  of  them 
glanced  at  Dr.  and  Mrs.  Whitty,  but  appeared  very 
little  interested  in  them. 

"  I  really  think,  George,"  she  said,  "  that  you 
needn't  be  so  nervous.  After  all,  even  if  anyone  does 
guess,  we've  nothing  to  be  ashamed  of.  We're  not 
doing  anything  wrong." 

"  Lucy,"  he  said,  "  you  were  just  as  much  annoyed 
as  I  was  this  morning  at  breakfast  in  the  hotel  when 
those  people  at  the  next  table  looked  at  us  and  gig- 
gled." 

"  They  were  extremely  rude.  I  can't  imagine  how 
people  can  have  such  bad  manners." 

"  I  rather  think,"  said  Dr.  Whitty,  "  that  I  saw  them 


252      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

again  at  the  station  just  before  the  train  started.  I'm 
nearly  sure  it  was  the  same  man.  I  hope  they're  not 
on  the  steamer.  Hang  it!  There  they  are." 

A  man,  perhaps  forty  years  of  age,  neatly  dressed 
and  having  a  certain  air  of  confident  superiority,  came 
on  deck.  With  him  was  a  lady,  considerably  younger 
than  he  was,  tall,  blonde,  and,  like  her  companion,  self- 
satisfied.  The  man  paused  for  a  moment  and  lit  a 
cigarette.  Then  he  and  the  lady  began  to  pace  the 
deck  together.  The  slight  sway  of  the  steamer  was 
no  doubt  the  reason  why  she  laid  a  hand  on  his  arm. 
They  passed  the  Whittys.  Their  manners,  as  Mrs. 
Whitty  had  observed,  were  deplorably  bad.  At  the 
sight  of  the  two  deck-chairs  side  by  side  the  man 
smiled  in  a  way  which  struck  Dr.  Whitty  as  insolent. 
The  lady  giggled  slightly  and  then  blushed.  Dr. 
Whitty  rose  from  his  chair  at  once,  took  up  a  position 
at  some  distance  from  his  wife,  and  lit  a  pipe.  Mrs. 
Whitty's  boots,  when  the  strange  couple  passed  her 
again,  were  prominent. 

After  pacing  the  deck  until  they  must  have  walked 
at  least  a  mile,  the  man  and  his  blonde  companion 
stood  still  and  leaned  across  the  bulwarks.  Dr. 
Whitty  watched  them  until  he  had  finished  his  pipe. 
Then  he  went  into  the  cabin.  At  the  end  of  a  quarter 
of  an  hour  he  came  on  deck  again,  lit  another  pipe, 


THE  HONEYMOON  253 

and  walked,  with  an  air  of  detached  unconcern,  to  the 
place  where  his  wife  sat. 

"  Lucy,"  he  said,  "  I've  found  out  all  about  those 
people.  They  are  a  Captain  and  Mrs.  Elphinstone, 
and  they  are  going  to  Guernsey.  The  steward  told  me 
that.  I  found  her  bag  afterwards,  and  it  was  labelled 
for  our  hotel.  I  think  we'd  better  stop  in  Jersey." 

"  We  can't.  We've  taken  our  rooms,  and,  besides, 
I  want  to  see  Guernsey.  I  don't  believe  Jersey  is  half 
so  nice." 

"  In  that  case,"  said  Dr.  Whitty,  "  I  must  do  some- 
thing to  divert  their  suspicions.  I  can't  have  those 
two  grinning  at  us  every  morning  at  breakfast  and 
every  evening  at  dinner.  Besides,  they'd  tell  all  the 
other  people  at  the  hotel.  It  would  make  our  stay 
there  perfectly  intolerable." 

"  But  what  can  you  do  ?  " 

Dr.  Whitty  made  no  answer.  He  stood  with  his 
pipe  in  his  hand  until  it  went  out.  Then  he  walked 
across  the  deck  and  took  up  a  position  close  to  Cap- 
tain and  Mrs.  Elphinstone.  They  were  gazing  at  the 
sea.  Dr.  Whitty  also  gazed  at  the  sea,  holding  his 
smokeless  pipe  between  his  teeth. 

"  I  beg  your  pardon,  sir,"  he  said,  after  waiting  for 
five  minutes  in  the  hope  that  Captain  Elphinstone 
would  look  round. 


254     THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

The  appeal  produced  no  effect.  Dr.  Whitty  tried 
again : 

"  I  beg  your  pardon,  sir ;  but  would  you  oblige  me 
with  a  match?  My  pipe  has  gone  out." 

He  touched  Captain  Elphinstone's  arm  as  he  spoke 
to  make  sure  of  attracting  attention. 

"  Oh !     Ah !  yes,  certainly." 

Captain  Elphinstone  seemed  startled  by  the  request, 
but  he  put  his  hand  into  his  pocket  and  drew  out  a 
silver  matchbox.  Dr.  Whitty  lit  his  pipe. 

"  A  lovely  day,"  he  said,  "  beautifully  calm." 

"  Yes,"  said  Captain  Elphinstone ;  "  it  is." 

"  Going  to  Jersey  ?  " 

"  No.  We  mean  to  stop  in  Guernsey.  Do  you 
know  the  island  ?  " 

"  Curiously  enough  I  do  not.  In  fact,  that  is  one 
of  my  reasons  for  going  there.  My  wife  and  I  both 
want  to  see  Guernsey.  We've  travelled  a  good  deal, 
and  we  are  particularly  fond  of  islands.  In  fact,  ever 
since  we  were  married  we've  made  a  point  of  seeing 
some  island  or  other  every  summer." 

Dr.  Whitty  noticed  with  satisfaction  that  Mrs. 
Elphinstone  began  to  show  some  interest  in  the  con- 
versation. She  glanced  rapidly  at  her  husband,  and 
her  face  appeared  to  express  a  slight  feeling  of  dis- 
appointment. 


THE  HONEYMOON  255 

"  We  visited  the  Isle  of  Man  ten  years  ago,"  said 
Dr.  Whitty. 

"Really!"  said  Mrs.  Elphinstone.  "I  should 
scarcely  have  thought  from  her  appearance  that 
Mrs. —  that  your  wife  could  have  been  married  so 
long." 

"  Whitty  is  our  name,"  said  the  doctor.  "  We  were 
married  very  young  —  very  young  indeed.  She  was 
little  more  than  a  child.  But  we've  always  got  on 
capitally.  For  our  second  summer  we  went  to  Skye. 
No,  Skye  was  the  year  after.  It  was  in  Bute  we  took 
our  second  holiday.  Then  we  had  a  very  pleasant 
time  in  the  Isle  of  Wight  the  year  after  that.  The 
next  year  we  made  our  way  to  the  Scilly  Isles.  Then 
we  tried  the  Hebrides  —  North  Uist,  you  know,  and 
the  others.  After  that  we  went  to  the  Orkneys,  and 
now  we're  on  our  way  to  Guernsey." 

He  smiled  pleasantly.  His  stock  of  islands  was  run- 
ning out,  and  he  feared  he  had  not  accounted  for  the 
whole  ten  years  of  married  life  which  he  had  claimed. 
He  hoped  that  he  had  said  enough  to  satisfy  the  El- 
phinstones.  He  tried  to  count  up  the  islands  he  had 
mentioned  with  a  view  to  finding  out  how  many  years 
out  of  the  ten  remained  islandless.  To  his  disgust 
he  found  that  Mrs.  Elphinstone  was  also  counting. 
She  was  pressing  the  fingers,  first  of  her  left  hand, 


256      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

then  of  her  right,  one  by  one  on  the  wooden  rail  in 
front  of  her,  while  her  lips  silently  formed  the  names 
of  the  islands  which  Dr.  Whitty  had  mentioned.  She 
began  with  the  little  finger  on  her  left  hand.  It  repre- 
sented the  Isle  of  Man.  The  thumb  and  first  finger 
of  her  right  hand  went  down  for  North  Uist  and  the 
Orkneys.  Then  she  paused.  The  second  finger  was 
poised  interrogatively  in  the  air.  Dr.  Whitty  realised 
that  he  was  three  islands  short.  He  threw  in  another 
after  a  short  hesitation. 

"  Last  year,"  he  said,  "  we  got  as  far  as  Madeira." 

Mrs.  Elphinstone  put  down  her  middle  finger  and 
looked  at  him  questioningly.  Dr.  Whitty's  memory 
failed  him  hopelessly.  He  could  not  think  of  an 
eighth  island  nearer  than  the  Pacific  Ocean.  Mrs. 
Elphinstone's  third  and  fourth  fingers  were  still  hov- 
ering uncertainly  above  the  rail. 

"  There  were  two  years,"  said  Dr.  Whitty,  "  in 
which  we  couldn't  manage  to  get  away.  The  chil- 
dren were  young,  you  know.  My  wife  never  could 
bear  to  leave  them  while  they  were  babies.  I  dare 
say  "-  —  he  looked  anxiously  at  Mrs.  Elphinstone  — 
"  that  you  sympathise  with  her." 

She  blushed.  It  was  the  second  time  that  Dr. 
Whitty  had  seen  her  blush.  He  felt  relieved.  Her 
blush  was  a  symptom  of  embarrassment,  and  when 
embarrassed  she  was  not  likely  to  be  laughing  at  him. 


THE  HONEYMOON  257 

Captain  Elphinstone,  who  seemed  to  find  the  situation, 
awkward,  came  to  his  wife's  rescue  with  a  remark. 

"  Very  interesting,"  he  said,  "  a  most  original  plan 
for  holidays.  You're  a  good  sailor,  I  suppose." 

"First-rate,"  said  Dr.  Whitty.  "So  is  my  wife. 
I  recollect  the  time  we  went  to  North  Uist.  We 
crossed  in  a  gale  of  wind  from  Glasgow,  and — " 

"  From  Oban  surely,"  said  Captain  Elphinstone. 

"  Oban,  of  course.  I  get  confused  occasionally  be- 
tween the  various  islands.  It  was  to  Bute  we  went 
from  Glasgow." 

"  More  likely  to  have  been  Greenock,"  said  the 
captain. 

"  At  all  events,  we  went,"  said  the  doctor  shortly, 
"  and  it  blew  a  gale  of  wind.  My  wife  and  I  were 
the  only  two  passengers  who  dined  that  day." 

Then,  feeling  his  geography  to  be  weak,  and  being 
unwilling  to  venture  upon  further  reminiscences  which 
might  provoke  criticism,  he  bid  good-day  to  the 
Elphinstones  and  returned  to  Mrs.  Whitty. 

"  I  think,"  he  said,  with  an  air  of  complete  satisfac- 
tion, "  that  I've  put  those  two  entirely  off  the  scent. 
I  explained  to  them  that  we  have  been  married  ten 
years." 

"Oh,  George!" 

"  So  you  can  put  on  decent  boots  to-morrow.  Those 
ones  won't  be  wanted  anv  more.  Of  course,  if  you 


258     THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WIIITTY 

happen  to  get  into  conversation  with  Mrs.  Elphin- 
stone  you  had  better  stand  over  my  statement.  I 
told  her  we  had  visited  all  the  islands  within  reach, 
one  island  each  summer.  Recollect  that,  Lucy,  in 
case  she  starts  talking  to  you  about  the  Orkneys  or 
any  other  place  of  that  sort.  I  don't  think  she's  been 
to  any  islands  herself,  so  you  are  pretty  safe  in  enlarg- 
ing on  the  scenery.  I  also  told  her  that  there  were 
two  years  during  which  we  didn't  visit  any  island.  I 
said  that  you  were  unwilling  to  leave  — " 

He  stopped  abruptly. 

"  To  leave  what  ?  " 

"  Your  two  young  brothers,  while  they  were  babies. 
I  said  that  you'd  brought  them  up  from  their  child- 
hood." 

"What  did  you  say  that  for?" 

"  Well,  I  hardly  liked  to  mention  the  whole  thirteen 
—  it  seemed  such  a  lot.  I  hope  you  won't  correct  my 
statement.  I  wouldn't  like  her  to  think  there  were 
fourteen  of  you.  In  fact,  if  you  don't  much  mind, 
Lucy,  I  dare  say  it  will  be  better  for  you  not  to  talk 
to  Mrs.  Elphinstone  at  all.  She's  a  vulgar  sort  of 
woman." 

"  That's  what  I  said  this  morning  at  breakfast." 

"  And  you  were  perfectly  right.  A  woman  who  is 
capable  of  giggling  in  that  odious  way,  just  because 


THE  HONEYMOON  259 

she  happened  to  think,  quite  erroneously,  that  we  were 
only  just  married." 

"  But  we  haven't  really  been  ten  years  married." 
"  She  thinks  we  have  now,"  said  Dr.  Whitty,  "  and 
that's  the  same  thing,  so  far  as  she  is  concerned." 

When  the  steamer  arrived  at  the  pier  at  Guernsey, 
it  turned  out  that  Mrs.  Whitty's  dressing-bag,  a  pain- 
fully new  one,  had  got  mixed  up  with  the  luggage  of 
another  passenger.  It  took  the  doctor  some  time  to 
recover  it.  The  Elphinstones,  whose  luggage  was 
forthcoming  at  once,  got  a  long  start  and  arrived  at 
the  hotel  first.  Dr.  Whitty,  when  he  had  secured  all 
his  belongings,  conducted  his  wife  to  the  room  re- 
served for  them.  Then  he  went  downstairs,  at  her 
request,  to  get  any  letters  that  might  be  waiting  for 
them.  The  Guernsey  hotel  was  their  first  fixed  stop- 
ping-place, and  any  correspondence  which  had  fol- 
lowed them  from  Ireland  ought  to  be  waiting  for 
them.  He  was  directed  by  a  waiter  to  a  rack  which 
hung  on  the  wall  at  the  far  end  of  the  entrance  hall. 
He  observed,  without  any  feeling  of  suspicion,  that 
Captain  and  Mrs.  Elphinstone  were  standing  together 
in  front  of  the  rack.  They  looked  round  as  he  ap- 
proached, and  Mrs.  Elphinstone  smiled  broadly. 
Her  husband  did  more  than  smile.  He  burst  into  an 
immoderate  fit  of  laughter.  Dr.  Whitty,  very  un- 


260      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

comfortable,  but  unable  to  guess  at  the  nature  of  the 
joke,  glanced  at  the  rack.  Three  letters,  fixed  behind 
green  tapes,  caught  his  eye  at  once.  They  had  all 
been  addressed  to  "  Miss  Mulhall,  243  Upper  Rath- 
mines,  Dublin."  This  had  been  scratched  out  and 
another  address  substituted :  "  Mrs.  George  Whitty, 
Royal  Hotel,  Guernsey."  Some  one  —  Dr.  Whitty 
suspected  his  youngest  brother-in-law  —  had  put,  in 
red  ink,  a  note  of  exclamation  after  the  erased  "  Miss 
Mulhall "  on  all  three  envelopes. 

Dr.  Whitty  took  the  letters  and  fled  swiftly  across 
the  hall.  He  was  aware  that  both  Captain  and  Mrs. 
Elphinstone  were  laughing  at  him.  He  even  noticed 
that  Mrs.  Elphinstone's  face  was  once  again  deeply 
flushed.  He  ran  upstairs  to  his  room,  entered  it,  and 
locked  the  door  behind  him. 

"  There's  no  use  your  unpacking,  Lucy,"  he  said, 
"  we  leave  this  island  at  once." 

"Why?" 

"  There's  the  reason,"  he  said,  laying  the  three  let- 
ters on  the  bed.  "  I  saw  those  confounded  Elphin- 
stones  reading  the  addresses  and  then  giggling  in  the 
most  offensive  way.  I  wish  to  goodness  your  people 
would  have  had  the  sense  to  put  those  letters  into 
fresh  envelopes.  They  might  have  guessed  there'd 
be  trouble  if  they  simply  scratched  out  your  name. 
And  —  hang  it  all!  —  I  told  the  Elphinstones  we  had 


THE  HONEYMOON  261 

been  ten  years  married.  Would  you  mind  going  down 
and  asking  when  the  next  steamer  leaves?  I  really 
daren't  venture  out  of  the  room.  I  should  be  abso- 
lutely certain  to  meet  them  again.  They'll  be  lying  in 
wait  for  me.  If  there  is  a  steamer  in  the  middle  of 
the  night,  we'll  take  it  in  preference  to  any  other.  I 
should  like,  if  possible,  to  get  off  while  the  Elphin- 
stones  are  in  bed." 

Mrs.  Whitty  left  the  room  at  once;  she  even  left 
it  hurriedly.  Dr.  Whitty,  if  he  had  been  in  a  mood  to 
reason  calmly,  might  have  prophesied  a  happy  married 
life  from  this  prompt  obedience  to  what  must  have 
been  an  inconvenient  command.  But  Mrs.  Whitty  was 
not  acting  from  an  unmixed  sense  of  wifely  duty. 
She  wanted  very  much  to  laugh  out  loud.  She  did 
laugh,  to  her  own  great  satisfaction,  as  soon  as  she  got 
out  of  earshot  of  the  bedroom  door.  Nearly  half  an 
hour  passed  before  she  returned  to  her  husband. 

"  There's  no  steamer,"  she  said,  "  till  eleven  o'clock 
to-morrow  morning ;  but  it's  all  right." 

"  It  can't  possibly  be  all  right,"  said  Dr.  Whitty 
gloomily.  "  That  ass  Elphinstone  will  grin  at  me  every 
time  he  meets  me." 

"  I  had  a  chat  with  her,"  said  Mrs.  Whitty,  "  and 
nothing  could  have  been  nicer  than  she  was.  She 
told  me  all  you  said  to  them  on  the  steamer." 

"  All !     Do  you  mean  really  all  ?  " 


262      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

"  Yes  —  every  word.  And  I  think  it  was  horrid  of 
you,  perfectly  odious  and  horrid." 

"  I  had  to  say  something,"  said  Dr.  Whitty  sheep- 
ishly. 

"  I  shouldn't  have  minded  the  islands,"  said  Mrs. 
Whitty,  "  but  I  don't  see  that  you  need  — " 

"  I  couldn't  help  it.  There  weren't  any  more  is- 
lands, and  she  was  counting  up  on  her  fingers.  I  had 
to  explain  the  other  two  years  somehow." 

"  But,  anyway,  it's  all  right.  She  never  believed  a 
single  thing  you  said." 

"  Do  you  mean  to  tell  me,"  said  the  doctor,  "  that 
she  doubted  my  word  about  North  Uist  and  the  Ork- 
neys ?  " 

"  Yes,  she  did.  You  see,  she  and  Captain  Elphin- 
stone  are  only  just  married  themselves.  They're  on 
their  honeymoon  too.  Their  wedding  was  a  day 
after  ours." 

"The  day  after?"  said  Dr.  Whitty.  "Are  you 
quite  sure  of  that?" 

"  Quite.  She  told  me  so  herself.  They  were  mar- 
ried in  Scotland,  and  it  appears  that  Captain  Elphin- 
stone  is  nearly  as  foolish  as  you  are.  He's  frightfully 
sensitive  about  anyone  knowing,  and  —  oh,  just  fancy, 
George  —  they  were  angry  at  first  because  they 
thought  that  we  were  laughing  at  them." 

"  If  you're  really  certain  that  it  was  the  day  after," 


THE  HONEYMOON  263 

said  Dr.  Whitty,  "  I  think  we  may  perhaps  stay  on 
here,  after  all.  He's  actually  in  a  worse  position  than 
I  am." 

"  Much  worse,"  said  Mrs.  Whitty  — "  a  whole  day 
worse." 

"  So,  if  there's  any  grinning  to  be  done,  I'm  the  one 
to  do  it." 

"  Yes,"  said  Mrs.  Whitty,  "  you  are.  And  she's  so 
nice  about  the  whole  thing.  I  simply  love  her." 


XIV 
"  LOVE'S  YOUNG  DREAM  " 

44'  I  VHERE'S  a  man  at  the  door  who  wants  to  see 
you,  sir,"  said  Jacobs. 

His  tone  implied  a  certain  scorn  of  the  visitor.  All 
good  servants  have  a  contempt  for  people  of  a  lower 
class  than  that  to  which  their  masters  belong. 

"Who  is  he?"  said  Colonel  Beresford. 

He  was  sitting  over  the  remains  of  his  breakfast. 
Mrs.  Challoner,  his  daughter,  paying  another  of  her 
rare  visits  to  Ballintra,  sat  behind  the  teapot  at  the 
other  end  of  the  table. 

"  He  says  his  name  is  Geraghty,  sir." 

Jacobs  knew  perfectly  well  that  the  man's  name  was 
Geraghty ;  for  he  had  been  acquainted  with  Michael 
for  years.  But  he  chose  to  pretend  that  he  did  not 
care  to  commit  himself  to  any  opinion  on  the  subject ; 
preferring  to  report,  impartially,  what  he  had  heard. 

"  If  it's  Michael  Geraghty,  show  him  in  here  at  once. 
Or  —  wait  a  minute,  Jacobs, —  perhaps  you'd  better 
put  him  into  the  library." 

The  colonel  was  feeling  depressed.  Life  in  Bal- 
lintra, since  Dr.  Whitty  went  on  his  honeymoon,  had 

264 


"LOVE'S  YOUNG  DREAM"  265 

been  dull.  He  welcomed  the  opportunity  of  a  chat 
with  Michael  Geraghty.  But  he  knew  that  Mrs.  Chal- 
loner  held  strong  views  about  the  necessity  for  keeping 
the  lower  orders  in  their  proper  places.  His  eyes 
were  on  her  face  when  he  made  the  correction  of  his 
first  order  and  said  that  Michael  Geraghty  should  be 
shown  into  the  library. 

"  Don't  let  my  being  here  interfere  with  your  seeing 
him  in  this  room,"  said  Mrs.  Challoner.  "  I  have  al- 
most finished  my  cup  of  tea." 

She  spoke  resignedly,  as  one  who  was  prepared  to 
suffer  considerable  discomfort  for  the  sake  of  humour- 
ing an  unreasonable  and  fractious  person.  Michael 
Geraghty  was  shown  in,  and  the  colonel,  glancing  nerv- 
ously at  Mrs.  Challoner,  shook  hands  with  him  and  of- 
fered him  a  cup  of  tea. 

"  It's  what  I  was  wanting  to  speak  to  you  about," 
said  Michael  Geraghty,  "  is  that  they  have  it  put  out 
round  the  town  that  the  doctor's  to  be  home  this  day 
week." 

"  That's  quite  true." 

"  There  was  some  of  the  boys  saying,"  Michael  went 
on,  "  that  it  would  be  well  that  a  few  of  us  would  be 
out  to  meet  him  when  he'd  be  bringing  his  young  lady 
back.  He  was  always  well  liked  in  the  place." 

"  That  would  be  a  capital  idea." 

"  It  could  be,"  said  Michael,  "  that  they'd  be  want- 


266      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

ing  to  build  a  bonfire  or  the  like,  if  so  be  you  hadn't 
any  objection." 

"  I  haven't  the  slightest." 

Michael  Geraghty  hesitated. 

"  It  was  Father  Henaghan  was  saying,"  he  went  on, 
"  that  it  would  be  an  improvement  to  the  demonstra- 
tion if  there  was  a  good  committee  with  yourself  on 
it  and  the  Rev.  Mr.  Jackson,  so  as  the  doctor  would 
know  that  the  people  of  every  kind  of  religion  in  the 
place  was  glad  to  have  him  back  amongst  them." 

"  I  suppose,"  said  the  colonel,  "  that  you  want  a  sub- 
scription." 

"  We  was  thinking  of  an  illuminated  address,"  said 
Michael. 

"  Very  well,  I'll  give  you  a  sovereign." 

"  What  the  boys  was  saying  down  in  the  town,"  said 
Michael,  "  was  that  it  would  be  a  grand  thing  if  so 
be  it  was  pleasing  to  you  to  present  the  address. 
There'll  be  a  triumphal  arch  along  the  end  of  the 
street,  and  a  tar  barrel  under  that,  with  maybe  a  cart- 
load of  turf  or  such  round  about  it ;  and  Father  Hen- 
aghan is  willing  to  lend  the  table  out  of  the  school, 
and  maybe  you'd  stand  on  the  table  with  the  illuminated 
address  in  your  hand  and  say  a  few  words  the  like  of 
what  would  be  suitable  to  the  occasion." 

"  I  hope,"  said  Mrs.  Challoner  sharply,  "  that  you'll 
do  no  such  thing." 


267 

The  colonel  hesitated.  He  suspected  that  he  would 
look  somewhat  ridiculous  if  he  stood  on  the  table  in 
the  middle  of  the  street,  silhouetted  against  the  blaz- 
ing tar  barrel,  very  likely  dripped  on  by  a  damp  tri- 
umphal arch,  and  waved  an  illuminated  address  in  his 
hand.  He  was  not  at  all  sure,  besides,  that  Dr.  Whitty 
would  be  pleased  at  the  demonstration. 

"  Do  you  think,"  he  said,  "  that  Dr.  Whitty  would 
like  all  that?" 

Michael  Geraghty  had  not  seriously  considered  Dr. 
Whitty's  feelings.  Like  other  promoters  of  festivals 
of  honour,  he  was  willing  to  be  content  with  the  con- 
viction that  the  hero  of  the  occasion  ought  to  be 
pleased,  if  he  was  not.  He  was  quite  frank  with  the 
colonel. 

"I  don't  know,"  he  said,  "will  Dr.  Whitty  be 
pleased ;  but  Father  Henaghan  was  after  saying  to  me 
last  night  that  Thady  Glynn  will  be  terrible  vexed." 

This  was  certainly  true,  and  it  weighed  with  the 
colonel.  He  was  always  pleased  to  get  the  better  of 
the  truculent  publican,  and  it  occurred  to  him  that  this 
aspect  of  the  matter  would  appeal  strongly  to  Dr. 
Whitty. 

"  I  don't  think,"  he  said,  "  that  I'll  present  the  ad- 
dress. Let  Father  Henaghan  do  that.  But  if  you're 
having  a  committee,  you  can  put  my  name  on  it." 

Michael  Geraghty  seemed  to  be  well  satisfied.     He 


268     THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

pocketed  his  sovereign  and  went  away.  Colonel  Beres- 
ford  retired  to  the  library,  lit  a  cigarette,  and  wrote  a 
letter  to  Dr.  Whitty. 

"  MY  DEAR  DOCTOR, —  I  hope  you  are  having  a  pleas- 
ant holiday  and  enjoying  the  scenery  of  the  Channel 
Islands,  which,  I  have  always  understood,  is  delight- 
.ful.  We  shall  all  be  glad  to  see  you  home  again  next 
week.  In  fact  I  understand  that  the  popular  feeling 
is  to  take  the  form  of  a  mild  demonstration.  Michael 
Geraghty,  who  is  organising  it,  was  up  with  me  just 
now,  and  speaks  of  a  bonfire,  an  illuminated  address, 
and  a  triumphal  arch.  I  suppose  the  town  band  will 
play  a  tune  or  two,  probably  not  '  The  Battle  Song  of 
King  Malachi.'  I  hope  this  kind  of  thing  doesn't 
bore  you.  I  suggested  to  Michael  Geraghty  that  per- 
haps it  might,  but  he  seemed  to  think  that  you  will 
be  reconciled  to  the  fuss  and  publicity  by  the  knowl- 
edge that  Thady  Glynn  will  be  greatly  annoyed.  I 
feel  myself,  and  I  dare  say  you  do  too,  that  it's  worth 
going  through  something  to  make  that  blackguard  feel 
thoroughly  uncomfortable." 

Two  days  later  a  telegram,  which  had  been  handed 
in  at  the  Sark  post  office,  arrived  in  Ballintra. 

"  Michael  Geraghty,  Chairman  Reception  Commit- 
tee, Ballintra. —  Do  not  waste  money  on  illuminated 
address.  Buy  fireworks. —  WHITTY." 

Michael  took  this  round  to  the  presbytery  and 
handed  it  to  Father  Henaghan. 


"  LOVE'S  YOUNG  DREAM  "     269 

"  The  doctor's  right,"  he  said,  "  and  it's  all  our  luck 
that  the  schoolmaster  hadn't  finished  drawing  up  the 
address.  If  we  had  it  sent  off  to  Dublin  we  couldn't 
have  got  out  of  it.  But  the  way  things  is  we're  all 
right.  It  was  three  pounds  we  had  laid  out  for  the 
address,  and  we'll  get  a  fine  lot  of  fireworks  for  that 
money." 

"  You  won't  be  wanting  the  table  out  of  the  school, 
then,"  said  the  priest.  "  I'm  just  as  glad,  for  you'd 
have  had  it  destroyed." 

"  We  will  want  it,"  said  Geraghty.  "  If  so  be 
there's  no  illuminated  address,  there'll  be  all  the  more 
need  for  yourself  to  be  making  some  sort  of  a  speech." 

"  Let  the  colonel  do  that." 

"The  colonel  isn't  willing,"  said  Michael.  "He 
said  he'd  be  better  pleased  if  you  were  to  do  it." 

"  I  won't  then.  Do  you  think  I'm  going  to  stand 
on  the  table  in  the  middle  of  the  street  making  speeches 
to  the  doctor,  with  every  corner-boy  in  the  town  laugh- 
ing at  me  ?  You  ought  to  have  more  respect  for  your 
clergy  than  to  suggest  such  a  thing.  If  you  want  a 
speech  at  all,  the  colonel  is  the  proper  man  to  make  it." 

Michael  Geraghty  went  up  to  Ballintra  House  and 
did  his  best  to  persuade  Colonel  Beresford  to  make 
the  speech.  The  colonel,  the  fear  of  Mrs.  Challoner 
in  his  mind,  refused  decisively.  Michael  Geraghty 
went  home  and  sat  down  to  consider  the  advisability 


270      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

of  asking  Mr.  Jackson  to  fill  the  gap.  He  spent  a 
restless  night  and  got  up  in  the  morning  without  ar- 
riving at  any  definite  decision.  At  eleven  o'clock  an- 
other telegram  arrived. 

"  Michael  Geraghty,  Chairman  Reception  Commit- 
tee, Ballintra. —  Understand  that  band  is  to  play  at 
demonstration.  Mrs.  Whitty  strongly  of  opinion 
tunes  of  a  personal  character  should  be  avoided. 
Objects  particularly  to  '  Love's  Young  Dream.' — 
WHITTY." 

Michael  hurriedly  assembled  the  leading  members 
of  the  band  and  laid  the  telegram  before  them. 

"  I  know  the  tune  well,"  said  Flaherty,  the  cornet- 
player,  "  and  a  fine  one  it  is.  What's  more,  we  have 
the  music  of  it.  Listen  to  me  now,  boys." 

He  whistled  the  air  amid  a  murmur  of  applause, 
and  then  turned  to  Michael  Geraghty. 

"  It  wasn't  that  one  we  were  thinking  of  playing," 
he  said,  "  but  '  Rich  and  Rare  were  the  Gems  she 
Wore/  on  account  of  the  words  being  suitable  for 
the  young  lady  that's  coming  all  the  way  across  Ire- 
land to  be  living  among  us.  But  I'm  not  sure  now  that 
the  other  wouldn't  be  better,  seeing  as  how  she  and 
the  doctor  is  only  just  married.  I'll  take  it  on  myself 
to  say  we'll  be  able  to  manage  it." 

"  But,"  said  Michael  Geraghty,  "  the  doctor  says  he 
particularly  dislikes  that  tune." 


"  LOVE'S  YOUNG  DREAM  "     271 

"  Begging  your  pardon,  Mr.  Geraghty,"  said  Flah- 
erty, "  the  doctor  says  no  such  thing.  What  he  says 
is  that  Mrs.  Whitty  objects  to  it,  which  is  as  good  as 
telling  us  that  only  for  her  it's  the  tune  he'd  be  best 
pleased  with  himself  of  any  you  could  give  him.  It's 
the  doctor  that  we're  striving  to  please  and  not  the 
young  lady.  Believe  you  me,  if  the  band  gives  out 
'  Love's  Young  Dream '  in  the  way  it  ought  —  and 
it's  what  the  band  will  do  —  the  doctor  will  be  well 
satisfied.  If  he  didn't  want  that  tune  played  why 
would  he  be  going  to  the  expense  of  sending  a  tele- 
gram which  can't  have  cost  him  much  under  one-and- 
sixpence?  Tell  me  that,  now." 

Michael  Geraghty  could  offer  no  answer  to  this  puz- 
zle. An  hour  later  the  band  was  busy  practising 
"  Love's  Young  Dream."  Michael  himself,  coming  to 
a  sudden  decision  about  the  address  of  welcome,  went 
up  to  the  Rectory  and  asked  Mr.  Jackson  to  deliver 
an  oration  on  the  occasion.  But  the  rector  was  no 
more  willing  than  the  priest  or  the  colonel  to  under- 
take the  task.  He  explained  that  he  had  never  done 
anything  of  the  sort  before,  and  that  speaking  from  a 
table  in  front  of  a  bonfire  would  make  him  nervous. 
Michael  Geraghty  went  home  and  summoned  his 
daughter  Molly. 

"  Is  there,"  he  said,  "  such  a  thing  as  a  writing-pen 
in  the  house  ?  " 


272      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

"There  is,"  said  Molly;  "why  wouldn't  there?  I 
have  one  in  my  school  satchel." 

"  Bring  it  here,  then,  and  do  you  sit  down  and  be 
writing  what  I'll  tell  you." 

Molly,  who  was  a  very  good  child,  did  exactly  as 
her  father  bade  her. 

"  DR.  WHITTY,  HONOURED  SIR," —  said  Michael 
("Have  you  that  down?  Mind  your  spelling  now, 
Molly.")  — "  Your  two  telegrams  to  hand  and  con- 
tents noted.  This  is  to  let  you  know  that  there's 
trouble  over  the  speech  that  should  be  made  at  the 
demonstration  of  welcome  to  yourself  and  lady,  owing 
to  neither  the  colonel,  nor  Father  Henaghan,  nor  the 
Rev.  Mr.  Jackson  being  able,  which  is  what  they  say, 
but  my  own  belief  is  that  they  could  well  enough,  only 
they're  not  willing.  If  it  would  be  pleasing  to  your- 
self and  lady  to  let  the  occasion  pass  without  a  speech, 
the  same  being  what  ought  not  to  be,  but  we  can't 
help  it,  it  would  be  a  great  convenience  to  your  obedi- 
ent servant  MICHAEL  GERAGHTY. 
"  P.  S.—  A  line  by  return  will  oblige." 
Then  followed  a  passage  not  written  from  dicta- 
tion :  — 

"  My  da  bids  me  write  this,  hoping  it  finds  you  as 
well  as  it  leaves  me. —  Your  loving  friend 

"  MOLLY  GERAGHTY." 

This  was  addressed,  stamped,  and  dispatched  at 
once.  A  telegram  in  reply  arrived  two  days  later. 


"  LOVE'S  YOUNG  DREAM  "  273 

"  Speech  of  welcome  absolutely  essential.  Try 
Thady  Glynn. —  WHITTY." 

Michael  Geraghty  showed  this  message  to  the  colo- 
nel. 

"  You  wouldn't,"  he  said,  "  like  Thady  Glynn  to  be 
taking  part  in  the  proceedings." 

"  I  would  not,"  said  the  colonel,  "  but  I'd  rather  he 
did  than  make  the  speech  myself.  Look  here,  I'll  tell 
you  what  to  do.  Go  to  the  schoolmaster  and  get  him 
to  write  the  thing  out.  Put  it  in  an  envelope  and 
hand  it  to  the  doctor  yourself." 

"  I  might,"  said  Michael  Geraghty,  "  and  it's  what 
I'll  have  to  do  at  the  latter  end,  but  the  doctor  won't 
be  pleased.  It  would  be  better  if  we  had  a  proper 
speech  made;  but  what  can't  be  can't." 

Another  telegram,  this  time  from  London,  arrived 
on  the  morning  of  the  day  previous  to  that  on  which 
the  doctor  was  to  arrive. 

"  Michael  Geraghty,  Chairman  Reception  Commit- 
tee, Ballintra. —  Build  bonfire  opposite  door  of  Im- 
perial Hotel. —  WHITTY." 

"  It's  wonderful,"  said  Michael  to  a  member  of  the 
town  band  to  whom  he  showed  the  telegram ;  "  it's 
wonderful  the  interest  the  doctor  takes  in  the  demon- 
stration." 

"  Well  he  may  then,  seeing  it's  for  him  it  is." 


274     THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

"  I  had  it  settled  to  have  the  tar  barrel  where  Thady 
Glynn  would  see  it,"  said  Michael,  "  and  I'm  glad  the 
doctor  agrees.  It's  raging  mad  Thady  is  this  minute, 
and  he'll  be  worse  before  we've  done." 

The  next  day  was  a  very  busy  one  for  Michael  Ger- 
aghty.  The  triumphal  arch,  which  consisted  of  a  long 
strip  of  white  calico  bearing  an  inscription  in  green 
lettering,  was  stretched  across  the  street,  the  ends  be- 
ing made  fast  to  two  opposite  windows.  The  table 
was  carried  down  from  the  schoolroom  and  placed 
under  the  arch,  to  the  great  inconvenience  of  carts 
which  were  trying  to  pass  from  one  end  of  the  town 
to  the  other.  A  space  was  railed  in  for  the  firing  of 
rockets,  the  idea  being  to  minimise  the  risk  involved 
in  the  handling  of  unfamiliar  explosives.  The  crack- 
ers, about  four  dozen  of  them,  were  distributed  to  a 
number  of  small  boys  who  could  be  relied  on  to  set 
them  off  at  irregular  intervals  during  the  proceedings. 
The  town  band,  massed  under  the  triumphal  arch, 
just  behind  the  school  table,  had  a  final  rehearsal  of 
"  Love's  Young  Dream."  Michael,  assisted  by  about 
a  hundred  young  men  and  boys,  brought  down  a  tar 
barrel  from  the  store  behind  his  house  and  set  it  up 
exactly  opposite  Thady  Glynn's  door.  The  work  of 
piling  turf  round  it  and  over  it  began.  Then  a  car 
was  seen  driving  along  the  road  from  Dunbeg. 

"  Tell  that  fellow  he  can't  pass,  whoever  he  is,"  said 


"  LOVE'S  YOUNG  DREAM  "     275 

Michael ;  "  there's  no  way  for  him  to  get  by  till  we 
have  the  turf  cleared  off  the  street." 

"  The  Lord  save  us ! "  said  Flaherty  the  cornet- 
player,  who  was  watching  the  building  of  the  bonfire. 
"  It's  the  doctor  himself  that's  in  it." 

Michael  Geraghty  looked  up  from  his  work.  Flah- 
erty was  perfectly  right.  Dr.  Whitty  and  his  wife 
sat  together  on  one  side  of  the  car.  Michael  stood 
for  a  moment  in  silent  amazement. 

"  By  all  that's  holy !  "  he  said  slowly. 

Dr.  Whitty  jumped  from  the  car  and  shook  Michael 
warmly  by  the  hand. 

"  What  brings  you  here  at  all  at  this  time  of  the 
day?"  said  Michael.  "We're  not  half  ready  for 
you." 

"  We  came  on  by  the  early  train,"  said  the  doctor. 
"  The  fact  is,  from  the  letter  the  colonel  wrote  me, 
and  from  the  one  I  got  from  you —  By  the  way, 
how's  Molly?" 

"  She's  well,"  said  Michael,  "  but  she'll  be  sorry  to 
see  you  here  before  your  time.  It  wasn't  till  the 
evening  that  we  expected  you." 

"  I  know  that,"  said  the  doctor,  "  and  it  was  in  the 
evening  I  intended  to  arrive ;  but  from  the  letters  you 
and  the  colonel  wrote  I  gathered  that  this  demonstra- 
tion was  being  badly  mismanaged,  and  I  thought  I'd 
better  come  home  in  time  to  run  it  myself.  I  hate 


276      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

to  see  things  bungled.  Have  you  got  anyone  to  make 
the  speech  ?  " 

"  I  have  not ;  but  the  schoolmaster  has  it  written  out, 
and  the  capital  letters  done  in  red  ink,  and  it'll  be  given 
to  you  when  the  time  comes." 

"  That  won't  do  at  all,"  said  the  doctor. 

"  I  don't  know  how  we'll  manage  then,"  said  Mi- 
chael, "  for  neither  the  colonel  nor  — : 

"  I'll  see  after  it  myself,"  said  the  doctor,  "  so  you 
can  make  your  mind  quite  easy.  What  time  is  fixed 
for  the  demonstration  ?  " 

"  It  was  ten  o'clock  we  thought  you'd  be  here." 

"  That  will  suit  admirably.  Let  us  through  now, 
and  then  you  can  go  on  building  your  bonfire.  We've 
been  travelling  all  night  to  get  here,  and  I  simply  must 
have  a  wash  and  something  to  eat.  I'll  be  round  at 
ten  sharp.  What's  that  you  have  on  the  triumphal 
arch  in  the  way  of  an  inscription?" 

"  A  hundred  thousand  welcomes,"  said  Michael. 
"  I  was  in  favour  of  it's  being  in  Irish  myself,  but 
there  was  some  of  the  boys  said  it  was  better  in  Eng- 
lish, out  of  respect  for  the  lady." 

"  It's  upside  down  anyway,"  said  the  doctor.  "  It's 
just  as  well  I  came  back  in  time  to  see  it  set  right." 

The  demonstration  was  a  magnificent  success.  At 
a  quarter  to  ten  the  bonfire  was  lighted,  and  blazed, 
to  the  great  delight  of  the  crowd  and  the  discomfiture 


"  LOVE'S  YOUNG  DREAM  "  277 

of  Thady  Glynn.  A  shower  of  rockets  was  set  off  at 
ten  o'clock  precisely,  the  signal  being  given  by  Michael 
Geraghty.  Colonel  Beresford,  Mr.  Jackson,  and 
Father  Henaghan  stood  in  front  of  the  table,  facing 
the  crowd.  Mrs.  Challoner  and  Mrs.  Jackson,  moved 
to  curiosity  by  the  unusual  nature  of  the  proceedings, 
secured  seats  at  one  of  the  windows  from  which  the 
triumphal  arch  was  suspended.  The  blinds  of  the 
upper  rooms  of  Thady  Glynn's  hotel  were  drawn 
down,  but  Mrs.  Glynn  and  Lizzie  were  peeping  out 
from  behind  them.  There  was  a  short  pause  after 
the  explosion  of  the  rockets,  and  then  a  loud  burst 
of  cheering  from  the  crowd.  Dr.  Whitty,  with  his 
wife  leaning  on  his  arm,  was  seen  making  his  way 
along  the  street.  Leaving  Mrs.  Whitty  in  charge  of 
Colonel  Beresford,  he  mounted  the  table. 

"  Ladies  and  gentlemen  — "  he  began. 

A  roar  of  cheers  and  a  dropping  volley  of  exploding 
crackers  interrupted  him  for  some  minutes. 

"  Ladies  and  gentlemen,"  he  began  again,  "  it  has 
fallen  to  my  lot  to  give  verbal  expression  to  the  feel- 
ings of  pleasure  with  which  you  welcome  me  home  to 
your  midst  —  feelings  which  are  already  evidenced  in 
the  magnificent  bonfire  which  blazes  behind  me,  in  the 
triumphal  arch  under  whose  shadow  I  stand,  and — " 

"  Three  cheers  for  the  doctor,"  said  a  voice  in  the 
crowd. 


278      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

There  was  a  warm  response  to  the  appeal,  and  a 
number  of  crackers  were  flung,  hissing  and  banging, 
into  the  middle  of  the  crowd. 

"  It  is  through  no  wish  of  my  own,"  the  doctor  went 
on,  "  that  I  find  myself  in  my  present  position.  There 
are  others  " —  he  glanced  at  the  colonel  — "  who  would 
have  filled  more  appropriately  the  place  I  now  occupy." 

"  Sorra  the  man  in  the  town  we'd  rather  be  listen- 
ing to  than  yourself,  doctor,"  said  Flaherty,  who  had 
the  members  of  the  band  round  him. 

"  But,"  said  the  doctor,  "  since  nobody  else  has  come 
forward,  I  feel  it  my  duty  to  say  to  you  what  any- 
body else  would  have  said.  Supposing  now  that  the 
colonel  was  standing  on  this  platform  at  the  present 
minute,  or  either  of  the  reverend  gentlemen  I  see  be- 
side him,  or  Michael  Geraghty,  what  would  they  be 
saying  to  you?  They'd  say  that  only  for  me  there'd 
never  have  been  the  pier  built  that  was  built.  Isn't 
that  true  ?  " 

"  It  is.     It  is,"  shouted  the  crowd. 

"  And  only  for  me  Michael  Geraghty  wouldn't  have 
got  the  money  that  was  due  to  him  for  building  it, 
and  only  for  me  there  wouldn't  have  been  the  two 
fine  buoys  marking  out  the  channel  that's  there  this 
minute.  Isn't  that  true?" 

"  It  is.     It  is." 

"  Very  well,"  said  the  doctor.     "  Those,  along  with 


"  LOVE'S  YOUNG  DREAM  "     279 

other  things,  are  the  reasons  for  this  splendid  demon- 
stration of  welcome  —  a  demonstration  second  to  none 
ever  seen  in  this  county  —  as  an  expression  of  the  cor- 
dial good  feeling  of  all  classes  and  creeds  towards 
Mrs.  Whitty  and  myself." 

A  loud  burst  of  cheers  greeted  the  conclusion  of 
the  speech.  Dr.  Whitty  got  down  from  the  table, 
and  was  seen  shaking  hands  warmly  with  Colonel 
Beresford,  Mr.  Jackson  and  Father  Henaghan.  When 
the  cheers  had  subsided  and  the  last  of  the  crackers 
had  exploded,  Dr.  Whitty  mounted  the  table  again. 

"  It  is  now  my  pleasant  duty,"  he  said,  "  to  thank 
you,  on  behalf  of  Mrs.  Whitty  and  myself,  for  the 
enthusiastic  welcome  you  have  accorded  to  us.  It  is 
far  beyond  anything  we  deserve.  The  slight  services, 
alluded  to  by  the  previous  speaker,  which  I  have  ren- 
dered to  the  town  in  the  matter  of  piers,  athletic  sports, 
and  public  meetings  are  far  more  than  repaid  by  the 
splendid  reception  we  have  this  evening  enjoyed. 
This,  ladies  and  gentlemen,  is  the  proudest  moment 
of  our  lives.  Words  fail  me  when  I  try  to  give  ade- 
quate expression  to  our  feelings.  I  shall  merely  add 
that  Mrs.  Whitty—" 

At  this  further  reference  to  Mrs.  Whitty  Flaherty 
felt  that  his  opportunity  had  arrived.  He  put  his 
cornet  to  his  lips  and  blew  the  first  few  notes  of 
"  Love's  Young  Dream."  The  other  members  of  the 


280      THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

band,  though  taken  unawares,  rose  to  the  occasion. 
They  seized  their  instruments  and  one  by  one  dropped 
into  their  places  in  the  accompaniment  with  consider- 
able skill.  Dr.  Whitty  stood  smiling  on  the  platform 
until  he  suddenly  recognised  the  tune.  Then  he  leaped 
to  the  ground  and  seized  Michael  Geraghty  by  the  arm. 

"  Didn't  I  wire  to  you,"  he  said,  "  not  to  have  that 
tune  played?  " 

"  It  wasn't  that  way  we  understood  the  message," 
said  Michael,  "  but  quite  the  contrary." 

"  I  distinctly  said  there  were  to  be  no  personal  tunes 
played,  and  this  one  is  personal.  Under  the  circum- 
stances it's  disgustingly  personal." 

"  What  we  did  was  for  the  best,"  said  Michael. 

"  Come  now,"  said  the  colonel,  laying  his  hand  on 
the  doctor's  shoulder,  "  you  can't  deny  that  it's  rather 
appropriate." 

"  That's  exactly  what  I'm  complaining  of.  It's 
sickeningly  appropriate.  At  least  you  all  think  it  is. 
That's  what's  so  horribly  vulgar  about  playing  it.  As 
a  matter  of  fact,  we're  not  that  kind  of  people  at  all, 
either  of  us.  We  dislike  that  sort  of  thing  intensely. 
Listen  to  them  now." 

The  crowd,  moved  to  enthusiasm  by  the  strains  of 
the  band,  had  taken  up  the  song. 

"  For  there's  nothing  half  so  sweet  in  life  as  love's  young 
dream." 


"  LOVE'S  YOUNG  DREAM  "     281 

"  After  all,"  said  the  colonel  soothingly,  "  you  mar- 
ried her,  you  know.  You  must  allow  us  to  give  you 
credit  for  the  usual  feelings." 

"  Credit !  "  said  the  doctor.  "  Credit !  Good  heav- 
ens, colonel,  even  if  we  had  what  you  call  the  usual 
feelings,  do  you  suppose  we  want  to  bray  them  out 
on  brass  instruments  in  the  middle  of  the  night,  be- 
side a  bonfire  in  front  of  Thady  Glynn's  hotel?  It's 
the  most  revoltingly  indecent  exhibition  of  blatant  vul- 
garity —  But  there,  I've  nobody  to  blame  but  myself. 
I  ought  to  have  come  home  directly  I  heard  about  this 
demonstration.  I  might  have  known.  If  I'd  had  a 
glimmer  of  common  sense,  I  would  have  known  that 
there  wasn't  a  man  in  Ballintra  fit  to  organise  a  thing 
of  the  sort  properly  except  myself." 

"  What  we  did,"  said  Michael  Geraghty  feebly, 
"  was  for  the  best." 

Dr.  Whitty  refused  to  be  pacified.  He  took  his 
wife  by  the  arm  and  led  her  away.  The  song  fol- 
lowed them  down  the  street,  beyond  the  light  of  the 
bonfire,  to  the  door  of  their  house. 

"There's  nothing  half  so  sweet  in  life  as  love's  young 
dream." 

"  After  all,"  said  Mrs.  Whitty,  "  it  was  rather  nice 
of  them." 

"  They  may  have  meant  well,"  said  the  doctor,  "  but 


282     THE  ADVENTURES  OF  DR.  WHITTY 

that  kind  of  sentiment  is  absolutely  nauseating.  If 
I'm  ever  married  again  —  I  mean  to  say,  when  the 
time  comes  for  our  silver  wedding  —  I  shan't  go  «n 
any  honeymoon.  I  shall  stay  at  home  and  organise 
whatever  demonstration  of  welcome  there  is  to  be  on 
proper  lines.  It's  an  extraordinary  thing  how  stupid 
people  can  be  over  quite  simple  affairs  when  they  are 
left  without  proper  guidance." 


THE  END 


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